Who Is the Real “You”? (IFS)

Who Am I, Really? Understanding Self & Parts Work Through IFS, EFT, & Gottman Method

By Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC | South Tampa Therapy - Tampa, FL

Have you ever paused and asked yourself:
“Who am I, really?”

If you're showing up in relationships, parenting, your career - and still sensing something missing — you may be operating from roles, learned responses, and protective parts, rather than your grounded inner Self.

This is incredibly common.

As a therapist in Tampa, FL specializing in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method couples therapy, and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I help individuals and couples reconnect with their core Self — the calm, clear, compassionate center beneath all survival strategies and emotional reactions.

If you’ve ever felt fragmented, reactive, or unsure which version of you is real…
you’re not broken - you’re human. And you’re in the right place.

🧠 What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

IFS teaches that our inner world is made of parts - emotional states that each have a role and purpose:

• Protectors - manage stress, defend against vulnerability

• Managers - keep life on track, prevent chaos

• Firefighters - try to soothe pain (sometimes impulsively)

• Exiles - hold deep hurt, shame, fear, and early wounds

And beneath all of those is Self - your true essence.

IFS therapy is a powerful tool for:

• Trauma recovery

• Attachment healing

• Emotional regulation

• Relationship repair

• Identity clarity & self-trust

You are not your reactions - you are the one who can turn toward them with compassion.

💛 Recognizing the Parts Within You

Clients often ask:

“I felt angry… then ashamed… then numb. Which one is ‘me’?”

Each emotional wave might be a part stepping forward to protect you.

This is especially visible in relationships - where attachment wounds, nervous system activation, and learned survival patterns show up.

If you say things like:

• “I don’t recognize myself when I get triggered”

• “I shut down without meaning to”

• “I know what I should say but I can’t say it in the moment”

There is nothing wrong with you - a protector part is doing its job.

Couples see this too:
In Gottman Method therapy, it aligns with fight/flight patterns, repair attempts, and emotional safety needs.
In EFT therapy, it reflects attachment strategies trying to protect connection.

🌿 What Is Self-Energy?

Self-Energy is your grounded, wise, calm center.

You feel it when you are:

• Curious instead of defensive

• Present in your body

• Able to breathe through discomfort

• Loving without self-abandonment

• Open, not armored

• Leading - not reacting

In Gottman terms → repair oriented, emotionally available, attuned
In NVC terms → needs-based, not judgment-based

Your parts don’t disappear; they trust your Self to lead.

⭐ Qualities of Self-Energy

The 8 C's

• Calm

• Curiosity

• Compassion

• Confidence

• Courage

• Clarity

• Connectedness

• Creativity

The 5 P’s

• Presence

• Patience

• Playfulness

• Persistence

• Perspective

When we lead from Self, conflict softens, shame loosens, and emotional safety grows — inside ourselves and with others.

💬 You Are Not Your Parts - You Are Your Wholeness

We’re not trying to exile or erase parts.
They are adaptive gifts - shaped by your history, attachment experiences, and trauma responses.

Healing isn’t forcing change - it’s befriending your nervous system and inner world.

When Self leads:

✅ Emotional flooding decreases
✅ Communication becomes safer
✅ Intimacy deepens
✅ Self-trust rebuilds
✅ Relationships become repair-centered

This is where IFS meets Gottman, NVC, attachment science, and somatic work.

🪞 Reflection Prompts: Meeting the Real You

Find quiet, breathe, and explore:

1. Who showed up today?
   List parts: achiever, pleaser, protector, critic, nurturer, etc.

2. What is this part protecting?
   (Fear? Worthiness? Abandonment? Shame?)

3. If Self spoke to this part, what would it say?
   Try compassion rather than control.

4. Where do I feel this in my body?
   Notice sensations — softening begins here.

5. How can I lead with curiosity this week?
   Choose one moment to pause instead of react.

You may discover the real you has been here all along.

🌴 If This Resonates - You Don't Have to Navigate It Alone

At South Tampa Therapy, I help individuals and couples throughout Florida work through:

• Relationship stress & betrayal repair

• Emotional reactivity & shutdown

• Attachment trauma & anxious/avoidant patterns

• Codependency & boundary healing

• Identity confusion & self-doubt

• Nervous system dysregulation

• High-achiever burnout & perfectionism

This is deep work, and also gentle work.

If you're ready to shift from coping to transforming — I’m here.

📍 Located in Tampa, FL
🌐 Serving all of Florida via telehealth
💑 Specializing in couples, marriage, and individual therapy
🔗 Book your first session at: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment