7 Daily Habits for Bettering Your Mental Health

Taking care of our mental health is crucial for overall well-being and happiness. Just as we engage in daily activities to maintain physical health, it's essential to develop habits that promote good mental health. In this blog post, we'll explore seven simple but effective tips for improving your mental well-being on a daily basis. By incorporating these habits into your routine, you can cultivate a positive mindset and lead a more fulfilling life.

1. Practice Mindfulness:

Start your day with mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a few moments to focus on the present moment. Mindfulness helps calm the mind, reduces stress, and enhances self-awareness. It allows you to let go of negative thoughts and cultivate a positive mindset.

2. Establish Healthy Boundaries:

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining good mental health. Learn to say "no" when necessary, and don't overcommit yourself. Recognize your limits and communicate them effectively. By establishing healthy boundaries, you can reduce stress, prevent burnout, and prioritize self-care.

3. Engage in Physical Exercise:

Regular physical exercise not only benefits your physical health but also has a profound impact on your mental well-being. Engaging in activities like walking, jogging, yoga, or dancing releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise daily to reduce stress, improve sleep quality, and boost your overall mood.

4. Connect with Others:

Human connection is vital for our mental health. Nurture your relationships by spending quality time with loved ones, friends, or participating in group activities. Engage in meaningful conversations, express your emotions, and seek support when needed. Building a strong support system can provide comfort, reduce feelings of isolation, and foster a sense of belonging.

5. Practice Self-Care:

Self-care is essential for maintaining a healthy mind. Dedicate time each day to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it's reading a book, taking a bath, practicing a hobby, or listening to music, make self-care a priority. Taking care of yourself enables you to recharge, reduce stress, and improve your overall mental well-being.

6. Prioritize Sleep:

A good night's sleep is crucial for mental health. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Establish a regular sleep schedule, create a soothing bedtime routine, and ensure your sleep environment is comfortable and conducive to rest. Sufficient sleep improves cognitive function, regulates mood, and enhances emotional resilience.

7. Practice Gratitude:

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude has a profound impact on mental health. Each day, take a few moments to reflect on the things you're grateful for. This practice helps shift your focus to the positive aspects of life, promotes optimism, and reduces stress. Consider keeping a gratitude journal or sharing your gratitude with others to enhance its effects.

Improving your mental health doesn't require drastic changes; it starts with small, daily habits that positively impact your overall well-being. By practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, engaging in regular exercise, nurturing relationships, prioritizing self-care, getting sufficient sleep, and cultivating gratitude, you can transform your mental landscape and lead a more fulfilling life. Remember, taking care of your mental health is a continuous journey, and each small step counts towards a healthier, happier you.

Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

Are You Arguing with Your Spouse?

Many couples believe that arguing with their spouse is a sign of a troubled relationship. However, the truth is that disagreements are a natural part of any healthy relationship. In fact, it's normal and even healthy for couples to have arguments from time to time. Here are some reasons why it's okay to argue with your spouse.

1. It allows for honest communication: Arguing with your spouse can provide an opportunity for honest communication. When couples argue, they are expressing their true feelings, thoughts, and concerns. This kind of communication is essential to building a strong and healthy relationship.

2. It helps to resolve conflicts: Disagreements can provide an opportunity to resolve conflicts. When couples argue, they are addressing issues that need to be resolved. By working through these conflicts together, couples can strengthen their relationship and create a deeper understanding of each other.

3. It shows that you care: Arguing with your spouse can also be a sign that you care about each other. When couples argue, they are expressing their passion, which is a sign of emotional investment in the relationship. It shows that you are willing to stand up for your beliefs and values, which can create a more meaningful relationship.

4. It leads to growth and learning: Arguing with your spouse can also lead to personal growth and learning. When couples argue, they are challenging each other's perspectives, which can lead to new insights and understanding. By working through conflicts and disagreements, couples can learn from each other and grow together.

5. It can bring you closer together: Finally, arguing with your spouse can actually bring you closer together. When couples argue, they are working through difficult issues together, which can create a stronger bond. By being willing to engage in difficult conversations, couples can create a deeper connection and a more intimate relationship.

Arguing with your spouse is a natural and healthy part of any relationship. It allows for honest communication, helps to resolve conflicts, shows that you care, leads to growth and learning, and can bring you closer together. The key is to approach arguments with respect, empathy, and a willingness to listen to each other's perspectives. By doing so, you can turn disagreements into opportunities for growth and strengthen your relationship in the process.

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Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

What is the difference between LMHC and MFT?

When it comes to seeking therapy, there are a variety of mental health professionals to choose from. Two common options are Licensed Mental Health Counselors (LMHCs) and Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs). While both professions offer valuable support to individuals and families, there are some important differences to consider. In this blog post, we'll explore the difference between licensed mental health counselors and marriage and family therapists.

Elizabeth Mahaney, MA, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D has a MA in both mental health counseling and marriage and family therapy with specialized training in communication, trauma and many certifications. Here is why this is important:

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Licensed Mental Health Counselors (LMHCs)

LMHCs are mental health professionals who provide counseling services to individuals, couples, and families. They are trained to diagnose and treat a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and trauma. LMHCs use evidence-based therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy to help clients work through their challenges.

LMHCs typically hold a Master's degree in counseling or a related field and are licensed by their state's licensing board. In order to become licensed, LMHCs must complete a certain number of supervised clinical hours and pass a licensing exam.

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Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs)

MFTs are mental health professionals who specialize in working with couples and families. They are trained to address the unique challenges that arise in family systems, such as communication breakdowns and relationship conflicts. MFTs use a variety of therapeutic approaches, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Approach, and Internal Family Systems, to help families and couples improve their relationships.

MFTs typically hold a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and are licensed by their state's licensing board. In order to become licensed, MFTs must complete a certain number of supervised clinical hours and pass a licensing exam.

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Differences between LMHCs and MFTs

While both LMHCs and MFTs provide counseling services, there are some key differences between the two professions. The main difference lies in their areas of specialization. LMHCs are trained to address a wide range of mental health issues, while MFTs focus specifically on relationship and family dynamics.

Another difference is the types of clients they see. While LMHCs work with individuals, couples, and families, MFTs primarily work with couples and families. MFTs use a systemic approach, meaning they view individuals within the context of their family and larger social systems.

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Which one is right for you?

The decision between seeing an LMHC or an MFT ultimately depends on your individual needs. If you are struggling with a specific mental health issue, an LMHC may be a better fit. If you are experiencing challenges within your relationships or family system, an MFT may be a better choice.

It's important to do your research and choose a therapist who is licensed and trained in the areas that are most relevant to your needs. Additionally, it's always a good idea to schedule an initial consultation with a therapist to get a sense of their approach and determine if they are a good fit for you.

Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

Book with Dr. Liz: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

Tips for Couples Bringing Baby Home for the First Time

Bringing a new baby home for the first time can be both exciting and overwhelming for new parents. With all the preparations and adjustments that need to be made, it's easy for couples to feel stressed out and exhausted. However, with some careful planning and preparation, couples can ensure a smooth transition and create a nurturing and loving environment for their newborn. Here are some tips to help couples when bringing their baby home for the first time.

1. Create a routine: Creating a routine is essential when bringing a new baby home. Establishing a consistent routine can help your baby feel more secure and help parents to manage their time effectively. Consider setting a regular feeding schedule, establishing a consistent bedtime routine, and creating a daily routine that includes time for play, rest, and quiet time.

2. Get organized: Preparing your home for a new baby is a crucial step in making sure that you are ready for their arrival. Make sure you have all the necessary supplies, such as diapers, wipes, bottles, and formula, if needed. Organize your baby's room, stock up on basic household items, and prepare meals in advance so that you have one less thing to worry about.

3. Take care of yourself: Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your baby. Make sure to eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. Don't be afraid to ask for help from family and friends or consider hiring a postpartum doula to support you during this transition.

4. Communicate with your partner: Communication is key to ensuring a successful transition when bringing a new baby home. Discuss expectations and responsibilities with your partner, establish a plan for sharing childcare duties, and make time to connect and support each other during this time of change.

5. Don't be afraid to ask for help: It's okay to ask for help. Whether it's from a family member, friend, or a professional, seeking support can help ease the transition when bringing a new baby home. Don't be afraid to ask for help with household chores, cooking, or even just holding your baby while you take a shower.

6. Be patient: Remember, bringing a new baby home is a significant change, and it can take time for everyone to adjust. Be patient with yourself, your partner, and your baby. Trust that you will find your rhythm, and remember to enjoy the special moments along the way.

Bringing a new baby home is an exciting and challenging time for couples. By creating a routine, getting organized, taking care of yourself, communicating with your partner, asking for help, and being patient, you can ensure a smooth transition and create a nurturing and loving environment for your newborn. Remember, this is a time to cherish and enjoy, so take a deep breath, trust yourself, and embrace the journey ahead.

Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

Everyone Benefits from Therapy

‌The decision to seek therapy can often feel like a big step, and it's not uncommon for people to put it off until they are in the midst of a major life crisis. However, therapy can be incredibly beneficial even when things are going relatively well in life. In this blog post, we'll explore some of the reasons why it's good to go to therapy even when nothing major is going on.

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1. Preventative Care

Just as we go to the doctor for annual check-ups and preventative care, therapy can serve as a form of mental and emotional preventative care. By addressing any underlying issues before they become major problems, you can prevent them from escalating into something more serious.

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1. Increased Self-Awareness

Therapy provides a space for you to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By exploring these aspects of yourself, you can gain a greater understanding of who you are and what makes you tick. This increased self-awareness can help you make more intentional choices in your life and improve your overall well-being.

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1. Improved Communication Skills

Therapy provides an opportunity to practice communication skills in a safe and supportive environment. This can help you become more adept at expressing yourself, setting boundaries, and resolving conflicts in your personal and professional relationships.

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1. Coping Skills

Life is full of ups and downs, and therapy can equip you with coping skills to navigate the inevitable challenges that come your way. By learning healthy coping mechanisms, you can manage stress, anxiety, and other difficult emotions more effectively.

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1. Personal Growth

Even when things are going well, there is always room for personal growth. Therapy can help you identify areas for improvement and provide guidance and support as you work towards your goals.

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So basically, there are many reasons why it's good to go to therapy even when nothing major is going on in your life. From preventative care to personal growth, therapy can provide a wealth of benefits that can improve your overall well-being and quality of life. So, if you've been considering therapy but have been hesitant to take the leap, consider giving it a try. You might be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your life.

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Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

Attachment Theory

One theory that can be utilized to better understand human development is attachment theory. Attachment theory was created by John Bowlby and the additional work of Mary Ainsworth. The theory has four main ideas: 

1. The first is that children develop emotional attachments to their familiar caregivers between the ages of 6 and 30 months. 

2. The second idea is that children show their emotional attachments by demonstrating preferences for certain familiar people and tend to want to be near those people. Children desire to use these familiar people as secure bases to explore the environment. 

3. The third idea is that these early emotional attachments contribute to the foundation of emotional experiences and personality development in later life. Attachment theory emphasizes that the behaviors exhibited by a toddler towards their familiar adults will have some continuity to the social behaviors shown later in life in different important relationships. 

4. The fourth idea is that certain events, such as separation of the toddler from familiar people (because of death, incarceration, family removal, etc.) will have short-term or possible long-term, negative impacts on the child’s emotional and cognitive development. Inability for a caregiver to be warm, consistent, responsive, and supportive of the child’s needs, will also result in negative impacts on the child’s ability to form secure attachments throughout the life span. 

Attachment theory outlines four different attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious-ambivalent attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment. 

• Secure attachment is believed to be the ideal style and is characterized by the child feeling secure in the presence of their caregiver and will be able to explore freely while the caregiver is there. A securely attached child is upset when the caregiver departs, but happy to see them when they return. 

