SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES
How to navigate the transition from the 20s to the 30s
This month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA’s Bloom. She provided tips on how to navigate the life stage transition many people undergo during their 30s. You can watch the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.
This month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA’s Bloom. She provided tips on how to navigate the life stage transition many people undergo during their 30s. You can watch the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.
Typically at some point in their 30s, individuals move into the middle adulthood stage of their lives. Between ages 18 and up to age 40 in some cases, people work through what famous psychologist Erik Erikson called the intimacy versus isolation stage, which is about finding and forming fulfilling romantic relationships and friendships. This stage can be completed at different times for different people, but the main task associated with intimacy versus isolation is forming close, enduring relationships.
Erikson called the stage after this generativity versus stagnation, and it’s all about developing a sense of purpose, caring for others, and contributing to the world. In this stage, individuals – having developed strong relationships with others – may focus on their work, raising families, or contributing to their community. While Erikson generally felt this stage should start by age 40, many people begin to shift their focus on these contribution-focused tasks earlier, often in their 30s.
So, how does one successfully complete the task of learning how to care and contribute to the world in a way that brings them meaning during this phase of life?
Developing a sense of purpose: In Erikson's stage of generativity versus stagnation, individuals must find meaning and purpose in their lives beyond their own personal needs and desires. To successfully navigate this transition from intimacy versus isolation, individuals must begin to explore and cultivate their own sense of purpose. This could involve pursuing career goals, volunteering for a cause they care about, or developing a hobby or passion that provides a sense of fulfillment and purpose.
Building and maintaining relationships: Intimacy versus isolation is all about developing close relationships with others, and this remains important in generativity versus stagnation. However, the focus shifts from romantic partnerships and friendships to broader social connections, such as their community. To navigate this transition successfully, individuals must continue to invest in their relationships and develop new ones, while also learning to balance their own needs with the needs of others.
Leaving a legacy: In Erikson's stage of generativity versus stagnation, individuals must begin to think about the mark they will leave on the world. This could involve having children and raising them well, contributing to their community in meaningful ways, or leaving behind a creative or intellectual legacy. Individuals must begin to think about their impact on the world and take actions that align with their values and goals. This may involve taking risks, trying new things, and stepping outside of their comfort zone in order to make a meaningful contribution to the world around them.
Counseling top tip: Identify your values
One powerful exercise you can do to ensure you are spending their time on meaningful, generative, and purposeful activities during this stage is to identify your values. In order to complete the exercise, find a list of values (there are several values lists online as well as values card decks for purchase). Sort the values into 3 piles: very important to me, kind of important to me, and not important to me. Then, select your top 5 values from the very important to me pile. Map your activities onto these values to determine how closely what you are spending your time on aligns with these values. This enables you to make a better-informed decision about living with intention during the middle adulthood years. Just think: 30 years from now, you’ll be able to look back on this time of your life and know you made the most of it!
How to cultivate a positive mindset for active aging
Exercising our minds and bodies, staying socially connected, and living with purpose are all connected to longer, more fulfilling lives as we age and reach retirement age. But given the stereotypes about aging that pervade Western cultures, it can be difficult to overcome doubts about staying active, healthy, and engaged as we get older.
Last month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA TV’s Bloom. She dispelled stereotypes about aging and provided tips on how to foster a positive mindset and stay active as we age. You can view the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.
Exercising our minds and bodies, staying socially connected, and living with purpose are all connected to longer, more fulfilling lives as we age and reach retirement age. But given the stereotypes about aging that pervade Western cultures, it can be difficult to overcome doubts about staying active, healthy, and engaged as we get older.
So, how do we cultivate a positive mindset for active aging?
Reject the stereotypes about aging
There are a lot of misconceptions about aging in America – false ideas like as people age, they are doomed to poor health, cognitive decline, and general decline in life satisfaction. These are myths. (And as part of a generation with parents entering this phase of life, I’m passionate about dispelling these myths.)
The truth is that subjective well-being increases with age, and we see a jump in subjective well-being around age 50, and this persists until the very oldest stage of life.
Why? One explanation is that as we age we become more emotionally stable. We’re better able to handle stress and weather storms with hard-earned wisdom.
Another reason may be that, contrary to the myth that older adults become more set in their ways, older adults actually report more openness to the future.
In addition, older adults report more satisfaction in their social relationships.
And finally, as we age we care less and less about what people think! There is freedom in this.
All of this is important to remember because a 2022 study from Harvard revealed that people with more positive attitudes about getting older tend to live longer and healthier lives than those with negative perceptions.
Be intentional about connecting to purpose and people
Having a purpose gives our lives meaning. We spend so much time planning for retirement, that it’s easy to forget to plan the retirement itself! Consider the legacy you want to leave behind in this new chapter. Is the purpose of this chapter to teach others, spend more time connecting with loved ones, building a new skill you’ve always wanted to try? There are so many exciting possibilities for projects that align with your values.
Post-retirement years are also a great time to join a club and get involved in a community organization.
