It is so easy as parents to assume we understand our teens’ current struggles because we’ve “been there, done that.” Puberty, peer pressure, and parental expectations are challenges we all had to face on our way to adulthood and independence. But our children’s world is vastly different from the one we grew up in, and we need to adapt as parents in order to help guide our teens through their unique place in history.

How A Teen’s World is Different

It’s no secret that our kids spend multiple hours a day on screens and less time engaged in activities with family and friends. And in our busy adult lives, it’s hard to limit their access to social media, video games, and YouTube, especially when we have our own eyes on screens working, responding to emails, and entertaining ourselves. Gone are the days when homes had one screen – a television – that we all watched together. Telephones were hardwired into the wall and we were forced to go out into the world to seek friendship and entertainment – it wasn’t delivered to us via a small gadget in our hands. Today’s technology pulls us apart and isolates us. Covid made these trends even worse.

Our teens are also inundated with continuous images of unrealistic standards of beauty, wealth, intelligence, and fame. Internet “influencers” post choreographed videos portraying perfect lives to our children who may be sitting alone in their rooms. Earlier generations were also presented with images of beautiful models and glamorous lives in magazines, television and movies, but these sources of unrealistic standards had limits on our attention. Monthly magazine issues had limited numbers of pages. Television programs typically aired between 30 minutes to an hour, and movies were under 2 hours long. Our childhood entertainment wrapped up their endings and sent us on our merry way. Today, streaming services and apps feed continuous loops of content to teens who have little capacity for self-regulation due to their immature prefrontal cortex. Studies show that our teens feel worse about themselves after spending time on social media, but they still can’t stop themselves from returning to the content.

Parents today are also different from those who came before us. Often with good intentions, we are guilty of wanting to shield our teens from failure and disappointment. Teachers and coaches are barraged with emails and phone calls from parents who seek to ensure successful outcomes for their children. Unfortunately, we are also robbing their teens of the opportunity to grow through resilience and perseverance. Teens aren’t learning how to cope when things don’t go their way. And think about it, what deeper message are we sending our kids? That they can’t succeed without us.

We also live in an uncertain world where catastrophe feels imminent and real. Teens experienced Covid lockdowns and may have witnessed severe illness or death of loved ones. This taught them that life can be turned upside down at any moment. And warnings of climate change, leadership failures at state and national levels, upticks in crime and unrest, and growing concerns of an AI takeover all come together to paint a scary future. Every generation has its struggle, but this generation of teens has a unique, front-row seat to a world that feels like it’s spiraling out of control.

How Parents Can Adapt to their Teen’s World

This new reality for our kids requires us to adapt as parents. While we shouldn’t always hover and rescue them from the cruelties and disappointments of life, we also don’t want to tell them to just “get over it” and assume they’ll successfully muddle through life’s challenges on their own. Data shows that teens are experiencing higher rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide than ever before. We need to be plugged-in and aware of what’s going on in their lives

One important step we can take is to normalize stress for them. Don’t hide your bad day or failures from them. Let them see that life knocks us down and it hurts. Show them that emotions (good and bad) are a normal reaction to events in our lives – and we can manage them. Stop trying to be perfect in front of them. Show them that it’s sometimes okay to just be “good enough.” This will encourage them to share their own stresses and imperfections with you. Show them that you accept them as they are.

Also, don’t rescue them from failures. Teens need to experience the consequences of a missed school assignment, a poor test grade, or sitting on the bench during a game. This is how they learn to become self-motivated and begin to sort out their personal values that will guide them through life. They will find their tolerance for shame and disappointment and take steps to avoid it in the future. We need to give our teens room to stretch and learn. Better now when they still have us to lean on rather than when they are adults with real responsibilities and navigating the unpredictable world around them. 

It's also a good idea to set screen time boundaries for them, and perhaps even for ourselves. They won’t thank us for pulling the plug on access to their world, but their mental health will benefit. They will have a chance to daydream again, which is shown to reduce stress and anxiety by allowing the brain to relax and roam freely. These mini-escapes give space for their imaginations and creativity. And if we agree to limit our own screen time, we’ll gain the same benefits plus some meaningful free time to spend together.

And a final piece of advice – don’t be afraid to open up a dialogue about tough topics such as peer pressure, sex, anxiety, depression, suicide, and their future. We want our teens to feel safe coming to us rather than an influencer on TikTok. And look for opportunities to have deeper, meaningful conversations with them. Bring up current events and share your thoughts and ideas with one another. Your teen is on the cusp of adulthood, so you are nearing the end of your influence on the person you are sending out into the world. Use this time wisely and begin shifting your role in their life – your value to them will soon be that as mentor and fellow-traveler of this big planet. Be present for them and enjoy.

Author: Lana Phillips

Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/LanaPhillips