SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
What Makes You Feel Loved In Your Relationship?
Do you know what makes you feel loved in a relationship? Many times, we may think we know what makes us feel loved yet when we ask for things out of our partner, our needs are still not being met. This could be because what you think is your love language, may not actually be what makes you feel loved. Knowing your love language and your partner's love language is important in a relationship. When you both know what makes the other person feel truly loved, then both of you can actively participate in those forms of love for one another. More times than not, the way one person is showing their love towards you is the exact way that they are wanting to be loved by you.
Love Languages
Do you know what makes you feel loved in a relationship? Many times, we may think we know what makes us feel loved yet when we ask for things out of our partner, our needs are still not being met. This could be because what you think is your love language, may not actually be what makes you feel loved. Knowing your love language and your partner's love language is important in a relationship. When you both know what makes the other person feel truly loved, then both of you can actively participate in those forms of love for one another. More times than not, the way one person is showing their love towards you is the exact way that they are wanting to be loved by you.
There are 5 main love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Knowing what your partner needs to feel loved by you and taking the initiative to actively provide that for them can strengthen and deepen the connection between the two of you. I like to have my couples that I work with take a short quiz to discover how each language of love ranks for them individually. I ask them to take this quiz separately and to be completely honest with themselves while taking it. Once they both have done this, I ask them to bring their results into our session so we can go over the results.
The reason I like to go over the results with the couples is because each love language can look different to every person. For example, the love language "quality time" can look very different for each partner. So, if one person scores high in this area, then it is a good idea to define what quality time looks like for the person who scored high. This way there is no confusion and a mutual understanding moving forward. If this is something you may be interested in, either individually or as a couple, then I recommend taking this quiz https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language. The results may surprise you!
Author: Crystin Nichols, MFTI
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI
Five Languages Of Love (Gary Chapman)
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
a. Encouraging Words
b. Kind Words
c. Speaking to the Positive Intent of Action
Love Language #2: Receiving Gifts
a. Give meaningful things
b. Things that matter to them, even it not to you
c. Things that reflect their values, no necessarily yours
Love Language #3: Acts of Service
a. Actions that you know they would LIKE for you to do for them
b. Actions taken without resentment
c. Actions taken with gratitude
Love Language #4: Quality Time
a. Undividing attention
b. Not just being in same room
c. Regularly and often in various settings
Love Language #5: Physical Touching
a. Regular and often
b. Appropriate to the one being touched
c. Safe touch, not intrusive, leading nowhere but that moment of physical connection and not thinking of future
Rank order these choices for yourself and your partner by putting a number (1-5) beside each one. If you change your mind, don’t erase, but mark out and put the new number beside it. This is for self-discover and conversation. There are not wrong answers. After rating yourself and partner, have them do the same and then take and discover more about your past, your present, and how you would like to live your future.
Me_____________________ You____________________
#1: Words of Affirmation #1: Words of Affirmation
#2: Quality Time #2: Quality Time
#3: Receiving Gifts #3: Receiving Gifts
#4: Acts of Service #4: Acts of Service
#5: Physical Touching #5: Physical Touching
Your primary love language is your Relationship Sweet Spot, meaning if this is the number one way that if your partner expresses love to you, you will feel close to him or her. This raises your sentiment toward each other in a positive direction.
If it isn't, even if the others are done often, you will develop a sense of distance from them, and them from you, which will eventually create an underlying resentment toward them. This lowers your relationship sentiment toward each other.
All the languages are needed in a relationship. However, the primary one(s) most greatly influence the level of positive feelings you have toward each other.
Five Love Languages (Gary Chapin)
Your primary love language is your Relationship Sweet Spot, meaning if this is the number one way that if your partner expresses love to you, you will feel close to him or her. This raises your sentiment toward each other in a positive direction.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
a. Encouraging Words
b. Kind Words
c. Speaking to the Positive Intent of Action
Love Language #2: Receiving Gifts
a. Give meaningful things
b. Things that matter to them, even it not to you
c. Things that reflect their values, no necessarily yours
Love Language #3: Acts of Service
a. Actions that you know they would LIKE for you to do for them
b. Actions taken without resentment
c. Actions taken with gratitude
Love Language #4: Quality Time
a. Undividing attention
b. Not just being in same room
c. Regularly and often in various settings
Love Language #5: Physical Touching
a. Regular and often
b. Appropriate to the one being touched
c. Safe touch, not intrusive, leading nowhere but that moment of physical connection and not thinking of future
Rank order these choices for yourself and your partner by putting a number (1-5) beside each one. If you change your mind, don’t erase, but mark out and put the new number beside it. This is for self-discover and conversation. There are not wrong answers. After rating yourself and partner, have them do the same and then take and discover more about your past, your present, and how you would like to live your future.
Me_____________________ You____________________
#1: Words of Affirmation #1: Words of Affirmation
#2: Quality Time #2: Quality Time
#3: Receiving Gifts #3: Receiving Gifts
#4: Acts of Service #4: Acts of Service
#5: Physical Touching #5: Physical Touching
Your primary love language is your Relationship Sweet Spot, meaning if this is the number one way that if your partner expresses love to you, you will feel close to him or her. This raises your sentiment toward each other in a positive direction.
If it isn't, even if the others are done often, you will develop a sense of distance from them, and them from you, which will eventually create an underlying resentment toward them. This lowers your relationship sentiment toward each other.
All the languages are needed in a relationship. However, the primary one(s) most greatly influence the level of positive feelings you have toward each other.