What It Means to Make the Unconscious Conscious

One of the most well-known ideas in psychodynamic therapy is the phrase “making the unconscious

conscious.” But what does that actually mean?

It doesn’t mean uncovering buried secrets or analyzing every dream. It’s about gently shining a light on the parts

of ourselves that we may not fully see—the emotional habits, fears, assumptions, and patterns we repeat

without quite knowing why.

These unconscious patterns are often the root of what brings people to therapy.

What Is the Unconscious?

The unconscious isn’t some mysterious or separate part of the mind. It’s simply made up of the thoughts,

feelings, memories, and emotional experiences we’ve pushed out of awareness—usually because they were

painful, confusing, or overwhelming at the time.

These experiences still live in us. They can shape how we respond to others, how we protect ourselves, how we

feel in relationships, and how we interpret the world. We may not always realize it, but the past can quietly

influence our present in ways that feel automatic or puzzling.

How Unconscious Patterns Show Up

You might notice yourself reacting strongly to a partner or withdrawing when you feel criticized. You might

constantly doubt yourself or sabotage things that are going well. You may feel stuck in patterns you don’t fully

understand.

These moments often have roots in earlier experiences. We may be repeating a familiar emotional script—one

that once helped us cope but no longer serves us.

Therapy as a Process of Discovery

Psychodynamic therapy helps us notice these patterns with curiosity, not judgment. The therapist and client

explore together—paying attention to recurring themes, emotional triggers, and relational dynamics that unfold

both inside and outside the therapy room.

As these unconscious patterns come into awareness, they begin to loosen. What was once automatic becomes

something we can feel, think about, and respond to with more choice and clarity.

Why This Matters

Making the unconscious conscious allows us to step out of survival mode and into a deeper, more authentic

relationship with ourselves. It helps us stop living in reaction to old wounds and begin creating new, more

flexible ways of being.

Insight on its own isn’t everything. But when we pair it with compassion, safety, and emotional connection, it

can be truly transformative.

Thanks for reading.

My name is Amber, and I’m a Master’s-level mental health counselor in training, practicing under supervision

at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy rooted in insight, self-

compassion, and a deep respect for your lived experience. If this kind of work speaks to you, you can book a

session with me here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber

From Blame to Collaboration: Shifting the Way You Solve Problems Together

Why Blame Doesn’t Work—And What to Do Instead

When couples face stress—whether it's financial strain, parenting challenges, or emotional disconnection—it’s easy for communication to fall into the blame trap:

“You never help.”
“You always shut down.”
“If you just did what I asked…”

While these statements may offer momentary relief, they tend to create defensiveness, distance, and disconnection over time. Blame erodes trust. It positions one partner as the problem and the other as the judge.

But what if the problem isn’t your partner?
What if it’s the way you’re solving problems together?

Couples don’t thrive by avoiding challenges—they grow stronger when they learn to collaborate. By shifting from blame to partnership, you and your partner can break old cycles and start building something new.

What Is Externalizing the Problem?

In Narrative Therapy, we use a process called externalizing the problem. Instead of:

• “You’re lazy.”

• “You’re too emotional.”

• “You’re impossible to talk to.”

We ask:

• “How is stress affecting how we communicate?”

• “What does overwhelm do to our connection?”

• “How is this pattern getting in the way of us working together?”

The problem becomes something you face together rather than something one of you is doing to the other. This subtle but powerful shift can turn conflict into collaboration.

3 Tools for Team-Based Problem Solving

Gottman-Informed Strategies That Work

The Gottman Method offers evidence-based techniques to help couples communicate more effectively, manage conflict, and strengthen connection.

1. “Us vs. It” — Reframe the Problem

Instead of “you vs. me,” say:

“I think we’re getting stuck in miscommunication. Can we figure out how to understand each other better?”

This invites teamwork rather than defensiveness.

2. Explore the “Dreams Within Conflict”

Underneath most disagreements are deeper needs like autonomy, respect, security, or adventure. Ask:

• “What does this really represent for you?”

• “Is there a value or belief beneath your stance?”

• “How can we honor both perspectives?”

Understanding these core needs fosters empathy and opens the door to true compromise.

3. Have a Stress-Reducing Conversation

Before problem-solving, reconnect emotionally. Try:

• “What’s been weighing on you lately?”

• “How can I support you this week?”

Couples who feel emotionally connected handle conflict with more care and resilience.

Focus on What Works

Inspired by Solution-Oriented Therapy

Rather than analyzing every misstep, look at what’s going right. Ask:

• “When have we handled this better before?”

• “What’s one small thing we could try differently?”

• “What do we want instead of this?”

This helps shift the focus from past mistakes to future success.

Mindset Shifts That Support Collaboration

To move from conflict to cooperation, consider these reframes:

1. From “Fixing You” → “Helping Us”

Your partner isn’t a project to fix—they’re a person to partner with.

2. From “Win/Lose” → “Win/Win”

A strong solution meets both people’s needs—not just one.

3. From “Perfect Outcome” → “Better Process”

You don’t have to get it right every time. Collaboration means learning together.

When to Get Help

If every conversation turns into a fight…
If you're walking on eggshells…
If you feel like you’re talking past each other…

It might be time to bring in a couples therapist.

As a trained Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) clinician, I can help you:

• Slow down difficult conversations

• Identify patterns that keep you stuck

• Rebuild emotional safety

• Practice new ways of relating

You don’t have to do this alone—and you don’t have to keep fighting the same battles.

You’re on the Same Team

Blame makes enemies. Collaboration builds partners.
When you shift from me vs. you to us vs. the issue, everything begins to change.

You stop cycling in frustration—and start moving forward. Together.

Want Support Navigating Conflict in Your Relationship?

At South Tampa Therapy, we help couples just like you learn how to communicate, collaborate, and reconnect—without blame, shame, or scorekeeping.

📍 Virtual and In-Person Couples Counseling in Florida
💬 Book your consultation https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Nichole

Why We Repeat Old Patterns in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself in a familiar emotional dynamic—feeling rejected, unseen, overly responsible, or

afraid of being too much—even when the people around you are different? It’s a common experience, and

psychodynamic therapy sees it not as a flaw, but as a clue.

