How Erikson’s Theory Helps Us Understand Ourselves~ At Every Age!

Growth doesn’t end when childhood does.

That’s one of the most powerful messages from Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory of development. Unlike some models that focus only on early life, Erikson believed that every stage of life—infancy to late adulthood—presents us with meaningful emotional tasks. And these tasks continue to shape how we see ourselves and relate to others throughout our lives.

Whether you’re navigating identity in your 20s, intimacy in your 30s, or legacy in your 50s, Erikson’s work offers a helpful roadmap for understanding why certain questions keep surfacing—and what they’re asking of us now.

Life Stages as Emotional Milestones

Erikson outlined eight stages of development, each with a core question or “tension” between two emotional needs:

• Infancy: Trust vs. Mistrust
  Can I rely on others? Is the world safe?

• Early Childhood: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
  Is it okay to be myself and make choices?

• Adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion
  Who am I? Where do I belong?

• Young Adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation
  Can I be close to someone without losing myself?

• Middle Adulthood: Generativity vs. Stagnation
  Am I making a meaningful impact?

• Older Adulthood: Integrity vs. Despair
  Did my life matter? Can I accept the journey I’ve lived?

Each stage builds on the one before it. If trust was hard to form early in life, it might ripple into struggles with intimacy or identity later on. But the beauty of Erikson’s model is that it’s never too late to revisit, repair, or explore a developmental task in a new light.

Why This Matters in Therapy

Most people don’t walk into therapy saying, “I’m stuck in the autonomy stage.” But they do say things like:

• “I have a hard time setting boundaries.”

• “I feel like I’ve lost myself in this relationship.”

• “I don’t know what my purpose is anymore.”

These are echoes of emotional tasks we may not have fully completed. In psychodynamic therapy, we don’t just look at behavior—we explore the why beneath it. What emotional needs weren’t met? What patterns are still playing out? What internal questions are still unresolved?

When we understand where these struggles come from, we can stop judging ourselves—and start healing.

You’re Not Behind—You’re Human

Erikson’s stages aren’t a checklist. They’re not a race. Life events like loss, trauma, illness, caregiving, or major transitions can pull us back into emotional territory we thought we’d left behind.

A betrayal might resurface old trust wounds. A divorce might trigger identity confusion. A career change might lead to questions about meaning and legacy. This isn’t regression—it’s being alive.

Therapy can help you re-engage with these stages, not by “fixing” the past, but by creating space to grow in the present.

Growth Is Ongoing—and So Are You

Erikson’s theory reminds us that we are always becoming. Even in adulthood, we’re not finished. We’re still growing, integrating, and shaping who we are. And if you’re struggling with a particular theme—identity, connection, trust, purpose—it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re in the middle of something meaningful.

And that’s where therapy can help.

Thanks for reading.

I’m Amber, a Master’s-level counselor here at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy that honors your story, your complexity, and your capacity for healing—no matter what stage of life you’re in. If this work resonates with you, I’d love to connect.

👉 Book a session with me here. https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber

How People Change

What Is Happiness?

If you are thinking about changing your life for the better, one way to start is by identifying your goals. You are probably hoping to find some version of happiness or emotional well-being. That might look like any combination of the following:

·    A sense of freedom

·    Self-esteem

·    Self-confidence

·    Happy to get up in the morning

·    Working toward goals

·    A sense of purpose in life

·    Satisfying relationships

What Is Unhappiness?

If you are thinking about changing your life, you may be experiencing some combination of the following elements:

·    Feeling sad, lethargic or depressed

·    Feeling afraid

·    Abusing or being addicted to alcohol or drugs

·    Feeling lonely

·    Anxiety

·    Problems with relationships

·    Not getting what you want in life; feeling frustrated in working toward goals

·    Not caring enough to have goals

How Will You Change?

When you decide to change your life, try the following ideas.

1.    Explore your feelings. Keep a journal, talk to a trusted friend, work with a professional counselor.

2.    Envision your future. Write in a journal, make a collage, do a guided visualization, talk to a friend or counselor, research the possibilities.

3.    Explore wishes and dreams. Keep a journal, talk to a trusted friend, work with a professional counselor.

4.    Be open to new ideas. Take a class, travel, say yes to things you may have avoided in the past.

5.    Look for kindred spirits. Avoid people who make you feel bad about yourself, seek out those who make you blossom, reach out to those with similar interests and dreams.

6.    Try something different. Deliberately buy new items, try different brands, shop at different stores, do the opposite of what you usually do, see different movies, read different kinds of books and magazines.

7.    Set goals and targets. Learn how to set useful goals, follow through, evaluate progress regularly, reward yourself for achievement.

8.    Take one step at a time. Divide your goals into tiny pieces and do one small new thing each day, starting now.

9.    Look for lessons. Remind yourself that experiences are not good or bad; they are simply lessons.

How to Overcome Your Resistance to Change

Have you ever noticed that when you think about changing your life, you feel resistant? Many people say that they not only feel resistant, but they actually do things to keep their lives familiar. They do things like start a diet and then eat a candy bar on the first day, or quit smoking and then sneak a puff.

There are some things you can do to make yourself less resistant. Here are six effective strategies:

1.    Eliminate clutter. Clutter can be viewed as a sign of uncertainty. Accumulating "stuff" might be stopping you from committing to an important thing. If you keep a lot of half-started projects around, it makes it difficult to zero in on the really important things.

2.    Start small. Thinking of your overall goal can be overwhelming. So manage your resistance by choosing one small part of it and attacking it today. Let's say your goal is to lose 20 pounds. That can certainly seem like an impossible thing to accomplish. It will seem more doable if you tell yourself, I'm going to lose five pounds by (date).

3.    Disprove your disempowering beliefs. In Reinventing Your Life, authors Young and Klosko suggest that you identify the beliefs that keep you from succeeding. They offer a way to dispute those beliefs by asking, "Is there really an evidence today that this belief is true?" They suggest making a list of the evidence.

4.    Remind yourself of all of your available options. You always have alternatives and the power to choose among them.

5.    Take responsibility for what you want. Look for signs that you are blaming

your situation on others or not admitting past mistakes. Acknowledge them and move on.

6.    Visualize the future. Author Barbara Sher suggests one way to do this: Write an imaginary press release about yourself. The date is today's date, two years in the future. The press release is announcing the most extraordinary event you can think of. It doesn't matter whether this event seems only vaguely possible to you. The important thing is that it is exciting to imagine.

When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes it makes sense to find a professional counselor to work with as you work through the change process. Here are some ways to know when that would be appropriate:

1.    You've tried several things but you still have the problem.

2.    You want to find a solution sooner rather than later.

3.    You have thoughts of harming yourself or others.

4.    You have symptoms of depression, anxiety, or another disorder that are significantly interfering with your daily functioning and the quality of your life. For example, you have lost time from work, your relationships have been harmed, your health is suffering. These are signs that you may need the help of a trained, licensed professional.