Core Principles from Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
By Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, South Tampa Therapy Owner, Counselor & Supervisor
Core Principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
1. Observations vs. Evaluations
• Separate factual observations from interpretations or judgments.
• Example: Instead of saying, “You’re always late,” say, “You arrived 15 minutes after our agreed time.”
2. Feelings vs. Thoughts
• Distinguish emotions from thoughts and interpretations.
• Example: Instead of saying, “I feel like you don’t care about me,” say, “I feel hurt and unimportant when you cancel our plans.”
3. Needs vs. Strategies
• Identify core needs behind feelings rather than focusing solely on solutions.
• Example: Instead of “I need you to text me every morning,” say, “I need connection and reassurance.”
4. Requests vs. Demands
• Formulate clear, actionable, and voluntary requests.
• Example: Instead of “Stop interrupting me,” say, “Could you wait until I finish my sentence before responding?”
5. Empathic Listening & Honest Expression
• Listen with presence, reflect feelings and needs, and express with vulnerability.
• Example: “Are you feeling overwhelmed because you need more support?”
Action-Focused Summary with Implementation Steps
Step 1: Self-Awareness Practices (Days 1-7)
• Daily Reflection: Identify moments where you react with judgment and rewrite them using NVC.
• Feeling Journal: Track emotions and link them to unmet needs.
• Self-Compassion Exercise: When judging yourself, ask: “What need was I trying to meet?”
Step 2: Empathic Listening & Reframing (Days 8-15)
• Active Listening Challenge: Spend a full conversation reflecting the speaker’s feelings and needs without giving advice.
• Daily Practice: Replace criticism with observations and curiosity.
• “Guess the Need” Game: Identify the needs behind other people’s words in conversations or social media posts.
Step 3: Expressing Needs & Making Requests (Days 16-23)
• Request Rewrites: Take past conflicts and transform them into clear, needs-based requests.
• Role-Playing Conversations: Practice expressing emotions and needs with a friend or mirror.
• “Needs Before Solutions” Drill: When frustrated, identify and state your need before suggesting an action.
Step 4: Conflict Resolution & Real-Life Application (Days 24-30)
• Use NVC in a Difficult Conversation: Approach a real-life disagreement using the four-step NVC model.
• “Compassionate Self-Talk” Practice: When self-critical, express your emotions and needs with kindness.
• Empathy Buddy System: Pair with someone to check in daily and debrief difficult conversations.
Knowledge Application Score
Assess your progress (0-10 scale):
1. Can you observe without evaluating in daily situations?
2. Are you able to identify your own emotions clearly?
3. Can you pinpoint the underlying needs behind emotions?
4. How often do you transform demands into requests?
5. Can you listen empathically without fixing or judging?
Scoring Guide:
• 0-4: Awareness stage—keep practicing self-reflection and journaling.
• 5-7: Growth stage—begin applying NVC in low-stakes conversations.
• 8-10: Mastery stage—consistently using NVC in high-stress situations.
Real-World Test Scenarios for NVC Practice
1. Handling Criticism at Work:
• A colleague says, “You never finish projects on time.”
• NVC Response: “Are you feeling frustrated because you need reliability in teamwork?”
2. Conflict with a Partner:
• Your partner says, “You don’t care about me.”
• NVC Response: “Are you feeling hurt because you need more connection and reassurance?”
3. Addressing Family Tension:
• A parent says, “You never call me.”
• NVC Response: “Are you feeling lonely because you need more communication?”
4. Expressing a Need at Work:
• Instead of saying, “I’m overworked and stressed,” say:
• “I feel overwhelmed because I need more balance. Can we discuss redistributing some tasks?”
5. Managing Internal Self-Judgment:
• Instead of thinking, “I’m not good enough,” reframe:
• “I feel insecure because I need reassurance and growth.”
This structured approach ensures both theoretical understanding and practical implementation, leading to real-world transformation in communication and relationships.
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA