SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Self-Soothing and Emotion Regulation Worksheet
This is a Self-Soothing and Emotion Regulation Worksheet to help you practice soothing your central nervous system.
This is a Self-Soothing and Emotion Regulation Worksheet to help you practice soothing your central nervous system.
Name: ___________________________ Date: ___________________________
1. Grounding Techniques to Reduce Dissociation
Purpose: To help you reconnect with the present moment and reduce feelings of dissociation.
Instructions: When you start to feel disconnected or spaced out, try the following grounding exercises.
A. Sensory Awareness
5 Things You Can See:
4 Things You Can Touch:
3 Things You Can Hear:
2 Things You Can Smell:
1 Thing You Can Taste:
2. Breathing Exercises to Regulate Emotions
Purpose: To help you manage intense emotions and bring a sense of calm.
Instructions: Practice the following breathing techniques when you feel overwhelmed.
A. Deep Breathing
Find a comfortable position.
Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold your breath for a count of 4.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6.
Repeat 5-10 times or until you feel calmer.
B. Box Breathing
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold your breath for a count of 4.
Exhale through your mouth for a count of 4.
Hold your breath for a count of 4.
Repeat 4-6 times or until you feel more regulated.
3. Self-Soothing Techniques to Feel Safe
Purpose: To help you create a sense of safety and comfort.
Instructions: Choose any of the following activities to practice when you need to self-soothe.
A. Physical Comfort
Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket.
Hold a soft stuffed animal or pillow.
Take a warm bath or shower.
B. Soothing Sounds
Listen to calming music or nature sounds.
Hum or sing a favorite song softly.
C. Gentle Movement
Practice gentle stretching or yoga.
Go for a slow, mindful walk.
D. Comforting Smells
Light a scented candle or use essential oils (lavender, chamomile).
Smell a favorite lotion or perfume.
4. Positive Affirmations
Purpose: To help you counter negative thoughts and foster a sense of self-worth.
Instructions: Repeat these affirmations to yourself daily, or whenever you need reassurance.
I am safe and in control.
I am deserving of love and respect.
I am strong and capable.
My feelings are valid.
I am worthy of self-care and kindness.
5. Emergency Contact List
Purpose: To ensure you have support when you need it.
Instructions: Fill in the contact information for people and resources you can reach out to in times of need.
Therapist: ___________________________________ Phone: ______________________
Trusted Friend/Family Member: ___________________________ Phone: ______________
Crisis Hotline: _________________________________ Phone: ______________________
Emergency Services: ____________________________ Phone: ______________________
6. Reflection and Journaling
Purpose: To help you process your emotions and experiences.
Instructions: Use the space below to write about your thoughts, feelings, and any experiences you want to reflect on.
Daily Check-In
Purpose: To monitor your emotional state and practice self-care.
Instructions: Complete this check-in each day.
Date: ___________________________
How do I feel today?
Emotion(s): ________________________
Intensity (1-10): _____________________
What self-soothing technique will I use today?
What positive affirmation will I focus on today?
Remember:
You are taking important steps towards healing and self-care. Be gentle with yourself and use these techniques as tools to support your journey. Reach out for help whenever you need it.
Therapist Contact Information:
Name: _________________________
Phone: _________________________
Email: _________________________
Notes:
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
How I Integrate Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy
When working with couples, I begin with the Gottman Method, using the Sound Relationship House model. It provides a practical and understandable framework that couples can readily adopt. The structured assessment process of the Gottman Method is reassuring and transparent, allowing couples to share their story, be heard individually and together, and identify their relationship strengths and areas for growth. The process instills hope as strengths are highlighted, growth areas are connected with specific skills to be learned, and couples leave with a roadmap for their therapeutic journey.
Integrating the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy allows for a flexible approach that can shift between relationship-building and attachment-oriented therapy based on the client's needs. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Susan Johnson conducted pioneering research on creating happy and lasting relationships. Initially known primarily in academic circles, their work provided an empirical foundation to the often chaotic and unpredictable field of couples therapy.
Both Gottman and Johnson developed unique models of successful adult relationships, based on different perspectives and data sets. Gottman's research focused on longitudinal and observational studies of couples, examining both distressed relationships and satisfying ones. Johnson, on the other hand, drew from the theoretical framework of John Bowlby and her extensive experience in decoding and tracking couples therapy sessions, resulting in an empirical model of couples therapy.
The Gottmans emphasized relationship skill-building and an existential lens, while Johnson's approach was firmly grounded in Attachment Theory. There were also differences in their views on couples therapy and the role of the therapist. The Gottmans cautioned against therapists becoming indispensable to the couple and encouraged coaching couples to manage their own conflicts and intimacy. Johnson, however, saw the therapist as a "secure base" and aimed to create a secure container where anxiously or avoidantly attached partners could express vulnerable feelings and needs.
Despite their differences, the exciting development lies in the convergence of their approaches and the ability to seamlessly integrate both in couples therapy. This integration allows therapists to adapt their approach based on the couple's emotional system.
When working with couples, I begin with the Gottman Method, using the Sound Relationship House model. It provides a practical and understandable framework that couples can readily adopt. The structured assessment process of the Gottman Method is reassuring and transparent, allowing couples to share their story, be heard individually and together, and identify their relationship strengths and areas for growth. The process instills hope as strengths are highlighted, growth areas are connected with specific skills to be learned, and couples leave with a roadmap for their therapeutic journey.
