TAMPA (BLOOM) – Therapist Kaitlin Lowey of South Tampa Therapy joined Gayle Guyardo

Therapist Kaitlin Lowey of South Tampa Therapy
joined Gayle Guyardo the host of the global health and wellness show Bloom to share ways to bring confidence into everyday situations.

Therapist Kaitlin Lowey, from South Tampa Therapy, recently appeared on the global health and wellness show "Bloom" with host Gayle Guyardo. During the segment, Lowey shared valuable insights on how to cultivate confidence in everyday situations.

Therapist Kaitlin Lowey, from South Tampa Therapy, recently appeared on the global health and wellness show "Bloom" with host Gayle Guyardo. During the segment, Lowey shared valuable insights on how to cultivate confidence in everyday situations.

"Confidence, derived from a Latin word meaning 'to trust,' is about believing in yourself, recognizing your inherent worth, and having faith in your ability to handle life's challenges," explained Lowey.

She emphasized that genuinely confident individuals exude a magnetic quality because they embrace their true selves. They acknowledge their strengths, manage their weaknesses, and firmly believe in their significance, regardless of whether they fit society's standards of intelligence, attractiveness, or social prowess.

Lowey also pointed out that, often, individuals hinder their own confidence.

"We can be our own biggest obstacle when it comes to confidence. We carry around certain core beliefs like 'I should,' 'I can't,' and 'I'm not worthy.' Let's dissect these," she urged.

Lowey provided three key areas to focus on in order to bolster confidence:

1. Addressing "I should": This belief often stems from unhealthy comparisons and manifests as thoughts like "I should know how to do this" or "I should be more confident." Lowey encouraged individuals to challenge these notions, emphasizing that each person's journey is unique. Comparing oneself to others is like transplanting a rainforest vine to a desert and wondering why it's struggling. Instead, acknowledge your strengths and recognize your own superpower.

2. Confronting "I can't": When we've faced setbacks or failures, we tend to adopt a mindset of "I can't." Lowey recommended replacing it with "I won't" to acknowledge it as a choice. Then, delve into what's holding you back. Ask probing questions like "What am I trying to avoid?" This often reveals old wounds that need healing. Identify your needs and wants to shift from a stagnant state to one of hope and action.

3. Challenging "I'm not worthy": Society often imposes external criteria for measuring our worth, but Lowey advocated detaching from these expectations. She emphasized that we don't need to be everyone's cup of tea, as not everyone shares the same taste. Instead, embrace what makes you uniquely valuable and worthy. Your distinct qualities contribute positively to the world. When you allow your authentic self to shine, you attract the right people and opportunities while inspiring others to do the same.

In summary, Lowey's insights provide a powerful framework for cultivating genuine confidence and embracing one's authentic self. Trusting in your worth, acknowledging your strengths, and letting your true self shine can lead to meaningful connections and opportunities.

A Lesson for those who feel Unworthy or “Never Enough”

The topic of self-worth is common amongst therapists who are passionate about guiding their clients towards relief from negative thinking, anxiety, and low self-esteem. To gain a sense of self-worth it is important to identify what subconscious (or conscious) beliefs you hold that might be blocking you from offering yourself UNCONDITIONAL positive regard.

The term unconditional positive regard was coined by the American psychologist Carl Rogers. Carl Rogers believed that all humans are inherently “enough” and “worthy.” It was Rodger’s mission to bestow upon all his clients the experience of being treated with unconditional positive regard. Spoiler alert: that is also my mission! 

Ok, but for the sake of this post let’s define the terms. I want to focus on the “unconditional” part. Unconditional means that no condition sets you up against your inherent worthiness. To believe you are worthy of unconditional positive regard you must identity what Rodgers called “conditions of worth.” Conditions of worth are the beliefs that block you from accepting unconditional positive regard and from feeling worthy for just being you. 

Conditions of worthy might go something along the lines of……

• If I am funny, people won’t notice my insecurities

• I am safe and worthy if I keep this job or make x amount of money

• If I am agreeable and quiet, I am acceptable.

• It is not okay to show who I truly am I can be a chameleon and be loved

• I must make peace; conflict will show that I am an angry person

• As long as I stay beautiful, my husband will love me

I could probably write thirty pages of hypothetical “Conditions of worth” but I will spare you from that. The point is that we all have internalized “conditional worth” beliefs learned from caregivers, parents, teachers, cultural messages, or religious institutions. 

Once you have taken in these messages as fact, your brain starts to scan for evidence that will validate that belief. 

For example, if you believe that “good people are agreeable and don’t pick fights,” every time your partner picks a fight or confronts you, you might push down your feelings or reactions to appease them.

You do this because, “good people don’t fight back” right? “Good people are agreeable” right? You can’t possibly share your truth or advocate for your feelings because if you do, you won’t be good, and everyone wants to believe they are good right? 

Do you see the danger in this type of thinking? Continuing to live in reaction to these beliefs, with a brain that is wired to scan for evidence that bolsters them, is essentially what creates the “inner critic” in our heads. The voice that does not sound warm and fuzzy. The voice that certainly does not speak unconditional positive regard to our dear souls. 

So, step one is to think about your parents, your family, your spouse, or your religious organization. Try to identify any messages you’ve learned that set you up against your inherent worthiness with any “condition” that you must meet. 

Once you are aware of these messages you can begin to externalize them. For example, when you hear the thought: 

“I shouldn’t speak up because I will be seen as too much” you might say “I notice I am having the thought that I shouldn’t speak up because I will be seen as too much.” You might say, “I am hearing my moms voice in my head.” At that, you might begin to chuckle as you notice that some of the thoughts in your head are not your true thoughts but merely conditioned beliefs that your little child brain absorbed as absolute truth. 

At this point, you have awareness which is a powerful tool. Once you’re aware you can choose not to put energy towards that thought and more importantly you can choose not to act in reaction to that thought. 

Sometimes we have all these negative feelings towards ourselves and fears that drive us. We identify with them and think they are us. What a relief when we can understand that those thoughts aren’t us. The inner critic is not you and you don’t have to act in reaction to it. 

My final thought is that when you experience anxiety when trying to go against the thoughts, remember that you can tolerate it. The only reason it feels scary is because you have never opposed those thoughts in the past. The more you notice them, do the scary thing and act from your thoughts (not your conditioned thoughts) the more you essentially become you. 

Maybe it is just me, but I don’t want to live in a world where I must earn my worth or worthiness. Most people when looking at an innocent child, inherently know there is something worthy about them regardless of what they do, how they look, what they say, etc. We are still those innocent children deep down. The more we live from a place of worthiness the freer we become to treat others with such unconditional positive regard. 

I hope this blog taught you something or sparked an insight. If you have questions about this topic or want to explore your past and conditions of worth, I offer free 15 min consultations and would love to get to know you. 

Shaundra McGuire, MFTI 813-298-8905

Book With Shaundra: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/ShaundraMcguireMFTI