Changing our Personality is Possible According to Psychology
Many of us have taken personality tests at some point, whether for fun or to gain insights into ourselves. From BuzzFeed quizzes that tell us which Taylor Swift song reflects our vibe to more serious assessments used in schools or workplaces, we often look to these tests for answers about who we are. But there's a big catch: most of these tests, even those used to guide our career paths, aren't scientifically valid.
Personality testing has become a billion-dollar industry, yet many popular tests lack the rigorous research to support their claims. Even more problematic, these tests often promote the idea that our traits are fixed, suggesting that we're stuck with our born personality. Fortunately, modern psychological research shows that this isn't true—our personalities can and do change over time.
What Personality Is—and What It Isn't
When we talk about personality, we refer to our characteristic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. For example, are we more likely to react with frustration when someone cuts us off in traffic, or do we assume the person might be rushing to an emergency? Do we plan for tasks or often leave things to the last minute?
Personality can be thought of as a collection of these tendencies, and psychologists have condensed these patterns into five broad traits known as the Big Five: neuroticism, extroversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, and openness. These traits summarize much of human behavior, and we all fall somewhere along each continuum; however, it's important to note that personality differs from our preferences, values, or sense of humor. It's not about what we like or dislike but how we consistently respond to life's challenges and interactions. So, when we talk about changing our personality, we're not altering who we are at our core. Instead, we're learning to approach life's situations with different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Can We Really Change Our Personality?
The exciting news is that personality is not static. Research shows that we change how we think, feel, and behave all the time—often without even noticing it. While we might assume that becoming more reliable, empathetic, or less anxious would take years of effort, studies suggest we can see significant personality shifts in just a few months with intentional change.
Take conscientiousness as an example. If someone who usually procrastinates starts viewing punctuality as a sign of respect and begins setting reminders or alarms, those small changes will add up over time. They might become more reliable without realizing it. By maintaining these new thoughts, feelings, and behaviors over time, we embody the traits we aspire to develop, essentially reshaping our personality.
Data supports this idea. As we age, we tend to experience fewer negative emotions, become more conscientious, and prioritize positive relationships. But even though personality naturally shifts over time, it doesn't mean we're powerless to influence the process. Studies, including research conducted by personality change experts, show that targeted interventions can accelerate these changes. We can see meaningful change in less than 20 weeks with focused effort—far faster than waiting decades for life to shape us.
How to Cultivate Traits That Serve Us Best
The good news is that we don't need to rely on therapy to make these changes, though therapy can certainly help. Simple cognitive-behavioral techniques can effectively nudge our personality in the direction we want it to go.
Change Our Thinking Patterns
The first step is becoming aware of the thoughts holding us back. If we believe that "people are only looking out for themselves," we'll likely behave defensively, expecting others to betray or ignore us. This belief will then influence how others treat us, confirming our negative view. To break this cycle, we can start by challenging those thoughts—perhaps by assuming that people might genuinely want to help us—and see if this shifts our behavior and how others respond.Experiment with New Behaviors
Once we know our thought patterns, we can start experimenting with new actions. If we typically avoid asking for help because we assume others won't care, we could try sharing a concern with a coworker or friend and see how they respond. As we engage in different behaviors, we might be surprised by the positive outcomes that challenge our old assumptions.
These strategies are powerful because personality is, at its core, a reflection of how we think, feel, and behave. By intentionally changing those patterns, we create new habits that, over time, reshape our personality.
The Potential for Intentional Change
For some of us, the idea of a fixed personality may give us a sense of safety, while others may experience a sense of relief; either way, modern psychological research offers the perspective that if we want, we can change it. While our core sense of self remains intact, how we navigate the world—how we think, feel, and act—can evolve. By using cognitive-behavioral techniques and making intentional shifts in our thinking and behavior, we can develop the traits that help us thrive in the lives we want. Rather than being confined to the personality we've always had, we can reorganize into a personality that aligns with our goals, values, and aspirations. With consistent effort, change is within reach.
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