9 Tips for Successful Compromise
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict with someone and it feels like nothing is getting resolved? When people have different desires, they'll often try to compromise. But sometimes when we compromise, we don't actually focus on what we NEED. In this article I'm going to share some tips on how you can successfully negotiate compromises so that both parties needs are met.
First of all, it's important to remember that compromise doesn't mean both people will get exactly what they want. Both parties need to be willing to make changes in order for the negotiation process to work out well. If someone isn't open-minded enough about making compromises then you'll just end up fighting over who gets their way and nothing will get resolved. According to John Gottman, two opposing forces creates gridlocked issues. The main point of compromise is that you'll be happy with the final result, even if it's not exactly what either party originally wanted.
Here are 9 tips for successfully negotiating compromises:
Tip #01: Know what you want. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it's important to be clear about what you want in any situation. If both parties know exactly what their needs are then it'll be easier to brainstorm collaboratively to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
Tip #02: Continue to create clarity to ask for what you want. Just as importantly, don't be afraid to ask the other person for what they want. This will help create an open dialogue and show that both parties are willing to work together.
Tip #03: Stay Attuned and present. Don't make assumptions about what the other person needs. We often make assumptions about what the other person wants, and this can lead to misunderstandings. It's important to clarify what the other person is asking for so that there isn't any confusion.
Tip #04: Take responsibility for your part in the conflict. Don't be defensive. As soon as you become defensive, it becomes very difficult to negotiate anything. Try to stay calm and open-minded, even if the other person is being difficult. The antidote to defensiveness is taking some responsibility and accepting influence from others.
Tip #05: Soften your start-up and begin the conversation from a neutral standpoint. Don't be confrontational. This goes along with Tip #04 - don't try to force the other person to see things your way. It's important to maintain a positive and constructive dialogue, even if it's challenging at times. Continually regulate your emotions and self sooth during the conversation to avoid becoming emotionally flooded.
Tip #06: Listen actively. This is one of the most important things you can do in any negotiation. If you're not actively listening to what the other person is saying, then you won't be able to understand their perspective and come up with a resolution that works for everyone.
Tip #07: Listen without interrupting. Along the same lines, don't interrupt the other person while they're speaking. This will make it difficult for the conversation to move forward in a constructive way.
Tip #08: Hold space and try to simply understand your partner. Don't feel like you have to be right all of the time. If both people are open-minded about change, then there's no reason why you can't find an appropriate solution that works for both parties.
Tip #09: Be flexible and willing to compromise. When you're negotiating compromises, remember that if one person is inflexible the negotiation process won't work out well for anyone. Being open-minded about making changes will help resolve conflicts quickly so everyone can get needs met.