Navigating Trauma Responses: Understanding the Four F’s of Trauma - Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn

In the realm of our psyche, trauma triggers an orchestra of responses, unveiling a range of survival behaviors we inherently adopt when faced with perceived threats. These automatic reactions - the Four F’s - are intrinsic, revealing themselves in moments of distress, pushing us into a realm of defense mechanisms.

The Neurobiological Unveiling: Our bodies, intricately wired to respond to danger, unleash a cascade of protective measures through the sympathetic nervous system. Initially designed for short-term survival, these mechanisms inundate our system with chemicals, creating a defensive shield. Yet, when these responses persist, our system gets overwhelmed, and we become trapped in survival mode, with our sympathetic nervous system taking the reins.

The Continuum of Trauma: Trauma, however, isn't just confined to monumental life events. It permeates a spectrum, where even seemingly minor incidents, such as a heart-wrenching breakup or a chronically toxic work environment, can inflict trauma. It's subjective and personal, living in the shadows of our stressors, often remaining unprocessed and lurking within us, impacting our physical, emotional, and spiritual realms.

1. The Fight Response: Healthy assertiveness and boundaries morph into reactive conflict, a fear-based defense mechanism unleashing anger and aggression. Physical fights, aggression, or a firm jaw are telltale signs, but they come at the cost of severed connections and alienation.

2. The Flight Response: Avoidant behavior takes center stage, compelling us to distance ourselves entirely from distressing emotions. However, escaping into busyness or avoidance deepens the emotional void within us, requiring grounding exercises to reconnect with ourselves.

3. The Freeze Response: A mechanism designed for careful assessment transforms into freezing - a state of emotional numbness, detachment, or dissociation. Grounding techniques and conscious effort help snap out of this mental paralysis.

4. The Fawn Response: At the core of fawning lies the desire to appease, often at the expense of our own identity. People-pleasing and subsuming our needs for others' approval can lead to losing oneself. Identifying and setting boundaries is the first step toward reclaiming our individuality.

A Hybrid of Responses: Our reactions often intermingle, forming hybrids like fight/fawn or flight/freeze, shaped by our environments and the perceived consequences of our behaviors. These hybrids reveal the fluidity and complexity of our trauma responses.

The Journey to Healing: Acknowledging and discussing our trauma responses with empathetic listeners helps unravel these patterns. Embracing self-soothing techniques like journaling and seeking trauma-informed therapies pave the way for healing. Embodying healing through practices like yoga aids in feeling safe within our bodies.

In this process, be gentle with yourself; change takes time. Cultivating compassion, acceptance, and patience in our healing journey is key. Remember, you're on a path toward reclaiming your wellbeing, one step at a time.

Ultimately, recognizing these responses is the first stride towards transformative healing. At South Tampa Therapy, we offer holistic support and a safe space for your healing journey, empowering you to reclaim your narrative and foster resilience.

Book a session with Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D, Gottman & EFT Couples Counselor, NVC Compassionate Communication Specialist, and Trauma Informed Therapist!

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Betrayal and Relational Trauma: How We Get Stuck in Trauma Bonds

There is hope!

If you are feeling stuck in trauma bonds, it's important to understand that there is hope. You can heal from this experience and even come out stronger on the other side. But it will require time, patience, and a willingness to do the work.

A tsunami of strong feelings might follow the discovery of your spouse's infidelity. After the initial shock and perplexity, most betrayed spouses battle for some time to regain control over their tumultuous feelings driven by intrusive thoughts and reminders. Infidelity, according to Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the treatment of sexual addiction, can be as traumatic as sexual assault

It's critical to understand how and why the event changes our brain and behavior while recovering from infidelity. Staying curious while discussing what betrayal trauma looks like for both partners, as well as how this shared suffering might lead to harmful patterns in their interactions with one another- these patterns sometimes known as trauma bonds.

What Does Trauma Look Like?

The symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) are similar to those caused by betrayal. Trauma causes intrusive thoughts, avoidance, and hyperarousal in individuals with PTSD.

Intrusive thoughts are persistent, unwanted reminders of the traumatic experience, such as flashbacks (reliving the terrible event as if it were happening again) or nightmares about it.

Avoidance can take on a variety of forms, including trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic experience, as well as avoiding places, activities, or people that may remind you of it.

Hyperarousal is characterized by a feeling of distress and anxiety, which can extend to other areas such as difficulty sleeping, being easily startled, sluggish brain function, trouble focusing, and irritability.

Symptoms are frequently changing and varied from person to person. These same symptoms, when combined with detrimental changes in thinking and mood, can result in:

• Negative thoughts about yourself and others.

• Feel hopeless and powerless when the future appears bleak.

• Forgetfulness.

• Detachment from career, family, and friends.

• Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed.

• It's difficult to experience pleasant feelings..

• Feeling emotionally flat and numb.

So, What Are the Causes of These Changes?

Betrayal trauma can alter your physiology due to the neurobiological changes that are taking place in your limbic system. Your body enters a fight, flight, or freeze (and sometimes fawn or collapse) reaction as a result of these adjustments.

When our amygdala senses danger, the hypothalamus activates the sympathetic nervous system, which causes epinephrine, also known as adrenaline, to be released. Adrenaline makes our heart beat faster and our lungs breathe more effectively on a good workout or training day. When we're stressed, our body releases hormones such as adrenaline, which help us stay safe and alert. It increases blood flow to the brain and muscles, making our mind more attentive to the situation and boosting blood sugar levels for vitality. When we are emotionally or physically scared, this surge of adrenaline is meant to keep us safe and alive.

When the danger level rises to a certain point, the hippocampus instructs the adrenal glands to produce cortisol. The hippocampus is essential for thinking, learning, memory, and behavioral management. Our brain needs to focus on problem solving during extreme stress, such as betrayal and relational trauma. Because you're overwhelmed with stress, your hippocampus isn't functioning well. The end result is conflict or flight from the stress/threat rather than problem solving in order to resolve it.

All of the same things that I previously stated are going on in a freeze response, with one exception: our subconscious has deemed this stress to be too hazardous. The sympathetic nervous system is no longer solely in command. The dorsal vagus nerve is activated on the back side, and it drags us into a condition of self-protection. When we are in risk of physical or emotional harm, whether real or imagined, we may shut down. We may appear calm but, inside, we are emotionally numb and frozen.

Finally, collapse response is comparable to that of freeze; it's a condition of hypo excitation. The dorsal vagus nerve screams, "This is too much!" and goes quiet. We are no longer seeking for methods to survive (fight or flight) but rather for a way to fall apart physically and emotionally. We may be unable to speak or feel removed or disconnected from our bodies. Our blood pressure, temperature, and heart rate drop dramatically. We might even faint or become unconscious in severe situations.

The fluctuating cycles of cortisol levels are detrimental to your immune system and general health. Even after an affair's initial discovery or disclosure, your brain can be bombarded with reminders that flood it with adrenaline and cortisol. This is one of the reasons why it's so difficult for your brain to accept and process this traumatic event, and subsequently let down its guard. The symptoms of PTSD are caused by this higher level of anxiety and isolation.What Do We Do About It?

You may not be interested in the neuroscience aspect, but you can still be interested in when your brain is offline or online. The Hypo-aroused and Hyper-aroused brains are both "offline." We can reclaim our center by practicing observing what goes on inside us while we're "offline". What do we think about and how are we physiologically feeling, such as our heart rate and breath? Are we hot or cold, sweaty or clammy? Do we feel numbness or strong emotions? Meditation, exercise, yoga, and journaling can help us stay centered.

What is Trauma Bonding?

Every relationship reacts to trauma differently. Both partners are frequently on the fight, flight, fawn or freeze continuum, but they're rarely in the same place at the same time, contributing to the negative cycle that couples dealing with infidelity's trauma find themselves in.

After being a therapist for 20 years, I have seen distorted and adaptive bonds form between partners. Some people call these "trauma bonds". It is crucial to understand your trauma as well as your spouse's, and have a working understanding of what is going on in both of your brains.

Here are a few examples of traumatic bond cycles that aren't helpful:

• For more than 6-9 months after discovery, the victim is fixated on the event, what occurred, and why...

• Between wanting a divorce and wanting to work things out, there's an endless debate.

• You and your spouse are continuing to have abusive debates.

• Keeping your relationship a secret from others who might criticize you for attempting to work it out.

• Breaking commitments to yourself or each other and expecting things to get better.

• Feelings of closeness one minute, followed by painful memories and outbursts the next are typical..

