Learn How to Connect With Your Child Through Play:

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” –Plato

Utilizing play to connect with your child on a deeper level, will open the door for new shared experiences and new magical moments. Research has shown that children NEED play. It is their natural language and their way of relating to the world around them. Play helps a child to make sense of their experiences, feelings, desires, wants, and needs. It helps a child to develop a sense of self-concept and competency. 

So how can parents learn to utilize the natural language of their children (play) to get on their level and connect? Parents sometimes try to connect through words- asking their child to describe how they are feeling or the reason behind their tantrum- only to feel confused and disappointed at their child’s lack of words. Let’s try a different approach. 

The PRIDE skills are a helpful template for parents to use when connecting through play with their child. These skills will help guide how the interaction flows, focusing on the child directing the play. 

Praise appropriate behaviors

-As you watch your child engage in play, praise the behaviors that are appropriate and that you want to see more of. It’s helpful to be specific and clear in your praises to help the child understand what you are referring to. For example, “Great job at playing with your truck so quietly!” The goal of this skill is to increase the desired behaviors that your child is already showing and to let them know what you want to see more of.
Reflect appropriate talk

-Allow the child to direct the conversation as you are playing with them. Avoid asking questions. Instead, repeat the talk that you want to hear more of. This demonstrates to the child that you are actively listening and playing along with them. It also helps to increase verbal communication because it allows space for your child to talk in whatever way comes naturally, instead of constantly answering adult’s questions. Here are a few simple examples of reflecting appropriate talk: 

Child: I drew a house. Parent: You drew a house! 

Child: I like to play with these dolls! Parent: Those dolls are fun to play with!
Imitate appropriate play 

-Allow the child to direct what and how you are playing during this time. As the parent, it’s your job to simply imitate appropriate play that you want to see more of. This helps to foster more self-confidence and autonomy in your child, by allowing them to take the lead, and showing that you are willing and excited to follow along. So, if the child starts making food in their play kitchen, you join in as the sous-chef and make food alongside them!
Describe appropriate behavior verbally 

-As your child continues playing and switching to new toys, it’s helpful for parents to simply describe the behaviors they are witnessing. For example, “You’re moving the blocks around with your hands” or “You’re drawing a picture with your markers”. This has been shown to help increase a child’s attention and focus on whatever activity they are currently engaged in. Try to specifically describe what the child is doing with his/her hands to help draw their attention to the actions. This not only helps the child to focus, but it also shows them that their parent is intentionally watching and paying attention to their play.
Enthusiasm

-It is SO important for your child to see that you are enthusiastic about this play time the two of you are sharing together. Parents can show that they are excited to play through verbal and non-verbal encouragement: positive phrases and non-verbal cues such as smiling. Demonstrating enthusiasm in play allows the parents to serve as a role model for the child to see the expression of positive emotions. It also gives the child positive attention which is so powerful for them to feel loved and supported. 

Here are a few examples of enthusiastic phrases: 

“This is so much fun!”

“Wow you built such a great castle with your blocks!” 

Research shows that even 5-10 minutes of this intentional child-directed play can make all the difference in the relationship between child and parents. If you are interested in learning more about Peaceful Parenting techniques, book a session today!

Written by Jamie Rudden

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/JamieRuddenMFTI

Tips to Ease the Transition to Parenthood for Couples:

Brining a baby home is the start of an exciting, yet sometimes overwhelming, new chapter for a couple. It’s a chance for both partners to grow in their relationship as they discover new ways of creating shared meaning and goals for the whole family. These changes can sometimes feel uncomfortable and create conflict within the romantic relationship. Research shows that there is often a dip in relationship satisfaction during the first three years of the transition to parenthood. Babies are messy and they can disrupt the stability and balance that couples create in their romantic relationship. Becoming aware of the common challenges that new parents face will better equip you for the messy journey ahead.

Here are some common challenges that couples’ face when bringing baby home:

Differences in Parenting Styles:

Bringing a baby home means that a new set of rules, expectations, and boundaries are needed to be created to account for this third person coming into the relationship. Couples sometimes disagree on what these rules should look like, which is often when conflict arises. Perhaps your partner wishes to try the “cry-it-out” method, and you have a different vision of how you want to handle the nighttime routine. Learning how to navigate these disagreements and reach a point of compromise is an important skill for new parents to develop. One method that has been proven to help, is implementing an “empathetic dialogue”. This means listening to understand your partner’s point of view, before offering a different approach. Try to see if you can understand why your partner feels and believes in a certain parenting style, and where that belief may stem from. Once you each have a better understanding of each other’s worlds, then you can open the door for a discussion of creating a “compromised” parenting style that feels right for both parents. It's important to note that couples' disagreements on parenting styles is very common and very normal. It highlights the parent’s desire to do what they believe is best for their child, which is a positive thing. Being open to the influence of a partner and your willingness to create shared family rules are two helpful tools in navigating this transition.

Intimacy changes:

Many couples struggle with exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and low sex-drive during this transition period. The demands the new baby brings on the couple can be exhausting, and the romantic relationship may fall on the backburner to make time for new parenting responsibilities. It’s important to create an open conversation about expectations for intimacy. Which includes more than just sex. Intimacy can come in many forms such as hand holding, cuddling, kissing, back scratches, etc. Find out the different ways your partner likes to experience intimacy, and workshop how the two of you can find little moments in your daily life to foster that connection. It’s crucial that you avoid criticism or judgment in the conversations about intimacy. Partners may be coming from very different places with individual struggles and concerns. Be patient with your partner and yourself during this transition. If you are concerned that you or your partner may take sexual rejection personally, it’s important to discuss these concerns openly. Have a conversation about how you can approach when one partner is “not feeling up to it” so that it does not lead to hurt feelings of rejection or misunderstanding on either side.

         The transition to parenthood is a huge shift with inevitable challenges along the way. It is completely normal for couples to struggle with issues surrounding parenting styles, marital expectations, finances, household chores, and more. Although it may feel overwhelming at first, it is possible to create shared family goals, values, and rules that both parents are satisfied with. If you’re struggling with this transition and interested in learning more, book an appointment today for the research based Gottman technique “Bringing Baby Home”.

Written by Jamie Rudden

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/JamieRuddenMFTI

https://southtampacounselor.com/bringing-baby-home