South Tampa Therapy: Wellness, Couples Counselor, Marriage & Family Specialist ElizabethMahaney@gmail.com 813-240-3237

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Coronavirus & ALL THE THINGS: Working, Parenting, And Mandatory Homeschooling

Elizabeth Mahaney

March 20, 2020

Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, Ph.D

Homeschooling Mom, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage and Family Therapist, Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator, Agile Learning Center Co-founder a 501C(3) Real Life ALC where Learning Is Found Everywhere, Entrepreneur, Author, Psychotherapist, Lifetime Learner...

 www.SouthTampaCounselor.com  agilelearningcenters.org/ www.RealLifeALC.org

In the midst of all of the Coronavirus chaos, many parents suddenly have the task of homeschooling while adjusting to a new life of managing work life balance. Like so many of my homeschool parenting friends around the country, I have been working full time, parenting, and homeschooling for a decade. Doing all of the above while preparing to support my family through this crisis is even more overwhelming.

This is one of the most disruptive catastrophic events for our society as a whole. 

The thing about life in pandemic culture: parents and children are FORCED to adjust to this new balance of school and work life without having much of a choice. In contrast, I chose this way of life.

Homeschooling can be a brave new world for many families — a life decision that was forced and with no forewarning. And like me, parents everywhere are grappling with homeschooling while trying to go to work or work remotely. Not to mention, the challenges for parents whose work requires them to be physically present, single parents, other issues which force families to seek child care, and even worse; unemployment. 

Some schools are providing resources while many others may not. Either way, parents are left with several challenges: managing new ways of working, educating their children, all the while struggling with the fears of balancing their children’s learning, social media, and video games while keeping jobs and careers on track.

I have lived this homeschool lifestyle by choice pre-mandate and I would like to offer my insight, experience and support network during this trying time.

I find that communication can be at the center of co-creating our day to day flow together as a family. Communicating in a compassionate way and mirroring or modeling healthy ways of interacting and functioning is a core way of creating positive connections which fosters cooperation. It is much more beneficial to start all of this change intrinsically by modeling healthy responses and interactions. 

The message is in the model! If your family thrives on a schedule, set alerts to keep everyone on track. If your family goes with the flow, go with it and feel your way through this.

Trying to control our children out of fear and anxiety will almost always back fire. So, if you feel like tension is escalating and your connections with your children is going haywire. Check-in with yourself first! 

Find out:

  1. What you are actually reacting to?

  2. How you are feeling (Your actual emotion and how your body is feeling)?

  3. What core need or value is not being met (All negative feelings are clues that you have an unmeet need ALWAYS)?

  4. MOST IMPORTANTLY: What you specifically want to see happen? (We usually know more about what we don’t want or don’t like… I am asking you to shift your energy from negativity to focusing on what you DO WANT. Ask for it and be specific).

Our thoughts produce our feelings, emotions, and moods. Therefore, if we change the way we think about a difficult situation then we change the way we feel. Not always easy, I know!  Self empathy and awareness is the key.

Carving out space and time for everyone to come into dialogue about working together as a team to get through this transition can be very empowering. Our children have a primary need for play, freedom, and choice. Let’s empower our children by letting them make more choices about when they want to learn what they need to learn to meet their goals, your goals as a family, and the collective goals of our community.

These next weeks and months may really have an impact on everyone's life. We all have the choice in how we each respond to the impact. Let’s be intentional instead of reactionary.

To minimize disruption to our children’s education, consider keeping an agile schedule, a list of intentions and goals to meet each day, week or month. It is also helpful for parents to be transparent with their children about their own feeling, needs, intention and goals. The more that we can create mutual agreements the better we are at achieving goals.

This may help keep expectations clear, and prevent kids and parents from disconnecting. Connecting and spending quality time together as well as balancing work, studies, and self care is the glue. When we stay connected, we can deal with anything that comes our way. When we feel disconnected, even the littlest things become bigger issues.

We are learning all the time and video streaming is also an opportunity for us all to learn about working remotely for our careers as well as for our children to socialize, play and collaborate together through educational, video streaming, and gaming platforms. We could look at this as an opportunity to connect, spend quality time virtually, and learn with one another.

My children have connected through FaceTime with our best friends from across the country more in the last few days than we have in months. I invite this reconnection. It feels comforting. 

Throughout this journey, distractions and interruptions will occur when there is little separation between work, home and school. Pause. Breathe through the difficult moments. Hit the reset button. And try to focus on the positive request and simply ask for what you want to see happen. This sets the stage for compromise.

Being our best selves will be the best teaching experiences for our children. In other words, as we learn, our children will also learn — by example. Wishing everyone the very best and I invite anyone to reach out to bounce around ideas, share different experiences and to give and receive support form one another. 

Please feel free to reach out to me personally (text me at 813-240-3237), comment below, and connect to our broader ALC network.

Thank you SO very much ABBY in New York for being so passionate about the ALC Family! We appreciate you! Here is a link to Abby’s resources: nycagile.org/covid-19-resources/

Subject-specific Study Resources We Already Use and Love

The ALC Network Main Website: agilelearningcenters.org/