SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
I Will Help You Connect On A Deeper Level With Your Partner!
I can help couples slow down, communicate more effectively, and build a deeper emotional connection.
I’m looking forward to meeting you and helping connect with your partner now…
Slowing partners down during a session to facilitate deeper connection can be crucial in helping them communicate more effectively and understand each other's emotions more fully. Here are some strategies you we can use together during a session:
1. Mindful Breathing Together
What: Invite the couple to engage in a few moments of mindful breathing together before they begin discussing difficult topics.
Why: This can help ground them in the present moment, reduce anxiety, and create a calmer atmosphere for deeper connection.
2. Reflective Listening
What: Encourage each partner to take turns speaking without interruption while the other listens attentively. After one partner speaks, the other should reflect back what they heard, focusing on understanding the emotions and needs expressed.
Why: Reflective listening ensures that each partner feels heard and validated, which fosters empathy and deeper emotional connection.
3. Use of "I" Statements
What: Guide the couple to use "I" statements (e.g., "I feel..." or "I need...") instead of "You" statements, which can often feel accusatory.
Why: "I" statements help each partner express their feelings and needs without blaming or attacking the other, which slows down reactive responses and opens the door for more meaningful dialogue.
4. Pausing and Checking In
What: Introduce pauses during the conversation where each partner can check in with themselves and each other. Ask them to reflect on what they are feeling in the moment and how they are responding to what is being said.
Why: Pausing helps interrupt automatic reactions and allows both partners to process their emotions and thoughts more deeply before continuing the conversation.
5. Emotional Validation
What: Encourage partners to acknowledge and validate each other's emotions before moving on to problem-solving or responses.
Why: Validation shows understanding and empathy, which can slow down the pace of the conversation and allow for a deeper emotional connection.
6. Use of Metaphors or Visualizations
What: Introduce metaphors or visualizations to help partners understand each other's emotional states or experiences more deeply (e.g., “Imagine your partner is carrying a heavy backpack. What might be inside?”).
Why: Metaphors and visualizations can shift the conversation from surface-level issues to the underlying emotional dynamics, facilitating deeper understanding.
7. Focused Eye Contact
What: Ask the couple to make and maintain eye contact for a few moments without speaking.
Why: Eye contact can be a powerful way to foster connection, allowing partners to feel more emotionally attuned and connected.
8. Slow Down the Pace of Speech
What: Encourage each partner to speak more slowly and deliberately, focusing on their tone and word choice.
Why: Slowing down speech helps reduce defensiveness and allows for more thoughtful, intentional communication.
9. Set Time for Self-Reflection
What: Suggest that each partner take a few minutes to silently reflect on their emotions and needs before responding during a discussion.
Why: Self-reflection helps partners understand their own emotions more clearly, leading to more meaningful exchanges.
10. Highlighting Positive Interactions
What: During sessions, focus on and amplify moments where partners successfully connect or show understanding towards each other.
Why: Reinforcing positive interactions can help partners slow down and appreciate these moments, fostering a deeper connection.
By implementing these strategies, I can help couples slow down, communicate more effectively, and build a deeper emotional connection.
I’m looking forward to meeting you and helping connect with your partner now…
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Curated List of Supplemental Evidence-Based Resources for Couples
These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.
1. Gottman Resources, Tools, and Interventions
Books:
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
A comprehensive guide on the principles that make relationships successful, based on Gottman's extensive research.
"The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire
Focuses on improving communication and emotional connection in various relationships.
Workbooks and Tools:
Gottman Card Decks
A series of card decks designed to enhance communication and intimacy. Available as a mobile app.
Gottman Relationship Coach
An online program that provides video lessons, exercises, and tools based on the Gottman Method.
Online Resources:
The Gottman Institute Website (www.gottman.com)
Offers a wealth of articles, blogs, and research on relationship health.
Gottman Blog
Regular updates on new research, practical tips, and insights into improving relationships.
2. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and Attachment Styles
Books:
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
Explores the principles of EFT and offers practical exercises for couples to enhance their emotional bond.
"Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families" by Dr. Sue Johnson
A deep dive into how attachment theory can be applied in therapy to improve relationships.
Workbooks and Tools:
"Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
A companion to the book "Hold Me Tight," offering exercises and activities for couples.
EFT Exercises and Worksheets
Available through EFT-trained therapists and various online resources.
Online Resources:
ICEEFT (The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy) Website (www.iceeft.com)
Provides resources, articles, and a directory of EFT-trained therapists.
Hold Me Tight Online
An online program based on the "Hold Me Tight" book, featuring videos and exercises for couples.
3. Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Books:
"Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
The foundational text on NVC, offering insights and practical steps for compassionate communication.
"The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Explores how to use anger constructively in communication.
Workbooks and Tools:
"Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group, or Classroom Study" by Lucy Leu
A workbook designed to complement the principles outlined in the NVC book.
NVC Practice Groups
Local and online practice groups that provide support and a space to practice NVC skills.
Online Resources:
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org)
Offers resources, training, and information on NVC.
NVC Academy (www.nvcacademy.com)
Provides online courses, webinars, and materials to learn and practice NVC.
4. Additional Resources for Couples
Books:
"The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman
Helps couples understand and speak each other’s primary love languages to enhance intimacy and connection.
"Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel
Explores the dynamics of desire in long-term relationships and offers insights into maintaining passion.
Online Resources:
The Gottman Referral Network
A directory of therapists trained in the Gottman Method.
Therapist Directories (such as Psychology Today, TherapyDen)
Lists therapists specializing in EFT, NVC, and other evidence-based approaches.
Apps:
Lasting: Marriage & Couples
An app offering daily tips and exercises based on research to strengthen relationships.
Love Nudge for Couples
An app based on the Five Love Languages, helping couples improve their relationship through personalized suggestions.
These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Men's Tears: From Gilgamesh to Modern Day~ How Men Can Navigate the Stormy Seas of Emotion
It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.
As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.
In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.
In the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the earliest known literary works, we encounter the powerful king Gilgamesh. Despite his immense strength and heroic deeds, Gilgamesh weeps for his lost friend Enkidu, revealing a deep vulnerability. This ancient story highlights that even the strongest men experience profound emotions and grief.
Fast forward to the 21st century, where despite increased awareness of mental health issues, there still exists considerable stigma. Mental health challenges are not a modern phenomenon, nor are they exclusive to any gender. Yet, men today continue to face unique obstacles when it comes to addressing their mental health.
Landscape of Men’s Mental Health
Recent statistics paint a sobering picture. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million men in the United States experience depression each year. Even more alarmingly, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that men die by suicide at a rate 3.63 times higher than women. These numbers underscore a critical need for attention to men’s mental health.
But why do men seem to struggle more with seeking help? Cultural expectations and societal norms often play a significant role. Many men have been conditioned to believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to what psychologists call “emotional dismissiveness.” This mindset can create barriers to acknowledging mental health concerns and seeking support.
The good news is that change is possible, and it often begins with relationships. Strong connections – be they romantic partnerships, friendships, or professional networks – can provide men with the support and understanding they need to navigate their emotional landscapes.
Research has consistently shown that men with robust social support systems are better equipped to handle stress, anxiety, and depression. A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health found that men who reported higher levels of social support were less likely to experience depressive symptoms. Moreover, those who felt comfortable discussing their emotions with friends or partners showed greater resilience in the face of mental health challenges.
Learning the Vocabulary
This is where the work of Dr. John Gottman comes into play. His relationship-focused approach helps men (and their partners) navigate the complexities of emotion and provides tools to develop a richer emotional vocabulary. By learning to identify and express a wider range of emotions, men can break free from the stigma of emotional expressiveness often associated with traditional masculinity. With a more nuanced emotional vocabulary, it turns out, it is easier to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.
Gottman’s research-based techniques and practical exercises include helping people:
Recognize and name different emotional states
Communicate feelings effectively without fear of judgment
Listen actively and empathetically to others
Develop strategies for managing difficult emotions
Build a deeper connection with others
By mastering these skills, men can create a positive feedback loop: as they become more comfortable expressing their emotions, they’re likely to experience improved mental health, which in turn strengthens their relationships and support networks.
Expressing Emotion
It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.
As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.
In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Advice on Saving a Relationship on the Brink
explore practical advice and strategies for saving a relationship that seems dangerously close to ending. From improving communication to rekindling romance, and addressing underlying issues, these insights aim to empower couples to navigate their challenges and rediscover their bond. Whether you’re looking to heal old wounds or set a new course together, the journey to mend a faltering relationship starts with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to work collaboratively towards common goals.
In the intricate dance of relationships, even the strongest partnerships can sometimes find themselves on shaky ground. Whether it’s due to ongoing disagreements, growing apart, or external stresses, reaching the brink of a breakup can feel like standing at a precipice. Yet, it’s often at these critical junctures that the potential for profound growth and renewal exists. In this guide, we’ll explore practical advice and strategies for saving a relationship that seems dangerously close to ending. From improving communication to rekindling romance, and addressing underlying issues, these insights aim to empower couples to navigate their challenges and rediscover their bond. Whether you’re looking to heal old wounds or set a new course together, the journey to mend a faltering relationship starts with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to work collaboratively towards common goals.
1. Open and Honest Communication
- Importance of Communication: Clear and honest communication is crucial in understanding each other's feelings and perspectives. Avoiding assumptions and expressing feelings directly can prevent misunderstandings.
- Active Listening: Practice active listening by paying full attention to your partner, reflecting back what you hear, and showing empathy. This helps in validating each other's feelings and builds trust.
- Nonviolent Communication (NVC): Use NVC principles to express needs and feelings without blame or criticism. This involves stating observations, expressing feelings, identifying needs, and making requests.
2. Rebuilding Trust
- Acknowledge and Apologize: If trust has been broken, acknowledge the hurt caused and offer a sincere apology. This step is vital in starting the healing process.
- Consistent Actions: Rebuilding trust requires consistent actions over time. Follow through on promises and be reliable to show that you are committed to change.
3. Emotional Connection
- Quality Time Together: Spend quality time together to reconnect emotionally. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and create positive experiences.
- Emotional Intimacy: Share your inner thoughts and feelings with each other. Emotional intimacy can be deepened through meaningful conversations and mutual support.
4. Conflict Resolution
- Fair Fighting: Resolve conflicts using fair fighting techniques. Avoid personal attacks, stay focused on the issue at hand, and seek to understand each other's perspectives.
- Gottman’s Principles: Use Gottman’s principles for managing conflict, such as soft start-ups (beginning conversations gently), repairing attempts (efforts to de-escalate tension), and compromise.
5. Seek Professional Help
- Couples Therapy: Consider seeking help from a professional therapist who specializes in couples therapy. A therapist can provide tools and techniques to navigate difficult conversations and rebuild your relationship.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT can help couples understand and change negative patterns in their relationship by focusing on emotions and attachment needs.
6. Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
- Individual Work: Reflect on your own behavior and contribution to the relationship's issues. Personal growth can significantly impact the dynamics of the relationship.
- Healthy Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries that respect both partners' needs and individuality. This helps in creating a balanced and respectful relationship.
7. Commitment and Patience
- Commitment to Change: Both partners must be committed to working on the relationship and making necessary changes. This involves patience and perseverance.
- Small Steps: Focus on making small, consistent improvements rather than expecting immediate, dramatic changes. Celebrate progress and stay hopeful.
Additional Resources
- "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver
- "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson
- "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
By applying these strategies and being committed to improving your relationship, you can navigate through difficult times and rebuild a stronger, more resilient partnership.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA