SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Curated List of Supplemental Evidence-Based Resources for Couples
These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.
1. Gottman Resources, Tools, and Interventions
Books:
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
A comprehensive guide on the principles that make relationships successful, based on Gottman's extensive research.
"The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire
Focuses on improving communication and emotional connection in various relationships.
Workbooks and Tools:
Gottman Card Decks
A series of card decks designed to enhance communication and intimacy. Available as a mobile app.
Gottman Relationship Coach
An online program that provides video lessons, exercises, and tools based on the Gottman Method.
Online Resources:
The Gottman Institute Website (www.gottman.com)
Offers a wealth of articles, blogs, and research on relationship health.
Gottman Blog
Regular updates on new research, practical tips, and insights into improving relationships.
2. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and Attachment Styles
Books:
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
Explores the principles of EFT and offers practical exercises for couples to enhance their emotional bond.
"Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families" by Dr. Sue Johnson
A deep dive into how attachment theory can be applied in therapy to improve relationships.
Workbooks and Tools:
"Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
A companion to the book "Hold Me Tight," offering exercises and activities for couples.
EFT Exercises and Worksheets
Available through EFT-trained therapists and various online resources.
Online Resources:
ICEEFT (The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy) Website (www.iceeft.com)
Provides resources, articles, and a directory of EFT-trained therapists.
Hold Me Tight Online
An online program based on the "Hold Me Tight" book, featuring videos and exercises for couples.
3. Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Books:
"Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
The foundational text on NVC, offering insights and practical steps for compassionate communication.
"The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Explores how to use anger constructively in communication.
Workbooks and Tools:
"Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group, or Classroom Study" by Lucy Leu
A workbook designed to complement the principles outlined in the NVC book.
NVC Practice Groups
Local and online practice groups that provide support and a space to practice NVC skills.
Online Resources:
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org)
Offers resources, training, and information on NVC.
NVC Academy (www.nvcacademy.com)
Provides online courses, webinars, and materials to learn and practice NVC.
4. Additional Resources for Couples
Books:
"The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman
Helps couples understand and speak each other’s primary love languages to enhance intimacy and connection.
"Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel
Explores the dynamics of desire in long-term relationships and offers insights into maintaining passion.
Online Resources:
The Gottman Referral Network
A directory of therapists trained in the Gottman Method.
Therapist Directories (such as Psychology Today, TherapyDen)
Lists therapists specializing in EFT, NVC, and other evidence-based approaches.
Apps:
Lasting: Marriage & Couples
An app offering daily tips and exercises based on research to strengthen relationships.
Love Nudge for Couples
An app based on the Five Love Languages, helping couples improve their relationship through personalized suggestions.
These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Gottman Approach and Emotionally Focused Therapy Model Perspective on Wedding Planning with Parents
By following these tips and approaches, parents can navigate the wedding planning process together more seamlessly, fostering understanding, harmony, and collaboration throughout. Prioritizing self-care and stress management to maintain your well-being during the wedding planning process can be super beneficial. Take breaks when needed, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek support from loved ones.
As Featured in BRIDES Magazine:
Why do brides and grooms often enlist their parents’ help while planning their wedding?
Brides and grooms often seek their parents' help in wedding planning because weddings are significant life events that involve family traditions, values, and expectations. Parents have a wealth of experience and often play a crucial role in family dynamics, making their input valuable and sought after by the couple. Additionally, weddings often bring families together, creating opportunities for connection, collaboration, and shared joy.
What is their typical level of involvement in the planning process?
The level of involvement can vary widely among families and couples. Typically, parents may be involved in major decisions such as venue selection, budgeting, and guest list management. Some parents may take a more active role, while others prefer to be consulted for input when needed. This variability of wedding planning involvement may or may not be correlated with financial aspects of the wedding and who or the amount of money that the parents may be contributing. Their involvement often reflects their desire to contribute meaningfully to the celebration and support their children's choices.
What tasks do the parents typically help their kids with? How do they differ on the bride and groom's side?
Parents often assist with tasks like venue selection, financial planning, and coordinating with vendors. On the bride's side, tasks may include dress shopping, floral arrangements, and décor choices. On the groom's side, tasks might involve selecting attire, transportation, and music or entertainment. However, these roles are becoming more flexible and can vary based on the interests and preferences of the individuals involved.
How should the two sets of parents approach the conversation of helping their kids plan their wedding?
Open communication and collaboration can be the key. Using compassionate communication principles, AKA Nonviolent Communication (NVC) they can focus on expressing feelings, needs, and requests respectfully.Both sets of parents should approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and respect for each other's perspectives. It's essential to listen actively, express opinions constructively, and be flexible in compromising to accommodate everyone's wishes.
Is it common for both sets of parents to clash during the wedding planning process? Why? What are some challenges that might arise?
Yes, it is common for both sets of parents to clash during wedding planning due to stress, differing opinions, expectations, and values. Some challenges that might arise include disagreements over finances or budgeting, guest list and who to invite, cultural/ religious or family traditions, and the overall vision for how the wedding “should” go.
How can parents deal when their child’s future in-laws are difficult to interact with during the wedding planning process?
The best way to deal with difficult people in general is to try to use empathy and understanding as much as possible. Most of the time all big reactions or “attacks” are unskilled ways of trying to get a need met. Reactions sabotage connection. Intentional calm responses can help repair the disconnect that may be occurring. Dealing with difficult future in-laws requires patience, understanding, and effective communication. Setting boundaries, maintaining open lines of communication, and focusing on common goals can help navigate challenging interactions. It's also essential to prioritize the couple's wishes and needs while respectfully considering the opinions of all parties involved. Boundary setting and compromise based on needs can be very useful tools to deal with these issues more amicably.
Three to Five Tips to Help Parents Navigate Wedding Planning Together:
Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication among all parties involved. Create a safe space where everyone feels heard, valued, and respected. Discuss expectations, preferences, and concerns openly to avoid misunderstandings. Listen to your parents' perspectives and concerns with an open mind, without interrupting or becoming defensive. Show empathy and understanding towards their feelings and needs.
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to respect everyone's roles and responsibilities. Clearly define who is responsible for what tasks and decisions to avoid conflicts and overlapping efforts. Assign specific tasks or responsibilities to your parents that align with their interests and strengths. This can make them feel valued and involved in the planning process. Collaborate on planning aspects of the wedding that are important to your parents, while maintaining autonomy over decisions that are important to you.
Flexibility and Compromise: Be flexible and willing to compromise to accommodate everyone's wishes and preferences. Focus on finding common ground and solutions that satisfy everyone involved. Remember, it's a celebration of love and unity, so prioritize harmony and collaboration. Identify and focus on shared goals and values that are important to both you and your parents. This can help align your priorities and reduce conflicts.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: Consider seeking professional help from a wedding planner or counselor if tensions rise or conflicts become unmanageable. A neutral third party can offer valuable insights, mediate disputes, and help keep the planning process on track.
Celebrate Together: Remember to celebrate the joyous occasion and focus on the love and unity that the wedding represents. Keep a positive attitude, cherish the special moments, and appreciate the opportunity to come together as a family to celebrate this significant milestone.
By following these tips and approaches, parents can navigate the wedding planning process together more seamlessly, fostering understanding, harmony, and collaboration throughout. Prioritizing self-care and stress management to maintain your well-being during the wedding planning process can be super beneficial. Take breaks when needed, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek support from loved ones.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Unpack Your Love Baggage with Imago: A Journey from Conflict to Connection
Imago Therapy offers couples a unique lens to view their relationship, providing tools for conflict resolution and deep emotional healing and growth. By embracing this therapeutic approach, couples can transform their relationships into a source of strength and fulfillment, ensuring they survive and thrive together.
As therapists, we often find that a communication breakdown is one of the first hurdles couples face in a crisis. In these moments, partners commonly feel disrespected, unseen, or unheard, creating a chasm that seems too broad to bridge. As therapists, we immediately focus on nurturing practical communication skills to address this gap. What’s remarkable is how couples report the benefits of these new skills often extend beyond the therapy room and the romantic relationship—enhancing interactions at work, in social settings, and even with other loved family members.
In my journey to better serve couples struggling with intimacy and communication issues, I've explored various therapeutic approaches. Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is one method that resonates deeply with me and has shown profound results in practice. Imago facilitates a deeper connection between partners and fosters a compassionate understanding that transforms their interactions across all areas of life.
What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT), developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D., offers a transformative approach for couples to enhance their connection and communication. The term "imago," from Latin meaning "image," represents an unconscious blueprint of familiar love formed during early childhood from our interactions with caregivers. This blueprint profoundly influences our romantic relationships later in life.
Imago Therapy posits that relationship frustrations arise from a deep desire to heal unresolved childhood issues. Everyone carries an "imago," a composite of early caregivers' traits, which shapes our attractions and drives us unconsciously toward partners who resemble these figures in hopes of healing past wounds.
Imago Relationship Therapy reveals how these early attachments create internal models that influence how we interact with our partners, often replicating childhood dynamics. These conflicts are seen as barriers and opportunities for significant emotional growth. By addressing these foundational experiences and shifting from blame to empathy, Imago Therapy seeks to transform our relationships into sources of strength and resilience.
How Imago Therapy Enhances Communication:
Central to Imago Therapy is the Imago Dialogue, a structured communication technique that shifts conversations from conflict to connection. This method involves three key steps:
Mirroring: Consists of listening to your partner and repeating what you hear, without judgment or interpretation, to show that you truly understand their perspective.
Validating: Acknowledging that your partner’s thoughts and feelings make sense from their viewpoint.
Empathizing: Attempting to understand and share the feelings of your partner.
This dialogue framework helps couples move from adversarial interactions to a deeper empathetic connection, fostering safety and vulnerability.
Creating a Safe Conversation Space:
Imago therapy emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for conversations. This space allows partners to express their deeper feelings and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or escalation. This safety is key to defusing the reactivity that can characterize troubled relationships, fostering more intentional and hopeful partner interactions.
A Simple Exercise to Try:
One impactful and simple exercise from Imago Therapy is the Appreciation Dialogue, where partners take turns sharing something they appreciate about the other. This practice reinforces positive interactions using Mirroring and builds a culture of gratitude and recognition within the relationship:
· One partner begins by saying, "Something I appreciated about you today is..."
· The other partner listens, mirrors the statement, " I hear you say you appreciate... about me", and responds, "Did I get that right?"
· The first partner confirms, and the second partner then offers their appreciation.
Benefits of Imago Therapy:
Couples who engage in Imago therapy can expect improved communication skills and a profound transformation in their relationship dynamics. This therapy helps couples move from blame and isolation to empathy, acceptance, and mutual appreciation, fostering a secure and passionate relationship.
