How I Integrate Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy

Integrating the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy allows for a flexible approach that can shift between relationship-building and attachment-oriented therapy based on the client's needs. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Susan Johnson conducted pioneering research on creating happy and lasting relationships. Initially known primarily in academic circles, their work provided an empirical foundation to the often chaotic and unpredictable field of couples therapy.

Both Gottman and Johnson developed unique models of successful adult relationships, based on different perspectives and data sets. Gottman's research focused on longitudinal and observational studies of couples, examining both distressed relationships and satisfying ones. Johnson, on the other hand, drew from the theoretical framework of John Bowlby and her extensive experience in decoding and tracking couples therapy sessions, resulting in an empirical model of couples therapy.

The Gottmans emphasized relationship skill-building and an existential lens, while Johnson's approach was firmly grounded in Attachment Theory. There were also differences in their views on couples therapy and the role of the therapist. The Gottmans cautioned against therapists becoming indispensable to the couple and encouraged coaching couples to manage their own conflicts and intimacy. Johnson, however, saw the therapist as a "secure base" and aimed to create a secure container where anxiously or avoidantly attached partners could express vulnerable feelings and needs.

Despite their differences, the exciting development lies in the convergence of their approaches and the ability to seamlessly integrate both in couples therapy. This integration allows therapists to adapt their approach based on the couple's emotional system.

When working with couples, I begin with the Gottman Method, using the Sound Relationship House model. It provides a practical and understandable framework that couples can readily adopt. The structured assessment process of the Gottman Method is reassuring and transparent, allowing couples to share their story, be heard individually and together, and identify their relationship strengths and areas for growth. The process instills hope as strengths are highlighted, growth areas are connected with specific skills to be learned, and couples leave with a roadmap for their therapeutic journey.

However, the real work starts when addressing the emotional focus and the influence of attachment histories, styles, and internal working models in intimate relationships, as recognized by both Gottman and Johnson. While helping couples replace destructive patterns with healthier alternatives, I am attuned to their negative emotional cycles and unresolved hurts. With Gottman's language and relationship science in one hand and Johnson's emotion-focused and interpersonal tools in the other, I weave both approaches into the therapeutic process.

For example, when addressing criticism and contempt, I provide practical information to one spouse while simultaneously validating and exploring the attachment needs and emotions of the other partner. I employ Gottman's structured exercises, such as the Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident form, to help couples process arguments and improve their dialogue. Simultaneously, I examine the underlying dynamics of the conflict, considering attachment histories and their impact on individuals' ability to let go of anger or offer tenderness.

The integration of Gottman and Johnson becomes evident in working with bids, turning towards, and processing failed bids. I understand that not all hurts are equal and that certain emotional injuries can be traumatic, triggering deeply held beliefs about oneself, the partner, and relationships. Gottman's Sound Relationship House theory helps couples understand the connection between emotional bank accounts and the overall health of the relationship. Johnson's tools, on the other hand, aid in repairing depleted emotional accounts, acknowledging and healing attachment injuries, and restoring the bond between partners.

While I confess my initial affinity for the Gottman Method, finding comfort in its alignment with my therapeutic style, Johnson's approach challenges me to navigate the depths of primary emotions.

References:

Gottman, J.M. (2007). Marital Therapy: A research-based approach. Training manual for the Level I professional workshop for clinicians. Seattle, WA: The Gottman Institute.

Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Little Brown and Company.

Meunier, V. and Baker, W. (2012). Positive Couple Relationships: The evidence for long lasting relationship satisfaction and happiness. In Roffey, S. (Ed.) Positive Relationships: Evidence-based practice across the world. Sydney, Australia: Springer Publications.

Young, M.A. (2005). Creating a Confluence: An Interview With Susan Johnson and John Gottman. The Family Journal, 13(2), 219-225.

Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, Ph.D

Book an appointment with Dr. Liz: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Why do we feel the way we feel? The Power of Attachment

How you show love, how you feel connection, and how you relate to others is all influenced by your attachment style. The key factors that define the quality and security of an attachment bond are based on two questions:

·   Can I count on you?

·   Am I worthy of your love?

It might surprise you that the way you learn to love in infancy can have a direct impact on how you navigate adult relationships. This idea stems from attachment theory, which was first developed in the 1950’s by the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. According to attachment theory, a persons’ attachment style is created and shaped during their first years of life, in response to the relationship dynamics with their primary caregivers. Essentially, adult attachment styles are believed to mirror the attachment style learned in childhood with the primary caregiver. In infancy and early childhood, attachment style is developed based on how our basic needs for food, security, and connection, are met. Attachment styles can be thought of as different internal working models of relationships that have evolved from life experiences.

There are four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.

Secure attachment:

Secure attachment style is characterized by an ability to view oneself as basically loveable, and an ability to view others as generally reliable and responsive. A secure attachment is first developed in childhood if your caregiver was able to be emotionally available, offer reassurance and validation, and make you feel safe and understood. In adulthood, a securely attached individual can depend on others while also maintaining their individuality. A securely attached person has an easier time trusting and accepting others and allows people to get close to them. They are not afraid of intimacy and don’t feel a sense of panic if a partner needs space or time away.

Anxious attachment:

Anxious attachment style is represented by a deep fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, and codependent tendencies. Anxious attachment style can stem from a lack of consistent parental support during infancy and early childhood. For example, this may look like a parent who is sometimes attentive, and sometimes pushing away. This inconsistency can create anxiety and beliefs about what we expect and can count on in relationships. In adulthood, an anxiously attached style usually presents itself in codependent tendencies or behaviors. This stems from that fear of abandonment or rejection. A person with an anxious attachment style usually has a hard time feeling worthy of love and therefore needs constant reassurance from their partners.

Avoidant Attachment:

Avoidant attachment style is characterized by a fear of intimacy and a lack of trust on the dependability of others. Avoidant attachment style can stem from growing up in an environment that is lacking sufficient parental support and supervision. For example, this could be the result of a neglectful or busy parent. It could also be a parent who is present, but not concerned with their child’s emotional needs and fears. In adulthood, a person with an avoidant attachment style usually has a hard time getting close to others and trusting them. Relationships can often feel suffocating for them, and they tend to maintain some distance from their partners, especially emotionally. An avoidant attached person usually prefers to rely on themselves because they have learned not to depend on others for their emotional needs.

Disorganized Attachment:

Disorganized attachment style is defined by extreme inconsistent behaviors in relationships and a lack of trust in others. A disorganized attachment style most commonly stems from a result of childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. The child often views their caregiver as both a source of comfort and fear, which leads to the disorganized, inconsistent behaviors. Adults with a disorganized attachment style often behave in unpredictable ways in relationships, and view their partner as being unpredictable. They waver between acting distant and independent and being emotional and codependent. Adults with disorganized attachment consistently seek out intimacy, while also fearing it and sometimes rejecting it when it gets too close.

It can be empowering to identify and understand your unique attachment style and where it stems from. Becoming aware of your feelings and behaviors in relationships can make the healing journey much easier. Through this exploration, new avenues of thinking and behaving can emerge to equip you for more secure relationships. If you are interested in learning more about your attachment style and how it influences your adult relationships, click on the link below to take a short attachment style quiz! For a deeper dive into attachment, book an appointment today to conduct an Adult Attachment Interview with one of our skilled clinicians.

http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Written by: Jamie Rudden LMFTI 

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/JamieRuddenMFTI