SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE
It is important to have goals because they are good for your physical and mental health. You can have goals for all areas of your life. Here are a few ideas:
Career Learning
Clubs Money
Community Politics
Contribution Professional
Emotional Reading
Family Relationships
Health Service
Home Spiritual
Interests Travel
What Makes an Effective Goal?
Not all goals are motivating. If a goal is too vague, hard to measure, or impossible to achieve, it will lack effectiveness and ultimately be a wasted exercise. Goal statements should be:
• Stated with action verbs
• Specific
• Measurable
• Challenging
• Written down, with completion dates
Effective goals have all five ingredients.
The 80/20 Rule
The 80/20 Rule (also known as Pareto’s Principle) says that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. Here are a few examples:
• 20% of the area in your house requires 80% of the cleaning.
• 20% of the stocks in an investor’s portfolio produce 80% of the results.
• 20% of the kids in a class cause 80% of the problems.
• 20% of the books in a bookstore account for 80% of the sales.
You can probably think of a few examples of your own. Note them here:
It’s important to remind yourself not to get bogged down on low-value activities, but to stay focused on the high-value 20%.
High-Payoff Planning
High-payoff (HIPO) time is the 20% that produces the desired results. Low-payoff (LOPO) time is the 80% that produces only 20% of the results. The challenge is to find the HIPO tasks and work on those first.
The HIPO strategies:
• Setting a deadline increases the chances that you will accomplish a task.
• Setting a specific time to do something increases the chances that you will accomplish it.
• Divide and conquer: Break a task into smaller pieces and it becomes easier to complete.
• Motivate yourself by listing the benefits of completing a task.
• Motivate yourself in another way by rewarding yourself for completing a task.
The LOPO strategies:
• Don’t do it at all.
• Do it later.
• Do it with minimum time investment or at a lower standard.
Think of your own life. Can you identify five high-payoff and five low-payoff targets and the activities that contribute directly to each?
Identifying and writing down these items increases the chances that they will be accomplished.
Force Field Analysis
For every goal that you set, there are conditions (forces) that encourage its completion. There are also conditions that discourage its completion.
The Force Field Analysis process helps you identify two kinds of forces: (1) the forces that are pushing with you as you work toward your goal (encouraging forces), and (2) the forces that are pushing against you (discouraging forces).
The process of force field analysis (developed by scientist Kurt Lewin) is based on a law of physics that says that when two equal but opposite forces push against one another, there is no movement.
Why is this important to a person working toward a goal? Because a similar dynamic can prevent you from achieving your goal.
The idea here is to avoid paralysis and encourage momentum by increasing positive (encouraging) forces and decreasing negative (discouraging) forces. For example:
Goal: Run in a marathon in 2002.
Discouraging forces:
• I haven’t exercised regularly for the past five years.
• I tend to start projects and then get bored quickly.
• I live in the Midwest and weather can be a problem.
Encouraging forces:
• I am in good health.
• My neighbor is a runner and has encouraged me to take up the sport.
• My family thinks this is a good idea.
After identifying as many encouraging as discouraging forces, you can map a strategy to build on your strengths-the forces in your favor-and reduce the barriers.
I encourage you to choose a goal of your own and make a list of the encouraging and discouraging forces. This will help you develop an action plan and increase your chances of success.
Your Action Plan
Once you have identified the forces that both favor and discourage the achievement of your goal, it’s time to make an action plan. Here is an example:
Force: I haven’t exercised regularly for the past five years.
Actions I can take:
1. Start slowly.
2. Map out a plan where I start with a 20-minute walk this Saturday morning.
3. Buy a running magazine.
4. Visit a few running web sites.
5. Straighten up the room where my exercise bike has been serving as a clothes rack. Clear away the junk and move a TV in to encourage me to use the bike every other morning.
Who can help me:
1. My neighbor, the runner.
2. My family members will encourage me. I well tell them that I need this.
3. The woman in the next cubicle started an exercise program last year.
Now it’s your turn. Just fill in the blanks.
Force:
Actions I can take:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Who can help me:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Life Balance
Photo by styf22/iStock / Getty Images
It is important to balance aspects of life by taking one step at a time. One of the most important things to remember is to set aside specific times to accomplish tasks. Getting more organized, setting specific times for doing tasks, and achieving a schedule will help individuals attain diminutive tasks throughout every day duties. Learning time management skills is definitely a way to help one accomplish goals.
Many people who claim to be victims of psychological or physiological effects of stress may have been able to deal more efficiently with the stressors by using different coping skills. Because we can not always change and manipulate stress nor our external realities, sometimes changing one’s outlook on life greatly affects the way an individual deals with and views stressors. For example, an individual who has a positive outlook, is physically fit, and in touch with many of the dimensions of her being may be able to make a connection by really listening to her body and focusing what her body may be trying to telling her. It is important that people know the avenues to use while dealing with and preventing stress. Massage therapy, accupuncture, yoga, and meditation may be a few ways to help individuals make the connection to life balance . I’ve learned that I really hold tension in my shoulders. So, when I am stressed out I try and work on releasing the tension in this area of my body. Deep relaxation may be another way to manage stress. I have actually written a few of my own meditations to practice.
The basic difference between constructive and destructive reactions to stress is that destructive reactions are maladaptive and constructive reactions are usually more effective.
Examples of destructive reactions are:
1. Defensive Behavior, Criticism, Contempt, Stonewalling
2. Using Drugs and Alcohol
3. Burnout
Examples of constructive reactions are:
1. Changing Self Defeating Thoughts and Messages
2. Acquiring A Sense of Humor
3. Utilizing Tips for Managing Stress
WHAT IS SOLUTION-FOCUSED THERAPY AND HOW DOES IT WORK?
Photo by egal/iStock / Getty Images
Most types of psychotherapy involve exploring feelings, being validated, finding explanations, exploring wishes and dreams, setting goals, and gaining clarity. Every therapist has unique ways of working with clients, based on his or her personality, training, and views of how people change.
A solution-focused therapist is likely to do the following:
1. Instead of going over past events and focusing on problems, the therapist helps you envision your future without today’s problems.
2. During the course of therapy (often as few as 3 to 6 sessions), the therapist helps you discover solutions.
3. The therapist encourages you to identify and do more of what is already working.
4. The therapist guides you to identify what doesn’t work and to focus on doing less of it.
5. The emphasis is on the future, not the past.
6. SFBT therapists believe that the client is the best expert about what it takes to change his or her life.
7. The therapist’s role is to help you identify solutions that will remove the barriers to having the life you want.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is a process that helps people change by constructing solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This type of therapy tends to be shorter-term than traditional psychotherapy. Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg of the Brief Family Therapy Center in Milwaukee are the originators of this form of therapy.
The SFBT therapist helps the client identify elements of the desired solution, which are usually already present in the client’s life. The client learns to build on these elements, which form the basis for ongoing change. Rather than searching for the causes of the problem, the focus is on defining the changes and making them a reality. The two key therapeutic issues are: (1) how the client wants his or her life to be different, and (2) what it will take to make it happen.
Creating a detailed picture of what it will be like when life is better creates a feeling of hope, and this makes the solution seem possible. The therapist helps the client focus on the future and how it will be better when things change. It is important to develop a set of specific, detailed goals. These goals drive the therapy process and keep it focused and efficient.
Why SFBT Is Usually Short-Term
SFBT therapists don’t set out to artificially limit the number of sessions. A good brief therapist will not focus on limiting sessions or time, but rather on helping clients set goals and develop strategies to reach those goals. Focusing on the client’s goals and the concrete steps needed to achieve them usually takes less time than traditional therapy, in which the client typically spends many sessions talking about the past and explores reasons and feelings. SFBT therapists aim to provide clients with the most effective treatment in the most efficient way possible so that clients can achieve their goals and get on with their lives. As a result of this focus, the counseling process often requires as few as six sessions.
Types of Problems That SFBT Addresses
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy is an effective way of helping people solve many kinds of problems, including depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, relationship problems, and many other kinds of issues. Since it focuses on the process of change rather than on dissecting the problem, more serious issues do not necessarily require different treatment. The SFBT therapist’s job is to help clients transform troubling issues into specific goals and an action plan for achieving them.
