SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Men's Tears: From Gilgamesh to Modern Day~ How Men Can Navigate the Stormy Seas of Emotion
It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.
As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.
In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.
In the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the earliest known literary works, we encounter the powerful king Gilgamesh. Despite his immense strength and heroic deeds, Gilgamesh weeps for his lost friend Enkidu, revealing a deep vulnerability. This ancient story highlights that even the strongest men experience profound emotions and grief.
Fast forward to the 21st century, where despite increased awareness of mental health issues, there still exists considerable stigma. Mental health challenges are not a modern phenomenon, nor are they exclusive to any gender. Yet, men today continue to face unique obstacles when it comes to addressing their mental health.
Landscape of Men’s Mental Health
Recent statistics paint a sobering picture. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million men in the United States experience depression each year. Even more alarmingly, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that men die by suicide at a rate 3.63 times higher than women. These numbers underscore a critical need for attention to men’s mental health.
But why do men seem to struggle more with seeking help? Cultural expectations and societal norms often play a significant role. Many men have been conditioned to believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to what psychologists call “emotional dismissiveness.” This mindset can create barriers to acknowledging mental health concerns and seeking support.
The good news is that change is possible, and it often begins with relationships. Strong connections – be they romantic partnerships, friendships, or professional networks – can provide men with the support and understanding they need to navigate their emotional landscapes.
Research has consistently shown that men with robust social support systems are better equipped to handle stress, anxiety, and depression. A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health found that men who reported higher levels of social support were less likely to experience depressive symptoms. Moreover, those who felt comfortable discussing their emotions with friends or partners showed greater resilience in the face of mental health challenges.
Learning the Vocabulary
This is where the work of Dr. John Gottman comes into play. His relationship-focused approach helps men (and their partners) navigate the complexities of emotion and provides tools to develop a richer emotional vocabulary. By learning to identify and express a wider range of emotions, men can break free from the stigma of emotional expressiveness often associated with traditional masculinity. With a more nuanced emotional vocabulary, it turns out, it is easier to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.
Gottman’s research-based techniques and practical exercises include helping people:
Recognize and name different emotional states
Communicate feelings effectively without fear of judgment
Listen actively and empathetically to others
Develop strategies for managing difficult emotions
Build a deeper connection with others
By mastering these skills, men can create a positive feedback loop: as they become more comfortable expressing their emotions, they’re likely to experience improved mental health, which in turn strengthens their relationships and support networks.
Expressing Emotion
It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.
As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.
In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Trusting the Process: The Right Mindset for Therapy
What happens when you come into therapy, the first session has ended, and perhaps things don’t feel any better? It can be hard to walk through the process of therapy when we don’t know what to expect or how to cope with the moments that feel hard. What we anticipate from therapy shapes how we perceive and interpret our sessions. Our beliefs about therapy, our therapist, and the effectiveness of the process have a big impact on our experience of it.
I hope this article brings you reassurance, empowers you to fully engage in therapy, and inspires hope as you navigate your own unique journey. Therapy holds immense value and can indeed serve as the catalyst for the change you seek. I believe these three shifts in perspective can help you develop a mindset that will enable you to get the most out of therapy.
What happens when you come into therapy, the first session has ended, and perhaps things don’t feel any better? It can be hard to walk through the process of therapy when we don’t know what to expect or how to cope with the moments that feel hard. What we anticipate from therapy shapes how we perceive and interpret our sessions. Our beliefs about therapy, our therapist, and the effectiveness of the process have a big impact on our experience of it.
I hope this article brings you reassurance, empowers you to fully engage in therapy, and inspires hope as you navigate your own unique journey. Therapy holds immense value and can indeed serve as the catalyst for the change you seek. I believe these three shifts in perspective can help you develop a mindset that will enable you to get the most out of therapy.
1. Embrace the Power of Expression
Often, we underestimate the profound impact of having a dedicated space to express ourselves freely, without fear of judgment. While our loved ones may offer support, they might not always possess the necessary tools required to fully understand our experiences. Your therapist is trained to fully immerse themselves in your perspective, offering a safe haven for you to share openly. This commitment is unique because, often, people may not know how to create the supportive environment you deeply desire. It's empowering to acknowledge that you have this sanctuary and someone who is adept at empathy, validation, and impartiality. Simply having a safe space to express can be incredibly therapeutic—it allows us to release pent-up emotions, process our thoughts, and receive the support we crave.
2. Communicate If Something's Not Working
At times, there might be thoughts lingering in your mind that feel challenging to share with your therapist. If something isn't working or doesn't feel helpful, don't hesitate to discuss it openly. Sharing these concerns can help your therapist better understand your needs and tailor the treatment plan accordingly. Bring forth your fears, worries, and genuine emotions to your therapist—they are equipped to handle it and can provide the support you require. Whether it's frustration over the perceived slow progress or other difficulties, sharing these emotions with your therapist can offer them the opportunity to guide you through them. Occasionally, we may encounter less-than-ideal experiences in therapy where we don't feel properly cared for. This can be deeply disheartening and shake our confidence in the therapy process. However, I encourage you to give therapy another chance. Not every therapist will be the right fit for you, and that's perfectly okay. But remember, this doesn't reflect negatively on therapy as a whole. Therapy can be effective and transformative if you're committed to it. So, consider this your reminder to persevere, even when the journey feels challenging or doesn't meet your expectations. It's also okay to take a break from therapy and return when you're ready. I like to think of each therapy session as planting a seed. While we may not witness immediate growth, with time and nurturing, we can observe positive changes blossoming in our lives.