However, the real work starts when addressing the emotional focus and the influence of attachment histories, styles, and internal working models in intimate relationships, as recognized by both Gottman and Johnson. While helping couples replace destructive patterns with healthier alternatives, I am attuned to their negative emotional cycles and unresolved hurts. With Gottman's language and relationship science in one hand and Johnson's emotion-focused and interpersonal tools in the other, I weave both approaches into the therapeutic process.
For example, when addressing criticism and contempt, I provide practical information to one spouse while simultaneously validating and exploring the attachment needs and emotions of the other partner. I employ Gottman's structured exercises, such as the Aftermath of a Regrettable Incident form, to help couples process arguments and improve their dialogue. Simultaneously, I examine the underlying dynamics of the conflict, considering attachment histories and their impact on individuals' ability to let go of anger or offer tenderness.
The integration of Gottman and Johnson becomes evident in working with bids, turning towards, and processing failed bids. I understand that not all hurts are equal and that certain emotional injuries can be traumatic, triggering deeply held beliefs about oneself, the partner, and relationships. Gottman's Sound Relationship House theory helps couples understand the connection between emotional bank accounts and the overall health of the relationship. Johnson's tools, on the other hand, aid in repairing depleted emotional accounts, acknowledging and healing attachment injuries, and restoring the bond between partners.
While I confess my initial affinity for the Gottman Method, finding comfort in its alignment with my therapeutic style, Johnson's approach challenges me to navigate the depths of primary emotions.
References:
Gottman, J.M. (2007). Marital Therapy: A research-based approach. Training manual for the Level I professional workshop for clinicians. Seattle, WA: The Gottman Institute.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. New York: Little Brown and Company.
Meunier, V. and Baker, W. (2012). Positive Couple Relationships: The evidence for long lasting relationship satisfaction and happiness. In Roffey, S. (Ed.) Positive Relationships: Evidence-based practice across the world. Sydney, Australia: Springer Publications.
Young, M.A. (2005). Creating a Confluence: An Interview With Susan Johnson and John Gottman. The Family Journal, 13(2), 219-225.
Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, Ph.D
Book an appointment with Dr. Liz: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake
Tips to Ease the Transition to Parenthood for Couples:
Although it may feel overwhelming at first, it is possible to create shared family goals, values, and rules that both parents are satisfied with. If you’re struggling with this transition and interested in learning more, book an appointment today for the research based Gottman technique “Bringing Baby Home”.
Brining a baby home is the start of an exciting, yet sometimes overwhelming, new chapter for a couple. It’s a chance for both partners to grow in their relationship as they discover new ways of creating shared meaning and goals for the whole family. These changes can sometimes feel uncomfortable and create conflict within the romantic relationship. Research shows that there is often a dip in relationship satisfaction during the first three years of the transition to parenthood. Babies are messy and they can disrupt the stability and balance that couples create in their romantic relationship. Becoming aware of the common challenges that new parents face will better equip you for the messy journey ahead.
Here are some common challenges that couples’ face when bringing baby home:
Differences in Parenting Styles:
Bringing a baby home means that a new set of rules, expectations, and boundaries are needed to be created to account for this third person coming into the relationship. Couples sometimes disagree on what these rules should look like, which is often when conflict arises. Perhaps your partner wishes to try the “cry-it-out” method, and you have a different vision of how you want to handle the nighttime routine. Learning how to navigate these disagreements and reach a point of compromise is an important skill for new parents to develop. One method that has been proven to help, is implementing an “empathetic dialogue”. This means listening to understand your partner’s point of view, before offering a different approach. Try to see if you can understand why your partner feels and believes in a certain parenting style, and where that belief may stem from. Once you each have a better understanding of each other’s worlds, then you can open the door for a discussion of creating a “compromised” parenting style that feels right for both parents. It's important to note that couples' disagreements on parenting styles is very common and very normal. It highlights the parent’s desire to do what they believe is best for their child, which is a positive thing. Being open to the influence of a partner and your willingness to create shared family rules are two helpful tools in navigating this transition.
Intimacy changes:
Many couples struggle with exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and low sex-drive during this transition period. The demands the new baby brings on the couple can be exhausting, and the romantic relationship may fall on the backburner to make time for new parenting responsibilities. It’s important to create an open conversation about expectations for intimacy. Which includes more than just sex. Intimacy can come in many forms such as hand holding, cuddling, kissing, back scratches, etc. Find out the different ways your partner likes to experience intimacy, and workshop how the two of you can find little moments in your daily life to foster that connection. It’s crucial that you avoid criticism or judgment in the conversations about intimacy. Partners may be coming from very different places with individual struggles and concerns. Be patient with your partner and yourself during this transition. If you are concerned that you or your partner may take sexual rejection personally, it’s important to discuss these concerns openly. Have a conversation about how you can approach when one partner is “not feeling up to it” so that it does not lead to hurt feelings of rejection or misunderstanding on either side.
The transition to parenthood is a huge shift with inevitable challenges along the way. It is completely normal for couples to struggle with issues surrounding parenting styles, marital expectations, finances, household chores, and more. Although it may feel overwhelming at first, it is possible to create shared family goals, values, and rules that both parents are satisfied with. If you’re struggling with this transition and interested in learning more, book an appointment today for the research based Gottman technique “Bringing Baby Home”.
Written by Jamie Rudden