Learning to Love Again After a Break in Trust

When Trust Breaks, Everything Changes

A break in trust can feel like an emotional earthquake in a relationship. Whether it’s infidelity, a secret addiction, emotional withdrawal, or repeated dishonesty, the rupture shakes the foundation of love, safety, and connection.

In those moments, couples often ask:

• “Can we ever come back from this?”

• “How do I know it won’t happen again?”

• “How do I forgive? Should I forgive?”

The truth is, many couples do rebuild trust. They don’t go back to how things were—they co-create something stronger, deeper, and more authentic. Healing is possible when both partners are committed to truth, repair, and reconnection.

What Trust Really Means

Trust isn’t just about fidelity. It’s about emotional safety.

It means:

• “I can count on you to be honest.”

• “I believe you have my back.”

• “You will show up when I need you.”

• “You tell me the truth, even when it’s hard.”

When trust is broken, even small everyday moments—like a late text, a canceled plan, or going quiet—can trigger fear and pain.

That’s why healing requires more than apology. It requires consistent, lived integrity over time.

The Gottman Method: Trust Is Built in Small Moments

Drs. John and Julie Gottman remind us: trust isn’t rebuilt with grand gestures. It’s rebuilt through attunement and repair in the everyday.

Couples can begin by practicing:

• Emotional availability

• Validating each other’s feelings without defensiveness

• Making and keeping small promises

• Transparency and openness

These micro-moments add up to meaningful repair.

Imago Therapy: Exploring the Wound Beneath the Betrayal

Imago Relationship Therapy teaches that every rupture is a mirror into deeper emotional wounds.

For the hurt partner, we explore:

• “What did this remind you of earlier in life?”

• “How has it impacted your sense of worth, safety, and love?”

• “What do you need now to feel secure again?”

For the partner who broke trust, we ask:

• “What led you to step outside the relationship agreement?”

• “What needs or internal struggles were present?”

• “How can you take full accountability without shame?”

This work lays the foundation for real healing—not just surface-level reconciliation.

Stages of Healing After a Break in Trust

Healing often unfolds in three overlapping stages:

1. Crisis & Stabilization – Establishing safety and boundaries

2. Meaning-Making & Accountability – Understanding the “why” behind the rupture

3. Reconnection & Renewal – Rebuilding emotional intimacy and creating new rituals

This process isn’t linear, but with skilled support, couples can navigate it together.

Solution-Oriented Therapy: Focusing on What’s Next

Once the truth is out and accountability has been accepted, couples can move toward constructive rebuilding.

Questions to guide the journey include:

• “What does trust look like to you now?”

• “What daily habits build emotional safety?”

• “What rituals can we create to strengthen our bond?”

This helps shift the focus from “what went wrong” to “what we want to co-create next.”

Common Mistakes That Stall Healing

1. Minimizing the Hurt – “It wasn’t that bad.”

2. Punishing or Retaliating – “You hurt me, now I’ll hurt you back.”

3. Rushing Forgiveness – “Let’s just move on already.”

4. Refusing to Change – “That’s just how I am.”

These patterns delay or derail true healing.

When Forgiveness Is—and Isn’t—Possible

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It does not mean condoning what happened. It’s a personal decision not to carry the pain forever.

Forgiveness becomes possible when:

• There’s genuine remorse and behavioral change

• The hurt partner feels heard, validated, and supported

• A new, healthier dynamic is taking shape

But sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t lead to reconciliation. In those cases, healing may mean letting go of the relationship rather than rebuilding it. Therapy can help you discern which path is right—with clarity and compassion.

What Rebuilt Love Can Look Like

Many couples describe their relationship after healing as:

• More emotionally honest

• More sexually connected

• More intentional

• More spacious for individuality

It’s not about “getting back to normal.” It’s about building something new—together.

Love After the Fall

A break in trust may feel like the end, but it can also be the beginning of something radically honest, deeply intimate, and profoundly mature.

Healing is possible when both partners commit to the work—with open hearts, true accountability, and deep compassion. With the right support, your greatest rupture can become your most meaningful transformation.

