SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Who Is the Real “You”? (IFS)
Have you ever paused and asked yourself:
“Who am I, really?”
If you're showing up in relationships, parenting, your career - and still sensing something missing — you may be operating from roles, learned responses, and protective parts, rather than your grounded inner Self.
This is incredibly common.
As a therapist in Tampa, FL specializing in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method couples therapy, and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I help individuals and couples reconnect with their core Self — the calm, clear, compassionate center beneath all survival strategies and emotional reactions.
If you’ve ever felt fragmented, reactive, or unsure which version of you is real…
you’re not broken - you’re human. And you’re in the right place.
Who Am I, Really? Understanding Self & Parts Work Through IFS, EFT, & Gottman Method
By Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC | South Tampa Therapy - Tampa, FL
Have you ever paused and asked yourself:
“Who am I, really?”
If you're showing up in relationships, parenting, your career - and still sensing something missing — you may be operating from roles, learned responses, and protective parts, rather than your grounded inner Self.
This is incredibly common.
As a therapist in Tampa, FL specializing in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method couples therapy, and Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I help individuals and couples reconnect with their core Self — the calm, clear, compassionate center beneath all survival strategies and emotional reactions.
If you’ve ever felt fragmented, reactive, or unsure which version of you is real…
you’re not broken - you’re human. And you’re in the right place.
🧠 What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
IFS teaches that our inner world is made of parts - emotional states that each have a role and purpose:
Protectors - manage stress, defend against vulnerability
Managers - keep life on track, prevent chaos
Firefighters - try to soothe pain (sometimes impulsively)
Exiles - hold deep hurt, shame, fear, and early wounds
And beneath all of those is Self - your true essence.
IFS therapy is a powerful tool for:
Trauma recovery
Attachment healing
Emotional regulation
Relationship repair
Identity clarity & self-trust
You are not your reactions - you are the one who can turn toward them with compassion.
💛 Recognizing the Parts Within You
Clients often ask:
“I felt angry… then ashamed… then numb. Which one is ‘me’?”
Each emotional wave might be a part stepping forward to protect you.
This is especially visible in relationships - where attachment wounds, nervous system activation, and learned survival patterns show up.
If you say things like:
“I don’t recognize myself when I get triggered”
“I shut down without meaning to”
“I know what I should say but I can’t say it in the moment”
There is nothing wrong with you - a protector part is doing its job.
Couples see this too:
In Gottman Method therapy, it aligns with fight/flight patterns, repair attempts, and emotional safety needs.
In EFT therapy, it reflects attachment strategies trying to protect connection.
🌿 What Is Self-Energy?
Self-Energy is your grounded, wise, calm center.
You feel it when you are:
Curious instead of defensive
Present in your body
Able to breathe through discomfort
Loving without self-abandonment
Open, not armored
Leading - not reacting
In Gottman terms → repair oriented, emotionally available, attuned
In NVC terms → needs-based, not judgment-based
Your parts don’t disappear; they trust your Self to lead.
⭐ Qualities of Self-Energy
The 8 C's
Calm
Curiosity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Clarity
Connectedness
Creativity
The 5 P’s
Presence
Patience
Playfulness
Persistence
Perspective
When we lead from Self, conflict softens, shame loosens, and emotional safety grows — inside ourselves and with others.
💬 You Are Not Your Parts - You Are Your Wholeness
We’re not trying to exile or erase parts.
They are adaptive gifts - shaped by your history, attachment experiences, and trauma responses.
Healing isn’t forcing change - it’s befriending your nervous system and inner world.
When Self leads:
✅ Emotional flooding decreases
✅ Communication becomes safer
✅ Intimacy deepens
✅ Self-trust rebuilds
✅ Relationships become repair-centered
This is where IFS meets Gottman, NVC, attachment science, and somatic work.
🪞 Reflection Prompts: Meeting the Real You
Find quiet, breathe, and explore:
Who showed up today?
List parts: achiever, pleaser, protector, critic, nurturer, etc.What is this part protecting?
(Fear? Worthiness? Abandonment? Shame?)If Self spoke to this part, what would it say?
Try compassion rather than control.Where do I feel this in my body?
Notice sensations — softening begins here.How can I lead with curiosity this week?
Choose one moment to pause instead of react.
You may discover the real you has been here all along.
🌴 If This Resonates - You Don't Have to Navigate It Alone
At South Tampa Therapy, I help individuals and couples throughout Florida work through:
Relationship stress & betrayal repair
Emotional reactivity & shutdown
Attachment trauma & anxious/avoidant patterns
Codependency & boundary healing
Identity confusion & self-doubt
Nervous system dysregulation
High-achiever burnout & perfectionism
This is deep work, and also gentle work.
If you're ready to shift from coping to transforming — I’m here.