We tend to repeat what we know. Not because we want to suffer, but because our emotional templates were

shaped early, and they quietly guide how we interpret and respond to others. These patterns can feel frustrating,

confusing, and hard to break—but they’re also meaningful, and they can be worked with.

Relationships as Emotional Blueprints

Our earliest relationships teach us what to expect from closeness. We learn how safe it is to depend on others,

how to manage disappointment or rejection, and how to regulate emotions with or without support. These

emotional lessons often happen beneath the surface.

As we grow up, we don’t leave those expectations behind. We carry them with us—into friendships, romantic

partnerships, even the therapy relationship. We might assume that we’ll be judged, abandoned, smothered, or

overlooked, even if no one has said or done anything yet.

Why We Repeat What Hurts

Sometimes we repeat painful patterns because they feel familiar. Other times, we unconsciously recreate

situations in the hope of mastering them—trying to get a different outcome this time. We may feel drawn to

certain types of people or dynamics, not realizing we’re revisiting an old emotional wound.

Psychodynamic therapy sees these repetitions not as failures, but as attempts to work something out. They’re

signals that a part of us is still seeking understanding, healing, or resolution.

The Role of the Therapy Relationship

One of the unique things about psychodynamic therapy is that it pays close attention to what happens in the

therapy relationship. That’s not because it’s about the therapist—it’s because the emotional patterns we carry

often show up there, too.

If someone fears rejection, they might hold back in therapy. If someone expects to be criticized, they may brace

for it without realizing. These moments are opportunities—not to analyze or correct, but to notice what’s

happening together. Over time, the therapy relationship can offer a new kind of experience: one where

emotional patterns can be explored, felt, and slowly transformed.

Breaking the Cycle with Compassion

Once we begin to see these patterns clearly, we can respond to them differently. We can start to recognize when

we’re caught in something old. We can pause, reflect, and make new choices.

Most importantly, we can bring compassion to the part of us that keeps repeating—not because it’s broken, but

because it learned to survive the best way it could.

Thanks for reading.

My name is Amber, and I’m a Master’s-level mental health counselor in training, practicing under supervision

at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy rooted in insight, self-

compassion, and a deep respect for your lived experience. If this kind of work speaks to you, you can book a

session with me here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber

How Erikson’s Theory Helps Us Understand Ourselves~ At Every Age!

Growth doesn’t end when childhood does.

That’s one of the most powerful messages from Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory of development. Unlike some models that focus only on early life, Erikson believed that every stage of life—infancy to late adulthood—presents us with meaningful emotional tasks. And these tasks continue to shape how we see ourselves and relate to others throughout our lives.

Whether you’re navigating identity in your 20s, intimacy in your 30s, or legacy in your 50s, Erikson’s work offers a helpful roadmap for understanding why certain questions keep surfacing—and what they’re asking of us now.

Life Stages as Emotional Milestones

Erikson outlined eight stages of development, each with a core question or “tension” between two emotional needs:

• Infancy: Trust vs. Mistrust
  Can I rely on others? Is the world safe?

• Early Childhood: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
  Is it okay to be myself and make choices?

• Adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion
  Who am I? Where do I belong?

• Young Adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation
  Can I be close to someone without losing myself?

• Middle Adulthood: Generativity vs. Stagnation
  Am I making a meaningful impact?

• Older Adulthood: Integrity vs. Despair
  Did my life matter? Can I accept the journey I’ve lived?

Each stage builds on the one before it. If trust was hard to form early in life, it might ripple into struggles with intimacy or identity later on. But the beauty of Erikson’s model is that it’s never too late to revisit, repair, or explore a developmental task in a new light.

Why This Matters in Therapy

Most people don’t walk into therapy saying, “I’m stuck in the autonomy stage.” But they do say things like:

• “I have a hard time setting boundaries.”

• “I feel like I’ve lost myself in this relationship.”

• “I don’t know what my purpose is anymore.”

These are echoes of emotional tasks we may not have fully completed. In psychodynamic therapy, we don’t just look at behavior—we explore the why beneath it. What emotional needs weren’t met? What patterns are still playing out? What internal questions are still unresolved?

When we understand where these struggles come from, we can stop judging ourselves—and start healing.

You’re Not Behind—You’re Human

Erikson’s stages aren’t a checklist. They’re not a race. Life events like loss, trauma, illness, caregiving, or major transitions can pull us back into emotional territory we thought we’d left behind.

A betrayal might resurface old trust wounds. A divorce might trigger identity confusion. A career change might lead to questions about meaning and legacy. This isn’t regression—it’s being alive.

Therapy can help you re-engage with these stages, not by “fixing” the past, but by creating space to grow in the present.

Growth Is Ongoing—and So Are You

Erikson’s theory reminds us that we are always becoming. Even in adulthood, we’re not finished. We’re still growing, integrating, and shaping who we are. And if you’re struggling with a particular theme—identity, connection, trust, purpose—it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re in the middle of something meaningful.

And that’s where therapy can help.

Thanks for reading.

I’m Amber, a Master’s-level counselor here at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy that honors your story, your complexity, and your capacity for healing—no matter what stage of life you’re in. If this work resonates with you, I’d love to connect.

👉 Book a session with me here. https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber

What Psychodynamic Therapy Understands About Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most emotionally complex—and misunderstood—diagnoses in the mental health world.

Too often, people with this label are reduced to words like "too much," "too emotional," or "too difficult." Many have had painful experiences with therapists or medical providers who treated them as fragile, dramatic, or even manipulative.

But psychodynamic therapy offers a much different lens.

It doesn’t ask: “What’s wrong with you?”

It asks:

• What happened to you?

• What did you have to survive?

• What didn’t you receive that every human being deserves—like consistency, safety, and love?

From this perspective, BPD isn’t a character flaw or life sentence—it’s a pattern of coping that developed in response to very real emotional pain.

A Diagnosis Is a Clue—Not a Conclusion

Psychodynamic therapy doesn’t see BPD as a “disorder to fix,” but as a relational wound—a set of deeply rooted survival strategies that formed early in life.

These patterns might look like:

• Intense fears of abandonment

• Difficulty regulating emotions

• Feeling empty or unsure of who you are

• Rapid shifts in how you feel about others (and yourself)

• A desperate longing for connection that coexists with fear of being hurt

In this framework, these aren’t “symptoms” to pathologize. They’re clues. They tell a story of unmet needs, emotional overwhelm, and relationships that felt unpredictable or unsafe.

The Roots Are Relational

Many people who relate to a BPD diagnosis grew up with inconsistent, critical, or emotionally unavailable caregivers. Sometimes love came with conditions. Sometimes it was there, and then gone. Sometimes you had to become hyper-attuned just to survive the emotional atmosphere around you.

When secure attachment isn’t there, the developing self doesn’t have a solid foundation. The result? A sense of self that feels unstable, an internal world that can be hard to soothe, and a deep fear that people will eventually leave.

Psychodynamic therapy views these patterns not as defects—but as creative adaptations to emotional environments that were never quite safe enough.

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing doesn’t happen by snapping out of behaviors or “thinking differently.” It happens through relationship—one that is safe, steady, and emotionally attuned.

In psychodynamic therapy, the therapeutic relationship itself becomes part of the healing. It’s a space where:

• Your feelings are welcomed and explored, not judged.

• Your patterns are understood in context, not criticized.

• Your past is held with compassion—and your present with curiosity.

The therapist doesn’t just interpret—they stay. They reflect. They gently help you make sense of your emotional world, even when it feels chaotic or shameful. Over time, this process builds emotional regulation, a stronger sense of self, and a new model for what safe connection can feel like.

Beyond the BPD Label

The label “Borderline Personality Disorder” can feel heavy—like a verdict. But in psychodynamic therapy, it’s never the end of the story. It’s just the beginning of an inquiry:

• What am I protecting myself from?

• What have I learned to expect in love—and is there another way?

• What would it feel like to be truly seen and not rejected for it?

These are the questions that invite healing. They help people move from shame to understanding, from fragmentation to wholeness.

Thanks for reading.
My name is Amber, and I’m a Master’s-level mental health counselor in training at Northwestern University, practicing under supervision at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy rooted in curiosity, compassion, and respect for your lived experience. If this resonates with you, I’d be honored to support your journey.

👉 Click here to book a session with me. https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber

When One of You Grows and the Other Doesn’t

How to Navigate Change in a Relationship Without Growing Apart

Growth is beautiful—and sometimes scary.
In every long-term relationship, change is inevitable. Maybe one of you starts therapy, shifts careers, deepens your spirituality, or begins setting long-overdue boundaries. Meanwhile, the other partner may feel confused, overwhelmed, or left behind.

Suddenly, what once felt steady begins to wobble.
Disconnection creeps in. Conversations feel harder. The intimacy feels less certain.

So what happens when one partner is growing and the other isn’t?

The Truth About Growing Together

Popular advice says couples should grow together. But in reality, personal growth rarely unfolds at the same pace. One partner may be in a season of healing, discovery, or expansion—while the other is focused on stability, survival, or simply staying afloat.

And that’s not a failure.
It’s part of the natural ebb and flow of long-term relationships.

Tension arises when:

• Growth is judged as “selfish” or “too much”

• Change is misunderstood as “leaving the other behind”

• One partner feels abandoned while the other feels stifled

Navigating these moments with honesty, mutual respect, and curiosity is the key to staying connected.

Deconstructing the “Outgrowing” Narrative

One of the most painful thoughts partners have is:

“I think I’m outgrowing them.”

While this might feel true, Narrative Therapy invites us to examine the story more closely.

Instead of making the relationship a binary of grow-or-go, ask:

• What’s actually changing in me?

• What am I afraid this change will mean for us?

• Is there a way to include my partner in my growth instead of pushing them away?

Often, it’s not about outgrowing each other—it’s about growing differently. And different doesn’t have to mean divided.

The Unconscious Pull Toward Growth

In Imago Relationship Therapy, partners are seen as mirrors and catalysts for one another’s healing. The things that frustrate us in our partner often reflect the very areas we’re being called to grow.

Ask yourself:

• What is my partner’s growth awakening in me?

• Am I resisting this change because it feels unfamiliar—or threatening?

• What unfinished emotional work might be surfacing for me?

Instead of reacting in fear, we can respond with compassion. One person’s growth can be an invitation—not a rejection.

Normalize the Discomfort

It’s common to feel:

• Insecure: “They don’t need me anymore.”

• Judged: “They think they’re better than me.”

• Abandoned: “They’re moving forward without me.”

Instead of suppressing or acting out these fears, name them:

“I support you, but I feel scared too.”
“I’m happy for you, and I’m also trying to understand what this means for us.”

Naming vulnerability builds intimacy. It turns defensiveness into dialogue.

What’s Working? What’s Possible?

Instead of fixating on the changes, solution-oriented therapy invites us to ask:

• What still feels good between us?

• Are we still laughing, supporting, showing up?

• Are we both still committed—even if we express it differently?

Then explore the possibilities:

• Can we learn about each other’s evolving interests?

• Can we make space for individuality and shared connection?

• Can this change actually bring us closer?

How to Create a Growth-Friendly Relationship Culture

Whether you're the one growing or the one adjusting, here are a few principles that help:

1. Ask Instead of Assume

Instead of guessing what your partner thinks, feels, or wants—ask. Be curious, not critical.

2. Celebrate, Don’t Compete

Your partner’s growth isn’t a threat. It’s not a race. Cheer each other on.

3. Update Your Shared Vision

Your goals as a couple may need a refresh. Check in regularly:

“What are we working toward now, together?”

When You're the One Who's Growing

You may feel proud of your progress—and also guilty or lonely.
Invite your partner into the why behind your change. Let them see the fears, hopes, and values underneath it. This helps them feel included, not replaced.

When You’re Feeling Left Behind

It’s easy to feel defensive or shut down. But try to stay emotionally open.
Ask yourself:

• What is this bringing up in me?

• What might I be afraid of losing?

• Is there something I want to explore in my own life?

You don’t have to “catch up.” You just have to stay connected.

Growth Can Strengthen Love—If You Let It

Growth doesn’t have to pull you apart.
In fact, it might be the very thing that deepens your connection.

That might look like:

• One partner exploring spirituality while the other offers support

• One going to therapy while the other reads books to understand better

• Weekly check-ins about what you’re each learning individually and together

The goal isn’t identical evolution—it’s mutual respect and emotional presence.

When to Seek Help

Couples therapy can help if:

• Conversations about change keep turning into conflict

• You feel threatened or resentful about your partner’s growth

• You’re unsure how to stay connected through this shift

• You want to grow together—but feel stuck or scared

Therapy offers a safe space to explore your fears, realign your values, and strengthen your bond.

Growing Together, Differently

Change can feel risky.
It can stir up old wounds, fears, and insecurities. But it can also be the thing that renews your relationship.

You’re allowed to change.
Your partner is allowed to change.
And your relationship can evolve to hold both truths—if you keep showing up with empathy, honesty, and curiosity.

🌀 Interested in navigating change more intentionally in your relationship?
At South Tampa Therapy, we specialize in Gottman Method, EFT, and Narrative Therapy approaches to help couples reconnect, communicate, and grow—together or individually.

📍 In-person & virtual couples therapy available statewide across Florida
💬 Book a session

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Nichole

Why We Use Defense Mechanisms (And Why They’re Not a Bad Thing)

Have you ever noticed yourself cracking a joke when things get serious? Or brushing off a painful experience with, “It wasn’t that big of a deal”? These subtle patterns might not seem like much, but they’re actually doing something important.

They’re protecting you.

In psychodynamic therapy, we call these kinds of responses defense mechanisms—and despite how that might sound, they’re not bad, immature, or wrong. They’re creative, adaptive strategies we develop to cope with stress, pain, and overwhelming emotions. Most of the time, they happen without us even realizing it.

Let’s take a closer look at what defenses really are—and why they deserve our compassion, not our judgment.

What Are Defense Mechanisms?

Defense mechanisms are unconscious ways we protect ourselves from emotional discomfort, internal conflict, or painful memories. They show up as patterns of thinking, behaving, or relating that helped us get through tough moments—especially when we were young and didn’t have better tools yet.

Some are easy to spot. Others are so woven into our daily lives that we hardly recognize them.

Common Defenses You Might Recognize:

• Intellectualizing – staying in your head to avoid feeling what's in your heart

• Minimizing – “It’s fine, I’m fine,” even when it’s really not

• People-pleasing – taking care of others to avoid rejection or conflict

• Sarcasm or humor – using wit to dodge emotional vulnerability

• Withdrawal – shutting down or pulling away when you feel hurt

• Perfectionism – striving for control to avoid shame or failure

These aren’t random habits. They’re protections. And at one point, they worked.

Why We Develop Defenses in the First Place

Most defenses begin in childhood, when we’re still figuring out how to handle big emotions in a world that may not feel safe or validating. If you grew up in an environment where your feelings were dismissed or your needs were unmet, you learned to adapt.

• A child who felt emotionally unsafe might grow into an adult who avoids closeness.

• A child who feared rejection might become someone who over-gives or self-sacrifices.

• A child who was often blamed might develop a harsh inner critic to stay “one step ahead” of judgment.

This is your nervous system’s way of protecting you. Not dysfunction—survival.

What Therapy Offers

In therapy, we don’t rush to tear down defenses. We get curious about them.

We ask:

What is this defense trying to protect?
When did I first learn to use it?
What might it feel like to lower this guard—just a little?

As we create a space of emotional safety and trust, defenses start to soften—not because we force them away, but because we no longer need them in the same way.

Over time, that allows for more freedom, more authenticity, and a deeper sense of connection—with yourself and others.

Learning to Hold Defenses with Compassion

It’s so easy to beat ourselves up for the very strategies that helped us survive. But self-judgment only keeps us stuck in shame. What we really need is self-compassion and a sense of context.

You weren’t weak for developing defenses. You were wise.

Now, with more support and insight, you get to choose which defenses still serve you—and which ones you’re ready to thank and release.

Ready to Explore This Kind of Work?

Hi, I’m Amber, a Master’s-level counselor at South Tampa Therapy. I specialize in warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy that honors your lived experience and helps you gently explore the “why” behind your patterns—with compassion, not criticism.

If this kind of inner work speaks to you, I’d love to connect.

👉 Book a session with me here.

South Tampa Therapy | Psychodynamic Counseling • Relational Insight • Self-Compassion

What Is Psychodynamic Therapy About?

Psychodynamic therapy is grounded in the belief that emotional difficulties often stem from internal

experiences that are not fully conscious. It believes that our early relationships, unspoken losses, and unmet

needs often shape how we see ourselves and relate to others. These early experiences can leave emotional

imprints that continue to influence our current patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior—even when we are

not aware of their origins.

Emotions as Signals of Deeper Experience

Psychodynamic therapy sees emotions as meaningful signals that point toward something deeper. It encourages

exploration through questions such as: Why might I feel this way? Where did this reaction come from? How

might my past relationships be shaping how I experience the present? These inquiries are not just theoretical.

They help bring awareness to internal conflicts, emotional blind spots, and patterns that may otherwise

continue to operate outside of conscious awareness.

Bringing the Unconscious Into Awareness

One of the central aims of psychodynamic therapy is to help make the unconscious more conscious. The

therapy assumes that much of our distress arises from automatic patterns we have developed to manage pain,

protect ourselves, or maintain connection. These may include relational roles we fall into, emotional defenses

that once served us, or internalized voices that guide how we treat ourselves. By bringing these dynamics into

the light, therapy creates space for new choices and more flexible ways of responding.

Understanding the Function of Symptoms

Psychodynamic therapy also assumes that symptoms often serve important psychological functions. For

example, anxiety might act as a protective barrier against grief, and self-criticism may be an internalized strategy

for safety or control. These experiences are not seen as errors to correct, but as meaningful adaptations to earlier

circumstances. The goal is to understand them with clarity and compassion, rather than to silence or override

them.

