SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY FREE RESOURCES BLOG
Curated List of Supplemental Evidence-Based Resources for Couples
These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.
1. Gottman Resources, Tools, and Interventions
Books:
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
A comprehensive guide on the principles that make relationships successful, based on Gottman's extensive research.
"The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire
Focuses on improving communication and emotional connection in various relationships.
Workbooks and Tools:
Gottman Card Decks
A series of card decks designed to enhance communication and intimacy. Available as a mobile app.
Gottman Relationship Coach
An online program that provides video lessons, exercises, and tools based on the Gottman Method.
Online Resources:
The Gottman Institute Website (www.gottman.com)
Offers a wealth of articles, blogs, and research on relationship health.
Gottman Blog
Regular updates on new research, practical tips, and insights into improving relationships.
2. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and Attachment Styles
Books:
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
Explores the principles of EFT and offers practical exercises for couples to enhance their emotional bond.
"Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families" by Dr. Sue Johnson
A deep dive into how attachment theory can be applied in therapy to improve relationships.
Workbooks and Tools:
"Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson
A companion to the book "Hold Me Tight," offering exercises and activities for couples.
EFT Exercises and Worksheets
Available through EFT-trained therapists and various online resources.
Online Resources:
ICEEFT (The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy) Website (www.iceeft.com)
Provides resources, articles, and a directory of EFT-trained therapists.
Hold Me Tight Online
An online program based on the "Hold Me Tight" book, featuring videos and exercises for couples.
3. Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Books:
"Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
The foundational text on NVC, offering insights and practical steps for compassionate communication.
"The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Explores how to use anger constructively in communication.
Workbooks and Tools:
"Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group, or Classroom Study" by Lucy Leu
A workbook designed to complement the principles outlined in the NVC book.
NVC Practice Groups
Local and online practice groups that provide support and a space to practice NVC skills.
Online Resources:
The Center for Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org)
Offers resources, training, and information on NVC.
NVC Academy (www.nvcacademy.com)
Provides online courses, webinars, and materials to learn and practice NVC.
4. Additional Resources for Couples
Books:
"The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman
Helps couples understand and speak each other’s primary love languages to enhance intimacy and connection.
"Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel
Explores the dynamics of desire in long-term relationships and offers insights into maintaining passion.
Online Resources:
The Gottman Referral Network
A directory of therapists trained in the Gottman Method.
Therapist Directories (such as Psychology Today, TherapyDen)
Lists therapists specializing in EFT, NVC, and other evidence-based approaches.
Apps:
Lasting: Marriage & Couples
An app offering daily tips and exercises based on research to strengthen relationships.
Love Nudge for Couples
An app based on the Five Love Languages, helping couples improve their relationship through personalized suggestions.
These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Men's Tears: From Gilgamesh to Modern Day~ How Men Can Navigate the Stormy Seas of Emotion
It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.
As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.
In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.
In the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the earliest known literary works, we encounter the powerful king Gilgamesh. Despite his immense strength and heroic deeds, Gilgamesh weeps for his lost friend Enkidu, revealing a deep vulnerability. This ancient story highlights that even the strongest men experience profound emotions and grief.
Fast forward to the 21st century, where despite increased awareness of mental health issues, there still exists considerable stigma. Mental health challenges are not a modern phenomenon, nor are they exclusive to any gender. Yet, men today continue to face unique obstacles when it comes to addressing their mental health.
Landscape of Men’s Mental Health
Recent statistics paint a sobering picture. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million men in the United States experience depression each year. Even more alarmingly, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that men die by suicide at a rate 3.63 times higher than women. These numbers underscore a critical need for attention to men’s mental health.
But why do men seem to struggle more with seeking help? Cultural expectations and societal norms often play a significant role. Many men have been conditioned to believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to what psychologists call “emotional dismissiveness.” This mindset can create barriers to acknowledging mental health concerns and seeking support.
The good news is that change is possible, and it often begins with relationships. Strong connections – be they romantic partnerships, friendships, or professional networks – can provide men with the support and understanding they need to navigate their emotional landscapes.
Research has consistently shown that men with robust social support systems are better equipped to handle stress, anxiety, and depression. A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health found that men who reported higher levels of social support were less likely to experience depressive symptoms. Moreover, those who felt comfortable discussing their emotions with friends or partners showed greater resilience in the face of mental health challenges.