Need support rebuilding trust?
At South Tampa Therapy, we help couples navigate betrayal, strengthen communication, and rediscover connection. Reach out today for a consultation or to schedule a Gottman-informed couples session.

BOOK HERE: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

Is Your Inner Child Running Your Relationship? How to Break the Cycle and Reconnect

By Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, South Tampa Therapy
www.southtampacounselor.com

Have you ever walked away from an argument with your partner and thought, “Why did I say that?” or “That’s not how I wanted to show up…”?

You’re not alone.

In the heat of the moment, many of us aren’t responding as our Wise Adult selves. Instead, we’re reacting from what I call the Adaptive Child — the part of us that learned how to survive conflict growing up. The problem? That part of you is completely out of their depth when it comes to navigating the complexities of adult relationships.

You might recognize yourself in one of these patterns:

→ The Fixer – You bend over backward to smooth things over, keep the peace, and “just get along.” Even if it costs you your voice.
→ The Fighter – You raise your voice, dig in deeper, and push harder to be heard. But what you really crave is understanding.
→ The Fleer – You shut down, go quiet, or check out altogether. If you don’t engage, you can’t get hurt… right?

These automatic reactions make perfect sense — they once protected you. But they won’t build a thriving, secure relationship today.

So, how do you shift?

That’s exactly what we’ll explore in our Initial Intake and Follow-up appointments. Book an INTENSIVE THERAPY SESSION to go even deeper and recover healing quicker. In this deeply supportive space, I’ll guide you through:

✔ Identifying your default conflict style — with compassion, not judgment.
✔ Learning how to shift from reactivity into repair — even in those “you just don’t get it” moments.
✔ Building skills to communicate with clarity and care, even when you're triggered.
✔ Practicing the art of reconnection — with your partner and with yourself.

The truth is: your relationship can change. But it won’t happen by hoping your partner magically “gets it,” or waiting for things to calm down on their own.

It happens when you learn how to respond — not react.

These aren’t just tools for couples… they’re healing practices for the parts of you that still carry pain. They help you speak your truth, set boundaries, and receive love without having to hustle for it.

Let’s do the work together.

With warmth and care,
Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney

The Five Basic Apologies (Gary Chapman)

Everyone has a PRIMARY Apology language.

If you don't express the apology in THEIR particular language, they will question your sincerity!

The key is to learn what apology means the person, and speak it when you seek to apologize.

Apology Language #1:

Expression of Regret

"I am so sorry" "I feel badly that I have hurt you."

Apology Language #2:

Accepting Responsibility

"I was wrong. I should not have done that." "There is no excuse for what I did."

(no "buts", that shifts the responsibility back on them.)

Apology Language

#3: Making Restitution

"What can I do to make this up to you? What can I do to make this right?" "I value this relationship."

 

Apology Language #4:

Repenting or Expressing Desire to Change Behavior

"I don't like what I did, I don't want to do that again. Let's talk so I can find a way to not do this again." "A plan for change."

 

Apology Language #5:

Requesting Forgiveness

"Will you forgive me?" "Please forgive me"

Rank order these choices for yourself and your partner by putting a number (1-5) beside each one. If you change your mind, don’t erase, but mark out and put the new number beside it. This is for self-discover and conversation. There are not wrong answers. After rating yourself and partner, have them do the same and then take and discover more about your past, your present, and how you would like to live your future.

Me_____________________ You____________________

#1: Expression of Regret                          #1: Expression of Regret

#2: Accepting Responsibility                   #2: Accepting Responsibility

#3: Making Restitution                             #3: Making Restitution

#4: Expressing Desire to Change              #4: Expressing Desire to Change

#5: Requesting Forgiveness                      #5: Physical Touching

Your primary apology language is the number one way you feel cared about when you feel hurt by your partner. This increases your willingness to let go and forgive. 

If it isn't, even if the others are done often, you will develop a sense of distance from them, and them from you, which will eventually create an underlying resentment toward them. This lowers your relationship sentiment toward each other.

The primary apology language for you and then your spouse, most greatly influences the level of positive sentiment you have toward each other when dealing with the inevitable hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and relationship conflict.