Treating the Whole Person

At its core, psychodynamic therapy aims to treat the person, not just the problem. It views each individual as

unique, with a layered emotional history that matters. The process invites a deeper understanding of the

self—how it was formed, what it has learned to expect, and what it needs in order to grow. When this kind of

insight develops, many symptoms begin to soften. Not because they were pushed away, but because the person

has shifted from within.

Thanks for reading.

My name is Amber, and I’m a Master’s-level mental health counselor in training, practicing under supervision

at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy rooted in insight, self-

compassion, and a deep respect for your lived experience. If this kind of work speaks to you, you can book a

session with me here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber

Learning to Love Again After a Break in Trust

When Trust Breaks, Everything Changes

A break in trust can feel like an emotional earthquake in a relationship. Whether it’s infidelity, a secret addiction, emotional withdrawal, or repeated dishonesty, the rupture shakes the foundation of love, safety, and connection.

In those moments, couples often ask:

• “Can we ever come back from this?”

• “How do I know it won’t happen again?”

• “How do I forgive? Should I forgive?”

The truth is, many couples do rebuild trust. They don’t go back to how things were—they co-create something stronger, deeper, and more authentic. Healing is possible when both partners are committed to truth, repair, and reconnection.

What Trust Really Means

Trust isn’t just about fidelity. It’s about emotional safety.

It means:

• “I can count on you to be honest.”

• “I believe you have my back.”

• “You will show up when I need you.”

• “You tell me the truth, even when it’s hard.”

When trust is broken, even small everyday moments—like a late text, a canceled plan, or going quiet—can trigger fear and pain.

That’s why healing requires more than apology. It requires consistent, lived integrity over time.

The Gottman Method: Trust Is Built in Small Moments

Drs. John and Julie Gottman remind us: trust isn’t rebuilt with grand gestures. It’s rebuilt through attunement and repair in the everyday.

Couples can begin by practicing:

• Emotional availability

• Validating each other’s feelings without defensiveness

• Making and keeping small promises

• Transparency and openness

These micro-moments add up to meaningful repair.

Imago Therapy: Exploring the Wound Beneath the Betrayal

Imago Relationship Therapy teaches that every rupture is a mirror into deeper emotional wounds.

For the hurt partner, we explore:

• “What did this remind you of earlier in life?”

• “How has it impacted your sense of worth, safety, and love?”

• “What do you need now to feel secure again?”

For the partner who broke trust, we ask:

• “What led you to step outside the relationship agreement?”

• “What needs or internal struggles were present?”

• “How can you take full accountability without shame?”

This work lays the foundation for real healing—not just surface-level reconciliation.

Stages of Healing After a Break in Trust

Healing often unfolds in three overlapping stages:

1. Crisis & Stabilization – Establishing safety and boundaries

2. Meaning-Making & Accountability – Understanding the “why” behind the rupture

3. Reconnection & Renewal – Rebuilding emotional intimacy and creating new rituals

This process isn’t linear, but with skilled support, couples can navigate it together.

Solution-Oriented Therapy: Focusing on What’s Next

Once the truth is out and accountability has been accepted, couples can move toward constructive rebuilding.

Questions to guide the journey include:

• “What does trust look like to you now?”

• “What daily habits build emotional safety?”

• “What rituals can we create to strengthen our bond?”

This helps shift the focus from “what went wrong” to “what we want to co-create next.”

Common Mistakes That Stall Healing

1. Minimizing the Hurt – “It wasn’t that bad.”

2. Punishing or Retaliating – “You hurt me, now I’ll hurt you back.”

3. Rushing Forgiveness – “Let’s just move on already.”

4. Refusing to Change – “That’s just how I am.”

These patterns delay or derail true healing.

When Forgiveness Is—and Isn’t—Possible

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not mean condoning what happened. It’s a personal decision not to carry the pain forever.

Forgiveness becomes possible when:

• There’s genuine remorse and behavioral change

• The hurt partner feels heard, validated, and supported

• A new, healthier dynamic is taking shape

But sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t lead to reconciliation. In those cases, healing may mean letting go of the relationship rather than rebuilding it. Therapy can help you discern which path is right—with clarity and compassion.

What Rebuilt Love Can Look Like

Many couples describe their relationship after healing as:

• More emotionally honest

• More sexually connected

• More intentional

• More spacious for individuality

It’s not about “getting back to normal.” It’s about building something new—together.

Love After the Fall

A break in trust may feel like the end, but it can also be the beginning of something radically honest, deeply intimate, and profoundly mature.

Healing is possible when both partners commit to the work—with open hearts, true accountability, and deep compassion. With the right support, your greatest rupture can become your most meaningful transformation.

Need support rebuilding trust?
At South Tampa Therapy, we help couples navigate betrayal, strengthen communication, and rediscover connection. Reach out today for a consultation or to schedule a Gottman-informed couples session.

BOOK HERE: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

Coping Skills for Teens That Actually Work (According to a Therapist)

Not all coping skills are created equal. Discover practical, therapist-approved tools that help

teens manage anxiety, stress, and big emotions—without shutting down.

“I Just Don’t Know How to Deal With It.”

If you’re a teen (or love one), you’ve probably heard this phrase before, maybe even said it

yourself.

Between school pressure, social drama, family stress, and just trying to figure out who you are, it

can feel like you’re carrying a lot. And most of the time, no one really teaches you how to

actually cope with it all.

Here’s the truth: Coping is a skill. It’s not something you’re just born knowing how to do. And

the good news is—it can be learned.

Let’s break down what coping really means, what doesn’t work (even if it feels good in the

moment), and what actually helps teens feel more grounded, safe, and in control.

What Are Coping Skills, Really?

Coping skills are the tools we use, consciously or not, to manage stress, emotions, and hard

situations. Some are healthy and help us grow. Others just help us get by (and sometimes, make

things worse long-term).

If you’ve ever scrolled on your phone for hours, zoned out in bed, picked a fight with your

parents, or told yourself to “just get over it,” you were coping. Maybe not in the most helpful

way—but still, coping.

Healthy coping skills are tools that help you move through emotions, not around them. They

allow you to feel what you feel without getting stuck or overwhelmed.

What Doesn’t Work (Even If It Feels Like It Does)

Let’s be real—some go-to habits might feel good in the moment, but they don’t help much in the

long run:

● Avoiding everything and shutting down

● Numbing out with screens, food, or substances

● Pretending you’re fine when you’re clearly not

● Bottling everything up until you explode

You deserve better than just surviving.

Coping Tools That Actually Work—for Real Teens

Here are therapist-approved coping strategies I often use with teens in my practice. These aren’t

one-size-fits-all, but they’re a strong start if you’re trying to feel more in control of your

emotions and less overwhelmed by life.

1. 🌬Box Breathing (For Panic and Overwhelm)

Try this when your heart’s racing or you can’t think straight.

Inhale for 4. Hold for 4. Exhale for 4. Hold for 4.

Repeat 4 times. It slows your nervous system down and helps you reset.

2. 󰜻“Dump Journal” (For Overthinking)

Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write everything in your brain—no filter, no judgment. You don’t

have to re-read it. Just let it out. It helps turn mental chaos into something manageable.

3. 🧊Cold Sensation Hack (For Intense Emotion)

Splash your face with cold water or hold an ice cube in your hand. This quick sensory shift can

pull you out of spirals and help you regulate.

4. 🧠Name It to Tame It

Label what you’re feeling—even if it’s messy: “I’m overwhelmed and exhausted,” or “I feel

invisible right now.”

Your brain calms down when it knows what it’s dealing with.

5. 🫶Create a Coping Box

Fill a small box or bag with calming items—fidget toys, a soothing scent, affirmations, or photos

that remind you of safety. Reach for it when you need grounding.

6. 🚶Move Your Body (Without Judgment)

Not every coping skill needs to look like yoga or a workout. Dance. Pace. Shake it out. Physical

movement literally helps you move stress through your body.

7. 🧭Ask: “What Do I Need Right Now?”

This is a big one. When you’re in a spiral, pause and ask yourself:

“Do I need comfort, distraction, space, support, or movement?”

Learning to listen to yourself is a superpower.

A Quick Note to Teens Reading This

You don’t need to have it all figured out. Coping isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being

honest, self-aware, and willing to try something different. Your feelings are valid. Your reactions

make sense. And with the right tools, it does get easier to handle life’s messiness.

A Note for Parents & Caregivers

If your teen seems withdrawn, irritable, or overwhelmed, chances are they’re not “just being

dramatic”—they’re likely trying to cope with big emotions the best way they know how.

Modeling emotional regulation and helping them build a real coping toolkit (without judgment)

can make a huge difference.

Therapy Can Help Build Lifelong Coping Skills

At South Tampa Therapy, I work with teens and young adults to build emotional resilience, not

just short-term fixes. Together, we explore what coping looks like for them, not what works for

someone else.

It’s never too early (or too late) to learn how to take care of your emotional world.

Want to help your teen (or yourself) build real tools for real life? Reach out to schedule a session

today. Let’s make emotional wellness feel a little more doable.

By South Tampa Therapy | Remy Francis, MHCI

Book with Remy: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Remy 813-240-3237 SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Trauma and the Body: Why You Can’t Just ‘Think Your Way’ Out of It

Struggling to feel better even though you “know” everything’s okay? Learn why trauma lives in the body—and why mindset alone isn’t enough to heal.

“I Know I’m Safe Now, So Why Doesn’t It Feel That Way?”

This is one of the most common reflections I hear in therapy—especially from teens and young adults who’ve experienced trauma.

You might understand that the past is over.
You might even feel frustrated with yourself for still feeling off.

But what if the problem isn’t in your thoughts?

What if the discomfort is in your body, and your body just hasn’t caught up?

The Misconception: “If I Think Differently, I’ll Feel Better”

It’s a well-meaning idea:

“Change your thoughts, change your experience.”

And sometimes, that works—especially for managing short-term stress or situational anxiety.

But trauma is different.

When something overwhelms your nervous system—whether it’s a single traumatic event or years of emotional neglect—your body goes into survival mode. And unless that stress gets processed through the body, your nervous system keeps reacting as if the threat is still there… even when it’s long gone.

You can’t out-think a body that still feels unsafe.

How Trauma Lives in the Body

Trauma is stored in your autonomic nervous system—the part of your body that controls automatic responses like heart rate, breathing, digestion, and your fight/flight/freeze reactions.

When trauma isn’t processed, it shows up as:

• Chronic tension or tightness

• Trouble relaxing or falling asleep

• Startle responses or jumpiness

• Digestive issues or shallow breathing

• Emotional numbness or emotional flooding

• A constant sense of being “on guard”

Even if your brain says, “You’re okay,” your body says, “Are we sure?”

What This Looks Like in Teens and Young Adults

Young people who’ve experienced trauma often carry a quiet, invisible heaviness. It might look like:

• Disconnection or detachment (actually dissociation)

• Irritability or outbursts (stuck in fight mode)

• People-pleasing or avoidance (a fawn response)

• Fatigue and burnout (a body that never truly rests)

It’s not defiance. It’s not laziness.
It’s the nervous system doing what it was designed to do: protect.

Why Traditional “Talk It Out” Therapy Isn’t Always Enough

Talk therapy is powerful. Insight and reflection are essential.
But for trauma survivors, insight alone may not be enough to create real change.

That’s because trauma recovery requires bottom-up healing, not just top-down thinking.

We need to help the body feel safe, not just convince the brain that it is.

What Trauma-Informed Healing Looks Like

A full-body approach to trauma might include:

• Somatic awareness – Noticing physical sensations tied to emotions

• Breathwork & grounding tools – Regulating the nervous system in real time

• Movement or stillness – Matching the response to your trauma type (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn)

• Relational repair – A safe therapeutic relationship that supports emotional risk and exploration

When your body starts to feel safe, your mind can begin to relax, too.

You’re Not Broken—You’re Wired for Survival

If you’ve tried positive thinking, mindfulness, journaling, or self-help books and still feel stuck…

The problem isn’t you.

You may just need a different approach—one that finally includes your nervous system in the healing process.

