Why the transition from college athlete to the real world is so hard

The experiences of athletes like Simone Biles and Michael Phelps have shed light on the mental health struggles many athletes face. A topic that has received less attention – but deserves equal standing – is the mental wellbeing of athletes who are transitioning from intense competition into the next phase of their life. 

This period of time can be a difficult one for many reasons. Most athletes end their athletic career in college, which coincides with numerous changes that all college graduates face, including leaving the familiarity of school, entering the workforce, and a general sense of uncertainty that comes with starting a new phase. But for athletes, this period can be even more difficult because it can feel like a large portion of their identity has been lost.

Whereas most college students have the opportunity to test out new identities and “find themselves” in high school and college, athletes’ immense time and energy investment in their sports prevents them from doing the same. Their athletic participation, which usually begins early in life, provides them with athletic purpose, athletic identity, structure, adoration from others, camaraderie with teammates, competition highs, and social status. But this comes at a cost. They miss out on opportunities to explore life outside of athletics, experiment with various roles, and face conflicts that refine one’s sense of self. Ultimately, this can result in what is known as identity foreclosure, which essentially means not having had the opportunity to explore oneself before settling on an identity. In other words, athletes don’t have the opportunity to find out who they are apart from their sport. On top of this, retiring athletes face the loss of being highly skilled at something, the loss of a built-in support network, and the loss of public admiration. If all of this sounds like a lot, that’s because it is!

It’s no wonder that retiring student-athletes often struggle with adjustment difficulties, uncertainty, career problems, financial issues, social problems, and issues with self-esteem, self-concept, well-being, and life direction as they transition from their exclusive athletic identity to an uncertain one. The shift away from athletics has been associated with mental health symptoms including feelings of grief, anxiety, and depression, as well as decreased social support, isolation, declined sense of self-worth, loss of interest in activities, and lack of motivation. Furthermore, athletes who have not developed coping strategies may turn to substance use or unhealthy eating habits, which are common coping mechanisms among student-athletes encountering negative events. 

If you’re an athlete or recently retired athlete, you might be feeling anxious about the transition into the “real world,” or you might be nodding along in recognition of your experience. Thankfully, whether you are planning ahead for the next phase or seeking support during a recent retirement, there are many things you can do to ease the transition. The first is to develop interests and skills outside of your sport. Ideally, you would engage in pre-retirement planning a year or more in advance. However, if you haven’t done that, there are still many ways you can move forward with intention. The key is to consider your values and interests apart from your sport, begin to develop new skills that align with those values and interests, and set goals. These steps can help you develop a sense of identity outside of athletics that you can build on. Ask yourself what lights you up and gets you excited, and go from there. Ultimately, you will be able to take the motivation and hard work you applied to your sport and channel it into finding success in a new pursuit. It may take time, and the beginning may feel overwhelming, but think of it like building a muscle. It might hurt, and it might be slow going, but eventually you will see the results!

Another important step is to process your feelings about stopping your sport. You can explore what being an athlete has contributed to your life, what it is/will be like to no longer identify as an athlete or be part of a team, and what emotions that brings up for you. In addition, you should process through any fears, hopes, and beliefs you have about entering this next life phase. If you have already stopped playing your sport and are going through the grieving process, know that this is normal. It’s okay – actually, necessary – to allow yourself to grieve, and you don’t have to go through it alone. You can do this work with teammates and mentors, in therapy, or as part of a support group. 

Another important factor to consider is continuation of belonging and social support – two major benefits athletes receive from being a part of a team. Again, you don’t have to go through this transition alone! Be intentional about checking in with your team members who are going through the same situation, and make a plan for how to support one another through this time. You should also seek out groups of individuals with similar interests outside of your sports team. For example, you might sign up for intramural sports, take an art or photography class, or get involved in a company with lots of other motivated young people. It’s important to remember that building social relationships outside of sports can take work and take time, and they may look and feel slightly different than the ones you had in college.

The transition from athlete to the “real world” can be a tricky one, so if you are going through it, be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to mourn the loss of your athlete identity. And it’s okay to feel scared or anxious about what lies ahead. At the same time, it’s okay to look forward to how you will learn, grow, and find success – whatever that looks like for you – over the next several decades! There is so much more to you than the title of athlete. And your friends, teammates, and mentors are there to help you along your journey. We are all rooting for you! 

Book with author of this blog post, Kaitlin Lowey, here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

How to get unhooked from difficult thoughts and emotions with ACT

By: Kaitlin Lowey, MHCI

You’ve likely heard the phrase uttered by Benjamin Franklin, “...in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” As a mental health professional (and fellow human being), I would add one other inevitability: experiencing uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. 

“I’m not good enough.” “It’s breaking my heart.” “I totally freeze.” “Something feels off in my gut.” “What is wrong with me?” “I feel depressed.” “I’m so scared.” “What if I get it wrong?” “Do they actually like me?” “Why did I say that?” “What if I fail?” “What if I end up alone?”

