SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Can Gottman Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship Improve?
The main goal of Gottman Couples Therapy is to help couples strengthen their relationships by improving communication, enhancing love, and building trust. The therapy process focuses on evidence-based interventions that have been shown to be effective in strengthening relationships.
If you are facing relationship struggles, Gottman Couples Therapy can provide you and your partner with the support you need to work through your problems. This approach to couple’s therapy is based on over 40 years of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Gottman.
The main goal of Gottman Couples Therapy is to help couples strengthen their relationships by improving communication, enhancing love, and building trust. The therapy process focuses on evidence-based interventions that have been shown to be effective in strengthening relationships.
One of the key elements of this therapy is the concept of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which refers to four negative communication patterns: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These patterns can be some of the most significant predictors of relationship breakdown. During the therapy sessions, the couples learn to recognize and avoid these patterns, which helps them to communicate more effectively.
Another essential component of Gottman Couples Therapy is the “Love Maps” exercise. This exercise involves creating a detailed understanding of each other’s inner worlds, including dreams, hopes, and fears. By building these Love Maps, couples can stay connected and understand each other better.
In addition, Gottman Couples Therapy helps couples to develop conflict management skills. During the therapy sessions, couples learn how to navigate argument and disagreements by expressing their own needs while also listening to their partner's feelings and concerns.
Gottman Couples Therapy also emphasizes the importance of reinforcing positive behavior. Couples are encouraged to express appreciation, admiration, and affection towards one another regularly. This allows the couple to build and maintain a strong foundation of love and positivity.
Overall, Gottman Couples Therapy is an evidence-based approach to counseling that can help couples work through various relationship challenges. By focusing on improved communication, increased trust, and building stronger emotional connections, couples can learn ways to enhance their relationship and increase their overall happiness.
Couples Counseling South Tampa: Couples Reveal What They Have Learned In Therapy
Couples reveal what they learn from therapy.
As a marriage and family therapist in Tampa, Florida, I have received feedback from several different clients. I combine some of the most powerful approaches utilizing Internal Family Systems, Compassionate Communication and Non-Violent Communication, The Gottman Method, Emotion Focused Therapy, Holistic Psychology, CBT, and DBT.
Here are the 10 best lessons couples learned from therapy.
Go to therapy sooner rather than later.
It is best to go to a counselor before sh*t hits the fan. This way, you can start to develop conflict resolution and communication skills before resentment builds. Establishing a therapeutic relationship with a counselor early on can be beneficial when and if you find yourselves in a rut. Having an unbiased and supportive counselor can help you and your partner maintain a healthy relationship when and if you need support along your relationship journey.
You are on the same team.
There is no winning and you don’t need to fight against each other. Therapy is a great tool and safe space to really work through things together. Meeting both of our needs, growing, and thriving together is the goal. We often ask ourselves, are you trying to listen to understand or are you trying to be right?
Play and have fun together.
Unstructured quality time to just be living purely in the moment increases connection, creativity, and releases negativity. A couple that plays together stays together!
Unfinished business of childhood can show up in adulthood.
Continuing to work on intrinsic positive change is a lifelong learning process. Insight and empathy can help partners understand conflict in a whole new light. When we create an awareness of patterns and habits we are able to create awareness regarding intentional choices in real time. If we are not aware, we keep reacting. Responding intentionally knowing what is happening is being awake to our inner experiences. Self-witnessing is a tremendous tool that can be used in so many facets of our lives. Practicing compassion for our partner's story, and becoming more empathetic to each other, we could actually help our partner heal from their painful childhood experiences.
It is not about changing the issue, it is about understanding.
We have learned so much about communication and the ways to really listen to understand one another. Most people listen to try to change the other person’s perspective. When we get into trying to change the other person, defensiveness comes into the game. When defensiveness shows up, it creates disconnect. Communication either connects us and helps us get needs met or it disconnects us and sabotages our needs. We feel all sorts of negative feelings when our needs are not being met. However, we are in homeostasis when our needs are met and feel positive emotions. Our feelings are always signals to pay attention to which provide data about whether our needs are being met or not. When we know what we need, we are in a powerful position to get the needs met intentionally. When we do not know what we need, we will probably be in autopilot, reactionary-mode. Tune into your inner worlds so that you can understand yourself. When we understand, we can communicate honestly about what is happening internally.
Our thoughts are the root cause of anger.
Anger masks more vulnerable feelings like hurt, disappointment, and sadness. It's helpful when both partners understand that the words or behavior hurts their partner, even when their partner tends to react with anger or stonewalling. Therapy can help couples connect — which includes learning how to get calmer and go slower rather than to lay out their arguments about who's "right".
Hear your partner out before letting emotions get in the way.
Getting guidance from a therapist around how to listen to each other without being emotionally charged about the topic can help couples stay engaged in the conversation, to accept influence from one another, and compromise based on needs. This is huge! We can stay curious about what is actually happening in the moment. When our partners feel heard and understood, they are in a better position to hear us too. Listen to each other without reacting! This sounds so simple but bad habits can be hard to break and its beneficial to have a therapist as a sounding board to make neutral observations.
Conflict is normal, you will have different perspectives at times, and disagreements are inevitable in every relationship.
There will be different stages throughout life and couples will never stop getting to know one another. The most important thing is that you listen, respect, and acknowledge each other's viewpoints. Many times, people listen to respond and not to understand — which is one of the biggest reasons why many relationships fail. Attending couples therapy, can help partners communicate feelings, emotions, and concerns more effectively. Counseling equips couples with valuable skills that will be instrumental throughout their lifetime and once they become parents.
Marriage therapy taught us how to communicate about our needs and desires without hurting the other person.
When we are emotionally and intimately disconnected, it is challenging to help each other to feel heard and understood. The way we deal with conflict is directly correlated to intimacy. Change the way we fight, change the way we love. When we trust each other more and give each other the benefit of the doubt, we're less hurt when the other person isn't in the same place as us in the moment, We may still have issues and hurt feelings from time to time, but we're better equipped to handle those problems when they come up.
Psycho-education and therapy helped couples identify patterns.
One partner was pretty direct and the other partner tended to be more thoughtful in the way he delivered information. One partner said the thing that stuck with her the most was that the therapist was able to reframe and articulate her partner's concerns in a way that he couldn't — which then helped her to understand him better. Therapy can help couples become aware of how reactions to difficult situations can be unhelpful. Attempting to respond in a way that is more productive for the relationship can feel very different. Psycho-education can be of tremendous value when co-morbidity plays a role in relationships. Trauma informed therapy can help partners empathize, respond to each others needs, and heal together. It is advantageous to the relationship when partners learn about mental health together.
To learn more about how therapy can help you, please text or call Dr. Mahaney directly 813-240-3237 or book an initial consultation: www.SouthTampaCounselor.com/BookAppointment
How to Find the Best Therapist in Tampa (or the Best Virtual Online Therapist in Florida) for YOU
How to Find the BEST Therapist for YOU!
Tips for Finding the Best Counselor in Tampa, Florida
If you’re considering therapy — whether it’s to restore a relationship, recover from a trauma, adjust to a new life phase, or improve your mental health — finding the best counselor for you is the first hurdle to cross.
Researchers have found that the bond between you and your therapist is likely to have a big impact on your growth. That’s why it’s important to do your research, ask questions, and pay attention to your own responses in your search for the therapist that’s right for you.
You may do a search by typing in any of the below examples based on your specific needs:
“best therapist Tampa” “best counselor tampa” “best online counselor in Florida” “top rated marriage counselor in Tampa” “best marriage therapist in Tampa” “best online couples counselor in Florida”
How do YOU decide who the best psychotherapist, counselor, or psychologist is for YOU when this is very SUBJECTIVE?
It is important to do your research and trust your gut!
Here are some other tried-and-true methods for finding a therapist to help you reach your therapeutic goals.
1. Consult a provider directory
If you plan to pay for therapy through your insurance plan, your first step might be to look through your plan’s provider network.
It’s also a good idea to find out whether your plan limits the number of sessions you can attend each year and whether using an out-of-network therapist will affect your out-of-pocket costs.