Trauma Recovery That Includes the Whole You

At South Tampa Therapy, I specialize in working with teens and young adults navigating trauma, anxiety, and identity development. My approach integrates relational depth with somatic awareness—because real healing happens when we stop bypassing the body and start listening to it.

💬 Ready to take the next step?

Let’s work together to help your body and mind feel aligned again.

By South Tampa Therapy | Remy Francis, MHCI

Book with Remy: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Remy 813-240-3237 SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Why Identity Matters: Building Self-Understanding in Teen and College Years

By South Tampa Therapy | Remy Francis, MHCI

Description:
Explore the importance of identity development in adolescence and young adulthood, and how a strong self-concept supports mental health, emotional regulation, and life satisfaction.

Identity Formation Is More Than Just “Figuring It Out”

Adolescence and young adulthood are marked by significant psychological, emotional, and social development. During these years, a person begins to clarify who they are, what they value, and how they want to show up in the world.

In psychological terms, this is known as identity formation, and it is a foundational developmental task. Erik Erikson, a renowned developmental psychologist, described this stage as the conflict between identity vs. role confusion—one of the most critical transitions we navigate.

For many, the process can feel overwhelming, confusing, or even isolating. But it’s also a time of great potential.

What Is Self-Concept?

Self-concept refers to a person’s internal understanding of who they are. It includes:

• Personal beliefs and values

• Perceived strengths and limitations

• Roles (student, friend, artist, leader, etc.)

• Emotional tone (how you feel about yourself)

• Identity markers like culture, gender, spirituality, and interests

A clear and stable self-concept is closely linked to:

• Improved emotional resilience

• Greater self-esteem

• Better decision-making

• Healthier relationships

• Reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression

When a young person’s self-concept is fragmented, overly negative, or based heavily on external validation, it can contribute to confusion, emotional dysregulation, and chronic self-doubt.

Challenges to Identity Development

Several common factors can complicate or delay identity development:

1. Social Media and Constant Comparison
Curated, idealized versions of life can lead to unrealistic expectations, identity diffusion, and self-criticism.

2. Family or Cultural Pressure
Conflicts between internal desires and external expectations can result in shame or suppression of authentic self-expression.

3. Unresolved Trauma or Emotional Neglect
Adverse experiences like neglect or invalidation can distort self-perception and inhibit healthy identity development.

4. Lack of Reflective Space
Without support to explore and question, young people may adopt roles that don’t truly align with who they are, leading to burnout or identity confusion.

The Role of Therapy in Identity Development

Psychotherapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space for teens and young adults to:

• Explore and clarify values, beliefs, and goals

• Challenge internalized negative self-beliefs

• Differentiate between authentic desires and external pressures

• Process past experiences that shape self-image

• Build emotional language and self-compassion

The goal isn’t perfection—but the development of a coherent, flexible, and authentic self-concept that evolves with time.

Self-Concept Isn’t Static—And That’s Okay

Identity is not a destination—it’s a lifelong journey of growth and reflection. But building a strong foundation during the teen and college years paves the way for more satisfying relationships, stronger emotional health, and greater life satisfaction.

Final Thoughts

If you or someone you love is navigating identity confusion or emotional overwhelm—or simply asking, “Who am I, really?”—therapy can help.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. You deserve space to grow into the person you’re becoming—with clarity, confidence, and support.

Book with Remy: 813-240-3237 SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Remy

Why Do I Feel This Way? Making Sense of Depression and What You Can DoAbout It

By South Tampa Therapy | Remy Francis, MHCI

Description:

Feeling disconnected or weighed down emotionally? Learn how depression shows up, where it

might be coming from, and how therapy can help you feel like yourself again.

“I Don’t Know What’s Wrong... I Just Don’t Feel Like Myself.”

If you’ve been feeling low, off, or emotionally stuck but can’t quite explain why, you’re not

alone. I hear this often from clients: “I have a good life. I should feel okay, but I don’t.” There’s a

kind of quiet exhaustion that can creep in, and it’s not always easy to put into words.

Depression doesn’t always look like lying in bed all day. Sometimes it looks like going through

the motions, showing up for others, keeping it together on the outside, while feeling

overwhelmed, numb, or hopeless on the inside.

And if that’s where you are right now, it’s okay. There’s space for that here.

What Depression Can Look Like (Even If You Don’t Call It That)

Depression is different for everyone. For some, it’s sadness or constant fatigue. For others, it’s

irritability, disconnection, or the sense that life just feels “flat.”

You might notice:

● Feeling emotionally drained or checked out

● Losing interest in things you used to care about

● Trouble sleeping or sleeping way more than usual

● Feeling worthless, guilty, or like you’re “not enough”

● Difficulty focusing, making decisions, or staying motivated

● Wanting to withdraw, even from people you love

● That inner voice that says, “What’s the point?”

So... Why Do I Feel This Way?

That’s often the hardest question—and one we can unpack together. Depression usually doesn’t

come from just one place. It’s layered. Some of the most common roots I see in therapy include:

Old wounds that never got a chance to heal.

Whether it’s childhood pain, a toxic relationship, or loss, unprocessed emotions have a way of

showing up in the present.

The pressure to be everything to everyone.

Many of us push ourselves to the brink, especially if we grew up feeling like love had to be

earned or performance was the only way to feel safe.

Isolation or feeling unseen.

Even if you’re surrounded by people, it’s possible to feel deeply alone, especially if you don’t

feel fully known or accepted for who you are.

Chronic stress or burnout.

When you’ve been in survival mode for too long, your system can crash. Depression can be your

body’s way of saying, “I can’t keep doing this.”

Biology and brain chemistry.

Sometimes depression is linked to genetics, hormonal changes, or neurological patterns. This

isn’t your fault, and it doesn’t make you weak.

Therapy Isn’t About Fixing You—It’s About Coming Home to Yourself

If you’re feeling lost, therapy can offer a grounded space to get curious, not critical, about what’s

really going on. Together, we can:

● Explore how your past might still be echoing in the present

● Gently notice and shift patterns that aren’t serving you

● Learn tools to navigate the inner chaos with more compassion and clarity

● Reconnect with the parts of you that feel buried or forgotten

I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all approaches. Whether we’re using mindfulness to help you

reconnect with the present moment or digging deeper to make sense of early life experiences, the

process is always shaped around you.