Learning the Vocabulary
This is where the work of Dr. John Gottman comes into play. His relationship-focused approach helps men (and their partners) navigate the complexities of emotion and provides tools to develop a richer emotional vocabulary. By learning to identify and express a wider range of emotions, men can break free from the stigma of emotional expressiveness often associated with traditional masculinity. With a more nuanced emotional vocabulary, it turns out, it is easier to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.
Gottman’s research-based techniques and practical exercises include helping people:
Recognize and name different emotional states
Communicate feelings effectively without fear of judgment
Listen actively and empathetically to others
Develop strategies for managing difficult emotions
Build a deeper connection with others
By mastering these skills, men can create a positive feedback loop: as they become more comfortable expressing their emotions, they’re likely to experience improved mental health, which in turn strengthens their relationships and support networks.
Expressing Emotion
It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.
As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.
In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩❤️👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Advice on Saving a Relationship on the Brink
explore practical advice and strategies for saving a relationship that seems dangerously close to ending. From improving communication to rekindling romance, and addressing underlying issues, these insights aim to empower couples to navigate their challenges and rediscover their bond. Whether you’re looking to heal old wounds or set a new course together, the journey to mend a faltering relationship starts with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to work collaboratively towards common goals.
In the intricate dance of relationships, even the strongest partnerships can sometimes find themselves on shaky ground. Whether it’s due to ongoing disagreements, growing apart, or external stresses, reaching the brink of a breakup can feel like standing at a precipice. Yet, it’s often at these critical junctures that the potential for profound growth and renewal exists. In this guide, we’ll explore practical advice and strategies for saving a relationship that seems dangerously close to ending. From improving communication to rekindling romance, and addressing underlying issues, these insights aim to empower couples to navigate their challenges and rediscover their bond. Whether you’re looking to heal old wounds or set a new course together, the journey to mend a faltering relationship starts with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to work collaboratively towards common goals.
1. Open and Honest Communication
- Importance of Communication: Clear and honest communication is crucial in understanding each other's feelings and perspectives. Avoiding assumptions and expressing feelings directly can prevent misunderstandings.
- Active Listening: Practice active listening by paying full attention to your partner, reflecting back what you hear, and showing empathy. This helps in validating each other's feelings and builds trust.
- Nonviolent Communication (NVC): Use NVC principles to express needs and feelings without blame or criticism. This involves stating observations, expressing feelings, identifying needs, and making requests.
2. Rebuilding Trust
- Acknowledge and Apologize: If trust has been broken, acknowledge the hurt caused and offer a sincere apology. This step is vital in starting the healing process.
- Consistent Actions: Rebuilding trust requires consistent actions over time. Follow through on promises and be reliable to show that you are committed to change.
3. Emotional Connection
- Quality Time Together: Spend quality time together to reconnect emotionally. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and create positive experiences.
- Emotional Intimacy: Share your inner thoughts and feelings with each other. Emotional intimacy can be deepened through meaningful conversations and mutual support.
4. Conflict Resolution
- Fair Fighting: Resolve conflicts using fair fighting techniques. Avoid personal attacks, stay focused on the issue at hand, and seek to understand each other's perspectives.
- Gottman’s Principles: Use Gottman’s principles for managing conflict, such as soft start-ups (beginning conversations gently), repairing attempts (efforts to de-escalate tension), and compromise.
5. Seek Professional Help
- Couples Therapy: Consider seeking help from a professional therapist who specializes in couples therapy. A therapist can provide tools and techniques to navigate difficult conversations and rebuild your relationship.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT can help couples understand and change negative patterns in their relationship by focusing on emotions and attachment needs.
6. Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
- Individual Work: Reflect on your own behavior and contribution to the relationship's issues. Personal growth can significantly impact the dynamics of the relationship.
- Healthy Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries that respect both partners' needs and individuality. This helps in creating a balanced and respectful relationship.
7. Commitment and Patience
- Commitment to Change: Both partners must be committed to working on the relationship and making necessary changes. This involves patience and perseverance.
- Small Steps: Focus on making small, consistent improvements rather than expecting immediate, dramatic changes. Celebrate progress and stay hopeful.