Closing Words:
Imago Therapy offers couples a unique lens to view their relationship, providing tools for conflict resolution and deep emotional healing and growth. By embracing this therapeutic approach, couples can transform their relationships into a source of strength and fulfillment, ensuring they survive and thrive together.
References:
Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. (2022). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. Henry Holt & Company.
Book with this author ~Ari Leal, Therapist, CMHCI: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/AriLeal
Navigating the "Roommate Phase" in Relationships: Tips from a Relationship Counselor
Navigating the roommate phase requires effort, communication, and a commitment to your relationship. By incorporating these tips into your daily life and embracing the guidance of relationship experts like Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your connection with your partner. Remember, every phase is an opportunity to grow and deepen your love for each other.
As a relationship counselor, I often find myself discussing the challenges couples face as they navigate the different phases of their relationship. One of the most common phases couples experience is what many refer to as the "roommate phase." This phase can feel distant, routine, and lacking in the emotional and physical connection that once felt effortless.
My partner and I have faced our fair share of roommate phases, and through personal experience and professional knowledge, we've developed strategies to reignite our connection. Drawing from the wisdom of renowned relationship experts like John Gottman and the Emotionally Focused Therapy approach, here are some tips that have worked wonders for us:
1. Intentional Quality Time Set aside a specific time each night to put away distractions, especially phones, and focus solely on each other. This intentional quality time fosters open communication and strengthens emotional connection.
2. Prioritize Date Nights Spending time away from the daily grind and kids is crucial. Date nights allow you to reconnect, have fun together, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
3. Reignite Physical Intimacy Don't underestimate the power of physical affection. Make an effort to kiss and make out like you used to when your relationship was new and exciting.
4. Sync Your Bedtime Going to bed at the same time can create a sense of closeness and intimacy. It's a simple yet effective way to maintain connection and ensure quality time together.
5. Share Household Chores Teamwork makes the dream work! Sharing household chores fosters collaboration and mutual appreciation, strengthening your bond as a couple.
6. Have Meaningful Conversations Sit down and ask the tough questions:
"Why are we drifting into the roommate phase?"
"How can we enhance our connection?"
"What can we do differently to come back together?"
"Here's what I need from you. What do you need from me?"
7. Embrace the Little Things Small gestures can make a big difference. Whether it's a good morning kiss or a surprise love note, these little acts of kindness and affection go a long way in maintaining connection.
8. Acknowledge the Phase Recognize that the roommate phase is just that – a phase. It's a natural part of many long-term relationships and an opportunity for growth and reconnection.
Gottman's Insights: John Gottman emphasizes the importance of friendship and fondness in relationships. Cultivate a culture of appreciation and admiration for each other. Remember the qualities that you love and appreciate in your partner and express them regularly.
Emotionally Focused Therapy Tips: Emotionally Focused Therapy focuses on creating a secure emotional bond between partners. Validate each other's feelings and emotions, and be open to vulnerability. Create a safe space where both partners feel heard, understood, and valued.
In conclusion, navigating the roommate phase requires effort, communication, and a commitment to your relationship. By incorporating these tips into your daily life and embracing the guidance of relationship experts like Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your connection with your partner. Remember, every phase is an opportunity to grow and deepen your love for each other.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
The Gottman Approach: Understanding the Role of Proprioception and Homunculus in Relationship Dynamics
Incorporating proprioception and homunculus awareness into couples therapy can enrich the Gottman Approach and enhance its effectiveness in promoting healthy, fulfilling relationships. By understanding the profound impact of physical touch, sensory experiences, and nonverbal communication on relationship dynamics, couples can cultivate deeper intimacy, trust, and connection in their partnership.
Introduction: In the realm of relationship counseling and therapy, the Gottman Approach stands out as a beacon of empirical research and practical strategies for fostering healthy, lasting connections. While many are familiar with the Gottman Method's emphasis on communication skills and emotional attunement, there's another crucial aspect often overlooked: proprioception and homunculus. In this blog post, we'll delve into why these concepts are essential in understanding and improving relationship dynamics according to the Gottman Approach.
Understanding Proprioception: Proprioception refers to the body's ability to sense its position, movement, and actions in space. It's what allows us to navigate the world without constantly looking at our limbs or surroundings. In the context of relationships, proprioception plays a fundamental role in how individuals perceive and respond to each other's physical presence and movements.
The Importance of Proprioception in Relationships: In intimate relationships, proprioception influences everything from nonverbal communication to physical touch and intimacy. Couples who are attuned to each other's proprioceptive cues can establish a deeper sense of connection and understanding without relying solely on verbal communication.
For example, a simple gesture like reaching out to hold hands or offering a comforting hug can convey reassurance, support, and love without the need for words. Likewise, being mindful of how our own body language and movements impact our partner's proprioceptive awareness can foster empathy and mutual respect in the relationship.
Exploring the Homunculus: The concept of the homunculus, derived from neuroscience, refers to a "map" of the body represented in the brain. It illustrates how different parts of the body are neurologically connected to specific areas of the brain, with certain regions being more sensitive or responsive than others.
In the context of relationships, the homunculus reminds us that physical touch and sensory experiences are deeply intertwined with emotional and psychological well-being. When partners engage in activities that stimulate their partner's homunculus – such as gentle caresses, massages, or shared physical activities – they activate neural pathways associated with pleasure, bonding, and attachment.
Practical Applications in the Gottman Approach: So, how does the Gottman Approach incorporate proprioception and homunculus awareness into couples therapy and relationship interventions? Here are a few key strategies:
Mindful Touch: Encouraging couples to engage in mindful touch exercises can enhance proprioceptive awareness and promote emotional connection. Activities such as hand-holding, back rubs, or synchronized movements can foster intimacy and closeness.
Sensory Exploration: Encouraging couples to explore each other's sensory preferences and sensitivities can deepen their understanding of each other's needs and desires. This may involve experimenting with different textures, temperatures, or sensations to enhance pleasure and connection.
Nonverbal Communication: Helping couples become more attuned to each other's nonverbal cues – such as body language, facial expressions, and physical gestures – can improve communication and conflict resolution skills. By paying attention to proprioceptive signals, partners can better regulate their own emotions and respond empathically to their partner's needs.
Conclusion: Incorporating proprioception and homunculus awareness into couples therapy can enrich the Gottman Approach and enhance its effectiveness in promoting healthy, fulfilling relationships. By understanding the profound impact of physical touch, sensory experiences, and nonverbal communication on relationship dynamics, couples can cultivate deeper intimacy, trust, and connection in their partnership.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Tampa Couples Counseling and South Tampa Marriage Counseling
I specialize in Tampa Couples Counseling and South Tampa Marriage Counseling, offering Relationship Therapy that fosters intimacy and happiness. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Marriage and Family Therapist, Ph.D, and a National Certified Counselor (NCC), I prioritize couples' well-being. At my South Tampa Office, I focus on couples, drawing from my Graduate Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT). My approach centers on Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Structural Family Therapy addressing conflict, intimacy, and mutual understanding. I also utilize Compassionate Communication (NVC) to help couples and families use the same language to connect, even through the most difficult conversations.
I specialize in Tampa Couples Counseling and South Tampa Marriage Counseling, offering Relationship Therapy that fosters intimacy and happiness.
As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Marriage and Family Therapist, Ph.D, and a National Certified Counselor (NCC), I prioritize couples' well-being. At my South Tampa Office, I focus on couples, drawing from my Graduate Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT). My approach centers on Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Structural Family Therapy addressing conflict, intimacy, and mutual understanding. I also utilize Compassionate Communication (NVC) to help couples and families use the same language to connect, even through the most difficult conversations.
In relationships, unmet needs often lead to misunderstood conflicts. Love transcends right or wrong; it seeks understanding, appreciation, and empathy. Effective communication holds the key to success.
Effective conflict management and communication are pivotal for a thriving relationship. Ignoring conflict breeds resentment, while poor communication is a precursor to separation or divorce.
Rest assured, your situation, though unique, can be unraveled. Couples often fall into predictable conflict patterns, but with guidance, these can be navigated.
In Couples Therapy, we tackle various issues:
Communication breakdowns
Recurring conflicts
Emotional distance
Relationship strains
Commitment concerns
Infidelity challenges
Trust and boundaries
Parenting dynamics
Pre-marital concerns
Intimacy and sexual difficulties
Financial or health-related stress
All couples benefit from counseling, even those with normal conflict levels. Strengthening your relationship and coping mechanisms for future challenges are invaluable.
Let's embark on this journey together. Contact (813) 240-3237 to pave the way for happiness with your partner. I'm here to guide you towards a stronger, happier relationship.
Book with Dr. Liz here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake
Counseling and Therapy for Individuals, Teens, Couples, and Families in South Tampa
Want to deepen your connection with your partner? Relationships define our joy when they're in harmony. I can steer you toward love, understanding, and healing through marriage counseling and couples therapy. Whether you're an individual grappling with anxiety, depression, grief, or self-esteem, or a couple seeking intimacy, I'm dedicated to aiding you in building a happier, more fulfilling life.
I understand it takes bravery to seek help from someone new, but rest assured, I aim to quickly bridge that gap. A client recently offered a touching compliment that deeply resonated with me:
"I've been in counseling for years. You stand out as the best counselor I've known. Why? Because I sense your sincerity."
I offer counseling and therapy for individuals, teens, couples, and families. As a South Tampa Counselor, I've assisted countless clients through various approaches, including individual counseling, marriage counseling, relationship counseling, affair recovery and grief therapy… and much more!
Being a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), I don't use a standard approach; I tailor my methods to suit your distinct needs. My toolkit includes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotion-Focused Therapy, Family Systems, Person-Centered, and Strength-Based approaches, ensuring adaptability for your benefit.
Clients appreciate my hands-on approach at my South Tampa office. As your counselor, I take an active stance in assisting you to reach your objectives, steering clear of merely asking, "How does that make you feel?"
Are you seeking life's purpose or feeling stuck? Let me equip you to harness your thoughts. Together, we can strengthen your confidence and unearth your potential through psychotherapy.
Want to deepen your connection with your partner? Relationships define our joy when they're in harmony. I can steer you toward love, understanding, and healing through marriage counseling and couples therapy.
Whether you're an individual grappling with anxiety, depression, grief, or self-esteem, or a couple seeking intimacy, I'm dedicated to aiding you in building a happier, more fulfilling life.
Book an initial Intake to start making positive changes!
https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake
Text Dr. Liz on her cell phone 813-240-3237
Harvard Medical School Training: A Specialized Approach to Couples Counseling
Drawing from my specialized training at Harvard Medical School, I offer a unique approach to couples therapy that addresses the intricacies and challenges specific to intimate relationships. I understand that effective couples therapy requires a deep understanding of relational dynamics, which can sometimes involve defensiveness and the repetition of problematic patterns. Additionally, I recognize the impact of ongoing societal stressors on both couples and therapists.
Drawing from my specialized training at Harvard Medical School, I offer a unique approach to couples therapy that addresses the intricacies and challenges specific to intimate relationships. I understand that effective couples therapy requires a deep understanding of relational dynamics, which can sometimes involve defensiveness and the repetition of problematic patterns. Additionally, I recognize the impact of ongoing societal stressors on both couples and therapists.
My approach focuses on navigating complex relational challenges, such as trauma, maintaining stability in relationships, healing from infidelity, addressing consensual non-monogamy, and bridging cultural and attachment differences.
Utilizing concepts from Internal Family Systems Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Socioculturally Attuned Couple Therapy, and other integrative models, I enhance the therapeutic alliance of couples therapy.
Individuals seeking couples therapy will engage in the therapeutic process at South Tampa Therapy and will:
Gain insight into how the Internal Family Systems Model provides a primary pathway for healing trauma.
Understand the foundational principles of attachment science, providing a roadmap for core interventions and transformative events within Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This approach consistently leads to positive therapeutic outcomes and addresses issues such as depression and trauma echoes in distressed partners.
Apply sociocultural attunement as a framework to assess broader contextual influences on power dynamics in their relationship, while also learning strategies to reshape these dynamics.
Acquire effective coaching strategies for both betrayed and unfaithful partners, enabling the ability to navigate intense emotions and develop skills for the complex journey towards recovery.
Define and differentiate various forms of open couples relationships, including the ethical principles that distinguish these romantic and sexual practices from betrayal and disloyalty.
Book a session with Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D, Gottman & EFT Couples Counselor, NVC Compassionate Communication Specialist, and Trauma Informed Therapist!
Transform Your Relationship: Evidence-Based Couples Therapy in South Tampa
In the heart of South Tampa, evidence-based couples therapy is available to guide you towards a more harmonious partnership. By honing your communication skills and mastering conflict resolution, you can transform your relationship into one that thrives. Don't wait to take this important step towards a brighter future together. Reach out to a qualified couples therapist in South Tampa today and rediscover the love and connection you deserve.
Introduction
In the hustle and bustle of modern life, even the strongest relationships can face challenges. If you're seeking to enhance your connection, improve communication, and resolve conflicts, evidence-based couples therapy might be the beacon of hope you're looking for. In this blog post, we'll explore the benefits of evidence-based couples therapy, with a focus on communication and conflict resolution, right here in South Tampa.
Understanding Evidence-Based Couples Therapy
Evidence-based couples therapy is a scientifically validated approach that draws on proven techniques to help couples navigate the complexities of their relationship. It's not about guesswork; it's about using strategies that have been rigorously tested and shown to be effective.
Specializing in Communication
1. Active Listening: Effective communication begins with truly hearing and understanding your partner. Through evidence-based techniques, couples learn the art of active listening, ensuring both voices are heard.
2. Expressing Needs Clearly: Often, miscommunication arises from unclear expressions of needs. In therapy, couples learn to articulate their desires in a way that is constructive and comprehensible to their partner.
3. Non-Verbal Cues: Much of our communication happens without words. Evidence-based therapy helps couples become attuned to non-verbal cues, fostering a deeper level of understanding.
Conflict Resolution: A Vital Component
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. What matters most is how it's handled. Evidence-based couples therapy equips partners with essential conflict resolution skills:
1. Identifying Core Issues: Often, surface-level conflicts mask deeper, underlying issues. Therapy helps unearth these core concerns, allowing for more effective resolution.
2. Constructive Communication during Conflict: Instead of resorting to harmful patterns, couples learn how to communicate constructively even in the midst of disagreement.
3. Finding Common Ground: Evidence-based techniques guide couples towards finding solutions that are acceptable to both parties, strengthening the relationship in the process.
Couples Therapy in South Tampa: Your Path to Transformation
For couples seeking evidence-based therapy specializing in communication and conflict resolution, South Tampa is home to a wealth of experienced and dedicated professionals. With their expertise, you can embark on a journey towards a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Conclusion
In the heart of South Tampa, evidence-based couples therapy is available to guide you towards a more harmonious partnership. By honing your communication skills and mastering conflict resolution, you can transform your relationship into one that thrives. Don't wait to take this important step towards a brighter future together. Reach out to a qualified couples therapist in South Tampa today and rediscover the love and connection you deserve.
Nurturing Love: How Couples Counseling with the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy Can Transform Relationships
Couples counseling with the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful journey towards healing and growth. It offers couples the tools to communicate more effectively, understand each other on a deeper level, and ultimately, build a stronger and more resilient partnership. Through this transformative process, couples can nurture their love and create a foundation for a more fulfilling future together.
Introduction
Love is a beautiful journey, but it's not always smooth sailing. Every couple faces challenges and moments of discord. However, seeking help through couples counseling can be the beacon of hope that leads to a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. In this blog post, we'll explore how the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) can be transformative in nurturing love and healing relationships.
Understanding the Gottman Approach
1. Building Strong Foundations: The Gottman Approach emphasizes the importance of creating strong foundations in a relationship. This includes open communication, trust, and a deep understanding of each other's needs and desires.