One Last Thing (That Matters a Lot)

Depression often tricks us into believing we have to carry everything alone—or that we’re too

much for others. That’s simply not true.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to wait until you “deserve” support. If

you’re hurting, that’s reason enough to reach out.

Let’s Take the Next Step Together

If any part of this resonates, and you’re ready to explore what healing could look like for you, I’d

be honored to walk alongside you. Reach out to schedule a free consultation or ask any

questions. No pressure, just a conversation.

You don’t have to stay stuck. Things can shift.

Book with Remy: 813-240-3237 SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Remy

Is Your Inner Child Running Your Relationship? How to Break the Cycle and Reconnect

By Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, South Tampa Therapy
www.southtampacounselor.com

Have you ever walked away from an argument with your partner and thought, “Why did I say that?” or “That’s not how I wanted to show up…”?

You’re not alone.

In the heat of the moment, many of us aren’t responding as our Wise Adult selves. Instead, we’re reacting from what I call the Adaptive Child — the part of us that learned how to survive conflict growing up. The problem? That part of you is completely out of their depth when it comes to navigating the complexities of adult relationships.

You might recognize yourself in one of these patterns:

→ The Fixer – You bend over backward to smooth things over, keep the peace, and “just get along.” Even if it costs you your voice.
→ The Fighter – You raise your voice, dig in deeper, and push harder to be heard. But what you really crave is understanding.
→ The Fleer – You shut down, go quiet, or check out altogether. If you don’t engage, you can’t get hurt… right?

These automatic reactions make perfect sense — they once protected you. But they won’t build a thriving, secure relationship today.

So, how do you shift?

That’s exactly what we’ll explore in our Initial Intake and Follow-up appointments. Book an INTENSIVE THERAPY SESSION to go even deeper and recover healing quicker. In this deeply supportive space, I’ll guide you through:

✔ Identifying your default conflict style — with compassion, not judgment.
✔ Learning how to shift from reactivity into repair — even in those “you just don’t get it” moments.
✔ Building skills to communicate with clarity and care, even when you're triggered.
✔ Practicing the art of reconnection — with your partner and with yourself.

The truth is: your relationship can change. But it won’t happen by hoping your partner magically “gets it,” or waiting for things to calm down on their own.

It happens when you learn how to respond — not react.

These aren’t just tools for couples… they’re healing practices for the parts of you that still carry pain. They help you speak your truth, set boundaries, and receive love without having to hustle for it.

Let’s do the work together.

With warmth and care,
Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney

Why Self-Compassion Can Be Better Than Self-Esteem

We hear a lot about the importance of self-esteem—believing in yourself, thinking positively, feeling good about who you are. And that can be helpful, but it has its limits. What happens when you fail? When you’re not feeling particularly confident? When you mess up, or someone criticizes you?

That’s where self-compassion comes in.

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion

Self-esteem is usually tied to how well we’re doing—how successful, attractive, or accomplished we feel. It often depends on comparison. We tend to feel good about ourselves when we believe we’re doing better than average, but when we fall short, our self-worth can take a serious hit.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, doesn’t rely on achievement or perfection. It’s about treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and care—especially in moments when we’re struggling. It’s about offering ourselves unconditional, non-judgmental support.

Now, you might wonder: won’t this just make me self-indulgent, lazy, or selfish?

Actually, no.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, has found that while self-esteem is sometimes linked to narcissism and ego-defensiveness, self-compassion is associated with authenticity, emotional strength, and a deeper sense of connection to others. In her research, people who practiced self-compassion were more resilient, less anxious and depressed, and better able to grow from setbacks.

They were also more likely to take responsibility for mistakes, try again after failures, and extend care to others—because they weren’t caught in cycles of shame, self-judgment, or the pressure to be superior.

The Three Parts of Self-Compassion

So how do you actually do self-compassion?

Thankfully, Neff breaks it down into three core elements. The next time you feel like you’ve messed up or fallen short, try walking yourself through these three steps:

1. Mindfulness

Start by recognizing what you’re feeling without judgment. This is hard right now. It’s painful. Maybe you’re feeling disappointed, ashamed, or discouraged. Try acknowledging your experience gently, like: “This hurts because I really wanted this to go well.”

Let yourself feel it. You might even place a hand on your heart or offer yourself a small gesture of comfort. This step is about attending to your pain instead of ignoring it or turning against yourself.

2. Common Humanity

Remember: you’re not alone. Everyone struggles. Everyone feels inadequate, fails, or experiences shame at times. It’s a universal part of being human, even though we often forget this truth and feel isolated in our struggles.

You can tell yourself something like: “It’s human to feel disappointed. I’m not the only one who feels this way. Everyone goes through moments like this.”

Reminding ourselves of our common humanity helps soften the sense that something is uniquely wrong with us.

3. Self-Kindness

Finally, ask yourself: How can I be kind to myself right now? and What do I need? Maybe it’s offering yourself some encouraging words. Maybe it’s taking a break, talking to someone supportive, or simply slowing down.

If this is difficult for you, try thinking of how you’d respond to someone you love—and offer yourself that same tone, that same gentleness. It might sound like: “I care about you. Let’s take a breath and figure out how to support ourselves through this.”

Self-kindness is both a mindset and an action. It’s a way of tending to yourself instead of abandoning yourself when things get hard.

Why This Matters

Self-compassion doesn’t mean we let ourselves off the hook—it means we stay with ourselves in the hard moments, without making things worse. It helps us take responsibility with honesty and care, and it gives us the strength to try again.

As the research continues to show, self-compassion offers a more stable, sustainable foundation for mental health than self-esteem. It supports resilience, reduces shame, and helps people grow—not just when they’re succeeding, but especially when they’re struggling.

Maybe the goal isn’t to feel better about ourselves—but to learn how to be better to ourselves.

Thanks for reading.
 My name is Amber, I offer warm, collaborative therapy rooted in insight, self-compassion, and a deep respect for your lived experience. If this kind of work speaks to you, you can book a session with me here.