Additional Resources
- "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver
- "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson
- "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg
By applying these strategies and being committed to improving your relationship, you can navigate through difficult times and rebuild a stronger, more resilient partnership.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Gottman Approach and Emotionally Focused Therapy Model Perspective on Wedding Planning with Parents
By following these tips and approaches, parents can navigate the wedding planning process together more seamlessly, fostering understanding, harmony, and collaboration throughout. Prioritizing self-care and stress management to maintain your well-being during the wedding planning process can be super beneficial. Take breaks when needed, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek support from loved ones.
As Featured in BRIDES Magazine:
Why do brides and grooms often enlist their parents’ help while planning their wedding?
Brides and grooms often seek their parents' help in wedding planning because weddings are significant life events that involve family traditions, values, and expectations. Parents have a wealth of experience and often play a crucial role in family dynamics, making their input valuable and sought after by the couple. Additionally, weddings often bring families together, creating opportunities for connection, collaboration, and shared joy.
What is their typical level of involvement in the planning process?
The level of involvement can vary widely among families and couples. Typically, parents may be involved in major decisions such as venue selection, budgeting, and guest list management. Some parents may take a more active role, while others prefer to be consulted for input when needed. This variability of wedding planning involvement may or may not be correlated with financial aspects of the wedding and who or the amount of money that the parents may be contributing. Their involvement often reflects their desire to contribute meaningfully to the celebration and support their children's choices.
What tasks do the parents typically help their kids with? How do they differ on the bride and groom's side?
Parents often assist with tasks like venue selection, financial planning, and coordinating with vendors. On the bride's side, tasks may include dress shopping, floral arrangements, and décor choices. On the groom's side, tasks might involve selecting attire, transportation, and music or entertainment. However, these roles are becoming more flexible and can vary based on the interests and preferences of the individuals involved.
How should the two sets of parents approach the conversation of helping their kids plan their wedding?
Open communication and collaboration can be the key. Using compassionate communication principles, AKA Nonviolent Communication (NVC) they can focus on expressing feelings, needs, and requests respectfully.Both sets of parents should approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and respect for each other's perspectives. It's essential to listen actively, express opinions constructively, and be flexible in compromising to accommodate everyone's wishes.
Is it common for both sets of parents to clash during the wedding planning process? Why? What are some challenges that might arise?
Yes, it is common for both sets of parents to clash during wedding planning due to stress, differing opinions, expectations, and values. Some challenges that might arise include disagreements over finances or budgeting, guest list and who to invite, cultural/ religious or family traditions, and the overall vision for how the wedding “should” go.
How can parents deal when their child’s future in-laws are difficult to interact with during the wedding planning process?
The best way to deal with difficult people in general is to try to use empathy and understanding as much as possible. Most of the time all big reactions or “attacks” are unskilled ways of trying to get a need met. Reactions sabotage connection. Intentional calm responses can help repair the disconnect that may be occurring. Dealing with difficult future in-laws requires patience, understanding, and effective communication. Setting boundaries, maintaining open lines of communication, and focusing on common goals can help navigate challenging interactions. It's also essential to prioritize the couple's wishes and needs while respectfully considering the opinions of all parties involved. Boundary setting and compromise based on needs can be very useful tools to deal with these issues more amicably.
Three to Five Tips to Help Parents Navigate Wedding Planning Together:
Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication among all parties involved. Create a safe space where everyone feels heard, valued, and respected. Discuss expectations, preferences, and concerns openly to avoid misunderstandings. Listen to your parents' perspectives and concerns with an open mind, without interrupting or becoming defensive. Show empathy and understanding towards their feelings and needs.
Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to respect everyone's roles and responsibilities. Clearly define who is responsible for what tasks and decisions to avoid conflicts and overlapping efforts. Assign specific tasks or responsibilities to your parents that align with their interests and strengths. This can make them feel valued and involved in the planning process. Collaborate on planning aspects of the wedding that are important to your parents, while maintaining autonomy over decisions that are important to you.
Flexibility and Compromise: Be flexible and willing to compromise to accommodate everyone's wishes and preferences. Focus on finding common ground and solutions that satisfy everyone involved. Remember, it's a celebration of love and unity, so prioritize harmony and collaboration. Identify and focus on shared goals and values that are important to both you and your parents. This can help align your priorities and reduce conflicts.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: Consider seeking professional help from a wedding planner or counselor if tensions rise or conflicts become unmanageable. A neutral third party can offer valuable insights, mediate disputes, and help keep the planning process on track.