• In contrast, an anxious-ambivalent attachment style is characterized by the child feeling upset when the caregiver leaves, but unable to feel reassured when the caregiver returns. The child may continue to cry and have difficulty feeling comforted by the return of their caregiver. 

• An anxious-avoidant style is demonstrated by the child showing little emotion when the caregiver departs or returns and will not explore much regardless of who is present. 

• Disorganized attachment is characterized by a lack of attachment behavior and the child will show overt displays of fear and contradictory behaviors. This is characterized by the child both reaching for comfort, and pulling away. 

John Bowlby emphasized in his work on Attachment Theory that there is an innate human need for connectedness, and this need exists throughout the lifetime, from cradle to grave. Due to the lasting need for connection even into adulthood, learning about your attachment style can be a crucial step in better understanding how you show up in relationships and relate to others. If you are interested in learning more and discovering your own attachment style, book an Adult Attachment Interview today! 

An Integrative Approach to Working With Infidelity

The prevalence of infidelity within relationships is difficult to define due to the multiple different definitions of infidelity. Based on the research, anywhere from 15-70% of couples experience infidelity within their relationship; however, what they consider to be infidelity differs (Hertlein et al., 2005).

Infidelity can have a traumatic impact on individuals and relationships, and therefore requires a comprehensive approach to address the complex emotional and relational issues that arise. 

3-Stage Intervention Model: 

1. During the initial crisis phase, the therapist focuses on stabilizing the couple's emotional state and ensuring their safety. This may involve individual therapy sessions to help the betrayed partner process their emotions, as well as couples therapy sessions to address the immediate impact of the infidelity on the relationship.

2. The middle phase of the intervention entails exploring the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity. A key component of this phase of treatment involves rebuilding trust in the relationship. This stage may involve identifying and addressing unmet needs within the relationship, developing new communication skills, and exploring patterns of behaviors that may have contributed to the infidelity.

3. The final recovery phase focuses on sustaining the progress made in the earlier stages and promoting continued growth and healing in the relationship. This may involve ongoing individual and couples therapy, as well as developing a plan for preventing future infidelity.

Infidelity is difficult to talk about. However, the research points towards the prevalence of infidelity in relationships and a need for a safe space for individuals and couples to open up about their experiences. An integrative approach to working with infidelity offers couples hope for working through any type of infidelity that may come up in a relationship. If you are interested in learning more about working with infidelity in couples therapy, or if you are in need of support, book an appointment today!

Book with: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/JamieRuddenMFTI

References: 

Hertlein, Wetchler, & Piercy (2005). Infidelity, Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 4:2-3, 5-16, DOI: 10.1300/J398v04n02_02

How to overcome social media addiction and do a digital detox

Internet, phone, and social media addiction is a growing concern in today's digital age, with many people finding it hard to disconnect from their devices and online networks. As we explore the psychological reasons behind this phenomenon, it becomes clear that the internet and social media meet certain human needs that are crucial to our well-being. But at what cost?

Last month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA’s Bloom. She provided tips on how to overcome social media addiction and do a digital detox. You can watch the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.

Doom scrolling on social media can have a negative impact on your health.

Mental Health Counseling Professional, Kaitlin Lowey, from South Tampa Therapy joined Gayle Guyardo, the host of the global health and wellness show, Bloom, to share more about why a digital detox is beneficial for your health.

Using social media and the internet feels good because it meets certain psychological needs in an instant

One of the main psychological needs met is the need for social connection and belonging. People can stay in touch with friends and family, connect with like-minded individuals, and find support and validation. 

Another important one is the need for information and knowledge – and deeper than that, a need for a feeling of control and certainty. The internet provides access to a vast amount of information on any topic, and this accumulation of knowledge can provide a sense of comfort when aspects of our lives feel out of our control. 

While the internet and social media can be beneficial in many ways, excessive use or addiction can have negative effects on mental health

Studies have shown that excessive internet and social media use can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem. The constant stimulation and distraction of the internet and social media can also interfere with sleep, productivity, and overall quality of life.

