SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
What It Means to Make the Unconscious Conscious
One of the most well-known ideas in psychodynamic therapy is the phrase “making the unconscious
conscious.” But what does that actually mean?
It doesn’t mean uncovering buried secrets or analyzing every dream. It’s about gently shining a light on the parts
of ourselves that we may not fully see—the emotional habits, fears, assumptions, and patterns we repeat
without quite knowing why.
These unconscious patterns are often the root of what brings people to therapy.
One of the most well-known ideas in psychodynamic therapy is the phrase “making the unconscious
conscious.” But what does that actually mean?
It doesn’t mean uncovering buried secrets or analyzing every dream. It’s about gently shining a light on the parts
of ourselves that we may not fully see—the emotional habits, fears, assumptions, and patterns we repeat
without quite knowing why.
These unconscious patterns are often the root of what brings people to therapy.
What Is the Unconscious?
The unconscious isn’t some mysterious or separate part of the mind. It’s simply made up of the thoughts,
feelings, memories, and emotional experiences we’ve pushed out of awareness—usually because they were
painful, confusing, or overwhelming at the time.
These experiences still live in us. They can shape how we respond to others, how we protect ourselves, how we
feel in relationships, and how we interpret the world. We may not always realize it, but the past can quietly
influence our present in ways that feel automatic or puzzling.
How Unconscious Patterns Show Up
You might notice yourself reacting strongly to a partner or withdrawing when you feel criticized. You might
constantly doubt yourself or sabotage things that are going well. You may feel stuck in patterns you don’t fully
understand.
These moments often have roots in earlier experiences. We may be repeating a familiar emotional script—one
that once helped us cope but no longer serves us.
Therapy as a Process of Discovery
Psychodynamic therapy helps us notice these patterns with curiosity, not judgment. The therapist and client
explore together—paying attention to recurring themes, emotional triggers, and relational dynamics that unfold
both inside and outside the therapy room.
As these unconscious patterns come into awareness, they begin to loosen. What was once automatic becomes
something we can feel, think about, and respond to with more choice and clarity.
Why This Matters
Making the unconscious conscious allows us to step out of survival mode and into a deeper, more authentic
relationship with ourselves. It helps us stop living in reaction to old wounds and begin creating new, more
flexible ways of being.
Insight on its own isn’t everything. But when we pair it with compassion, safety, and emotional connection, it
can be truly transformative.
Thanks for reading.
My name is Amber, and I’m a Master’s-level mental health counselor in training, practicing under supervision
at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy rooted in insight, self-
compassion, and a deep respect for your lived experience. If this kind of work speaks to you, you can book a
session with me here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber
Why We Repeat Old Patterns in Relationships
Have you ever found yourself in a familiar emotional dynamic—feeling rejected, unseen, overly responsible, or
afraid of being too much—even when the people around you are different? It’s a common experience, and
psychodynamic therapy sees it not as a flaw, but as a clue.
We tend to repeat what we know. Not because we want to suffer, but because our emotional templates were
shaped early, and they quietly guide how we interpret and respond to others. These patterns can feel frustrating,
confusing, and hard to break—but they’re also meaningful, and they can be worked with.
Have you ever found yourself in a familiar emotional dynamic—feeling rejected, unseen, overly responsible, or
afraid of being too much—even when the people around you are different? It’s a common experience, and
psychodynamic therapy sees it not as a flaw, but as a clue.
We tend to repeat what we know. Not because we want to suffer, but because our emotional templates were
shaped early, and they quietly guide how we interpret and respond to others. These patterns can feel frustrating,
confusing, and hard to break—but they’re also meaningful, and they can be worked with.
Relationships as Emotional Blueprints
Our earliest relationships teach us what to expect from closeness. We learn how safe it is to depend on others,
how to manage disappointment or rejection, and how to regulate emotions with or without support. These
emotional lessons often happen beneath the surface.
As we grow up, we don’t leave those expectations behind. We carry them with us—into friendships, romantic
partnerships, even the therapy relationship. We might assume that we’ll be judged, abandoned, smothered, or
overlooked, even if no one has said or done anything yet.
Why We Repeat What Hurts
Sometimes we repeat painful patterns because they feel familiar. Other times, we unconsciously recreate
situations in the hope of mastering them—trying to get a different outcome this time. We may feel drawn to
certain types of people or dynamics, not realizing we’re revisiting an old emotional wound.
Psychodynamic therapy sees these repetitions not as failures, but as attempts to work something out. They’re
signals that a part of us is still seeking understanding, healing, or resolution.
The Role of the Therapy Relationship
One of the unique things about psychodynamic therapy is that it pays close attention to what happens in the
therapy relationship. That’s not because it’s about the therapist—it’s because the emotional patterns we carry
often show up there, too.
If someone fears rejection, they might hold back in therapy. If someone expects to be criticized, they may brace
for it without realizing. These moments are opportunities—not to analyze or correct, but to notice what’s
happening together. Over time, the therapy relationship can offer a new kind of experience: one where
emotional patterns can be explored, felt, and slowly transformed.
Breaking the Cycle with Compassion
Once we begin to see these patterns clearly, we can respond to them differently. We can start to recognize when
we’re caught in something old. We can pause, reflect, and make new choices.
Most importantly, we can bring compassion to the part of us that keeps repeating—not because it’s broken, but
because it learned to survive the best way it could.
Thanks for reading.
My name is Amber, and I’m a Master’s-level mental health counselor in training, practicing under supervision
at South Tampa Therapy. I offer warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy rooted in insight, self-
compassion, and a deep respect for your lived experience. If this kind of work speaks to you, you can book a
session with me here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/Amber
Why We Use Defense Mechanisms (And Why They’re Not a Bad Thing)
Have you ever noticed yourself cracking a joke when things get serious? Or brushing off a painful experience with, “It wasn’t that big of a deal”? These subtle patterns might not seem like much, but they’re actually doing something important.
They’re protecting you.
In psychodynamic therapy, we call these kinds of responses defense mechanisms—and despite how that might sound, they’re not bad, immature, or wrong. They’re creative, adaptive strategies we develop to cope with stress, pain, and overwhelming emotions. Most of the time, they happen without us even realizing it.
Have you ever noticed yourself cracking a joke when things get serious? Or brushing off a painful experience with, “It wasn’t that big of a deal”? These subtle patterns might not seem like much, but they’re actually doing something important.
They’re protecting you.
In psychodynamic therapy, we call these kinds of responses defense mechanisms—and despite how that might sound, they’re not bad, immature, or wrong. They’re creative, adaptive strategies we develop to cope with stress, pain, and overwhelming emotions. Most of the time, they happen without us even realizing it.
Let’s take a closer look at what defenses really are—and why they deserve our compassion, not our judgment.
What Are Defense Mechanisms?
Defense mechanisms are unconscious ways we protect ourselves from emotional discomfort, internal conflict, or painful memories. They show up as patterns of thinking, behaving, or relating that helped us get through tough moments—especially when we were young and didn’t have better tools yet.
Some are easy to spot. Others are so woven into our daily lives that we hardly recognize them.
Common Defenses You Might Recognize:
Intellectualizing – staying in your head to avoid feeling what's in your heart
Minimizing – “It’s fine, I’m fine,” even when it’s really not
People-pleasing – taking care of others to avoid rejection or conflict
Sarcasm or humor – using wit to dodge emotional vulnerability
Withdrawal – shutting down or pulling away when you feel hurt
Perfectionism – striving for control to avoid shame or failure
These aren’t random habits. They’re protections. And at one point, they worked.
Why We Develop Defenses in the First Place
Most defenses begin in childhood, when we’re still figuring out how to handle big emotions in a world that may not feel safe or validating. If you grew up in an environment where your feelings were dismissed or your needs were unmet, you learned to adapt.
A child who felt emotionally unsafe might grow into an adult who avoids closeness.
A child who feared rejection might become someone who over-gives or self-sacrifices.
A child who was often blamed might develop a harsh inner critic to stay “one step ahead” of judgment.
This is your nervous system’s way of protecting you. Not dysfunction—survival.
What Therapy Offers
In therapy, we don’t rush to tear down defenses. We get curious about them.
We ask:
What is this defense trying to protect?
When did I first learn to use it?
What might it feel like to lower this guard—just a little?
As we create a space of emotional safety and trust, defenses start to soften—not because we force them away, but because we no longer need them in the same way.
Over time, that allows for more freedom, more authenticity, and a deeper sense of connection—with yourself and others.
Learning to Hold Defenses with Compassion
It’s so easy to beat ourselves up for the very strategies that helped us survive. But self-judgment only keeps us stuck in shame. What we really need is self-compassion and a sense of context.
You weren’t weak for developing defenses. You were wise.
Now, with more support and insight, you get to choose which defenses still serve you—and which ones you’re ready to thank and release.
Ready to Explore This Kind of Work?
Hi, I’m Amber, a Master’s-level counselor at South Tampa Therapy. I specialize in warm, collaborative psychodynamic therapy that honors your lived experience and helps you gently explore the “why” behind your patterns—with compassion, not criticism.
If this kind of inner work speaks to you, I’d love to connect.
👉 Book a session with me here.
South Tampa Therapy | Psychodynamic Counseling • Relational Insight • Self-Compassion
The Illusion of Control in Relationships: A Path to Autonomy and Acceptance
While controlling behaviors may offer temporary relief, they can undermine the long-term health of the relationship. By shifting away from control and towards acceptance, we can foster a stronger, more resilient partnership.
Embrace the journey of self-awareness and growth. As you learn to manage your own emotions and reactions, you can cultivate a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship that values autonomy, mutual respect, and open communication.
Control in relationships can give us a false sense of security, leading us to believe that by exerting influence over our partner, we can manage our needs and desires. However, this approach often has the opposite effect, pushing our partner further away and potentially causing resentment or dissatisfaction in the relationship. Let's explore why control is detrimental and how we can shift towards autonomy and acceptance instead.
The False Security of Control
The urge to control often stems from a desire to manage our emotions and meet our needs. We may think that by guiding our partner's actions or responses, we can create a sense of stability and predictability. This belief can be rooted in underlying fears of uncertainty or anxiety about unmet needs.
However, control is a double-edged sword. While it may provide short-term relief or gratification, it can ultimately harm the relationship. Over time, it can erode trust, diminish intimacy, and create distance between partners.
The Importance of Autonomy
Autonomy is a fundamental aspect of healthy relationships. It allows each partner to maintain their individuality, make independent choices, and feel respected in their decisions. When one partner attempts to control the other, it infringes on their autonomy and can lead to feelings of suffocation or resentment.
Tolerating Discomfort and Embracing Acceptance
To move away from controlling behaviors, it's essential to learn to tolerate discomfort and difficult emotions. This process involves reaching a point of acceptance for things beyond our control, such as our partner's thoughts, feelings, and choices.
Here are some strategies to cultivate acceptance and autonomy in relationships:
Self-Regulation: Learn to manage your emotions and responses to challenging situations. Practice mindfulness and breathing exercises to stay calm and centered.
Awareness: Reflect on your feelings and needs in the moment. Ask yourself what you're trying to achieve through controlling behavior and whether there are healthier ways to meet your needs.
Identify Payoffs: Recognize the short-term gains you receive from controlling behaviors. While these payoffs may provide immediate comfort, they can reinforce unhealthy patterns in the long run.
Communicate Needs: Openly express your needs to your partner without attempting to control their response. This fosters mutual understanding and collaboration.
Practice Empathy: Try to understand your partner's perspective and respect their autonomy. This can help you approach situations with more compassion and less control.
Embrace Acceptance: Acknowledge the things you can't control and focus on what you can influence, such as your own behavior and responses.
Finding Long-Term Fulfillment
While controlling behaviors may offer temporary relief, they can undermine the long-term health of the relationship. By shifting away from control and towards acceptance, we can foster a stronger, more resilient partnership.