It may be useful to take a step back and examine the cycle of events in which you two escalate when you talk about specifics and reminders. Consider whether the way we are discussing the facts of the affair is pushing us closer to forgiveness or making matters worse. Still, you both need to be curious about this cycle that you are co-creating as you work to reconcile. As a reminder, you are both responsible for the co-creation of a new relationship starting today.

If you find that you and your spouse are in an unhelpful cycle, please don't beat yourself up for it; notice it without any shame and be curious about how you can begin to work through the trauma of infidelity more productively.

I'll be sharing more about this topic in future Free Resources, so stay tuned. In the meantime, if you're looking for more resources on this topic, I recommend reading Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass (the best book that I have found to help couples recover and heal from infidelity and relational trauma) and The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes.

If you are struggling with infidelity in your relationship, please reach out for help. This is not something that you have to go through alone. I offer individual and couples counseling services and have experience helping people heal from betrayal trauma. You can text me here to set up a consultation. 813-240-3237 or book online:

www.SouthTampaCounselor.com/BookAppointment

I hope this has been helpful. Please feel free to reach out. Until next time!

The 4 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: Examining The Four Trauma Reactions

According to a research on the neurobiological consequences of psychological trauma, our bodies are designed to respond to perceived threats with a set of near-instantaneous, reflexive survival behaviors. Chemicals are introduced into our circulation via a short-term technique in order to rouse the body's defensive measures through the sympathetic nervous system. However, when our stress responses are continually activated, there isn't enough time to break down the chemicals, and our nervous system becomes overloaded and dysregulated—placing us firmly in the survival mode. The short-term protections become permanent as our body undergoes sympathetic nervous system dominance.

These post-trauma responses, on the other hand, aren't limited to those who've experienced significant "Trauma" events (such as war, death, or disaster) frequently associated with profound trauma. The fact is that trauma exists along a continuum of stress. Because trauma is subjective and personal, minor "T" incidents may be just as traumatic as big "T" events. Trauma, for example, might include a terrible breakup, a betrayal of trust, a work environment that is chronically abusive, or anything else that is mildly frightening over time. They may not seem serious at the time, but the long-term effects of trauma can still have a significant influence on you physically, spiritually, and mentally when they are not emotionally processed and integrated—somatically, intellectually. If a problem is left unresolved, past trauma may turn into trapped, frozen energy that your body will respond to physiologically in the form of a trauma response.

Fight, flight, freeze, fawn: the four types of trauma response.

Healthy stress responses aren't inherently negative; they can help you stand up for yourself in the short term. However, while trauma is a major cause of internal upheaval, it may be taken to an unhealthy and wearing extent. 

The fight response

When functioning properly, the fight response enables for assertion and solid boundaries. It's an active self-preservation function when it's used as a trauma response, in which you move reactively toward conflict with anger and aggression. It's a fear state in which you confront the danger of being assaulted or otherwise harmed so that you can defend yourself. A fight trauma response is when we believe that if we are able to maintain power over the threat, we will gain control. This can look like physical fights, yelling, physical aggression, throwing things, and property damage. It's possible to experience a tightening in the throat, along with other symptoms such as balling your hands into fists, stomach knots, tears, contentiousness, or a firm jaw.

Take a few moments to take a look at yourself and determine how you're currently positioned. It may feel wonderful to use your body to get mobility in the situation while having your insides mirror your outsides, but it comes at the cost of connection and others feeling safe around you.

You may use deep breathing, warm baths, routines, mindfulness, and self-love to help you let go of this. The fight response prepares you to be physical, so you can also utilize exercise to help the body return to normal. It activates your parasympathetic system by practicing mindfulness and a burst of constructive activity like yoga or stretching. It relieves anxiety and allows you to reconnect more deeply by releasing tension.

The flight response

The flight response is triggered when a person feels threatened or exposed. Avoidant behavior occurs as a result of the flight response. You can be discriminating in high-stress situations and disengage within limits if you're healthy. However, as a trauma reaction, you go one step farther by shutting yourself off entirely.

When we feel that if we can get away from the danger and avoid conflict, we will be okay, this is known as the flight response. This might look like fleeing and avoiding social interactions. To escape unpleasant emotions, you may stay occupied or flee for the door whenever things become difficult.

Do things that produce an immediate, physical response from your body to drop back into yourself. Pay attention to any tense muscles and relax them to relax the mind. Use bodywork and purposeful movements to stop the stress response so you can reflect on how you want to react rather than reacting spontaneously. 

Coping techniques that are tactile (such as drinking a warm beverage or eating crunchy food) and grounded, such as snuggling with a pet or doing some yoga, can all help. It's critical to make connections with those around you in order to release feel-good, happier chemicals like endorphins and serotonin.

The freeze response.

When healthy, the freeze response may assist you in slowing down and evaluating the situation carefully in order to figure out what to do next. When this protection is activated, it frequently leads to "freezing"—feeling frozen and unable to move or getting trapped in a fog or oblivious to reality. You don't feel like you're really there, and you're mentally checked out as you leave out what's going on around you and what you're feeling in an attempt to obtain emotional security.

When parts of your sympathetic nervous system have reached a state of overload, they may shut down your brain. I compared this reaction to that of our animal friends playing dead in the presence of a predator. When we freeze, it's as though we're at a loss for words; we withdraw into our minds; it's difficult for us to break out and be present; we sleep; we dissociate/spacing out; and we become emotionally or physically numb.

It's the same as temporary paralysis and disconnecting from your body to avoid additional stress.

To counteract that loss of connection with yourself, do grounding exercises if you catch yourself starting to dissociate. My personal therapist taught me this one. I call it "See Red." Look around your immediate surroundings for a red thing. For me right now, my husband's red sweatshirt flashes by. Then I'll look at it and take a deep, slow breath before scanning the area for another red item. I do this five times in a row. This may help us return to our current reality rather than the one we create when we're under stress due on traumatic reaction that takes us out of the present moment.

The fawn response. 

At its most fundamental, fawning is all about pleasing others and engaging in pacifying behaviors. It's characterized by putting people first above all else by doing whatever they want to avoid conflict and gain their approval. It appears to be beneficial to be well liked and defer to others in order to secure safety, but not when it comes at the price of losing yourself. It may eventually lead you to abandon yourself and your needs by merging so completely with others. Most likely, you don't feel understood by others or feel overshadowed by the individuals in your life.

Fawn response is people-pleasing to the point of forgetting oneself entirely; thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations. When someone tells me what I want to hear and I inquire how they're doing, they respond, 'I'm OK,' or 'I'm all right; so-and-so did this to me and I felt terrible.' I'll get a quick answer about how they're doing followed by a longer one about how someone else in their life is doing.If you're noticing that you're fawning often, be extra compassionate with yourself as you begin to separate what feelings belong to you and what belongs to other people. Observe yourself when you're around others to add in buffering time to help prevent resorting to fawning. The first step is awareness and learning how to start putting up boundaries to take up space.

Through my own experience, I've learned that focusing on it when I'm doing it is difficult, and calling attention to it may be uncomfortable. Recognize that your body and mind did their utmost to keep you safe but that you have the ability and worthiness to return to a secure state of mind.

Is it possible to have more than one trauma response?

Because trauma responses don't always neatly fall into a category, you may not overuse the same methods when confronted with fear. It's more likely that you'll primarily identify with one or two of the 4 Fs, but you'll still change between them depending on the context-specific environment in which you find yourself. Responses combine to form hybrids such as fight/fawn and flight/freeze for individuals who have experienced severe trauma.

Another element that influences our responses is the reality or perceived consequences of our behaviors. One stimulus for trauma might cause you to flee, while another may encourage you to fight—an example of this is an age-old battle with a loved one where you both want to hang up the phone and scream. Or if you're fawning, you just want to tell them they're right so they'll stop nagging at you.

The conclusion.

Know you aren't alone if you identify with one of the four trauma responses. Social support and journaling as self-soothing methods to figure out how to handle difficult circumstances and recover.

It's good to notice and speak about your trauma reaction with someone who cares for you, and who won't judge or provide unsolicited advice. Identifying our present behaviors as well as knowing we can make adjustments as needed is the first step toward better health.

In tandem, embodied healing is crucial to processing and feeling safe in your body. Managing your mental and physical health can help you find a new direction in order to cultivate responsive behaviors that are good for your health. Yoga as a method of relaxing the survival brain and meeting with a trauma-informed therapist at South Tampa Therapy will help in your healing journey.

Keep in mind that you're only human. You've been doing all that is necessary to keep thriving. It will take some time to unlearn some of these habits, which is fine. It is all in time... compassion, acceptance and patience in this process takes practice one day at a time.