Make a plan for exercise
Research shows that exercising regularly has immense physical, emotional, and cognitive benefits – especially in our older years. But we’re not always motivated to do it. The key is to make a plan for when you’ll exercise and also make a plan for how you’ll respond if you don’t feel like it.
For instance, you could tell yourself you’ll just try exercising for a few minutes and see how it goes. Chances are, you’ll find the motivation to do more. You can also take a moment to envision all the benefits you will get from exercising to create the kinds of positive feelings that then lead to motivation.
Another great way to stay motivated is by recruiting your friends and family members to exercise with you or help keep each other accountable.
Finally, fit activity into your lifestyle. Take the stairs. Park in the back of the parking lot. Take the dog for a long walk. These small moments of activity add up.
Cultivate gratitude, openness, and curiosity
Research shows that the number one factor happy people have in common is gratitude. Actively noticing and being thankful for the small things in life can give you the boost you need to maintain a positive mindset.
Make use of that openness you’re experiencing. Lean into it. Get curious about what’s out there waiting for you in your retirement years. Who knows if you’re the next budding photographer, master’s high jumper, or champion pickleball player.
To Book with Kaitlin Lowey: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE
It is important to have goals because they are good for your physical and mental health. You can have goals for all areas of your life. Here are a few ideas:
Career Learning
Clubs Money
Community Politics
Contribution Professional
Emotional Reading
Family Relationships
Health Service
Home Spiritual
Interests Travel
What Makes an Effective Goal?
Not all goals are motivating. If a goal is too vague, hard to measure, or impossible to achieve, it will lack effectiveness and ultimately be a wasted exercise. Goal statements should be:
• Stated with action verbs
• Specific
• Measurable
• Challenging
• Written down, with completion dates
Effective goals have all five ingredients.
The 80/20 Rule
The 80/20 Rule (also known as Pareto’s Principle) says that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. Here are a few examples:
• 20% of the area in your house requires 80% of the cleaning.
• 20% of the stocks in an investor’s portfolio produce 80% of the results.
• 20% of the kids in a class cause 80% of the problems.
• 20% of the books in a bookstore account for 80% of the sales.
You can probably think of a few examples of your own. Note them here:
It’s important to remind yourself not to get bogged down on low-value activities, but to stay focused on the high-value 20%.
High-Payoff Planning
High-payoff (HIPO) time is the 20% that produces the desired results. Low-payoff (LOPO) time is the 80% that produces only 20% of the results. The challenge is to find the HIPO tasks and work on those first.
The HIPO strategies:
• Setting a deadline increases the chances that you will accomplish a task.
• Setting a specific time to do something increases the chances that you will accomplish it.
• Divide and conquer: Break a task into smaller pieces and it becomes easier to complete.
• Motivate yourself by listing the benefits of completing a task.
• Motivate yourself in another way by rewarding yourself for completing a task.
The LOPO strategies:
• Don’t do it at all.
• Do it later.
• Do it with minimum time investment or at a lower standard.
Think of your own life. Can you identify five high-payoff and five low-payoff targets and the activities that contribute directly to each?
Identifying and writing down these items increases the chances that they will be accomplished.
Force Field Analysis
For every goal that you set, there are conditions (forces) that encourage its completion. There are also conditions that discourage its completion.
The Force Field Analysis process helps you identify two kinds of forces: (1) the forces that are pushing with you as you work toward your goal (encouraging forces), and (2) the forces that are pushing against you (discouraging forces).
The process of force field analysis (developed by scientist Kurt Lewin) is based on a law of physics that says that when two equal but opposite forces push against one another, there is no movement.
Why is this important to a person working toward a goal? Because a similar dynamic can prevent you from achieving your goal.
The idea here is to avoid paralysis and encourage momentum by increasing positive (encouraging) forces and decreasing negative (discouraging) forces. For example:
Goal: Run in a marathon in 2002.
Discouraging forces:
• I haven’t exercised regularly for the past five years.
• I tend to start projects and then get bored quickly.
• I live in the Midwest and weather can be a problem.
Encouraging forces:
• I am in good health.
• My neighbor is a runner and has encouraged me to take up the sport.
• My family thinks this is a good idea.
After identifying as many encouraging as discouraging forces, you can map a strategy to build on your strengths-the forces in your favor-and reduce the barriers.
I encourage you to choose a goal of your own and make a list of the encouraging and discouraging forces. This will help you develop an action plan and increase your chances of success.
Your Action Plan
Once you have identified the forces that both favor and discourage the achievement of your goal, it’s time to make an action plan. Here is an example:
Force: I haven’t exercised regularly for the past five years.
Actions I can take:
1. Start slowly.
2. Map out a plan where I start with a 20-minute walk this Saturday morning.
3. Buy a running magazine.
4. Visit a few running web sites.
5. Straighten up the room where my exercise bike has been serving as a clothes rack. Clear away the junk and move a TV in to encourage me to use the bike every other morning.
Who can help me:
1. My neighbor, the runner.
2. My family members will encourage me. I well tell them that I need this.
3. The woman in the next cubicle started an exercise program last year.
Now it’s your turn. Just fill in the blanks.
Force:
Actions I can take:
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Who can help me:
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