SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Intentionally Living Compassionately: 28 Days of Nonviolent Communication ~A Daily Guide to Transforming Your Relationships with Empathy and Understanding
Are you struggling to express yourself clearly, feel heard in your relationships, or resolve conflicts peacefully? Live Compassion is a 28-day guided journey designed to help you master the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to cultivate deeper connections, emotional intelligence, and harmonious relationships.
At South Tampa Therapy, Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney specializes in relationship counseling, communication coaching, and emotional wellness, guiding individuals and couples to foster healthy conversations, meaningful connections, and conflict resolution.
If you are ready to transform the way you communicate and strengthen your personal and professional relationships, this guide is for you.
Live Intentionally and Compassionately: A 28-Day Journey to Transform Your Communication and Relationships
A Guide to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) for Deeper Connection
Are you struggling to express yourself clearly, feel heard in your relationships, or resolve conflicts peacefully? Live Compassion is a 28-day guided journey designed to help you master the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to cultivate deeper connections, emotional intelligence, and harmonious relationships.
At South Tampa Therapy, Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney specializes in relationship counseling, communication coaching, and emotional wellness, guiding individuals and couples to foster healthy conversations, meaningful connections, and conflict resolution.
If you are ready to transform the way you communicate and strengthen your personal and professional relationships, this guide is for you.
What You Will Learn in 28 Days
Each day introduces a key theme, reflection, and practical exercise to help you apply compassionate communication in everyday situations. You will:
✅ Break free from unhealthy communication patterns
✅ Learn to express your needs without conflict
✅ Listen more effectively and deeply understand others
✅ Turn conflicts into opportunities for connection
✅ Strengthen relationships with your partner, family, friends, and colleagues
Let’s begin your journey toward mindful, compassionate communication.
Week 1: The Foundation of Compassionate Communication
Day 1: The Power of Awareness
📝 Reflection: How present are you in your daily conversations? Do you truly listen, or are you waiting for your turn to speak?
💡 Exercise: Notice your internal dialogue today. Write down moments when you feel reactive or disengaged. Awareness is the foundation of change.
📖 Quote: "Awareness is the greatest agent for change." – Eckhart Tolle
Day 2: Observing Without Judgment
📝 Reflection: Separating observations from judgments reduces misunderstandings and defensiveness.
💡 Exercise: Think of a recent disagreement. Rewrite the situation neutrally, avoiding interpretations or assumptions.
Day 3: Identifying Feelings
📝 Reflection: Instead of saying, “I feel ignored,” which is an interpretation, express the true emotion, like "I feel lonely."
💡 Exercise: Label your emotions accurately throughout the day. Use an emotions list if needed.
Day 4: Connecting with Needs
📝 Reflection: Every emotion signals a met or unmet need.
💡 Exercise: When frustrated, ask yourself, “What need is not being met?” Shift from blaming others to recognizing your own needs.
Day 5: Expressing Needs Clearly
📝 Reflection: Stating your needs in a collaborative, non-defensive way fosters understanding.
💡 Exercise: Practice this formula:
"I feel [emotion] because I need [need]. Would you be willing to [request]?"
Day 6: Active Listening & Presence
📝 Reflection: True listening requires full presence—not just hearing, but understanding.
💡 Exercise: Today, summarize what someone says before responding. Notice how this deepens connection.
Day 7: Practicing Empathy
📝 Reflection: Empathy is about feeling with someone, not fixing their problems.
💡 Exercise: Next time someone shares their struggles, avoid giving advice. Instead, ask, “Would you like support or just someone to listen?”
Week 2: Deepening Connection Through Expression
Day 8: Self-Compassion First
You can’t give true compassion to others without first offering it to yourself.
💡 Exercise: Write yourself a self-compassion letter about a recent mistake, using the same kindness you would offer a friend.
Day 9: Making Requests, Not Demands
💡 Exercise: Take a past demand and rewrite it as a request that allows the other person choice.
Day 10: Handling Conflict with Curiosity
💡 Exercise: When triggered, pause and ask: “What else could be going on here?”
Day 11: Understanding Triggers
💡 Exercise: Identify one emotional trigger and reflect on how past experiences shape your reaction.
Day 12: Saying No with Compassion
💡 Exercise: Think of a time you said “yes” when you meant “no.” How could you express your boundary with kindness and clarity?
Day 13: Transforming Conflict into Connection
💡 Exercise: Choose an unresolved conflict and apply NVC’s four steps:
Observation (What happened?)
Feeling (How do you feel?)
Need (What need is unmet?)
Request (What would you like to happen?)
Day 14: Cultivating Presence in Conversations
💡 Exercise: Engage in a conversation without formulating your response in your head. Just listen.
Week 3: Strengthening Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
Day 15: The Role of Self-Compassion in NVC
💡 Exercise: Write a self-compassionate letter about a recent mistake.
Day 16: Speaking Your Truth Without Fear
💡 Exercise: Identify one area where you’ve withheld your truth and write an NVC statement to express it clearly.
Day 17: Moving from Criticism to Curiosity
💡 Exercise: Next time you want to criticize, pause and ask a genuine question instead.
Day 18: The Power of "Yes, And…"
💡 Exercise: Reframe a disagreement using "Yes, and…" instead of "Yes, but…".
Day 19: Honoring Boundaries with Compassion
💡 Exercise: Write a boundary statement using NVC principles.
Day 20: Releasing Resentment Through Empathy
💡 Exercise: Write a letter from the perspective of someone you resent. What needs might they have been trying to meet?
Week 4: Transforming Relationships Through NVC
Day 21: The Art of Listening Without Fixing
💡 Exercise: In your next conversation, avoid offering solutions. Just hold space.
Day 22: Understanding and Expressing Anger
💡 Exercise: Identify what unmet need is beneath your anger.
Day 23: Holding Space Without Absorbing Others' Emotions
💡 Exercise: Before responding to someone’s distress, check in with your own emotional state.
Day 24: The Power of Gratitude in Relationships
💡 Exercise: Express one specific appreciation to someone daily.
Day 25: Navigating Disagreements with Compassion
💡 Exercise: Pause and separate the person from their behavior before responding.
Day 26: Making Requests Instead of Demands
💡 Exercise: Rewrite an ignored request as an NVC-based one.
Day 27: The Power of a Pause
💡 Exercise: Before reacting emotionally, pause for five seconds.
Day 28: Choosing Connection Over Being Right
💡 Exercise: Before arguing, ask: "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be connected?"
Ready to Transform Your Relationships?
This 28-day guide is just the beginning. At South Tampa Therapy, Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney helps individuals and couples master healthy communication, emotional intelligence, and relationship skills.
📅 Book a session today to continue your journey toward deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Core Principles from Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
This structured approach ensures both theoretical understanding and practical implementation, leading to real-world transformation in communication and relationships.
By Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, South Tampa Therapy Owner, Counselor & Supervisor
Core Principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
1. Observations vs. Evaluations
• Separate factual observations from interpretations or judgments.
• Example: Instead of saying, “You’re always late,” say, “You arrived 15 minutes after our agreed time.”
2. Feelings vs. Thoughts
• Distinguish emotions from thoughts and interpretations.
• Example: Instead of saying, “I feel like you don’t care about me,” say, “I feel hurt and unimportant when you cancel our plans.”
3. Needs vs. Strategies
• Identify core needs behind feelings rather than focusing solely on solutions.
• Example: Instead of “I need you to text me every morning,” say, “I need connection and reassurance.”
4. Requests vs. Demands
• Formulate clear, actionable, and voluntary requests.
• Example: Instead of “Stop interrupting me,” say, “Could you wait until I finish my sentence before responding?”
5. Empathic Listening & Honest Expression
• Listen with presence, reflect feelings and needs, and express with vulnerability.
• Example: “Are you feeling overwhelmed because you need more support?”
Action-Focused Summary with Implementation Steps
Step 1: Self-Awareness Practices (Days 1-7)
• Daily Reflection: Identify moments where you react with judgment and rewrite them using NVC.
• Feeling Journal: Track emotions and link them to unmet needs.
• Self-Compassion Exercise: When judging yourself, ask: “What need was I trying to meet?”
Step 2: Empathic Listening & Reframing (Days 8-15)
• Active Listening Challenge: Spend a full conversation reflecting the speaker’s feelings and needs without giving advice.
• Daily Practice: Replace criticism with observations and curiosity.
• “Guess the Need” Game: Identify the needs behind other people’s words in conversations or social media posts.
Step 3: Expressing Needs & Making Requests (Days 16-23)
• Request Rewrites: Take past conflicts and transform them into clear, needs-based requests.
• Role-Playing Conversations: Practice expressing emotions and needs with a friend or mirror.
• “Needs Before Solutions” Drill: When frustrated, identify and state your need before suggesting an action.
Step 4: Conflict Resolution & Real-Life Application (Days 24-30)
• Use NVC in a Difficult Conversation: Approach a real-life disagreement using the four-step NVC model.
• “Compassionate Self-Talk” Practice: When self-critical, express your emotions and needs with kindness.
• Empathy Buddy System: Pair with someone to check in daily and debrief difficult conversations.
Knowledge Application Score
Assess your progress (0-10 scale):
1. Can you observe without evaluating in daily situations?
2. Are you able to identify your own emotions clearly?
3. Can you pinpoint the underlying needs behind emotions?
4. How often do you transform demands into requests?
5. Can you listen empathically without fixing or judging?
Scoring Guide:
• 0-4: Awareness stage—keep practicing self-reflection and journaling.
• 5-7: Growth stage—begin applying NVC in low-stakes conversations.
• 8-10: Mastery stage—consistently using NVC in high-stress situations.
Real-World Test Scenarios for NVC Practice
1. Handling Criticism at Work:
• A colleague says, “You never finish projects on time.”
• NVC Response: “Are you feeling frustrated because you need reliability in teamwork?”
2. Conflict with a Partner:
• Your partner says, “You don’t care about me.”
• NVC Response: “Are you feeling hurt because you need more connection and reassurance?”
3. Addressing Family Tension:
• A parent says, “You never call me.”
• NVC Response: “Are you feeling lonely because you need more communication?”
4. Expressing a Need at Work:
• Instead of saying, “I’m overworked and stressed,” say:
• “I feel overwhelmed because I need more balance. Can we discuss redistributing some tasks?”
5. Managing Internal Self-Judgment:
• Instead of thinking, “I’m not good enough,” reframe:
• “I feel insecure because I need reassurance and growth.”
This structured approach ensures both theoretical understanding and practical implementation, leading to real-world transformation in communication and relationships.
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Breaking Down Nonviolent Communication (NVC) into 5 Core Principles
1. Observations vs. Evaluations – “The Security Camera vs. The Judge”
• Metaphor: Imagine a security camera recording a scene. It captures exactly what happens—no opinions, no judgments. Now imagine a judge—interpreting, blaming, or assuming intentions.
• Real-World Example: Instead of saying, “You’re rude!” (judgment), say, “You interrupted me twice while I was speaking.” (observation).
2. Feelings vs. Thoughts – “The Weather Report vs. The News Opinion Piece”
• Metaphor: A weather report states the temperature and conditions without judgment. A news opinion piece adds interpretation and bias.
• Real-World Example: Instead of saying, “I feel like you don’t care about me,” say, “I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together.”
3. Needs vs. Strategies – “The Hungry Child vs. The Candy Bar”
• Metaphor: A child crying for a candy bar isn’t just craving sugar; they need food. The candy bar is one strategy, but the core need is nourishment.
• Real-World Example: Instead of demanding, “Call me every night,”say, “I need connection and reassurance; would you be open to checking in once a day?”
4. Requests vs. Demands – “The Invitation vs. The Command”
• Metaphor: An invitation gives a choice, fostering goodwill. A command pressures and creates resistance.
• Real-World Example: Instead of saying, “Stop interrupting me!” say, “Could you let me finish my sentence before responding?”
5. Empathic Listening & Honest Expression – “The Mirror vs. The Megaphone”
• Metaphor: A mirror reflects back what it sees, creating understanding. A megaphone amplifies only its own voice.
• Real-World Example: Instead of reacting, “You’re overreacting!” try, “Are you feeling frustrated because you need to be heard?”
Mini-Challenges to Test Understanding
• Day 1: Observe a conversation and write down only factual observations.
• Day 2: Spot the difference between feelings and interpretations in your thoughts.
• Day 3: Identify a personal need and separate it from any strategies you use to meet it.
• Day 4: Rephrase a demand you’ve made recently into a request.
• Day 5: Practice reflecting someone’s emotions and needs in conversation.
• Day 6: Have a conversation where you only listen and ask clarifying questions.
• Day 7: Apply all steps in a real conflict or disagreement.
7-Day Mastery Path with Quick-Win Milestones
(Each day focuses on a simple action for immediate clarity and impact.)
Day 1: See Clearly (Observations vs. Evaluations)
• Quick Win: Journal an event using only objective observations.
• Mini-Test: Spot 3 judgments in past conversations and reframe them.
• Clarity Score: [ ] Identified all judgments → 10
[ ] Missed a few → 7
[ ] Struggled → 5
Day 2: Feel the Difference (Feelings vs. Thoughts)
• Quick Win: Write 5 emotions and 5 thoughts; separate them.
• Mini-Test: Identify emotions in three past conversations.
• Clarity Score: [ ] Clear on the difference → 10
[ ] Mixed some up → 7
[ ] Struggled → 5
Day 3: Get to the Root (Needs vs. Strategies)
• Quick Win: Identify one unmet need from today’s emotions.
• Mini-Test: Find a time you mistook a strategy for a need.
• Clarity Score: [ ] Can name needs easily → 10
[ ] Somewhat clear → 7
[ ] Still blending needs & strategies → 5
Day 4: Invite, Don’t Demand (Requests vs. Demands)
• Quick Win: Reframe a demand into a request.
• Mini-Test: Make a small request today and notice the response.
• Clarity Score: [ ] Request felt natural → 10
[ ] Some pushback → 7
[ ] Felt awkward or forced → 5
Day 5: Reflect & Connect (Empathic Listening)
• Quick Win: Listen to a friend and reflect their emotions/needs.
• Mini-Test: See if they correct or confirm your reflection.
• Clarity Score: [ ] Felt deeply connected → 10
[ ] Some clarity but not fully engaged → 7
[ ] Struggled to reflect correctly → 5
Day 6: Deep Listening Challenge
• Quick Win: Have a conversation where you only listen and clarify.
• Mini-Test: Did the other person feel heard?
• Clarity Score: [ ] They felt fully heard → 10
[ ] Partial clarity → 7
[ ] Struggled to stay engaged → 5
Day 7: Real-World Test
• Quick Win: Apply all steps in a challenging conversation.
• Mini-Test: Reflect on how it changed the interaction.
• Clarity Score: [ ] Transformed the conversation → 10
[ ] Some progress → 7
[ ] Felt challenging → 5
This step-by-step mastery path ensures deep understanding, practical use, and immediate improvement in communication!
The Power of Connection in Addiction Recovery
My message here is to offer what I have learned about the power of connection as a healing force against addiction and shame. I do not intend to invalidate the real suffering of millions living moment to moment amidst the chaos of chemical dependency and behavioral addictions. The experience of the addicted brain, body, or even “spirit” is extremely real. Anecdotal wisdom and tired truisms, when offered flippantly, hurt the suffering. Addiction is not simple, you can breathe. You are safe here. I will not offer you a magic cure.
My message here is to offer what I have learned about the power of connection as a healing force against addiction and shame. I do not intend to invalidate the real suffering of millions living moment to moment amidst the chaos of chemical dependency and behavioral addictions. The experience of the addicted brain, body, or even “spirit” is extremely real. Anecdotal wisdom and tired truisms, when offered flippantly, hurt the suffering. Addiction is not simple, you can breathe. You are safe here. I will not offer you a magic cure.
Ok, so let’s talk about Connection!
One of the most shame inducing parts of addiction is isolation. Even if you are a part of the minority of sufferers and you’ve rallied the bravery to share your experience it is still common to have thoughts such as…
“No one understands me. People see me as an addict, broken, helpless.”
“I can’t tell X because I would lose my job, my kids, my leadership role!”
“Even when I am with my partner I feel inexplicably alone”
Brene Brown, popular researcher and public speaker, defines shame as “the fear of disconnection” (Brown B, 2010). People hide in shame because they fear that if they were fully honest or vulnerable it might jeopardize their connection to others. Shame is viewed as a negative emotion in pop psychology but from this perspective, the instinct for shame stems from the pure desire for connection to others.
If we follow this logic, then certainly we shouldn’t add additional shame on ourselves for experiencing shame. Shame is the fear of disconnection. Shame is not inherently bad, but it hurts. We are sensitive to the pain of shame because it makes us feel isolated and impairs our authenticity.
If we fear disconnection to the point of letting shame isolate us, we remain unseen and misunderstood even by those whom we have a “connection” with. You might be able to pull off a certain level of inauthentic connection with others, but this leaves you starved of true connection that comes from living in the “shame free zone” where you feel safe to be honest about what you are experiencing in any given moment. This is true connection. Safety, acceptance, and mutual vulnerability.
But at this point, we face another obstacle. Many have experienced the thing they fear most when stepping into authenticity and vulnerability: Rejection and Disconnection from others. For some, the people they trusted with their honesty weren’t deserving of it. These experiences reinforce the shame-instinct. These experiences break my heart, and they are real, and they hurt. But here’s the good news. Each day, given your unique situation ability and access, you can work towards building connections that are worthy of your trust. You can have corrective connections. Your brain is made to regenerate its physical matter and to rewire toxic neurological pathways. Your heart can be healed through the power of pure love and connection. It is possible to live a meaningful life of connection that does not require you to escape from.
Once again, it is not this simple. Addictions are complex and multifaceted, but research has shown that authentic and safe connection is one of the most powerful forces in overcoming addiction. This is one reason why therapy is effective in treating addiction, it might not just be the cognitive tools and intellectual processing that heals addiction. It might just be the power of a loving and safe connection.
In closing, I will share with you the results of a study published by a Canadian psychologist Bruce Alexander (Hayes, 2020). In this study, the scientists observed rats in empty cages with two bottles. One bottle was filled with water and one bottle was filled with heroin laced water. Each rat observed, was isolated in the cage with the two bottles. Over time, each isolated rat became addicted to the heroin water and eventually all of them overdosed and died. Sad, I know.
Bruce Alexander was bothered by the size of the cage and began to consider “maybe it was the lack of stimulation and other pleasures that reinforced the rats to get high. What else did they have to do?” This is when the team created what is now referred to as “Rat Park.” This cage was over twenty times the size of the first cage and included all sorts of fun and stimulating objects and activities for the rats to enjoy. This cage was full of delicious foods, and over 20 rats of different genders were placed there. The same two water bottles were placed in “Rat Park,” one with pure water and one with heroin laced water. Guess what? All twenty of the rats ignored the heroin water and simply lived in their natural bliss of connection, play, nourishment, and mating.
The outcomes of this study reinforce my deep conviction that authentic connection is the opposite of addiction. Is it possible that the success rates of therapy and even twelve step programs have less to do with “rigorous morality” or professional expertise as much as they have to do with connection?
Honest, Authentic, Safe, Shame-Free, Fearless, and Vulnerable Connection. This is my hope for the suffering and alone. To experience “Rat Park” in real life and experience the transformative power of connection.
Author: Shaundra Mcguire, MFTI
Book an appointment with Shaundra online here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/ShaundraMcguireMFTI
References
Dr. Brené Brown on “The Power of Vulnerability” – Whitney Johnson. (2010). Whitney Johnson’s Distuption Advisors. https://whitneyjohnson.com/brene-brown-vulnerability/
Hayes, T. (2020, November 13). The opposite of addiction is . . .. Integrated Addiction Care. https://www.integratedaddictioncare.com/2020/11/12/the-opposite-of-addiction-is/