There are remarkable benefits of taking a break from, or limiting, social media use

Taking a break from social media use is linked to  reduced stress and anxiety, improved self-esteem, and increased productivity. In a 2018 study found that limiting social media use to 30 minutes per day led to significant reductions in depression and loneliness. By disconnecting from the constant barrage of information and stimulation, we can focus on more meaningful activities and relationships, leading to a greater sense of fulfillment and well-being.

To successfully take a break from problematic internet or social media use, the key is to make a plan 

Before starting, track your triggers. What is happening in those moments before you reach for your phone, and how are you feeling? Are you feeling bored? Anxious? Lonely? These feelings are connected to deeper psychological needs, such as the need for connection, certainty, and purpose.

Then, identify coping skills and alternative activities that meet your psychological needs in healthier ways. For example, you can connect with friends and family in person, engage in physical exercise, pursue creative hobbies, or volunteer in your community. Mindfulness-based interventions, such as meditation and mindful breathing, have been effective in reducing social media addiction. It can be helpful and insight-building to journal your thoughts and feelings. You might be surprised by what you learn about yourself. 

Finally, let technology help you! Apps that encourage users to engage in alternative activities, such as exercise and mindfulness, have been shown to be effective in reducing social media addiction. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip. Addictions are hard to beat! Rather, gently notice what happened, ask yourself what you are needing in that moment, and consider other ways you can meet that need using your coping skills.

How to navigate the transition from the 20s to the 30s

This month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA’s Bloom. She provided tips on how to navigate the life stage transition many people undergo during their 30s. You can watch the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.

20’s are a time of self-discovery and paving your life path, but as many reach their 30’s, that transitions into getting married, having kids, and leaving a legacy.

Mental Health Counseling Professional, Kaitlin Lowey, from South Tampa Therapy joined Gayle Guyardo, the host of the global health and wellness show, Bloom, to share more about transitioning into your 30’s.

Typically at some point in their 30s, individuals move into the middle adulthood stage of their lives. Between ages 18 and up to age 40 in some cases, people work through what famous psychologist Erik Erikson called the intimacy versus isolation stage, which is about finding and forming fulfilling romantic relationships and friendships. This stage can be completed at different times for different people, but the main task associated with intimacy versus isolation is forming close, enduring relationships. 

Erikson called the stage after this generativity versus stagnation, and it’s all about developing a sense of purpose, caring for others, and contributing to the world. In this stage, individuals – having developed strong relationships with others – may focus on their work, raising families, or contributing to their community. While Erikson generally felt this stage should start by age 40, many people begin to shift their focus on these contribution-focused tasks earlier, often in their 30s. 

So, how does one successfully complete the task of learning how to care and contribute to the world in a way that brings them meaning during this phase of life?

1. Developing a sense of purpose: In Erikson's stage of generativity versus stagnation, individuals must find meaning and purpose in their lives beyond their own personal needs and desires. To successfully navigate this transition from intimacy versus isolation, individuals must begin to explore and cultivate their own sense of purpose. This could involve pursuing career goals, volunteering for a cause they care about, or developing a hobby or passion that provides a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

2. Building and maintaining relationships: Intimacy versus isolation is all about developing close relationships with others, and this remains important in generativity versus stagnation. However, the focus shifts from romantic partnerships and friendships to broader social connections, such as their community. To navigate this transition successfully, individuals must continue to invest in their relationships and develop new ones, while also learning to balance their own needs with the needs of others.

3. Leaving a legacy: In Erikson's stage of generativity versus stagnation, individuals must begin to think about the mark they will leave on the world. This could involve having children and raising them well, contributing to their community in meaningful ways, or leaving behind a creative or intellectual legacy. Individuals must begin to think about their impact on the world and take actions that align with their values and goals. This may involve taking risks, trying new things, and stepping outside of their comfort zone in order to make a meaningful contribution to the world around them.