In The Miracle Method, authors Scott D. Miller and Insoo Kim Berg describe how to create solutions with these steps:
1. State your desire for something in your life to be different.
2. Envision that a miracle happens and your life is different.
3. Make sure the miracle is important to you.
4. Keep the miracle small.
5. Define the change with language that is positive, specific, concrete, and behavioral.
6. State how you will start your journey rather than how you will end it.
7. Be clear about who, where, and when, but not why.
Signs That You Should Consider Seeing a Therapist
There are several ways to know when you would be doing yourself a favor by finding a licensed, professional therapist to work with.
1. You’ve tried several things on your own, but you still have the problem.
2. You want to find a solution sooner rather than later.
3. You have thoughts of harming yourself or others.
4. You have symptoms of depression, anxiety, or another disorder that significantly interfere with your daily functioning and the quality of your life. For example, you have lost time from work, your relationships have been harmed, or your health is suffering. These are signs that you need the help of a trained, licensed professional.
MANAGING STRESS IN YOUR LIFE & RELATIONSHIPS
Photo by RapidEye/iStock / Getty Images
Learn to Have Healthy Relationships
This subject could fill an entire book. In the limited space of this newsletter, let’s look at the key components of this stress-reducing strategy.
1. Identify the sources of stress in your relationships. Write about them in a journal. Make a list of people who cause you stress and explore what the issues are.
2. Resolve the underlying issues. For each of the situations identified in step 1, assess what needs to happen to resolve it. Make a list and design a plan to improve the situation.
3. Learn skills to improve relationships. Relationship skills are learned. We are not born knowing how to get along well with others, and most of us learned only limited skills from our parents. Identify the skills you need to develop, and make a plan for yourself. You can learn these skills by reading books, taking classes, or working with a therapist.
4. Avoid toxic people and situations. Some people have a toxic effect on you. If you can, limit the amount of time you spend with them. Look for opportunities to decline their invitations. When these people are family members, remind yourself that you don’t have to feel guilty about avoiding anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. In work situations, look for ways to rearrange your schedule or your workspace to avoid interacting with such people.
5. Seek out positive people and situations. This step is the reverse of the previous step. Look for opportunities to spend more time with people and in situations that make you feel good. Think about people who make you feel good about yourself and look for ways to increase time with them.
6. Watch what you eat. Some substances amplify the stress response. These include:
· Caffeine stimulates the release of stress hormones. This increases heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen to the heart. Ongoing exposure to caffeine can harm the tissue of the heart.
· Refined sugar and processed flour are depleted of needed vitamins. In times of stress, certain vitamins help the body maintain the nervous and endocrine systems.
· Too much salt can lead to excessive fluid retention. This can lead to nervous tension and higher blood pressure. Stress often adds to the problem by causing increased blood pressure.
· Smoking not only causes disease and shortens life, it leads to increased heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration.
· Alcohol robs the body of nutrition that it might otherwise use for cell growth and repair. It also harms the liver and adds empty calories to the body.
During times of high stress, eat more complex carbohydrates (fruits, vegetables, whole breads, cereals, and beans).
7. Get moving. The human body was designed to be physically active. However, in most jobs today, people are sitting down most of the time. They hardly move at all except when it is time for coffee break or lunch. When faced with stressors, we respond with our minds, not our bodies. It is no wonder that many of us have a difficult time responding to stressful events.
Exercise is one of the simplest and most effective ways to respond to stress. Activity provides a natural release for the body during its fight-or-flight state of arousal. After exercising, the body returns to its normal state of equilibrium, and one feels relaxed and refreshed.
8. Look for ways to let go of tension and anxiety. Meditation, hypnosis, and progressive relaxation are valuable ways to regenerate and refresh yourself. You can purchase meditation and relaxation audiotapes or record your own. This is especially important because your health and long life depend on minimizing stress and achieving a sense of balance and well-being.
101 Affirmations and Positive Suggestions: A Workbook Utilizing The Power of Journaling and Self-Hypnosis
by Dr. Elizabeth A Mahaney
Link: http://a.co/0SzD9hN
or
WHAT MAKES YOU PROCRASTINATE?
Photo by STILLFX/iStock / Getty Images
All of us procrastinate on occasion. For some people, it’s a chronic problem; for others, it’s only a problem in certain life areas. Procrastination is always frustrating because it results in wasted time, lost opportunities, disappointing work performance, and generally feeling bad about yourself.
When you procrastinate, you allow less important tasks to take up the time and space that should be devoted to more important things. You do things like hanging out with friends when you know that an important work project is due soon, or going shopping instead of doing your homework. It can also be evident in behavior such as talking about trivial things with your partner to avoid discussing important issues in your relationship.
Most people don’t have a problem finding time for things they want to do. But once they see a task as too difficult, painful, boring, or overwhelming, the procrastination behaviors begin. You are not alone if you have ever made any of the following excuses to yourself:
1. It’s too cold to exercise outside today. I’ll wait until tomorrow when it’s warmer.
2. I’ve got too many other things to do first.
3. I’ll do a better job when I can concentrate on this project.
4. I still have lots of time to get this done.
5. They don’t pay me enough to do a more complete job. This is good enough.
6. This problem is too hard to talk about. I wouldn’t know where to start.
7. I work better under pressure.
8. It’s too noisy to work while my teenager is at home.
9. I should get the shopping down now because the stores will be more crowded later.
10. I can eat this pie tonight, because I’m starting my diet tomorrow.
11. My tooth doesn’t really hurt that much. The pain will probably go away tomorrow.
Most of the time, these excuses seem fairly innocuous. However, they’re not as innocent as they seem, because they cause us to postpone important duties and projects. Ultimately, these excuses can keep us from accomplishing important goals and make us feel bad about ourselves.
Why People Procrastinate
If you were hoping for a simple answer to this puzzle, you will be disappointed to learn that there are many reasons why people put things off. Here are a few of the most common (check those that apply to you):
Avoiding discomfort. Wanting to avoid pain makes lots of people shift into procrastination mode. However, the longer we delay, the worse the uncomfortable problem usually becomes. The rash gets bigger, the tooth hurts more, or the brakes squeak even more loudly.
Perfectionism. Those who believe they must produce the perfect report may obsess about uncovering every last information source and then write draft after draft. Their search for the perfect product takes up so much time that they miss their deadline.
Laziness. Sometimes people delay tasks that involve fairly slight inconvenience or minor discomfort.
Thinking you’re not good enough. Some people are certain that they are incompetent. They think that they will fail, and procrastinate to avoid ever putting their skills to the test.
Self-doubt. If you second-guess yourself, you probably suffer from procrastination. You may avoid new challenges and opportunities unless you are certain that you will succeed. Perhaps you make feeble attempts to begin a project, and you tell yourself that you could do a better job if you put in more effort.
Workaholism. At the other end of the spectrum, many people who work excessively also fall into this category. They drive themselves ruthlessly, fearing that if they stop working, they will not be able to start again. Most self-doubters are driven by the belief that they must meet strict standards in order to see themselves as successful.
Physics Review
Remember the concept of inertia: a mass at rest tends to stay at rest.
For some reason, it is more difficult for most humans to start change than to keep it going.
Why Don’t We Just Say No?
Since procrastination produces mostly negative outcomes, why don’t we just change our behavior and eliminate these undesirable consequences? The reason for this is that procrastination reinforces itself. For some reason, it is more difficult for most humans to start change than to keep it going. We avoid getting started by cleverly diverting our attention from the things we really should be doing. We do something else instead or make up a story about how we will accomplish the task in the future-when we are inspired, or when we have completed a preliminary step, or some other trick.
Although recognizing how these diversions work won’t automatically cure your procrastination, being aware of it is a good place to start working on the problem. Once you are aware of the ways that you procrastinate, you can start to change your behavior. In my next newsletter, I’ll offer some tips to help you get started. Until then, begin the change process by thinking about which causes apply to you and writing down examples of these behaviors as you observe them.