Our difficult thoughts and emotions are 100% normal.

Many psychologists and counselors, especially those practicing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), would argue that experiencing such thoughts and emotions is just part of being a human. In fact, emotions like anxiety serve a purpose – they protect us from threats (like a charging lion or a dimly-lit alley). Uncomfortable emotions only become a problem when they show up in non-adaptive ways and stick around long past when they’ve served their purpose – in other words, when the degree of emotion we feel outsizes the actual threat. Our emotional responses are both innate (such as fear of snakes) and learned (such as fear of touching a hot stove). Some emotional wounds experienced in childhood, particularly those related to relationships, can continue to impact our emotional responses well into adulthood. 

So, what do our minds do when we experience these emotions? They view the emotion as a problem to be solved – to be gotten rid of. Again, the mind’s problem-solving nature is normal. It’s how humans have survived and adapted for thousands of years. For instance, humans built homes to shelter us from animals and the elements. We created the wheel to transport objects more easily. We even invented the remote control to save us from the inconvenience of having to move to turn up the volume on the TV. Our brains are hard-wired to problem-solve, and that’s usually a great thing! However, it’s not so great when our brains’ well-intentioned but ill-fated attempts to get rid of uncomfortable feelings only makes those feelings stronger. 

So, what happens when our emotional response and our problem-solving are both operating on overdrive? Russ Harris, the author of ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy, describes the effect as getting hooked. Getting hooked means our brains automatically label the thoughts as a threat, something we have to act on, or something requiring all of our attention (what ACT theorists call cognitive fusion). We may do everything in our power to get rid of them (what ACT theorists call experiential avoidance). In addition, we might start to fuse these thoughts with our self-concept (e.g., If I keep thinking I’m bad, then I must be a terrible person.) We can also lose contact with the present moment, instead narrowing our focus on the thing that’s making us uncomfortable, disconnecting from our experience, or disengaging. Ultimately, we can lose sight of our values (what we care about and want out of our lives) and instead attempt and reattempt the same ineffective strategies to gain control over our thoughts and feelings. In other words, we use just about every strategy we can to banish our discomfort. This might look like denial, obsessively ruminating on whether or not our thoughts and feelings are true, procrastinating, engaging in addictive substances, and other attempts to control and escape. 

The problem with these strategies is that they are not likely to work. Not only do they not solve our emotional discomfort in the long run – they actually move us away from the kind of life we want to lead. And to top it all off, they often result in a spiral of shame and self-loathing. It’s a vicious cycle. 

At this point, I want to pause and remind readers that it’s not our fault our brains are wired this way – it’s extremely normal and entirely human! And, once we accept this, we can begin to make changes that help our minds work for us, instead of against us.  

So, what’s a human to do? And how can ACT help?

ACT proposes an alternate strategy (with many concepts borrowed from Yogic and Zen principles) to deal with our emotionally uncomfortable thoughts and feelings: accepting them. What if, instead of fighting our emotions and accompanying thoughts, we accepted them for what they are: our bodies’ and minds’ attempts to protect us? What if, instead of living our lives constantly running away from our discomfort, we were able to view our discomfort as separate from ourselves, accept that feeling discomfort is normal in the situation we are in, and make choices that are workable and that move us in the direction we want? In other words, what if we were able to get unhooked?

Several tools from ACT can help us unhook from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. For instance, mindfulness strategies work to reduce emotional intensity by enabling us to attend to our emotions and the present moment with compassion and acceptance. They can also get us into the habit of viewing our thoughts and emotions as things we are experiencing in this moment, rather than the absolute truth or indicative of who we are. 

One of my favorite ACT tools involves the concept of workability versus absolute truth. As Harris states, ACT isn’t interested in whether thoughts are true – the concept of truth could be endlessly debated. Instead, ACT is interested in whether our thoughts and what we do with them are workable. If a thought or a behavior is workable, it has worked for us in the past and/or is likely to work for us in the future. It will move us closer to our long-term goal. This is a simple question we can ask ourselves when we find ourselves getting hooked and in auto-problem-solving mode: is this thought or behavior workable? Or will it be ineffective or cause other problems? 

Finally, ACT asks us to get really clear on our values. What kinds of concepts (such as love, compassion, resilience, integrity, and authenticity, for example) do we want to guide our actions? If our problems did not exist, how would we operate? Once we know our values, we can endeavor to live in alignment with them. And living in alignment with our values results in less emotional discomfort, improved self-concept, and greater fulfillment. 

Who can benefit from ACT? 

Evidence shows that ACT can be effective for a myriad of mental health problems, including anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, stress, phobias, chronic pain, addictions, and adjustment. But I believe that just about anyone can find usefulness in the approach. As Harris writes, 

“Who wouldn’t benefit from being more psychologically present; more in touch with their values; more able to make room for the inevitable pain of life; more able to defuse from unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and memories; more able to take effective action in the face of emotional discomfort; more able to engage fully in what they’re doing; and more able to appreciate each moment of their life, no matter how they’re feeling?” (Harris, p. 36) 

There is much more to ACT – more than can fit in this article. But I hope this post provides a basic understanding of how ACT can help us humans get unstuck and live a more meaningful, fulfilling life. 

