SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Learning to Love Again After a Break in Trust
A break in trust can feel like an emotional earthquake in a relationship. Whether it’s infidelity, a secret addiction, emotional withdrawal, or repeated dishonesty, the rupture shakes the foundation of love, safety, and connection.
When Trust Breaks, Everything Changes
A break in trust can feel like an emotional earthquake in a relationship. Whether it’s infidelity, a secret addiction, emotional withdrawal, or repeated dishonesty, the rupture shakes the foundation of love, safety, and connection.
In those moments, couples often ask:
“Can we ever come back from this?”
“How do I know it won’t happen again?”
“How do I forgive? Should I forgive?”
The truth is, many couples do rebuild trust. They don’t go back to how things were—they co-create something stronger, deeper, and more authentic. Healing is possible when both partners are committed to truth, repair, and reconnection.
What Trust Really Means
Trust isn’t just about fidelity. It’s about emotional safety.
It means:
“I can count on you to be honest.”
“I believe you have my back.”
“You will show up when I need you.”
“You tell me the truth, even when it’s hard.”
When trust is broken, even small everyday moments—like a late text, a canceled plan, or going quiet—can trigger fear and pain.
That’s why healing requires more than apology. It requires consistent, lived integrity over time.
The Gottman Method: Trust Is Built in Small Moments
Drs. John and Julie Gottman remind us: trust isn’t rebuilt with grand gestures. It’s rebuilt through attunement and repair in the everyday.
Couples can begin by practicing:
Emotional availability
Validating each other’s feelings without defensiveness
Making and keeping small promises
Transparency and openness
These micro-moments add up to meaningful repair.
Imago Therapy: Exploring the Wound Beneath the Betrayal
Imago Relationship Therapy teaches that every rupture is a mirror into deeper emotional wounds.
For the hurt partner, we explore:
“What did this remind you of earlier in life?”
“How has it impacted your sense of worth, safety, and love?”
“What do you need now to feel secure again?”
For the partner who broke trust, we ask:
“What led you to step outside the relationship agreement?”
“What needs or internal struggles were present?”
“How can you take full accountability without shame?”
This work lays the foundation for real healing—not just surface-level reconciliation.
Stages of Healing After a Break in Trust
Healing often unfolds in three overlapping stages:
Crisis & Stabilization – Establishing safety and boundaries
Meaning-Making & Accountability – Understanding the “why” behind the rupture
Reconnection & Renewal – Rebuilding emotional intimacy and creating new rituals
This process isn’t linear, but with skilled support, couples can navigate it together.
Solution-Oriented Therapy: Focusing on What’s Next
Once the truth is out and accountability has been accepted, couples can move toward constructive rebuilding.
Questions to guide the journey include:
“What does trust look like to you now?”
“What daily habits build emotional safety?”
“What rituals can we create to strengthen our bond?”
This helps shift the focus from “what went wrong” to “what we want to co-create next.”
Common Mistakes That Stall Healing
Minimizing the Hurt – “It wasn’t that bad.”
Punishing or Retaliating – “You hurt me, now I’ll hurt you back.”
Rushing Forgiveness – “Let’s just move on already.”
Refusing to Change – “That’s just how I am.”
These patterns delay or derail true healing.
When Forgiveness Is—and Isn’t—Possible
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not mean condoning what happened. It’s a personal decision not to carry the pain forever.
Forgiveness becomes possible when:
There’s genuine remorse and behavioral change
The hurt partner feels heard, validated, and supported
A new, healthier dynamic is taking shape
But sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t lead to reconciliation. In those cases, healing may mean letting go of the relationship rather than rebuilding it. Therapy can help you discern which path is right—with clarity and compassion.
What Rebuilt Love Can Look Like
Many couples describe their relationship after healing as:
More emotionally honest
More sexually connected
More intentional
More spacious for individuality
It’s not about “getting back to normal.” It’s about building something new—together.
Love After the Fall
A break in trust may feel like the end, but it can also be the beginning of something radically honest, deeply intimate, and profoundly mature.
Healing is possible when both partners commit to the work—with open hearts, true accountability, and deep compassion. With the right support, your greatest rupture can become your most meaningful transformation.
Need support rebuilding trust?
At South Tampa Therapy, we help couples navigate betrayal, strengthen communication, and rediscover connection. Reach out today for a consultation or to schedule a Gottman-informed couples session.
What Makes You Feel Loved In Your Relationship?
Do you know what makes you feel loved in a relationship? Many times, we may think we know what makes us feel loved yet when we ask for things out of our partner, our needs are still not being met. This could be because what you think is your love language, may not actually be what makes you feel loved. Knowing your love language and your partner's love language is important in a relationship. When you both know what makes the other person feel truly loved, then both of you can actively participate in those forms of love for one another. More times than not, the way one person is showing their love towards you is the exact way that they are wanting to be loved by you.
Love Languages
Do you know what makes you feel loved in a relationship? Many times, we may think we know what makes us feel loved yet when we ask for things out of our partner, our needs are still not being met. This could be because what you think is your love language, may not actually be what makes you feel loved. Knowing your love language and your partner's love language is important in a relationship. When you both know what makes the other person feel truly loved, then both of you can actively participate in those forms of love for one another. More times than not, the way one person is showing their love towards you is the exact way that they are wanting to be loved by you.
There are 5 main love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Knowing what your partner needs to feel loved by you and taking the initiative to actively provide that for them can strengthen and deepen the connection between the two of you. I like to have my couples that I work with take a short quiz to discover how each language of love ranks for them individually. I ask them to take this quiz separately and to be completely honest with themselves while taking it. Once they both have done this, I ask them to bring their results into our session so we can go over the results.
The reason I like to go over the results with the couples is because each love language can look different to every person. For example, the love language "quality time" can look very different for each partner. So, if one person scores high in this area, then it is a good idea to define what quality time looks like for the person who scored high. This way there is no confusion and a mutual understanding moving forward. If this is something you may be interested in, either individually or as a couple, then I recommend taking this quiz https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language. The results may surprise you!
Author: Crystin Nichols, MFTI
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI