I Will Help You Connect On A Deeper Level With Your Partner!

Slowing partners down during a session to facilitate deeper connection can be crucial in helping them communicate more effectively and understand each other's emotions more fully. Here are some strategies you we can use together during a session:

1. Mindful Breathing Together

• What: Invite the couple to engage in a few moments of mindful breathing together before they begin discussing difficult topics.

• Why: This can help ground them in the present moment, reduce anxiety, and create a calmer atmosphere for deeper connection.

2. Reflective Listening

• What: Encourage each partner to take turns speaking without interruption while the other listens attentively. After one partner speaks, the other should reflect back what they heard, focusing on understanding the emotions and needs expressed.

• Why: Reflective listening ensures that each partner feels heard and validated, which fosters empathy and deeper emotional connection.

3. Use of "I" Statements

• What: Guide the couple to use "I" statements (e.g., "I feel..." or "I need...") instead of "You" statements, which can often feel accusatory.

• Why: "I" statements help each partner express their feelings and needs without blaming or attacking the other, which slows down reactive responses and opens the door for more meaningful dialogue.

4. Pausing and Checking In

• What: Introduce pauses during the conversation where each partner can check in with themselves and each other. Ask them to reflect on what they are feeling in the moment and how they are responding to what is being said.

• Why: Pausing helps interrupt automatic reactions and allows both partners to process their emotions and thoughts more deeply before continuing the conversation.

5. Emotional Validation

• What: Encourage partners to acknowledge and validate each other's emotions before moving on to problem-solving or responses.

• Why: Validation shows understanding and empathy, which can slow down the pace of the conversation and allow for a deeper emotional connection.

6. Use of Metaphors or Visualizations

• What: Introduce metaphors or visualizations to help partners understand each other's emotional states or experiences more deeply (e.g., “Imagine your partner is carrying a heavy backpack. What might be inside?”).

• Why: Metaphors and visualizations can shift the conversation from surface-level issues to the underlying emotional dynamics, facilitating deeper understanding.

7. Focused Eye Contact

• What: Ask the couple to make and maintain eye contact for a few moments without speaking.

• Why: Eye contact can be a powerful way to foster connection, allowing partners to feel more emotionally attuned and connected.

8. Slow Down the Pace of Speech

• What: Encourage each partner to speak more slowly and deliberately, focusing on their tone and word choice.

• Why: Slowing down speech helps reduce defensiveness and allows for more thoughtful, intentional communication.

9. Set Time for Self-Reflection

• What: Suggest that each partner take a few minutes to silently reflect on their emotions and needs before responding during a discussion.

• Why: Self-reflection helps partners understand their own emotions more clearly, leading to more meaningful exchanges.

10. Highlighting Positive Interactions

• What: During sessions, focus on and amplify moments where partners successfully connect or show understanding towards each other.

• Why: Reinforcing positive interactions can help partners slow down and appreciate these moments, fostering a deeper connection.

By implementing these strategies, I can help couples slow down, communicate more effectively, and build a deeper emotional connection.

I’m looking forward to meeting you and helping connect with your partner now…

By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D

SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY

Book Appointment

Call or Text (813)240-3237

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist

❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️‍🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼‍⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼‍♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩‍❤️‍👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑‍🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩‍🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA

www.SouthTampaCounselor.com

SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Embracing Self-Compassion: The Path to Genuine Accountability

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's all too easy to become our own worst critics. We often believe that being hard on ourselves is the key to motivation and success. However, this self-critical approach can backfire, leading to feelings of demotivation, procrastination, and even harmful forms of perfectionism. Contrary to popular belief, self-compassion is a powerful tool that fosters genuine accountability and helps us align our actions with our values and goals.

The Demotivating Nature of Self-Criticism

Self-criticism often masquerades as a motivator, but it usually has the opposite effect. When we berate ourselves for our perceived shortcomings, it creates a negative feedback loop that can be incredibly demoralizing. This harsh inner dialogue can lead to:

• Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards and feeling paralyzed by the fear of not meeting them.

• Procrastination: Avoiding tasks because we are afraid of failing or not doing them perfectly.

• Low Self-Esteem: Constantly feeling inadequate and unworthy, which can sap our motivation and energy.

In essence, being overly critical can cause us to fall even further from our values and ideals, perpetuating a cycle of self-doubt and inaction.

The Empowering Force of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion, on the other hand, is about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend. It involves three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

1. Self-Kindness: Instead of harshly judging ourselves for our mistakes and failures, we offer ourselves warmth and understanding.

2. Common Humanity: Recognizing that suffering and imperfection are part of the shared human experience, reducing feelings of isolation.

3. Mindfulness: Observing our thoughts and feelings without over-identifying with them, maintaining a balanced perspective.

By integrating these elements into our lives, we can foster a healthier, more supportive inner environment.

How Self-Compassion Enhances Accountability

Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting ourselves off the hook or ignoring our responsibilities. Rather, it encourages us to be honest and accountable in a loving and supportive manner. Here’s how:

1. Reduces Fear of Failure: When we know we will treat ourselves kindly, even if we fail, we are more likely to take risks and pursue our goals without the paralyzing fear of making mistakes.

2. Promotes Self-Awareness: Self-compassion allows us to acknowledge our flaws and mistakes without self-condemnation, leading to greater self-awareness and personal growth.

3. Sustains Motivation: Kindness and understanding boost our intrinsic motivation. We are driven not by fear, but by a genuine desire to improve and succeed.

4. Encourages Persistence: With self-compassion, we are more likely to persevere in the face of setbacks because we see them as opportunities for learning rather than as definitive failures.

Practicing Self-Compassion for Future Success

Self-compassion is, in essence, an act of self-love that extends to our future selves. When we practice self-compassion, we are investing in our long-term well-being and success. Here are some ways to incorporate self-compassion into your daily routine:

• Practice Self-Compassionate Dialogue: Replace negative self-talk with supportive and encouraging words. For example, instead of saying, "I can’t believe I messed up again," try, "It's okay to make mistakes. I can learn from this and do better next time."

• Set Realistic Goals: Break down larger goals into manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. Acknowledge that setbacks are part of the journey and use them as learning experiences.

• Mindful Self-Reflection: Regularly check in with yourself. Reflect on your actions and decisions with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself how you can support your growth and well-being.

• Self-Care Practices: Engage in activities that nurture your body, mind, and spirit. This could be anything from physical exercise to meditation to spending time with loved ones.

By fostering self-compassion, we hold our future selves in mind, creating a foundation of kindness and accountability. This compassionate approach not only helps us stay motivated but also ensures that we remain aligned with our values and aspirations, leading to a more fulfilling and successful life.

In the end, self-compassion is not about making excuses for ourselves; it’s about creating a supportive inner environment where we can thrive. By treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, we cultivate the strength and resilience needed to achieve our goals and live in accordance with our highest values. So, let’s embrace self-compassion and unlock the true potential of accountability.

By Chelsea Reeves, MFT-I 

Book a session with me using the link below:

https://southtampatherapybookappt.as.me/ChelseaR

How to get unhooked from difficult thoughts and emotions with ACT

By: Kaitlin Lowey, MHCI

You’ve likely heard the phrase uttered by Benjamin Franklin, “...in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” As a mental health professional (and fellow human being), I would add one other inevitability: experiencing uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. 

“I’m not good enough.” “It’s breaking my heart.” “I totally freeze.” “Something feels off in my gut.” “What is wrong with me?” “I feel depressed.” “I’m so scared.” “What if I get it wrong?” “Do they actually like me?” “Why did I say that?” “What if I fail?” “What if I end up alone?”

Our difficult thoughts and emotions are 100% normal.

Many psychologists and counselors, especially those practicing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), would argue that experiencing such thoughts and emotions is just part of being a human. In fact, emotions like anxiety serve a purpose – they protect us from threats (like a charging lion or a dimly-lit alley). Uncomfortable emotions only become a problem when they show up in non-adaptive ways and stick around long past when they’ve served their purpose – in other words, when the degree of emotion we feel outsizes the actual threat. Our emotional responses are both innate (such as fear of snakes) and learned (such as fear of touching a hot stove). Some emotional wounds experienced in childhood, particularly those related to relationships, can continue to impact our emotional responses well into adulthood. 

So, what do our minds do when we experience these emotions? They view the emotion as a problem to be solved – to be gotten rid of. Again, the mind’s problem-solving nature is normal. It’s how humans have survived and adapted for thousands of years. For instance, humans built homes to shelter us from animals and the elements. We created the wheel to transport objects more easily. We even invented the remote control to save us from the inconvenience of having to move to turn up the volume on the TV. Our brains are hard-wired to problem-solve, and that’s usually a great thing! However, it’s not so great when our brains’ well-intentioned but ill-fated attempts to get rid of uncomfortable feelings only makes those feelings stronger. 

So, what happens when our emotional response and our problem-solving are both operating on overdrive? Russ Harris, the author of ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy, describes the effect as getting hooked. Getting hooked means our brains automatically label the thoughts as a threat, something we have to act on, or something requiring all of our attention (what ACT theorists call cognitive fusion). We may do everything in our power to get rid of them (what ACT theorists call experiential avoidance). In addition, we might start to fuse these thoughts with our self-concept (e.g., If I keep thinking I’m bad, then I must be a terrible person.) We can also lose contact with the present moment, instead narrowing our focus on the thing that’s making us uncomfortable, disconnecting from our experience, or disengaging. Ultimately, we can lose sight of our values (what we care about and want out of our lives) and instead attempt and reattempt the same ineffective strategies to gain control over our thoughts and feelings. In other words, we use just about every strategy we can to banish our discomfort. This might look like denial, obsessively ruminating on whether or not our thoughts and feelings are true, procrastinating, engaging in addictive substances, and other attempts to control and escape. 

The problem with these strategies is that they are not likely to work. Not only do they not solve our emotional discomfort in the long run – they actually move us away from the kind of life we want to lead. And to top it all off, they often result in a spiral of shame and self-loathing. It’s a vicious cycle. 

At this point, I want to pause and remind readers that it’s not our fault our brains are wired this way – it’s extremely normal and entirely human! And, once we accept this, we can begin to make changes that help our minds work for us, instead of against us.  

So, what’s a human to do? And how can ACT help?

ACT proposes an alternate strategy (with many concepts borrowed from Yogic and Zen principles) to deal with our emotionally uncomfortable thoughts and feelings: accepting them. What if, instead of fighting our emotions and accompanying thoughts, we accepted them for what they are: our bodies’ and minds’ attempts to protect us? What if, instead of living our lives constantly running away from our discomfort, we were able to view our discomfort as separate from ourselves, accept that feeling discomfort is normal in the situation we are in, and make choices that are workable and that move us in the direction we want? In other words, what if we were able to get unhooked?

Several tools from ACT can help us unhook from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. For instance, mindfulness strategies work to reduce emotional intensity by enabling us to attend to our emotions and the present moment with compassion and acceptance. They can also get us into the habit of viewing our thoughts and emotions as things we are experiencing in this moment, rather than the absolute truth or indicative of who we are. 

One of my favorite ACT tools involves the concept of workability versus absolute truth. As Harris states, ACT isn’t interested in whether thoughts are true – the concept of truth could be endlessly debated. Instead, ACT is interested in whether our thoughts and what we do with them are workable. If a thought or a behavior is workable, it has worked for us in the past and/or is likely to work for us in the future. It will move us closer to our long-term goal. This is a simple question we can ask ourselves when we find ourselves getting hooked and in auto-problem-solving mode: is this thought or behavior workable? Or will it be ineffective or cause other problems? 

Finally, ACT asks us to get really clear on our values. What kinds of concepts (such as love, compassion, resilience, integrity, and authenticity, for example) do we want to guide our actions? If our problems did not exist, how would we operate? Once we know our values, we can endeavor to live in alignment with them. And living in alignment with our values results in less emotional discomfort, improved self-concept, and greater fulfillment. 

Who can benefit from ACT? 

Evidence shows that ACT can be effective for a myriad of mental health problems, including anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, stress, phobias, chronic pain, addictions, and adjustment. But I believe that just about anyone can find usefulness in the approach. As Harris writes, 

“Who wouldn’t benefit from being more psychologically present; more in touch with their values; more able to make room for the inevitable pain of life; more able to defuse from unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and memories; more able to take effective action in the face of emotional discomfort; more able to engage fully in what they’re doing; and more able to appreciate each moment of their life, no matter how they’re feeling?” (Harris, p. 36) 

There is much more to ACT – more than can fit in this article. But I hope this post provides a basic understanding of how ACT can help us humans get unstuck and live a more meaningful, fulfilling life. 

By: Kaitlin Lowey, MHCI

Kaitlin joins her clients as they find relief, healing, hope, clarity, and transformation. She has helped individuals experiencing struggles with anxiety, stress, relationships, life changes, obsessive-compulsive disorder, intrusive thoughts, grief and loss, fertility and postpartum, motherhood and parenthood, athletic and career performance, perfectionism, identity, and self-worth. As an integrative therapist, Kaitlin collaborates with her clients to identify goals and choose research-supported therapeutic approaches that fit best. She offers in-person and online appointments.

Book with Kaitlin Lowey, MHCI here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

START YOUR HEALING JOURNEY By Creating Awareness & Self Compassion

Key Facts About Compassionate Awareness

What is it, why do we value it, and what are the benefits?

Compassionate Awareness is the integration of 4 things:

1 - Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity. Showing-up in a way you intend to.

2 - Language: understanding how words contribute to connection or distance (to self or others).

3 - Communication Skills: knowing how to ask for what we want, how to hear others even if in disagreement, and how to move towards solutions that work for all.

4 - Means of Influence: sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others”.

Compassion serves our desire to do 3 things:

1 - Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, intention, and connection.

2 - Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships.

3 - Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit.

Why do we value Compassionate Awareness?

Most of us could brush up on our skills to improve the quality of our relationship with ourselves and others, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or simply help us communicate more effectively. Unfortunately, most of us have been taught to mix OBSERVATIONS with comparisons to compete, judge, demand and diagnose; to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“.

This habitual way we THINK and REACT sabotages our intentions to get our needs met. We fail to communicate our actual need which further creates disconnect, misunderstanding, and frustration. And still worse, this can cause anger, suffering, and escalation. As this way of communicating escalates, this may lead to violence.

As a result, reactions from negative thoughts, even with the best of intentions, generate needless conflict.

On the flip-side, compassionate awareness helps us reach to the core need and discover what is alive and vital within us, and how all of our actions are based on human needs that we are seeking to meet. We learn to develop a vocabulary of FEELINGS and needs that helps us more clearly express what is happening internally in us, and understand what is going on in others, in real time.

When we understand and acknowledge our NEEDS, we develop a shared foundation for much more satisfying relationships.

Living Intentionally

The intention to connect with ourselves and others is one of the most important goals of practicing and living NVC. We live our lives from moment to moment, yet most of the time we are on autopilot, reacting out of habit rather than out of awareness and presence of mind. By creating a space for attention and respect in every moment, NVC helps create a pathway and a practice that is accessible and approachable. Studying and practicing NVC creates a foundation for learning about ourselves and our relationships in every moment, and helps us to remain focused on what is happening right here, right now.

Four Components of Compassionate Communication

Observation:

Observation without evaluation consists of noticing concrete things and actions around us. We learn to distinguish between judgment and what we sense in the present moment, and to simply observe what is there.

Feeling:

When we notice things around us, we inevitably experience varying emotions and physical sensations in each particular moment. Here, distinguishing feelings from thoughts is an essential step to the NVC process.

Needs:

All individuals have needs and values that sustain and enrich their lives. When those needs are met, we experience comfortable feelings, like happiness or peacefulness, and when they are not, we experience uncomfortable feelings, like frustration. Understanding that we, as well as those around us, have these needs is perhaps the most important step in learning to practice NVC and to live empathically.

Request:

To make clear and present requests is crucial to NVC’s -3- transformative mission. When we learn to request concrete actions that can be carried out in the present moment, we begin to find ways to cooperatively and creatively ensure that everyone’s needs are met.

Two Parts Empathy:

Receiving

from the heart creates a means to connect with others and share experiences in a truly life enriching way. Empathy goes beyond compassion, allowing us to put ourselves into another’s shoes to sense the same feelings and understand the same needs; in essence, being open and available to what is alive in others. It also gives us the means to remain present to and aware of our own needs and the needs of others even in extreme situations that are often difficult to handle.

Honesty:

Giving from the heart has its root in honesty. Honesty begins with truly understanding ourselves and our own needs, and being in tune with what is alive in us in the present moment. When we learn to give ourselves empathy, we can start to break down the barriers to communication that keep us from connecting with others.

Couples Counseling South Tampa: Couples Reveal What They Have Learned In Therapy

As a marriage and family therapist in Tampa, Florida, I have received feedback from several different clients. I combine some of the most powerful approaches utilizing Internal Family Systems, Compassionate Communication and Non-Violent Communication, The Gottman Method, Emotion Focused Therapy, Holistic Psychology, CBT, and DBT.

Here are the 10 best lessons couples learned from therapy.

1. Go to therapy sooner rather than later.

   It is best to go to a counselor before sh*t hits the fan. This way, you can start to develop conflict resolution and communication skills before resentment builds. Establishing a therapeutic relationship with a counselor early on can be beneficial when and if you find yourselves in a rut. Having an unbiased and supportive counselor can help you and your partner maintain a healthy relationship when and if you need support along your relationship journey.

2. You are on the same team.

   There is no winning and you don’t need to fight against each other. Therapy is a great tool and safe space to really work through things together. Meeting both of our needs, growing, and thriving together is the goal. We often ask ourselves, are you trying to listen to understand or are you trying to be right?

3. Play and have fun together.

   Unstructured quality time to just be living purely in the moment increases connection, creativity, and releases negativity. A couple that plays together stays together!

4. Unfinished business of childhood can show up in adulthood.

   Continuing to work on intrinsic positive change is a lifelong learning process. Insight and empathy can help partners understand conflict in a whole new light. When we create an awareness of patterns and habits we are able to create awareness regarding intentional choices in real time. If we are not aware, we keep reacting. Responding intentionally knowing what is happening is being awake to our inner experiences. Self-witnessing is a tremendous tool that can be used in so many facets of our lives. Practicing compassion for our partner's story, and becoming more empathetic to each other, we could actually help our partner heal from their painful childhood experiences.

5. It is not about changing the issue, it is about understanding.

   We have learned so much about communication and the ways to really listen to understand one another. Most people listen to try to change the other person’s perspective. When we get into trying to change the other person, defensiveness comes into the game. When defensiveness shows up, it creates disconnect. Communication either connects us and helps us get needs met or it disconnects us and sabotages our needs. We feel all sorts of negative feelings when our needs are not being met. However, we are in homeostasis when our needs are met and feel positive emotions. Our feelings are always signals to pay attention to which provide data about whether our needs are being met or not. When we know what we need, we are in a powerful position to get the needs met intentionally. When we do not know what we need, we will probably be in autopilot, reactionary-mode. Tune into your inner worlds so that you can understand yourself. When we understand, we can communicate honestly about what is happening internally.

6. Our thoughts are the root cause of anger.

   Anger masks more vulnerable feelings like hurt, disappointment, and sadness. It's helpful when both partners understand that the words or behavior hurts their partner, even when their partner tends to react with anger or stonewalling. Therapy can help couples connect — which includes learning how to get calmer and go slower rather than to lay out their arguments about who's "right".

7. Hear your partner out before letting emotions get in the way.

   Getting guidance from a therapist around how to listen to each other without being emotionally charged about the topic can help couples stay engaged in the conversation, to accept influence from one another, and compromise based on needs. This is huge! We can stay curious about what is actually happening in the moment. When our partners feel heard and understood, they are in a better position to hear us too. Listen to each other without reacting! This sounds so simple but bad habits can be hard to break and its beneficial to have a therapist as a sounding board to make neutral observations.

8. Conflict is normal, you will have different perspectives at times, and disagreements are inevitable in every relationship.

   There will be different stages throughout life and couples will never stop getting to know one another. The most important thing is that you listen, respect, and acknowledge each other's viewpoints. Many times, people listen to respond and not to understand — which is one of the biggest reasons why many relationships fail. Attending couples therapy, can help partners communicate feelings, emotions, and concerns more effectively. Counseling equips couples with valuable skills that will be instrumental throughout their lifetime and once they become parents.

9. Marriage therapy taught us how to communicate about our needs and desires without hurting the other person.

   When we are emotionally and intimately disconnected, it is challenging to help each other to feel heard and understood. The way we deal with conflict is directly correlated to intimacy. Change the way we fight, change the way we love. When we trust each other more and give each other the benefit of the doubt, we're less hurt when the other person isn't in the same place as us in the moment, We may still have issues and hurt feelings from time to time, but we're better equipped to handle those problems when they come up.

10. Psycho-education and therapy helped couples identify patterns.

    One partner was pretty direct and the other partner tended to be more thoughtful in the way he delivered information. One partner said the thing that stuck with her the most was that the therapist was able to reframe and articulate her partner's concerns in a way that he couldn't — which then helped her to understand him better. Therapy can help couples become aware of how reactions to difficult situations can be unhelpful. Attempting to respond in a way that is more productive for the relationship can feel very different. Psycho-education can be of tremendous value when co-morbidity plays a role in relationships. Trauma informed therapy can help partners empathize, respond to each others needs, and heal together. It is advantageous to the relationship when partners learn about mental health together.

To learn more about how therapy can help you, please text or call Dr. Mahaney directly 813-240-3237 or book an initial consultation: www.SouthTampaCounselor.com/BookAppointment

Why I Only Accept 50% of Insurance Clientele & 50% Self-Pay In My Private Practice (50/50/❤️ MODEL)

WHY I ONLY ACCEPT A FEW NEW INITIAL INTAKE INSURANCE APPOINTMENTS

USING MY MORAL COMPASS AND COMPASSION FOR HUMANITY, I’M CHOOSING TO CREATE A 50/50/❤️ MODEL:

50/50/ ❤️= 50% SELF PAY 50% INSURANCE ❤️SLIDING SCALE FEE

Sliding Scale Fees help advocate for affordable mental health care and create an opportunity for highly qualified INTERNS to co-counsel clients in need. I interview interns extensively, decide selectively, and supervise very closely and yet very trustingly. I will be an active participant in each session.

I initially started accepting insurance 15 years ago when I felt a strong need to support my community, who needed financial support, to get consistent help. Despite hearing horror stories from colleagues about insurance paperwork and clawbacks, I joined a few insurance panels. I loved every minute of being a therapist! I hated everything about the administrative process when it came to dealing with insurance companies. Don’t get me wrong, I love my insurance peeps! We have connected over the years and I will continue to support my clients who choose to use insurance as they should!

I too, have health insurance. I get it, we have health insurance for a reason, pay high monthly premiums, and should be able to use insurance when we need it!

Regardless, I will show-up powerfully for ALL of my clients.

I feel good about my choice to create a 50/50/ ❤️BALANCE in my Private Practice!

As a healthcare member and a private practice provider, I’ve had the unique experience of seeing both perspectives of the healthcare system in the US.

As my specialty has continuously evolved, I have realized that mainly accepting insurance no longer make sense for the advanced work that I do. Ultimately, my decision came down to acting with integrity and practicing what I preach to my clients.

Here are some key points to help you understand my decision to create this model for my Practice:

LACK OF PRIVACY & CONFIDENTIALITY

When insurance companies pay for your treatment, it also means that their employees (clinicians or not) will audit my treatment plans and read what we talked about in my session notes. These employees are paid to save the insurance company money by searching for fraud and determining whether you're overusing your insurance coverage. In turn, the insurance company may decline authorization of additional sessions because you're not progressing fast enough; our work in psychotherapy does not qualify as "a medical necessity": or because my treatment approach isn't recognized by the insurance company as an "evidence-based treatment" (that's code for short-term, as in 6-8 sessions).

Hell, some insurance providers don't reimburse for 60-minute sessions anymore!

This doesn’t seem right.

I recently got audited by an insurance company. This audit took me countless hours, staying up late at night, time away from my family, unnecessary stress and scrutiny to provide tedious paperwork and specific details to prove that my clients needed the services provided. This is just not okay in my book. I totally understand documentation for integrity but demanding extra proof during a pandemic when I am already submitting the necessary information and feel overwhelmed and overworked helped me create the awareness and opportunity for me to reflect on MY CHOICE to accept insurance.

At first, I reactively felt angry resulting in thoughts and hopes that the insurance company would fire me! However, when I pause and feel to respond intentionally, I honestly and truly feel honored to hold space and care for ALL of my clients and I would feel disappointed if I were unable to offer insurance as an option.

In conclusion, I believe that everyone has a right to confidentiality of your medical records. You also have the liberty to progress through treatment at a pace that's best for YOU - one that allows you sufficient time to process everything that you're experiencing. Things unfold differently for each person, especially when our world seems chaotic (Global Pandemic)! If the insurance company fires me, they rip the therapeutic relationship apart that my clients and I have securely built over the years. Emotional injuries and attachment issues can be easily re-traumatized within seconds.

DIAGNOSIS OF ILLNESS

Insurance companies operate on a medical model, which means they require a diagnosis to establish that you have "a medical necessity" to seek services in order to pay providers. To justify that you have a "medical necessity" I have to assign you a diagnosis to be reimbursed for our work together when there may not be one that really fits what you're going through. The vast majority of insurance companies don't consider relationship issues like couples or family therapy, developmental/attachment trauma, existential issues, life-transitions, personal development, or self-improvement as "medical necessities" because there are no diagnoses for these in the DSM-V.

And even if there are appropriate diagnoses, there are some diagnoses that insurance companies don't consider debilitating enough to pay for. So, if I know what diagnoses are and are not paid for, l'd have to label you with a more severe diagnosis they will pay for, but one that may not really reflect your situation. I am not ok with this either!

You're probably wondering, "What's the harm in that? A little truth-bending never hurt anyone." Well, that's just it - it can. It can come back to bite my clients in the ass... your medical record. While that might not be such a big deal right now, it may become one later on if you want to: get life insurance, work in the financial sector managing other's assets, regularly handle firearms, or seek employment in any sector in which your decision-making might be called into question due to your emotional state. Call me crazy, but I feel that people should get the help they need without fear, stigma, or reprisal for making their mental health and personal growth a priority.

FRAUD

If I engaged in the aforementioned truth- bending, I'd essentially be committing insurance fraud. There are providers out there that are willing to walk this fine line and take this risk. In my opinion, the penalties and professional consequences of insurance fraud are huge, and frankly, not worth it. I have a strong need for peace of mind that comes with integrity.

LOW RATES

In order to be "in- network" with an insurance company, I have to agree to accept a lower fee in exchange for the insurance company listing my practice in their directory of providers and sending me referrals. In the spirit of transparency, most of my clients find me through friends, family and through searching online. And each year, insurance companies continue to cut the rates they pay therapists for their work.

Here's an example with real numbers and real circumstances of how this happens: My fee is $170 per session. But I joined XYZ Insurance Co.'s network because I had a client in need of services. I chose to help and chose to agree to the insurance reimbursement rate of $60 per session. My client would also be responsible for a co-pay of $0-$40 per session depending on his plan, bringing the total to $60-$100 per session. That means I'm waiving at LEAST $70-$110 for each session. As a healthcare professional, I want to help! I have made these types of choices for the 20 years that I have been in private practice. I will keep choosing to advocate for my clients who have insurance because I also have insurance for myself and my family.

Would you be willing to forgo ~65% of your salary?:-/

I will also continue to set boundaries with ALL of my clients and companies that I choose to work with. If you no-show as a self pay or insurance client, I will treat you the same and ban you from being able to book an appointment until we have a meeting. I get it. I want to understand one another and use empathy. Life happens. I want to turn toward these curveballs

Additionally, insurance companies have been increasing their members' premiums, deductibles, and co-pays in the last few years claiming rising costs of care. You'd think that that would translate to higher reimbursement rates to care providers, but it doesn't...at least not in the mental health fields. In fact, insurance reimbursement rates have actually decreased over the same period of time. You're probably wondering, "How do the therapists and psychologists that take insurance afford to?

For such insurance-based practices, taking on more clients than is clinically prudent is the only way to make up the difference and keep their doors open. This then leads to another problem...

BURNOUT & EXHAUSTION

Here's the reality, many providers that accept insurance overbook their schedules in order to turn a modest profit after rent, utilities, malpractice, and other expenses.

Additionally, these providers often only offer a 30-50-minute session to maximize the number of clients in a day (10 vs 8) and the chances of insurance reimbursement (remember, most insurance companies don't pay for 60-minute sessions anymore). Also, if you use the 60 min codes, you are flagged for audits which take hours and hours to complete.

DELAYED (OR NON) PAYMENTS

Despite the insurance companies agreeing to a set reimbursement rate, these companies require therapists to jump through a bunch of hoops to get paid. It is common practice for most insurance companies to reject submitted paperwork to delay payments. When they're not seeing clients, these therapists are drowning in insurance paperwork and resubmitting billing claims in order to get paid, or spending hours on the phone contesting unpaid claims.

On average, it takes an additional 1.5 hours of UNPAID work outside of the session to get paid for sessions. And remember, the therapist is already making less by agreeing to take insurance. (In my previous example, it would cost $255 of my time ($170x1.5) to get paid my $60 reimbursement rate from XYZ Insurance Co.)

The alternative is to pay a medical billing company 8-10% of the claims' costs to do the aforementioned, but that increases expenses and cuts into that modest profit I mentioned before. But let's say that I or my medical billing admin ARE able to see the claim through the labyrinthine insurance payment process, the payment will finally arrive in my bank account anywhere between 3-6 months after the session took place IF everything goes smoothly.

RETROACTIVE CLAIM DENIALS (AKA CLAW BACKS)

Now imagine that, after all that trouble, that insurance company asked you to give the money back, even years later. Yep, this really happens and, unfortunately, it's a common practice among insurance companies. They'll audit your claims and paperwork for several years back. If they find any mistakes or inconsistencies in the therapist's paperwork they missed when they originally approved the therapist's claim, the insurance company will request that the therapist return the fees she was paid.

Pretend that your employer sent you a bill requesting that you repay the income you'd earned 3 years ago. Would that seem fair to you? I didn't think so. Claw backs can amount to thousands of dollars that can bankrupt a small business like a private practice. Many insurance- based clinicians live in fear of such retroactive audits.

Before reflecting and reassessing the insurance-based private practice I founded, I recently heard from a friend and colleague that a major insurance company requested thousands of dollars be returned by the end of the month. Talk about stressful!

All together that's a recipe for a tired, overworked, and stressed out therapist.

This may have been the problem if you've ever been to therapy that you felt didn't "work" with a provider from your insurance company. I should know. I started to experience the symptoms of burnout after two years of insurance-based practice. And that's when I realized, "Crap! I'm doing the things I tell my clients not to do!" Talk about incongruence!

So I changed my business model for the sake of the well-being of myself and my team to preserve the quality of care we want to provide every client. It breaks my heart to REDUCE ACCESS to care for people in need, but I realized early on that we can't help anyone if we're stressed/burned out or have to close our doors. I am choosing the 50/50/❤️ MODEL to advocate for mental health and well-being for all!

This makes sense to me!

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF PRIVATE SELF-PAY AND/OR A 50/50/❤️MODEL FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE?

No Labeling - You don't have to carry an unnecessary diagnosis on your medical record. Although, if you’d like to create awareness and assess for diagnostic criteria, I would invite this curiosity and self exploration.

Confidentiality & Privacy - You and your psychotherapist are the only people that will know you're in therapy. You get to choose who you disclose this information to. Session notes are private records so there won't be intimate details to “prove medical necessity/ diagnosis info”.

I am highly confidential and keep minimal notes. I naturally remember our sessions together because I truly care and our therapeutic relationship is genuinely important to me.

Self-Determination - You get to work with a psychotherapist that is free to use the best therapeutic approach to help YOU meet YOUR goals. You and your psychotherapist are the only people involved in the decision about the length of your care. You won't have to seek additional authorization to continue your work or return to psychotherapy, if you have new goals you'd like to explore.

Quality Care & Attention - You'll get a psychotherapist that's alert and engaged during your session, remembering the details of previous conversations. You'll have the help of a professional that's invested in your process of growth because they've taken the time to do the same for themselves. She will be able to use the healing methods that are most appropriate for you.

You might be thinking that this is just one therapist's rant against insurance companies. Don't take my word for it. Feel free to do your own research!

If you tried psychotherapy and were disappointed with the results or the treatment didn't seem to "fit" after working with a provider from your insurance company, I hope you have a better understanding of what might have been happening behind the scenes. We urge you to reconsider getting some support now that you do. There are great providers in the healing professions on both sides of the insurance divide that can help you.

I HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING ABOUT WHY I HAVE DECIDED TO CHOOSE THE 50/50/❤️ MODEL!

50/50/ ❤️= 50% SELF PAY 50% INSURANCE ❤️SLIDING SCALE FEE

Call or TEXT with any questions:

📱#813-240-3237 or ***Book Now: —> ❤️