Counseling top tip: Identify your values

One powerful exercise you can do to ensure you are spending their time on meaningful, generative, and purposeful activities during this stage is to identify your values. In order to complete the exercise, find a list of values (there are several values lists online as well as values card decks for purchase). Sort the values into 3 piles: very important to me, kind of important to me, and not important to me. Then, select your top 5 values from the very important to me pile. Map your activities onto these values to determine how closely what you are spending your time on aligns with these values. This enables you to make a better-informed decision about living with intention during the middle adulthood years. Just think: 30 years from now, you’ll be able to look back on this time of your life and know you made the most of it!

What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a type of therapy that focuses on helping couples understand and manage their emotions in order to improve their relationship. EFT has been found to be particularly effective in helping couples who are struggling with issues such as communication, intimacy, and trust. In this blog post, we will explore how EFT works and the impact it can have on a relationship.

How EFT Works
EFT is based on the idea that emotions are the foundation of all human relationships. According to EFT, negative emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness can lead to conflict and disconnection in a relationship. The goal of EFT is to help couples identify and manage these negative emotions in order to create a more secure and loving relationship.
In EFT, couples work with a therapist to identify the patterns of behavior that are causing conflict in their relationship. The therapist then helps the couple to explore the emotions that are driving these patterns of behavior. This often involves identifying the primary emotions that are underlying more negative emotions such as anger or frustration.
Once the couple has identified the underlying emotions, the therapist works with them to develop new patterns of behavior that are more in line with their emotional needs. This can involve learning new communication skills, expressing emotions in a healthier way, and developing a deeper understanding of each other's emotional needs.

The Impact of EFT on Relationships
Research has shown that EFT can be highly effective in helping couples improve their relationship. Studies have found that EFT can lead to significant improvements in communication, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction.
One study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that couples who participated in EFT had significantly higher levels of relationship satisfaction and lower levels of depression and anxiety compared to couples who received traditional couples therapy. Another study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that EFT was effective in improving communication and reducing relationship distress among couples.
EFT can also have long-lasting benefits for couples. A study published in the Journal of Family Therapy found that couples who participated in EFT had lower rates of divorce and higher levels of relationship satisfaction two years after completing therapy compared to couples who received other forms of therapy.
Overall, EFT is a powerful tool for couples who are looking to improve their relationship. By helping couples understand and manage their emotions, EFT can help couples develop a deeper and more secure connection with each other. If you and your partner are struggling with relationship issues, EFT may be a valuable resource to help you find a path towards healing and greater connection.

Author: Crystin Nichols, MFTI

Attunement Helps Love and Intimacy Last

A Key Ingredient to Lasting Love and Intimacy

When two people come together in a romantic relationship, there are countless factors that contribute to their success or failure. However, one of the most important elements of a healthy, happy partnership is attunement. Attunement is the ability to be fully present with your partner, to understand and respond to their emotional needs, and to create a deep sense of intimacy and connection.

In this blog post, we'll explore what attunement means, why it's so critical to a couple's relationship, and how you can cultivate it in your own partnership.

What is Attunement?

At its core, attunement is the ability to tune in to your partner's emotions and needs, and respond in a way that demonstrates understanding, empathy, and support. It involves being fully present in the moment, listening actively, and paying close attention to nonverbal cues like body language and tone of voice.

Attunement requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and self-awareness, as well as a willingness to prioritize your partner's needs and feelings over your own. When two partners are attuned to each other, they are able to create a deep sense of connection and intimacy that can weather the challenges of life and strengthen their bond over time.

Why is Attunement Important in a Couple's Relationship?

Attunement is critical to a couple's relationship for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it allows partners to feel seen, heard, and understood by each other. This is essential for building trust, emotional safety, and a sense of security in the relationship.
When partners are attuned to each other, they are better able to navigate the inevitable conflicts and challenges that arise in any long-term partnership. They are able to communicate effectively, manage their emotions in a healthy way, and work together as a team to overcome obstacles.

Attunement also plays a key role in creating a satisfying and fulfilling sexual connection. When partners are attuned to each other's needs and desires, they are better able to communicate about sex and explore each other's bodies in a way that feels safe, respectful, and pleasurable.

How Can You Cultivate Attunement in Your Relationship?