2. The Art of Effective Communication: Through the Gottman Method, couples learn how to communicate effectively, ensuring that their voices are heard, and their concerns are addressed. This involves active listening, empathy, and expressing oneself in a constructive manner.
3. Navigating Conflict: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The Gottman Approach equips couples with tools to navigate disagreements in a healthy and productive way. By identifying harmful communication patterns and learning to replace them with positive interactions, couples can break free from negative cycles.
Emotion-Focused Therapy: Healing from the Inside Out
1. Exploring Emotions: Emotion-Focused Therapy delves deep into the emotional landscape of a relationship. It helps couples identify and express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
2. Strengthening Emotional Bonds: By understanding and validating each other's emotions, couples can create a stronger emotional bond. This enables them to support and uplift each other, even in times of difficulty.
3. Healing Past Wounds: EFT provides a platform for couples to address past hurts and wounds. Through guided conversations, couples can work towards forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and finding closure.
The Power of Integration
When the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy come together, their synergy is extraordinary.
1. A Holistic Approach: The Gottman Approach focuses on practical, evidence-backed strategies, while EFT addresses the emotional core of a relationship. Together, they provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples to navigate challenges.
2. Strengthening Communication and Emotional Connection: Through this integrated approach, couples not only learn how to communicate effectively but also deepen their emotional connection. This leads to a more profound understanding of each other's needs and a greater sense of intimacy.
3. Long-Lasting Transformation: The integration of these approaches isn't just about temporary fixes. It's about creating lasting, positive change that enriches the fabric of the relationship.
Conclusion
Couples counseling with the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful journey towards healing and growth. It offers couples the tools to communicate more effectively, understand each other on a deeper level, and ultimately, build a stronger and more resilient partnership. Through this transformative process, couples can nurture their love and create a foundation for a more fulfilling future together.
Communication Skills in Intimate Relationships
NVC skills are invaluable for intimate relationships. By cultivating conscious and empathetic communication, couples can prevent misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and deepen their connections. The practice of NVC not only contributes to a more fulfilling relationship but also enhances personal growth and emotional well-being.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) skills can greatly benefit intimate relationships by promoting understanding, preventing conflicts, and deepening connections.
In intimate relationships, the emotional investment is high, making disconnections and conflicts particularly painful. NVC provides a framework for conscious and empathetic communication, allowing partners to navigate misunderstandings and conflicts with compassion and respect.
Communication is essential in intimate relationships because it is the primary means of connection. Without effective communication, relationships lack intimacy and can become strained. By developing NVC skills, individuals can establish mutual understanding, build trust, and create satisfying ways of relating.
The importance of communication in intimate relationships can be likened to the metaphor of "digging a well before you're thirsty." It emphasizes the need to invest in communication skills before conflicts arise. Rather than waiting until a full-blown conflict occurs, it is beneficial to proactively develop communication skills to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts from escalating. This proactive approach allows couples to conserve mental and emotional energy and avoid unnecessary suffering.
NVC skills not only help resolve conflicts but also contribute to the ongoing deepening of connections. By practicing active listening and understanding each other's feelings, needs, and desires, partners can nurture a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness. This deeper level of communication enhances the overall quality of the relationship.
Common communication problems in relationships, such as listening to respond instead of understand, can be addressed through NVC. By actively listening to understand without immediately offering solutions or judgments, partners can create a safe space for open and vulnerable communication. When individuals feel understood, they are more receptive to hearing the other person's perspective. This empathetic dynamic promotes authentic connection and often leads to the resolution of conflicts.
It is important to note that NVC is not about agreement but understanding.
It allows partners to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs while respecting and acknowledging each other's perspectives. This approach fosters a sense of empathy, which is essential for maintaining healthy and harmonious intimate relationships.
In summary, NVC skills are invaluable for intimate relationships. By cultivating conscious and empathetic communication, couples can prevent misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and deepen their connections. The practice of NVC not only contributes to a more fulfilling relationship but also enhances personal growth and emotional well-being.
These situations easily lead to misunderstandings which can lead to conflicts.
A true-life example: a woman said to her male partner, “I don’t want to be so wifey.”
What she meant: “I don’t want to be the only one doing the housework.”
What he heard: “I don’t want to be married to you anymore.”
This couple ended up divorcing — true story — and is an example of a small miscommunication that can spiral out of control quickly if we don’t catch it. So slowing down, listening to understand, and asking clarifying questions can save us all a lot of heartbreak! (In the example of the couple above, their large group of friends also went through a form of heartbreak.)
Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in relationships involves remembering three key elements: Purpose, Intention, and Attention.
The purpose of NVC is to create a high quality of connection that allows individuals to naturally contribute to each other's well-being. It is not about getting others to do what you want or achieving a specific outcome. By focusing on connection first, mutually satisfying solutions can be found.
When entering a conversation or interaction, check your intention. Is it to be right or to connect? Willingness to let go of being right and preferred outcomes can pave the way for genuine connection and collaborative problem-solving.
Using NVC in relationships requires skillful deployment of attention. Instead of focusing on who's right or wrong, direct your attention to feelings and needs. Recognize the humanity in yourself and your partner, allowing for deeper understanding and mutual fulfillment.
Improving communication in a relationship through NVC involves becoming aware of and transforming old, unconscious patterns that hinder the desired quality of connection. While it may take time and effort, as you practice NVC, it becomes more natural and efficient.
