Loving & Connecting
Loving each other in the way each of you need to be loved…
Loving and Connecting Out Loud
You love your partner. Now it’s time to make sure they feel it. Have these conversations and try these exercises to say, show, and share your love.
It’s easy to get hung up on the things you’d like to work on in the relationship. But it’s good to pause and remember all the reasons you’re together. Your unique strengths as a couple are why you fell in love in the first place. Build and nurture your connection by having quality conversations, asking questions that really help you know each other, and noticing all the things you do well.
The Sound Relationship House: Friendship and Intimacy
The Gottman Method is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation, and cultural sectors. Outcome research has shown Gottman Method Couples Therapy to be effective for treating same-sex relationships.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed nine components of healthy relationships known as The Sound Relationship House Theory. The Sound Relationship House Theory is the foundation of the Gottman Method, which uses a practical approach to help couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships.
We’ve learned that a strong friendship creates greater passion and intimacy in your relationship. In this program we explore ways to create a strong friendship.
Build Love Maps
Our research has revealed that relationships are more successful when couples know each other’s inner worlds very well.
They seem to carry a “Love Map” inside their minds that’s packed with information about their partner’s world: the ups and downs of their partner’s history and current life, their partner’s needs and dreams, their triumphs and defeats, their values and beliefs, and their likes and their dislikes. Inside and out, they really know their partner well. They also understand that people change over time. So occasionally, they update their Love Maps by sitting down and asking each other questions, small ones and big ones. The small questions typically have only one or two-word answers, while the big ones, which are called “Open-Ended questions,” have much longer answers. They take more thought.
In this and the two following sections, you will learn:
How to build and update your Love Maps.
How to ask better questions that lead to richer conversations.
More about each other!
Ask Open Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are different from other questions. They are big and expansive ones whose answers require reflection and deep thought. Responses to these questions are longer and more complex. One or two word answers just don’t do it.
If you’re being asked an open-ended question, think of it as an invitation to open your heart as well as your mind and to share at a deeper level with your partner. Open-ended questions shouldn’t contain any judgment or a hidden agenda. They are being asked out of genuine curiosity and a desire to really know what’s most important to you. There’s no better way to broaden your Love Maps and understand each other at a soul-deep level.
Make Opportunities to Connect
There are lots of ways to compose your Love Maps for each other. The Opportunity Card Deck is a more action-based one. Each opportunity card suggests a specific activity you can do to connect with your partner while getting to know them better at the same time. The spirit of this exercise is gentle fun that can bring you both closer together.
Share Fondness, Admiration, and Appreciation
It’s not enough to feel love and admiration. We also have to express these feelings so our partner knows they are loved.
Most of us are together because we are fond of our partners and admire them. Yet how often do we let them know exactly what we treasure in them? In our research, we found that the most successful couples expressed their love and admiration for each other on a daily basis, all the time! Even during their struggles, there were still moments when genuine affection was expressed. The key here is that these couples opened their mouths and actually spoke their words of love and respect; they didn’t just silently think them.
In this section, you will learn:
How to express the things you love about your partner.
How to get specific with your appreciation.
An expanded list of positive adjectives to use to express your fondness.
How to express your appreciation regularly.
Book an Appointment to start the process. I look forward to helping out!