Celebrate Together: Remember to celebrate the joyous occasion and focus on the love and unity that the wedding represents. Keep a positive attitude, cherish the special moments, and appreciate the opportunity to come together as a family to celebrate this significant milestone.
By following these tips and approaches, parents can navigate the wedding planning process together more seamlessly, fostering understanding, harmony, and collaboration throughout. Prioritizing self-care and stress management to maintain your well-being during the wedding planning process can be super beneficial. Take breaks when needed, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek support from loved ones.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Navigating the "Roommate Phase" in Relationships: Tips from a Relationship Counselor
Navigating the roommate phase requires effort, communication, and a commitment to your relationship. By incorporating these tips into your daily life and embracing the guidance of relationship experts like Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your connection with your partner. Remember, every phase is an opportunity to grow and deepen your love for each other.
As a relationship counselor, I often find myself discussing the challenges couples face as they navigate the different phases of their relationship. One of the most common phases couples experience is what many refer to as the "roommate phase." This phase can feel distant, routine, and lacking in the emotional and physical connection that once felt effortless.
My partner and I have faced our fair share of roommate phases, and through personal experience and professional knowledge, we've developed strategies to reignite our connection. Drawing from the wisdom of renowned relationship experts like John Gottman and the Emotionally Focused Therapy approach, here are some tips that have worked wonders for us:
1. Intentional Quality Time Set aside a specific time each night to put away distractions, especially phones, and focus solely on each other. This intentional quality time fosters open communication and strengthens emotional connection.
2. Prioritize Date Nights Spending time away from the daily grind and kids is crucial. Date nights allow you to reconnect, have fun together, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
3. Reignite Physical Intimacy Don't underestimate the power of physical affection. Make an effort to kiss and make out like you used to when your relationship was new and exciting.
4. Sync Your Bedtime Going to bed at the same time can create a sense of closeness and intimacy. It's a simple yet effective way to maintain connection and ensure quality time together.
5. Share Household Chores Teamwork makes the dream work! Sharing household chores fosters collaboration and mutual appreciation, strengthening your bond as a couple.
6. Have Meaningful Conversations Sit down and ask the tough questions:
"Why are we drifting into the roommate phase?"
"How can we enhance our connection?"
"What can we do differently to come back together?"
"Here's what I need from you. What do you need from me?"
7. Embrace the Little Things Small gestures can make a big difference. Whether it's a good morning kiss or a surprise love note, these little acts of kindness and affection go a long way in maintaining connection.
8. Acknowledge the Phase Recognize that the roommate phase is just that – a phase. It's a natural part of many long-term relationships and an opportunity for growth and reconnection.
Gottman's Insights: John Gottman emphasizes the importance of friendship and fondness in relationships. Cultivate a culture of appreciation and admiration for each other. Remember the qualities that you love and appreciate in your partner and express them regularly.
Emotionally Focused Therapy Tips: Emotionally Focused Therapy focuses on creating a secure emotional bond between partners. Validate each other's feelings and emotions, and be open to vulnerability. Create a safe space where both partners feel heard, understood, and valued.
In conclusion, navigating the roommate phase requires effort, communication, and a commitment to your relationship. By incorporating these tips into your daily life and embracing the guidance of relationship experts like Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your connection with your partner. Remember, every phase is an opportunity to grow and deepen your love for each other.
By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Nurturing Love Through Conflict: The Gottman Approach to Fighting Right
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, but how couples navigate and resolve their differences can determine the strength and longevity of their bond. Rather than avoiding conflict altogether, successful couples understand that healthy conflict resolution is key to deepening their connection. In this blog post, we'll explore the Gottman approach to fighting right and how couples can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and intimacy.
Introduction: Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, but how couples navigate and resolve their differences can determine the strength and longevity of their bond. Rather than avoiding conflict altogether, successful couples understand that healthy conflict resolution is key to deepening their connection. In this blog post, we'll explore the Gottman approach to fighting right and how couples can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and intimacy.
Understanding the Gottman Approach: The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is grounded in decades of research on what makes marriages succeed or fail. One of the core principles of this approach is the idea that it's not the absence of conflict that defines a happy relationship, but rather how couples manage and resolve their disagreements.
Key Elements of the Gottman Approach:
Softened Start-Up: Successful couples begin discussions gently, avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships, as identified by the Gottmans. Instead, they express their concerns using "I" statements and focus on their feelings rather than blaming their partner.
Acceptance of Influence: Partners in healthy relationships are open to considering each other's perspectives and are willing to compromise. They recognize that both individuals bring valuable insights to the table and are committed to finding mutually satisfactory solutions.
Repair Attempts: When tensions rise during a disagreement, successful couples make repair attempts to de-escalate the situation and reconnect emotionally. This can be as simple as offering a hug, using humor to diffuse tension, or expressing empathy towards their partner's feelings.
De-escalation Techniques: Rather than allowing conflicts to spiral out of control, couples trained in the Gottman approach use specific de-escalation techniques to calm themselves and their partner. This may include taking a break to cool off, practicing deep breathing, or using positive self-talk to manage emotions.
Turning Conflict into Connection: Now that we've explored the key principles of the Gottman approach, let's discuss how successful couples turn conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection:
Active Listening: Instead of focusing solely on getting their point across, successful couples prioritize active listening. They strive to understand their partner's perspective without interrupting or dismissing their feelings.
Emotional Validation: Validating your partner's emotions—even if you don't agree with their viewpoint—is essential for building trust and intimacy. Successful couples express empathy and understanding towards each other's feelings, fostering a sense of validation and support.
Seeking Common Ground: Rather than viewing conflict as a win-lose scenario, successful couples approach disagreements as an opportunity to find common ground. They actively look for areas of agreement and work together to find creative solutions that meet both partners' needs.
Maintaining Respect: Even in the heat of an argument, successful couples prioritize respect and kindness towards each other. They avoid name-calling, insults, and other disrespectful behaviors, recognizing that words spoken in anger can have lasting consequences.
Learning and Growing Together: Conflict can be a catalyst for personal and relational growth. Successful couples approach disagreements as learning opportunities, using them to gain insight into themselves and their partner. They view challenges as a chance to strengthen their bond and deepen their understanding of each other.
Conclusion: Incorporating the principles of the Gottman approach into your relationship can transform the way you navigate conflict with your partner. By fostering open communication, mutual respect, and emotional connection, you can turn disagreements into opportunities for growth and intimacy. Remember, it's not about avoiding conflict, but rather about fighting right and nurturing your love through the ups and downs of life together.
Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, Ph.D
SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY
Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist
❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA
Navigating the Holidays: A Guide to Managing Family Dynamics
TAMPA (BLOOM) – Mental Health professional Kaitlin Lowey joins Gayle Guyardo the host of the nationally syndicated health and wellness show Bloom to talk about strategies for navigating around family drama during the holidays. Kaitlin offers tips for competing family events, navigating uncomfortable topics and arming yourself with good coping mechanism skills – building your own “holiday mental health toolkit”.
The holiday season is a time of joy, but for many, it can also be filled with challenges, from juggling competing family events to navigating tricky dinner table conversations. Kaitlin Lowey, Supervised Therapist at South Tampa Therapy, recently appeared on BLOOM to discuss strategies to help you gracefully handle tough decisions, diffuse uncomfortable inquiries, and build a holiday support toolkit to navigate the season with compassion and resilience.
Balancing Competing Family Events:
The holiday season often brings a flood of invitations, and sometimes, tough decisions must be made. It's essential to find a balance between compassion and setting boundaries. If you can't attend an event, communicate openly with family members, expressing your disappointment and assuring them of your love. Consider alternative ways to show you care, such as sending a thoughtful gift or a recorded video message.
However, declining an invitation may not always be received well, and it's crucial to address any hurt feelings with empathy. Engage in a conversation, acknowledging the emotions involved and expressing your love for the family member. If the conversation becomes especially challenging and combative, it's acceptable to gracefully end it, emphasizing the need for a healthier discussion in the future. Remember, it's impossible to meet everyone's expectations, and you are not responsible for managing others' emotions. Firmly, yet politely, set boundaries if a conversation becomes overly guilt-tripping or berating.
Deactivating Uncomfortable Conversations:
Navigating personal inquiries and avoiding political clashes at the holiday dinner table requires finesse. When faced with uncomfortable questions, employ humor, change the subject, or kindly request a shift in conversation. By addressing the discomfort directly but respectfully, you can redirect the dialogue to more pleasant topics.
In a politically charged climate, choose your battles wisely. Thanksgiving dinner may not be the ideal setting for heated debates. If a hot-button topic arises, acknowledge the other person's passion and gracefully steer the conversation elsewhere. If the issue persists, express your desire for a peaceful gathering and propose revisiting the topic at a more appropriate time. If it’s not possible to shift the conversation, you can simply gracefully exit the conversation.
Building Your Holiday Support Toolkit:
Creating a toolkit for navigating the holiday season can provide valuable coping mechanisms. Here are a few ideas:
Identify a trusted person to lean on, whether it's a cousin or a spouse, as your go-to support. Having someone to vent to or seek solace from can make a significant difference.
Plan in advance for triggering topics, deciding on responses that maintain harmony, such as using humor, redirecting the conversation, or finding an exit from the interaction.
Develop personal mantras to reinforce your self-worth and resilience during challenging moments. Whether it's reminding yourself that you’re exactly where you need to be on your life journey or acknowledging that you are not responsible for managing others’ disappointment regarding your choices, mantras can be powerful assets.
Finally, if all else fails, allow yourself a moment of respite. Sneak away to the bathroom for a few minutes to collect your thoughts, take deep breaths, or engage in a quick meditation. Prioritizing your mental well-being ensures a more enjoyable holiday experience.
The holiday season is a time for joy, connection, and celebration. By employing these strategies, you can navigate the challenges with grace, fostering positive relationships and creating lasting memories. Remember, your well-being is paramount, and with a thoughtful approach, you can make the most of the holidays while maintaining your peace of mind.
By: Kaitlin Lowey
Navigating Relationship Struggles: How Individual Marriage Therapy Can Make a Difference
In the journey of marriage, challenges are inevitable. Sometimes, seeking professional guidance through marriage therapy can be a transformative step towards a healthier, happier relationship. However, what happens when your spouse is unwilling to participate? In this blog post, we'll explore the significant benefits of individual marriage therapy and how it can positively impact your relationship, even when your partner is hesitant.
Introduction:
In the journey of marriage, challenges are inevitable. Sometimes, seeking professional guidance through marriage therapy can be a transformative step towards a healthier, happier relationship. However, what happens when your spouse is unwilling to participate? In this blog post, we'll explore the significant benefits of individual marriage therapy and how it can positively impact your relationship, even when your partner is hesitant.
Focus:
- Individual marriage therapy
- Relationship struggles
- Marriage counseling for one
- Coping skills
- Emotional well-being
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1. **Understanding the Power of Individual Marriage Therapy**
Individual marriage therapy, also known as individual relationship counseling, is a tailored approach designed to help one partner navigate the complexities of a relationship, even if the other partner is not involved. It provides a space for self-reflection, personal growth, and learning valuable relationship skills.
2. **Gaining Clarity and Perspective**
Marriage therapy for one offers a unique opportunity to gain clarity about your feelings, needs, and expectations in the relationship. A skilled therapist can help you see the situation from a different perspective, enabling you to make more informed decisions about your marriage.
3. **Developing Effective Communication Skills**
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. In individual marriage therapy, you'll learn valuable communication techniques that can be applied to interactions with your spouse. These skills can help create a more open, understanding, and respectful dialogue.
4. **Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Well-being**
Marriage challenges often bring about emotional distress. Individual therapy equips you with coping mechanisms to manage stress, anxiety, and other emotions. This not only benefits your relationship but also enhances your overall well-being.
5. **Fostering Personal Growth and Self-Improvement**
Through the process of therapy, you'll have the opportunity for personal growth and self-improvement. This can lead to increased self-awareness, confidence, and a stronger sense of self, which in turn positively impacts your relationship dynamics.
6. **Setting Healthy Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care**
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Individual therapy empowers you to establish boundaries that promote mutual respect and understanding. Additionally, it encourages self-care practices that contribute to your overall happiness and fulfillment.
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Conclusion:
In conclusion, individual marriage therapy can be a powerful tool for personal and relational growth, even if your spouse is unwilling to participate. By gaining clarity, honing communication skills, and prioritizing your emotional well-being, you can positively influence the dynamics of your marriage. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and investing in your own growth can lead to positive changes in your relationship. If you're considering individual marriage therapy, take that first step towards a healthier, happier partnership.
Book a session with Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D, Gottman & EFT Couples Counselor, NVC Compassionate Communication Specialist, and Trauma Informed Therapist!
Nurturing Love: How Couples Counseling with the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy Can Transform Relationships
Couples counseling with the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful journey towards healing and growth. It offers couples the tools to communicate more effectively, understand each other on a deeper level, and ultimately, build a stronger and more resilient partnership. Through this transformative process, couples can nurture their love and create a foundation for a more fulfilling future together.
Introduction
Love is a beautiful journey, but it's not always smooth sailing. Every couple faces challenges and moments of discord. However, seeking help through couples counseling can be the beacon of hope that leads to a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. In this blog post, we'll explore how the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) can be transformative in nurturing love and healing relationships.
Understanding the Gottman Approach
1. Building Strong Foundations: The Gottman Approach emphasizes the importance of creating strong foundations in a relationship. This includes open communication, trust, and a deep understanding of each other's needs and desires.
2. The Art of Effective Communication: Through the Gottman Method, couples learn how to communicate effectively, ensuring that their voices are heard, and their concerns are addressed. This involves active listening, empathy, and expressing oneself in a constructive manner.
3. Navigating Conflict: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The Gottman Approach equips couples with tools to navigate disagreements in a healthy and productive way. By identifying harmful communication patterns and learning to replace them with positive interactions, couples can break free from negative cycles.
Emotion-Focused Therapy: Healing from the Inside Out
1. Exploring Emotions: Emotion-Focused Therapy delves deep into the emotional landscape of a relationship. It helps couples identify and express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
2. Strengthening Emotional Bonds: By understanding and validating each other's emotions, couples can create a stronger emotional bond. This enables them to support and uplift each other, even in times of difficulty.
3. Healing Past Wounds: EFT provides a platform for couples to address past hurts and wounds. Through guided conversations, couples can work towards forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and finding closure.
The Power of Integration
When the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy come together, their synergy is extraordinary.
1. A Holistic Approach: The Gottman Approach focuses on practical, evidence-backed strategies, while EFT addresses the emotional core of a relationship. Together, they provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples to navigate challenges.
2. Strengthening Communication and Emotional Connection: Through this integrated approach, couples not only learn how to communicate effectively but also deepen their emotional connection. This leads to a more profound understanding of each other's needs and a greater sense of intimacy.
3. Long-Lasting Transformation: The integration of these approaches isn't just about temporary fixes. It's about creating lasting, positive change that enriches the fabric of the relationship.
Conclusion
Couples counseling with the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful journey towards healing and growth. It offers couples the tools to communicate more effectively, understand each other on a deeper level, and ultimately, build a stronger and more resilient partnership. Through this transformative process, couples can nurture their love and create a foundation for a more fulfilling future together.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute, Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a research-based approach to strengthening relationships.
Dr. John Gottman has been studying relationships for decades, gaining insight about what makes relationships last. Over 3,000 couples participated in long-term research studies, which led to the development of one of the leading methods of couples therapy.
What are the goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy?
-To increase respect, affection and closeness,
-Break through and resolve conflict when partners feel stuck,
-Generate greater understanding between partners,
-And keep conflict discussions calm.
How do we accomplish this?
Drs. Gottman developed “The Sound Relationship House” which includes the 9 components of a healthy relationship. A therapist who is trained in The Gottman Method can keep your therapeutic work on track by including activities in session which help your relationship in these areas:
Build Love Maps (or how well you know your partner’s inner world).
Share Fondness and Admiration (the antidotes to contempt).
Turn Towards (small moments of relationship bonding).
The Positive Perspective (maintain positive view of your partner even in times of conflict).
Manage Conflict (how to manage conflict even when there isn’t a clear resolution).
Make Life Dreams Come True (encourage the couple to share honestly about hopes, values and aspirations).
Create Shared Meaning (understand the important stories and dreams for your relationship).
Trust (creating a secure feeling in the relationship).
Commitment (believing and acting as committed life partners).
As a relationship therapist in Tampa, Florida
I’ve had the privilege of training with the Gottmans and have completed Gottman Method Couples Therapy Levels I and II. Depending on your needs, I blend Gottman Method, NVC Communication and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) to give your relationship the best chance of success!
Make an appointment: www.SouthTampaCounselor.com/BookAppointment