Remember that NVC encourages connection before finding solutions.
Taking the time to understand each other's observations, feelings, needs, and requests is crucial for arriving at strategies that meet the needs of both partners. By using purpose, intention, and attention, NVC can lead to deeper and more satisfying relationships.
Book an appointment with author Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney and learn better communication skills:
Supporting Your Partner Through Difficult Times
Life is filled with ups and downs, and during challenging moments, having a supportive partner can make all the difference. As a couple, navigating difficult times together can strengthen your bond and foster personal growth. Drawing from the perspective of a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), this blog post will explore effective ways to help your partner during tough moments, promoting a healthy and thriving relationship.
Life is filled with ups and downs, and during challenging moments, having a supportive partner can make all the difference. As a couple, navigating difficult times together can strengthen your bond and foster personal growth. Drawing from the perspective of a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), this blog post will explore effective ways to help your partner during tough moments, promoting a healthy and thriving relationship.
Foster Open Communication
Effective compassionate communication forms the foundation of any strong relationship. During difficult times, encourage your partner to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Provide a safe and non-judgmental space where they can freely share their concerns, worries, or frustrations. Actively listen, validate their emotions, and refrain from offering immediate solutions. Sometimes, all they need is a compassionate ear and a shoulder to lean on.
2. Cultivate Empathy and Understanding
Empathy plays a vital role in supporting your partner through challenging times. Put yourself in their shoes, trying to understand their perspective and emotions. Recognize that their experience may differ from yours, and avoid dismissing or minimizing their feelings. Show genuine compassion and validate their experiences, even if you cannot fully relate to their circumstances. Offering empathy allows your partner to feel heard and understood, strengthening the connection between you.
3. Be Present and Available
During difficult times, your partner may need your presence more than ever. Demonstrate your commitment by making time for them, ensuring your availability. Be physically and emotionally present, offering your support and undivided attention. Engage in activities they enjoy or simply spend quality time together. Your consistent presence and active involvement will foster a sense of security and reassurance during their challenging moments.
4. Provide Practical Support
Practical support can alleviate some of the burdens your partner may face. Assess their needs and identify practical ways you can assist them. This could involve helping with household chores, running errands, or taking on additional responsibilities. By sharing the load, you show your partner that you are in this together, reinforcing the idea that you are a team working through adversity.
5. Encourage Self-Care
Encourage and facilitate self-care practices for your partner. During difficult times, individuals may neglect their well-being. Help them prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, therapy, or pursuing hobbies they find fulfilling. Offer to join them in these activities, or support them by giving them space and time for themselves. By nurturing their well-being, you contribute to their overall resilience and ability to cope with challenges.
6. Avoid Judgment and Criticism
In moments of vulnerability, it is crucial to avoid judgment and criticism. Negative or critical remarks can be detrimental to your partner's well-being, exacerbating their difficulties. Instead, practice empathy, understanding, and unconditional positive regard. Create an environment where your partner feels safe expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. Remember, your role is to support and uplift, rather than criticize or belittle.
7. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Recognize when professional help may be beneficial. If your partner's challenges persist or intensify, encourage them to seek support from a qualified therapist or counselor. Professional intervention can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and personalized guidance to navigate their difficulties. By encouraging this step, you demonstrate your commitment to their well-being and the health of your relationship.
Supporting your partner during difficult times is a testament to the strength and resilience of your relationship. By fostering open communication, empathy, and understanding, you create a safe space for them to share their struggles. Being present, offering practical support, and encouraging self-care can significantly alleviate their burdens. Remember, each individual's journey is unique, and seeking professional help when necessary is a sign of strength and commitment.
Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment
Can Gottman Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship Improve?
The main goal of Gottman Couples Therapy is to help couples strengthen their relationships by improving communication, enhancing love, and building trust. The therapy process focuses on evidence-based interventions that have been shown to be effective in strengthening relationships.
If you are facing relationship struggles, Gottman Couples Therapy can provide you and your partner with the support you need to work through your problems. This approach to couple’s therapy is based on over 40 years of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Gottman.
The main goal of Gottman Couples Therapy is to help couples strengthen their relationships by improving communication, enhancing love, and building trust. The therapy process focuses on evidence-based interventions that have been shown to be effective in strengthening relationships.
One of the key elements of this therapy is the concept of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which refers to four negative communication patterns: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These patterns can be some of the most significant predictors of relationship breakdown. During the therapy sessions, the couples learn to recognize and avoid these patterns, which helps them to communicate more effectively.
Another essential component of Gottman Couples Therapy is the “Love Maps” exercise. This exercise involves creating a detailed understanding of each other’s inner worlds, including dreams, hopes, and fears. By building these Love Maps, couples can stay connected and understand each other better.
In addition, Gottman Couples Therapy helps couples to develop conflict management skills. During the therapy sessions, couples learn how to navigate argument and disagreements by expressing their own needs while also listening to their partner's feelings and concerns.
Gottman Couples Therapy also emphasizes the importance of reinforcing positive behavior. Couples are encouraged to express appreciation, admiration, and affection towards one another regularly. This allows the couple to build and maintain a strong foundation of love and positivity.
Overall, Gottman Couples Therapy is an evidence-based approach to counseling that can help couples work through various relationship challenges. By focusing on improved communication, increased trust, and building stronger emotional connections, couples can learn ways to enhance their relationship and increase their overall happiness.