Embrace the journey of self-awareness and growth. As you learn to manage your own emotions and reactions, you can cultivate a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship that values autonomy, mutual respect, and open communication.
Book a session with Author Chelsea Reeves, MFTI here: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment
Suicide Awareness and Assessing Signs of Risk in Loved Ones:
When I work with clients who are struggling with suicidal ideation, I start by normalizing those thoughts and taking some of the weight and judgement away. I explain that it’s natural for our minds to search for escape routes from life’s struggles. For some people, that escape route looks like “I just want to drop everything and move to a remote island where I know no one and have no responsibilities.” For others, it may look like suicidal thoughts. The theme of escaping life’s responsibilities is the same — and we can share empathy about how hard it can be to face overwhelming difficulty, especially when we don’t have enough support.
Suicidal thoughts can be very isolating for an individual. Letting someone know that you are aware of their struggles and here as a helpful support for them can make all the difference. Know that it can help to talk with the individual openly about their suicidal thoughts, make it known that it’s okay that they are dealing with this, and always share that there are resources to help.
According to the CDC, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Nearly 46,000 people died by suicide in 2020, which would equate to an average of 1 death every 11 minutes. But suicide can be preventable, and there are resources available to help.
On July 16th of this year, 988 became the nationwide suicide hotline number. All texts or calls made to 988 are directly rooted to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline where you will be supported and helped by trained mental health professionals.
YOU can also help!
Noticing signs of suicide:
If you hear or notice any of the following thoughts or behaviors in someone you know, they may be at risk for suicide.
Talking about wanting to die
“I just can’t take it anymore”
“I wish everything could end”
“I feel too much guilt or shame to continue on”
“I feel like a burden and people would be better off without me”
Expressing feelings surrounding:
Loneliness, feeling isolated and that there is no one to live for
Hopelessness, feeling like there is no “light at the end of the tunnel”
Trapped, feeling stuck in a difficult situation with no foreseeable way out
Sad, depressed, anxious feelings
Strong emotional or physical pain
Low self-esteem, feeling unworthy of love and connection
Behaviors:
Researching ways to die
Making a suicide plan
Purchasing lethal weapons (guns, knives, pills, rope)
Withdrawing from social circles and saying goodbye to loved ones
Giving away important keepsakes
Writing a will
Dangerous risk-taking behaviors, such as driving reckless
Exhibiting extreme mood swings
Eating and/or sleeping less
Increased substance use (drugs and/or alcohol)
Poor self-hygiene
The first step in being a helpful resource to someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts is knowing and understanding the signs above. If you notice someone who is exhibiting any of these signs, it’s important to talk directly with them about it. It’s also important not to pass judgment or shame on the individual for having these thoughts.
When I work with clients who are struggling with suicidal ideation, I start by normalizing those thoughts and taking some of the weight and judgement away. I explain that it’s natural for our minds to search for escape routes from life’s struggles. For some people, that escape route looks like “I just want to drop everything and move to a remote island where I know no one and have no responsibilities.” For others, it may look like suicidal thoughts. The theme of escaping life’s responsibilities is the same — and we can share empathy about how hard it can be to face overwhelming difficulty, especially when we don’t have enough support.
Suicidal thoughts can be very isolating for an individual. Letting someone know that you are aware of their struggles and here as a helpful support for them can make all the difference. Know that it can help to talk with the individual openly about their suicidal thoughts, make it known that it’s okay that they are dealing with this, and always share that there are resources to help.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 is available 24/7, 365 days a year.
Also, helping that individual find a supportive therapist can help with long-term improvement and maintaining safety plans. Book an appointment for you or a loved one today.
Author: Jamie Rudden, MFTI https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/JamieRuddenMFTI
For more facts on suicide visit:
A special thank you to Jamie Rudden for all of the supportive work that you have done with us and prior to your hard work at South Tampa Therapy! It takes a special compassionate and supportive person to BE THERE and STAY ATTUNED.
I appreciate you.
Liz