What Are Exiled Parts? Healing the Hidden Parts of Yourself with IFS Therapy in Tampa

Why Listening to Your Inner World is Essential for Emotional Healing

Many people seeking therapy in Tampa or anywhere in Florida share a common experience: feeling weighed down by emotions or memories they can’t quite explain. These hidden pieces, parts of ourselves that hold deep pain, shame, anger, or grief, are often pushed away so we can function in daily life.

In the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy model, these hidden pieces are called exiled parts. Even if you’ve never heard that term, you’ve probably felt their presence:

• A heaviness you can’t put into words

• Anxiety or panic that seems to come from nowhere

• Numbness when you wish you could feel

• Harsh self-criticism that just won’t quiet down

Why Do We Push Away These Parts?

From both an IFS and psychodynamic therapy perspective, we develop protective strategies early in life to feel safe. This might mean hiding emotions like sadness, fear, or need if they once brought disapproval or rejection.

Maybe you were told:

• Don’t cry.

• Don’t be so sensitive.

• Don’t need so much.

The emotions didn’t disappear, they went underground. These exiles often resurface later when a present-day situation triggers old wounds, being left out, feeling unheard, or experiencing a loss of connection. The reaction may feel “too big,” but it makes perfect sense when we realize it’s not just about now, it’s also about then.

How IFS Therapy Helps

One of the most healing shifts we can make in therapy is to stop asking “How do I get rid of this feeling?” and start asking “What is this part of me trying to tell me?”

In Internal Family Systems counseling, we learn to:

• Listen to exiled parts without judgment

• Understand the protective role they play

• Offer compassion instead of shame

• Create space for these parts to unburden and heal

Psychodynamic therapy and IFS counseling both recognize that anxiety, depression, and emotional shutdown are not random symptoms, they’re messages. Instead of silencing them, we get curious:

• Who is this part protecting?

• What does it remember?

• What does it need from me now?

What Healing Can Look Like

Healing is not about erasing your past—it’s about meeting yourself differently in the present. By relating to these hidden parts with compassion, we replace avoidance with presence and self-criticism with understanding.

At South Tampa Therapy, we use a warm, collaborative approach that integrates IFS therapy, psychodynamic counseling, and mindfulness-based tools to help you:

• Build self-awareness

• Heal unresolved wounds

• Improve emotional regulation

• Feel more connected and whole

About Me
I’m Amber, I offer insight-oriented therapy for individuals who want to explore their inner world, release old burdens, and create lasting change.

If this approach resonates with you, I’d be honored to walk with you on your healing journey.
Book a session today and take the first step toward meeting all the parts of yourself with compassion.

Trusting the Process: The Right Mindset for Therapy

What happens when you come into therapy, the first session has ended, and perhaps things don’t feel any better? It can be hard to walk through the process of therapy when we don’t know what to expect or how to cope with the moments that feel hard. What we anticipate from therapy shapes how we perceive and interpret our sessions. Our beliefs about therapy, our therapist, and the effectiveness of the process have a big impact on our experience of it. 

I hope this article brings you reassurance, empowers you to fully engage in therapy, and inspires hope as you navigate your own unique journey. Therapy holds immense value and can indeed serve as the catalyst for the change you seek. I believe these three shifts in perspective can help you develop a mindset that will enable you to get the most out of therapy.

1.     Embrace the Power of Expression

Often, we underestimate the profound impact of having a dedicated space to express ourselves freely, without fear of judgment. While our loved ones may offer support, they might not always possess the necessary tools required to fully understand our experiences. Your therapist is trained to fully immerse themselves in your perspective, offering a safe haven for you to share openly. This commitment is unique because, often, people may not know how to create the supportive environment you deeply desire. It's empowering to acknowledge that you have this sanctuary and someone who is adept at empathy, validation, and impartiality. Simply having a safe space to express can be incredibly therapeutic—it allows us to release pent-up emotions, process our thoughts, and receive the support we crave.

2.     Communicate If Something's Not Working

At times, there might be thoughts lingering in your mind that feel challenging to share with your therapist. If something isn't working or doesn't feel helpful, don't hesitate to discuss it openly. Sharing these concerns can help your therapist better understand your needs and tailor the treatment plan accordingly. Bring forth your fears, worries, and genuine emotions to your therapist—they are equipped to handle it and can provide the support you require. Whether it's frustration over the perceived slow progress or other difficulties, sharing these emotions with your therapist can offer them the opportunity to guide you through them. Occasionally, we may encounter less-than-ideal experiences in therapy where we don't feel properly cared for. This can be deeply disheartening and shake our confidence in the therapy process. However, I encourage you to give therapy another chance. Not every therapist will be the right fit for you, and that's perfectly okay. But remember, this doesn't reflect negatively on therapy as a whole. Therapy can be effective and transformative if you're committed to it. So, consider this your reminder to persevere, even when the journey feels challenging or doesn't meet your expectations. It's also okay to take a break from therapy and return when you're ready. I like to think of each therapy session as planting a seed. While we may not witness immediate growth, with time and nurturing, we can observe positive changes blossoming in our lives.

3.     Give Therapy the Time It Deserves

Therapy isn't a quick fix; it's a gradual process that unfolds over time, sometimes more time than we'd prefer. It's essential to remember that your therapist is human—they can't read your mind or predict your experiences. Making assumptions based on past experiences, whether theirs or others, can be harmful. Each individual is unique, with distinct needs and layers that require exploration. Your therapist needs time to understand who you are and what you're going through fully. They must carefully process and conceptualize your experiences to offer effective support. So, if progress seems slow, remember it's a sign that your therapist is approaching your care with diligence and consideration. Rest assured that even if issues aren't resolved immediately or the first strategies provided don't seem effective, change takes time. There's hope and power in the therapeutic process—real transformation occurs when we deeply understand and connect with the insights gained. Your therapist's role isn't to overwhelm you with information but to guide you toward self-discovery and growth collaboratively. Trust in the process, and with patience, positive change will unfold.

Written by Chelsea Reeves, MFT-I 

Book a session with me using the link below:

https://southtampatherapybookappt.as.me/ChelseaR

Want to learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy and Gottman Couples Therapy? … Here are some Great Resources:

• Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams

• This program of eight lively, conversation-based dates will result in a lifetime of understanding and commitment, whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.

• Eight Dates is like having two of the world’s leading relationship scientists at your table coaching you on how to address the topics—from trust to money to dreams—that make-or-break relationships. Welcome to date night.

• An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald

  • Intended for use with couples who want to enhance their emotional connection or overcome their relationship distress. It closely follows the course of EFT treatment to easily integrate guided reading, reflection, and discussion into the therapeutic process. Explore concepts such as attachment bonds, the three cycles of relationship distress, how to make sense of emotions, relationship hurts, and more.

  •  The authors weave fresh, illustrative examples throughout, with updated content considering the impact of gender, culture, and sexual orientation on relationship dynamics. An expanded section on sexuality dispels constraining popular myths and frees partners up to express themselves more openly.

• Gottman Card Deck App

  • Inspired by the popular card decks from The Art and Science of Love weekend workshops for couples (now available virtually), this fun app offers helpful questions, statements, and ideas for improving your relationship. Download to explore 14 card decks with more than 1,000 flashcards, tap the star to favorite a card, easily tab back and forth between All and Favorites, and access more free resources from The Gottman Institute.

• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

  • Strengthen and deepen your relationships with revelatory practical exercises, seven profound conversations, and sage advice from “the best couple’s therapist in the world” (John Gottman, PhD, bestselling author) In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson shares her groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships.

  • The message of Hold Me Tight is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyze your early childhood, make grand romantic gestures, or experiment with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.

  • Dr. Johnson teaches that to enhance or save a relationship is to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other and to reestablish an emotional connection. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations. These conversations give you insight into the defining moments in your relationship and guide you in reshaping these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Through stories from Dr. Johnson’s practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, you will learn how to nurture, protect, and grow your relationship, ensuring a lifetime of love.

• Love Map Questionnaire – Integral Psychology

  • Gottman defines a “love map” as “that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.” Having a detailed “love map” involves a genuine interest in your partner. It means making plenty of mental space to store information about their personal opinions, preferences, quirks, dreams, and fears.

  • You should be aware of major events in each other’s life history and attentively update your knowledge inventory as your spouse or lover grows and changes. Gottman says spouses who are in the habit of keeping up to date with each other’s lives (including intimate details about what the other feels and thinks), are better equipped to cope with major life changes, stressful events, and conflict.

• Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationship by Sue Johnson

  • The bestselling author of Hold Me Tight presents a revolutionary new understanding of why and how we love based on cutting-edge research. Every day, we hear of relationships failing and questions of whether humans are meant to be monogamous. Love Sense presents new scientific evidence that humans are meant to mate for life.

  • Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our “love sense” — our ability to create long-lasting relationships. Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually, an ordered and wise recipe for survival.

  • Love Sense covers the three stages of a relationship and how to best weather them; the intelligence of emotions and the logic of love, the physical and psychological benefits of secure love; and much more. Based on groundbreaking research, Love Sense will change how we think about love.

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver

  • An overview of the concepts, behaviors, and skills that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, Dr. John Gottman revolutionized the study of marriage. Straightforward in its approach yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work.

  • Dr. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship.

  • Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman’s workshops, this is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

Counseling for College Students in Tampa

At South Tampa Therapy with Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, specialized Counseling for College Students addresses academic-social balance, roommate conflicts, and post-college concerns. Entering college signifies independence, yet struggles with fitting in, missing family or hometown, and uncertainty about the future are common experiences.

Feeling alone amidst the apparent ease of others' adjustments can exacerbate these transitions, causing anxiety, depression, and isolation. Recognize that these feelings, while normal, can impact your daily life significantly.

Symptoms like persistent emptiness, loss of interest in activities, academic setbacks, self-esteem issues, pessimism about the future, and physical stress signs may indicate depression or anxiety.

Counseling offers proven help for college students dealing with mental health challenges. While campus resources might be limited, seeking support in a comfortable and private environment can make a difference. Our team at South Tampa Therapy comprises qualified professionals passionate about helping students navigate these challenges.

We prioritize understanding each individual's needs, fostering a judgment-free, compassionate space for growth. Located in St. Petersburg, FL, we actively engage with the college community, building relationships with faculty and staff to ensure comprehensive support.

Remote counseling services via HIPAA-compliant video platforms offer flexibility, ensuring support regardless of your location. Face-to-face sessions are optimal, but remote sessions serve as a valuable resource in emergencies or when away from home.

Whether you're local or distant, our team is dedicated to providing the care and support you need during your college journey. Contact us anytime for assistance.

Book an initial Intake to start making positive changes! 

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Text Dr. Liz on her cell phone 813-240-3237