Practice Empathy in Three Ways: Cognitively, Emotionally, and Somatically
We stretch our hearts and minds beyond our own experiences, viewpoints, and feelings in order to imagine what it's like to be inside someone else's head. We employ imagination, creativity, and instinct to envision what life is like for them.
You must first take off your own shoes to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
We stretch our hearts and minds beyond our own experiences, viewpoints, and feelings in order to imagine what it's like to be inside someone else's head. We employ imagination, creativity, and instinct to envision what life is like for them.
Listening with empathy is a fundamental component of coming from curiosity and care, as well as the foundation of discussion. Here are three strategies to start practicing incorporating more empathy into your daily life that integrate living purposefully and empathetically.
PRACTICE: Empathy
It's important to remember that practicing this doesn't have to be limited to situations in which you are the center of attention. Its easier to feel for others when you aren't being attacked. Remember that empathy isn't something you put into words; it's a quality of presence in your heart. Aim to comprehend the other person's situation and let the conversation unfold organically.
SILENT EMPATHIC PRESENCE: Practice listening completely, with the heartfelt intention to understand and "feel into" what the other person is saying. How is this issue for them?
PARAPHRASE: After listening, summarize the gist of what you've heard. What are the key features of what they've said? It's also possible that repeating just a few words will be enough.
EMPATHIC REFLECTION: After listening, check that you understand by reflecting what you hear is most important to them. This may include how they feel and/or what they need. What's at the heart of this individual's narrative? What can you do to assist them to feel understood? Remember to phrase your reflections as questions and double-check that you're correct.
There are other methods for conveying compassion. We may convey empathy by giving a kind word, with a loving touch, or by describing how we're feeling in response to what we've heard. By expressing interest with open-ended questions like "Tell me more," "What else?"
As an example, my daughter's friend a freshman who is usually cheerful and bubbly, began showing up early to practice. I struck up a conversation and realized how much she was struggling. This friend was saying, "I don't want to go to this school anymore," and was thinking about dropping out. I noticed the impulse to go into problem-solving mode, an old habit of mine. Having just finished another book on empathy, I paused and decided to try listening instead. "Tell me more. What's going on?"
She began to open up. She was being bullied. She felt sad, alone, and depressed. Every time I noticed the urge to fix or solve, I attended to feeling the weight of my body and my feet on the floor, and resisted the temptation to offer solutions. I focused my attention on what she was feeling and reflected what I was hearing. She began to cry, oscillating between speaking, sobbing, and awkwardly making eye contact as if to check whether all of this was okay. There were a lot of tears, tissues, and long moments in which I simply held her gaze.
She spoke more about her feelings of sadness, loneliness, and not feeling valued. "I've felt like this since first grade," she mentioned. "Was that the first time you felt so sad and alone?" I inquired. No, it started when she was three, when her dad left. They looked at each other, realizing they'd hit the root of her pain. Eventually they explored what she might need at school. They came up with some strategies to address the bullying. She decided to stay in school and to make a public art piece for the classroom about depression.
This is the power of which empathy may help us. With a listening spirit, we can absorb each statement made, each emotion felt. Healing and change are possible if we come from a place of curiosity and care rather than our usual mode of behavior.
PRINCIPLES
People are more likely to be willing to listen when they feel heard. To build understanding, reflect before you respond.
KEY POINTS
The desire to comprehend is frequently expressed through listening, which entails putting away our own ideas, emotions, opinions, and views temporarily.
We can listen in many ways:
• With complete, wholehearted presence
• To the content of what someone says
• To the feelings and needs beneath the content
Staying connected in conversation helps us build understanding and
collaborate:
DON'T LET THE CALL DROP: Seek to establish and maintain connection in conversation.
REFLECT BEFORE YOU RESPOND: Confirm that you're hearing each other accurately before moving on. This "completes a cycle' of communication.
At the heart of listening is empathy, which includes:
• Cognitive empathy: seeing things from another's perspective
• Affective empathy: feeling another's emotions
• Somatic empathy: sensing another's embodied experience
Q & A
Q: What if someone wants advice? Is that ever okay?
Of course. When someone asks for advice, you might try offering empathy
first. I'll often say, I'm happy to share some of my ideas, but first I just want
to take in what you've said. I'll follow that with an empathic reflection of
what I'm hearing and check if I've understood. This can help the other
person process their experience and clarify what matters. I then circle back
to inquire if they still want advice; sometimes it's no longer relevant.
If the tables are turned and you want to give someone advice, check
first. Let them know: "I have an idea that I think might be helpful. Are you
open to some advice?" This honors their autonomy, minimizes the chances
that your input will be disempowering, and guards against giving advice
as a way of soothing your own anxiety.
Q: I've been exploring these empathy tools with close friends and family
and my new approach creates a lot of awkwardness. What do you do
when others expect you to communicate in a certain way?
It can be confusing when our attempts to create more connection backfire.
Part of what you are experiencing is the relational dimension of communication habits. They occur in a dynamic, so when we shift it affects others.
It also may simply be the learning curve; it takes time to find an authentic
voice with these tools.
Let go of the form and focus on your genuine intention to connect.
What would help this person to feel heard? If someone is used to us
showing care by asking questions or agreeing and we respond by reflecting
their needs, that may throw them off. Try to tune in to what they want.
When all else fails, let people know that you're trying something new that
you hope will bring you closer. Ask them to humor you while you learn.