Insurance Provider Directory, www.Psychologytoday.com , www.therapyden.com , www.goodtherapy.org
2. Ask someone you trust
Ask for a recommendation from a friend, colleague, or doctor you trust to find a therapist who might be a good fit for you.
A referral is a good place to start. it’s important to realize that you may have different needs and goals for your therapy than the person giving you the referral.
So, “the best counselor” for one of you might not be as beneficial to the other.
3. Use reliable national online databases
There are quite a few mental health organizations that maintain up-to-date, searchable databases of licensed therapists.
Your search could start by ZIP code, city, state, specific specialities, and so on including:
4. Explore local resources
Your community may also have resources for example:
Students (all ages), your school may provide access to a counseling center.
Employees, your human resources team might offer a list of therapists through a workplace or employee assistance program.
Local advocacy organizations are available through 211
5. Reach out to organizations that address your area of concern
If you’re looking for a therapist to help with a specific mental health issue, you might find local therapists through a national association, network, or helpline:
If your job is a source of stress and anxiety, you might find local therapists through a professional organization.
Many trade unions have resources to assist with mental health needs:
International Association of Firefighters offers help with mental health, PTSD, and substance abuse.
Resources for people of color
Access to culture-conscious therapists and best practices for your well-being. Here are some resources to consider when looking for a therapist:
The Yellow Couch Collective, an online support group for Black women
The National Asian American Pacific Islander Mental Health Association
Nina Pop Mental Health Recovery Fund and Tony McDade Mental Health Recovery Fund, a group that offers therapy sessions to help Black transgender people
6. Think about your goals
What do you want to accomplish in therapy?
Are you looking for a specific treatment approaches?
Your goals may change as you work with a therapist. It’s okay to change the direction of your treatment plan as your needs evolve.
7. Online therapy
Online counseling helps you explore convenient and effective ways to implement therapy in your busy schedule.
8. Ask lots of questions
When you meet your therapist, whether it’s online, on the phone, or in person, ask lots of questions and get a feel for whether a therapist is “the best therapist” for YOU!!
Jot down questions as they come up for you.
The American Psychological Association suggests a few questions for you to consider asking your therapist during your first session:
Are you a licensed in this state?
How many years have you been in practice?
How much experience do you have?
What do you consider to be your specialty or expertise?
What kinds of treatments have you found that are effective?
What insurance do you accept?
Will I need to pay you directly and then seek reimbursement from my insurance company, or do you bill the insurance company?
Are you part of my insurance network?
9. Pay close attention to your “gut” to find your “best therapist near me”
No matter how many professional accreditations your therapist has, your own feelings of trust and comfort should be your top priority. Will therapy be uncomfortable from time to time? Possibly. After all, you’ll likely be discussing difficult, personal topics.
But if you feel uncomfortable with your therapist for any other reason, it’s all right to look for someone else.
You don’t need a reason to switch therapists. It’s enough that you don’t feel comfortable.
Here are a few things to notice as you talk with your therapist:
Does the therapist interrupt you, or do they listen carefully to what you’re saying?
How does your body feel during a therapy session? Do you feel tense?
Does the therapist respect your time?
Does the therapist brush off or invalidate your concerns?
Do you feel seen, heard, and respected during your session?
The bottom line
Whether you’re coping with grief, trauma, or relationship issues, or want treatment for a mental illness, finding a helpful, and the best therapist for you can make a big difference in your journey.
To find a therapist who’s a good fit, start by considering practical matters like licensure, insurance coverage, location, and specialties.
You may find that friends, colleagues, and your healthcare providers are a good source of referrals. You may also find options by using search tools provided by organizations that address your specific concerns.
When you’ve narrowed down your choices, you may find it helpful to think about your goals and questions, so you can be sure you and your therapist are well matched and aligned on your treatment plan.
Ultimately, finding the “BEST” therapist is a SUBJECTIVE personal matter. Human connection is at the heart of effective therapy, and you can build that sense of connection in person, on the phone, or online.
WISHING YOU THE VERY BEST! If you reach out to me and make an appointment, if for ANY reason, we are not a good fit, I will do my very best to find the “best therapist” for YOU!!!
Liz