SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Inside Out 2 and Emotion Coaching Gottman’s emotion coaching is brought to life in the movie Inside Out 2.
When these steps are done with intentionality and curiosity, you are cultivating a foundation of connection, trust, safety, and security with your child. Your child feels seen and supported. They can take a breath and take space to recognize and honor their internal world and experiences, without external or internal judgment or criticism.
If I could go back in time, I would relive my adolescence…(said nobody ever). Can you imagine? Reliving those awkward years where your teeth don’t quite fit your face, your skin betrays you, and your prefrontal cortex is far from fully developed? No thanks.
If you watched Disney Pixar’s “Inside Out,” which aired in 2015, you might remember Riley, the 11-year-old girl whose family had recently moved from Minnesota to San Francisco. There, we watched Riley experience emotions of Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust as she navigated a difficult transition during a vulnerable time in her life.
And finally, the sequel is here.
In “Inside Out 2,” 13-year-old Riley is further along in her adolescence and must make room for some emotions that are a bit more sophisticated: Anxiety, Ennui/Embarrassment (my personal favorite–she’s a vibe), and Envy. As a therapist and a mother, I am HERE for the portrayal of emotions that are a bit more complex/secondary–because if you remember your adolescent years, you remember that everything was complicated, and emotions were most certainly magnified. And most of the support you needed at that time was not actually solution-oriented; but to be given the space to feel heard, seen, understood, and accepted during those intense experiences was everything.
As a mother of two teenagers, Liam (15) and Luci (14), who are my greatest teachers, I see firsthand the importance of this emotional space. Raising them has been a journey filled with lessons and immense love, and I cherish being their mom during this chapter of all our lives. It’s a beautiful and sometimes challenging time, but the growth and connection we experience together make it all worth it.
This is where Dr. John Gottman’s Emotion Coaching can be useful. The five critical steps of Emotion Coaching include:
1. Having awareness of your child’s emotion(s)
2. Recognizing your child’s emotional expression as a moment for connection
3. Listening with empathy and validation
4. Helping your child label their emotions
5. Setting limits to help solve problems and navigate difficult situations
When these steps are done with intentionality and curiosity, you are cultivating a foundation of connection, trust, safety, and security with your child. Your child feels seen and supported. They can take a breath and take space to recognize and honor their internal world and experiences, without external or internal judgment or criticism.
Making space for ALL the emotions
One of the scenes that stood out to me most in the film was the portrayal of Riley experiencing an anxiety attack. In that scene, we witness the physiological experience of anxiety–her racing heart, sweating, and intense cognitive rumination of who she is as a person. All of this is happening while, behind the scenes, Riley’s “sense of self” is threatened. This scene felt like a poignant and horribly accurate depiction of adolescence–a part of yourself that you don’t want to fully experience or share with others for fear of not being accepted. But the antidote to that is vulnerability–sharing that authentic part of yourself with others.
Another beautiful scene I resonated with in “Inside Out 2” is when all of Riley’s emotions, the primary and secondary, come together and physically (and figuratively) hold Riley’s “sense of self” while allowing her to fully experience all of the emotions, narratives, and thoughts she has. Instead of trying to control, they accept. And true acceptance of all of our parts is what we all crave and desire.
In summary, this quote from the film epitomizes Emotion Coaching in a nutshell: “We love all of our girl. Every messy, beautiful part of her.” If we make space and validate all of our emotions, every messy, beautiful part of ourselves (and our children), we can live fully and authentically.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Embracing the Full Spectrum: The Power of Increasing Our Window of Tolerance
Embracing difficult emotions can lead to a profound sense of freedom and authenticity. When we no longer fear or suppress our feelings, we become more aligned with our true selves, embracing the fullness of who we are, flaws and all. This authenticity allows us to live more fully and authentically, connecting with others on a deeper level and experiencing life with greater richness and depth. By embracing the full spectrum of our emotional experience, we open ourselves up to a life of greater resilience and freedom. Rather than viewing pain and discomfort as enemies to be avoided, let us embrace them as valuable teachers on the journey toward wholeness and self-discovery. As we learn to tolerate and embrace all that life has to offer, we unlock the door to true healing and transformation.
In the journey of life, we encounter a myriad of emotions, ranging from joy and contentment to sadness and anger. While we often celebrate the positive emotions and strive to cultivate them, the negative ones are frequently met with resistance and avoidance. However, what if I told you that embracing the full spectrum of emotions, including the difficult ones, could lead to greater resilience, freedom, and acceptance?
Our society tends to label negative emotions as something to be avoided or suppressed. We're taught to seek happiness at all costs and to view sadness, anger, or fear as unwelcome intruders in our lives. However, this avoidance can inadvertently lead to a host of harmful behaviors and experiences, as we try to numb or escape from our discomfort rather than confronting it head-on.
The truth is, our bodies are designed to experience a wide range of emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant. Each emotion serves a purpose, offering valuable insights into our inner world and guiding us towards growth and healing. When we suppress or deny our emotions, we disrupt this natural balance, causing tension and disconnection within ourselves.
Increasing our window of tolerance for difficult emotions involves cultivating the capacity to hold and navigate these feelings with compassion and curiosity, rather than judgment or avoidance. It's about acknowledging that pain and discomfort are inevitable parts of the human experience and learning to embrace them as integral aspects of our journey.
But what does it mean to embrace difficult emotions? It's important to understand that acceptance doesn't necessarily mean agreement or approval. Rather, it's about acknowledging the reality of our experiences without trying to change or control them. When we allow ourselves to sit with our discomfort, we create space for healing and transformation to unfold.
Embracing difficult emotions also requires us to cultivate a sense of self-compassion and resilience. Instead of berating ourselves for feeling sad or anxious, we can offer ourselves kindness and understanding, recognizing that our emotions are valid and deserving of acknowledgment. Through this process, we develop greater resilience in the face of adversity, learning to weather life's storms with grace and resilience.
Moreover, embracing difficult emotions can lead to a profound sense of freedom and authenticity. When we no longer fear or suppress our feelings, we become more aligned with our true selves, embracing the fullness of who we are, flaws and all. This authenticity allows us to live more fully and authentically, connecting with others on a deeper level and experiencing life with greater richness and depth. By embracing the full spectrum of our emotional experience, we open ourselves up to a life of greater resilience and freedom. Rather than viewing pain and discomfort as enemies to be avoided, let us embrace them as valuable teachers on the journey toward wholeness and self-discovery. As we learn to tolerate and embrace all that life has to offer, we unlock the door to true healing and transformation.
By Chelsea Reeves, MFT-I
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