How to Take a Break During Conversations at Home When Either Partner is Getting Flooded

a) If one person asks for a break, the other partner needs to agree without either partner trying to get the last word into the conversation;

b) The partners should agree on a time that they will get back together again to resume their conversation. The break should last at least 20 minutes, but no longer than 24 hours;

c) The couple should then part and go to separate places where they can no longer see or hear each other, such as separate rooms in the house or one person outside while the other remains inside, etc.;

d) During the break, each partner should do something self-soothing that takes their minds off the discussion with their partner, such as reading a book, listening to some music, taking a walk, going for a run, etc. It's important that the partners do not think of how they can next respond, as that will only keep them flooded;

e) They should return to talk together at the time they designated earlier. If one is not yet calm, she or she should still return, but then ask for a specified additional amount of time in order to fully calm down;

f) After returning to one another in a calmer state, the couple may resume their conversation.

—-Gottman Research

Take a break during conflict discussions