3. Give Therapy the Time It Deserves
Therapy isn't a quick fix; it's a gradual process that unfolds over time, sometimes more time than we'd prefer. It's essential to remember that your therapist is human—they can't read your mind or predict your experiences. Making assumptions based on past experiences, whether theirs or others, can be harmful. Each individual is unique, with distinct needs and layers that require exploration. Your therapist needs time to understand who you are and what you're going through fully. They must carefully process and conceptualize your experiences to offer effective support. So, if progress seems slow, remember it's a sign that your therapist is approaching your care with diligence and consideration. Rest assured that even if issues aren't resolved immediately or the first strategies provided don't seem effective, change takes time. There's hope and power in the therapeutic process—real transformation occurs when we deeply understand and connect with the insights gained. Your therapist's role isn't to overwhelm you with information but to guide you toward self-discovery and growth collaboratively. Trust in the process, and with patience, positive change will unfold.
Written by Chelsea Reeves, MFT-I
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Embracing Valentine’s Day: A Pathway to Deeper Connection in Your Relationships
At the core of every thriving relationship lies the foundation of positive interaction. Moments of intimacy, affection, and shared joy serve as vital threads that weave the fabric of our bond. While it's tempting to subscribe to the notion that "every day is Valentine's Day," the reality is that life's complexities can sometimes overshadow these moments of tenderness. Dr. John Gottman's research underscores the importance of maintaining a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative one in relationships. This imbalance reflects our brain's tendency to weigh negative experiences more heavily, highlighting the significance of actively cultivating positive moments whenever possible.
This article is not just for those in romantic relationships; if you're single, this discussion is for you too.
In the realm of relationships, the mention of Valentine's Day often sparks varied reactions. Some eagerly anticipate the romantic gestures and heartfelt exchanges, while others may view it with skepticism or even disdain at the perceived commercialization of the holiday. But what if we approached Valentine's Day with a fresh perspective, seeing it as an opportunity to enhance our connection with our partner?
At the core of every thriving relationship lies the foundation of positive interaction. Moments of intimacy, affection, and shared joy serve as vital threads that weave the fabric of our bond. While it's tempting to subscribe to the notion that "every day is Valentine's Day," the reality is that life's complexities can sometimes overshadow these moments of tenderness. Dr. John Gottman's research underscores the importance of maintaining a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative one in relationships. This imbalance reflects our brain's tendency to weigh negative experiences more heavily, highlighting the significance of actively cultivating positive moments whenever possible.
Valentine's Day, amidst its commercial trappings, can serve as an poignant reminder to prioritize our connection with our partner. It prompts us to pause amidst life's hustle and bustle, to reflect on the state of our relationship and to celebrate the love and affection we share. Whether it evokes feelings of warmth and closeness or highlights areas for growth, Valentine's Day offers a valuable opportunity for introspection and renewal.
It's essential to recognize that expressions of love and intimacy are as diverse as the individuals in a relationship. While grand gestures may resonate with some, others may find solace in simpler, more intimate moments. What truly matters is the intention behind these gestures—the conscious effort to demonstrate love, appreciation, and admiration for our partner.
Admittedly, disappointment or disillusionment with Valentine's Day is not uncommon. The pressure to conform to societal expectations or the fear of falling short can taint our perception of the holiday. Yet, it's crucial to embrace these feelings with compassion and understanding, recognizing that they do not diminish the potential for meaningful connection in the future.
Now, you might be wondering, "What if I'm single?" or "What if my partner and I are not in a good place?"
It’s important to recognize the emotions that Valentine's Day can stir up. The idealized, couple- centric nature of the holiday can magnify our longing for the things we want but do not have. When past hurt lingers or our current relationship feels disconnected, it can be challenging to find joy in such a day.
While these feelings are entirely valid, I encourage you to consider a fresh perspective. Within our vulnerabilities lie opportunities for growth and healing.
Love takes on many forms, extending beyond romantic bonds. Valentine’s Day offers a chance to build meaningful connection in all our relationships. Whether it's arranging a girls' night, writing a note to your daughter, or sharing a quiet breakfast with dad, it’s an opportunity to express appreciation and affection intentionally—to those we love and to ourselves.
Recall the innocence and joy of Valentine's Day in childhood, where receiving candy and tiny store- bought notes sparked boundless delight. Why should that joy diminish with age? Perhaps amidst romantic expectations, lies an opportunity to reconnect with love's purest essence.
Valentine's Day can be an invitation to embrace all of the meaningful connections in our lives. By opening our hearts to love's diverse expressions, we enrich our experience of them, transcending coupledom to embrace the beauty of love in all its manifestations.
Ultimately, the essence of Valentine's Day lies not in extravagant gifts or elaborate displays of affection, but in the genuine intention to cherish and nurture our relationships. So, whether you're a fervent supporter of the holiday or a skeptic at heart, may this serve as an invitation to approach Valentine's Day with an open mind and a willingness to cultivate deeper intimacy and connection with someone you love. After all, love, in its myriad of forms, is always worth celebrating.
Written By Chelsea Reeves, MFTI