By: Kaitlin Lowey, MHCI

Kaitlin joins her clients as they find relief, healing, hope, clarity, and transformation. She has helped individuals experiencing struggles with anxiety, stress, relationships, life changes, obsessive-compulsive disorder, intrusive thoughts, grief and loss, fertility and postpartum, motherhood and parenthood, athletic and career performance, perfectionism, identity, and self-worth. As an integrative therapist, Kaitlin collaborates with her clients to identify goals and choose research-supported therapeutic approaches that fit best. She offers in-person and online appointments.

Book with Kaitlin Lowey, MHCI here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

Managing Perfectionism

Perfectionists aspire to be top achievers and do not allow themselves to make even a single mistake. They are always on the alert for imperfections and weaknesses in themselves and others. They tend to be rigid thinkers who are on the lookout for deviations from the rules or the norm.

Perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence. People who pursue excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in working to meet high standards. Perfectionists are motivated by self-doubt and fears of disapproval, ridicule, and rejection. The high producer has drive, while the perfectionist is driven.

Causes and Characteristics

Fear of failure and rejection. The perfectionist believes that she will be rejected or fail if she is not always perfect, so she becomes paralyzed and unable to produce or perform at all.

Fear of success. The perfectionist believes that if he is successful in what he undertakes, he will have to keep it up. This becomes a heavy burden-who wants to operate at such a high level all of the time?

Low self-esteem. A perfectionist's needs for love and approval tend to blind her to the needs and wishes of others. This makes it difficult or impossible to have healthy relationships with others.

Black-and-white thinking. Perfectionists see most experiences as either good or bad, perfect or imperfect. There is nothing in between. The perfectionist believes that the flawless product or superb performance must be produced every time. Perfectionists believe if it can't be done perfectly, it's not worth doing.

Extreme determination. Perfectionists are determined to overcome all obstacles to achieving success. This is also true of high achievers, but the perfectionist focuses only on the result of his efforts. He is unable to enjoy the process of producing the achievement. His relentless pursuit of the goal becomes his downfall because it often results in overwhelming anxiety, sabotaging his heroic efforts.

The Costs of Being a Perfectionist

Perfectionism always costs more than the benefits it might provide. It can result in being paralyzed with fear and becoming so rigid that a person is difficult to relate to. It can produce contradictory styles, from being highly productive to being completely nonproductive. Some examples of these costs include the following:

Low self-esteem. Just as low self-esteem is a cause of perfectionist behavior, it is also a result. Because a perfectionist never feels good enough about himself or his personal performance, he usually feels like a loser or a failure.

Gloominess. Since a perfectionist is convinced that it will be next to impossible to achieve most goals, she can easily develop a negative attitude.

Depression. Perfectionists often feel discouraged and depressed because they are driven to be perfect but know that it is impossible to reach the ideal.

Guilt. Perfectionists never think they handle things well. They often feel a sense of shame and guilt as a result.

Rigidity. Since perfectionists need to have everything meet an ideal, they tend to become inflexible and lack spontaneity.

Lack of motivation. A person who expects perfection may never try new behaviors or learn new skills because she thinks that she will never be able to do it well enough. At other times, she may begin the new behavior but give up early because she fears that she will never reach her goal.

Paralysis. Since most perfectionists have an intense fear of failure, they sometimes become immobilized and stagnant. Writers who suffer from writer's block are examples of the perfectionist's paralysis.

Obsessive behavior. When a person needs a certain order or structure in his life, he may become overly focused on details and rules.

Compulsive behavior. A perfectionist who feels like a failure or loser may medicate him- or herself with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, sex, gambling, or other high-risk behaviors.

Eating disorders. Many studies have determined that perfectionism is a central issue for people who develop eating disorders.

The Perfectionist versus

The High Achiever

People produce many of their best achievements when they are striving to do their best. High achievers, like perfectionists, want to be better people and achieve great things. Unlike perfectionists, high achievers accept that making mistakes and risking failure are part of the achievement process-and part of being human.

Emotionally Healthy High Producers

You can be a high achiever without being a perfectionist. People who accomplish plenty and stay emotionally healthy tend to exhibit the following behaviors:

·    Set standards that are high but achievable.

·    Enjoy the process, not just the outcome.

·    Recover from disappointment quickly.

·    Are not disabled by anxiety and fear of failure.

·    View mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.

·    React positively to constructive feedback.

Once you are aware of the ways by which you expect yourself to be perfect, you can start to change your behavior. In my next newsletter, I'll offer some tips to help you get started. Until then, begin the change process by thinking about which causes apply to you and writing down examples of these perfectionist behaviors as you observe them.