While attunement is a natural and intuitive part of some relationships, it can also be cultivated and strengthened over time. Here are some tips for building attunement in your own partnership:

1. Practice active listening. When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and ask questions to show that you're engaged and interested.

2. Pay attention to nonverbal cues. Sometimes, what your partner isn't saying is just as important as what they are saying. Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues to get a better sense of how they're feeling.

3. Practice empathy. Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and imagine how they might be feeling. Validate their emotions and offer words of support and encouragement.

4. Make time for quality time. Attunement requires presence and connection, so make sure to set aside dedicated time to spend with your partner without distractions or interruptions.

5. Practice self-awareness. In order to attune to your partner, you need to be aware of your own emotions and needs. Take time to check in with yourself and understand how you're feeling before trying to connect with your partner.

Attunement is a key ingredient in any successful and fulfilling relationship. By prioritizing your partner's emotions and needs, practicing active listening, and cultivating empathy and self-awareness, you can build a deep sense of intimacy and connection that will sustain your partnership for years to come.

Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

Can Gottman Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship Improve?

If you are facing relationship struggles, Gottman Couples Therapy can provide you and your partner with the support you need to work through your problems. This approach to couple’s therapy is based on over 40 years of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Gottman.

The main goal of Gottman Couples Therapy is to help couples strengthen their relationships by improving communication, enhancing love, and building trust. The therapy process focuses on evidence-based interventions that have been shown to be effective in strengthening relationships.

One of the key elements of this therapy is the concept of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which refers to four negative communication patterns: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These patterns can be some of the most significant predictors of relationship breakdown. During the therapy sessions, the couples learn to recognize and avoid these patterns, which helps them to communicate more effectively.

Another essential component of Gottman Couples Therapy is the “Love Maps” exercise. This exercise involves creating a detailed understanding of each other’s inner worlds, including dreams, hopes, and fears. By building these Love Maps, couples can stay connected and understand each other better.

In addition, Gottman Couples Therapy helps couples to develop conflict management skills. During the therapy sessions, couples learn how to navigate argument and disagreements by expressing their own needs while also listening to their partner's feelings and concerns.

Gottman Couples Therapy also emphasizes the importance of reinforcing positive behavior. Couples are encouraged to express appreciation, admiration, and affection towards one another regularly. This allows the couple to build and maintain a strong foundation of love and positivity.

Overall, Gottman Couples Therapy is an evidence-based approach to counseling that can help couples work through various relationship challenges. By focusing on improved communication, increased trust, and building stronger emotional connections, couples can learn ways to enhance their relationship and increase their overall happiness.

How to move through anxiety and say yes to new opportunities

Last month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA’s Bloom. She provided tips on how to say yes to new opportunities that may seem scary due to being unfamiliar. You can watch the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.

https://www.wfla.com/video/saying-yes/8412957/

Saying yes to new opportunities can feel uncomfortable. This makes sense because our bodies and brains are physiologically wired to protect us from possible dangers.  So, when we encounter a situation that is unfamiliar, such as a possible date or a job interview, we have a physiological response. We become hyper-aware of things that could go wrong and may start entering fight, flight, or freeze mode. Recognizing that this is the body’s natural response is helpful in itself because it reduces shame and normalizes the experience. We come to understand that this uncomfortable bodily response stems from our need for safety. 

The key is to actually lean into that discomfort when new opportunities to say yes arise. Invite that discomfort in, and get curious about what’s coming up for you without judgment. Tuning in with what’s happening internally in real time – identifying the physiological reactions, thoughts, and feelings you’re having –  ultimately enables you to consciously respond instead of react. Here are a few ideas on how to move through the discomfort to get to yes:

• Name and accept your emotions. It sounds counter-intuitive, but accepting and naming the emotions you’re having can actually reduce their intensity. It gives you a sense of control that was lacking before. It’s important to view emotions as experiences versus defining who you are. There is a difference between thinking, “I am anxious,” and, “I am experiencing feelings of anxiety.” 

• Identify your thoughts and challenge them. Ask yourself, what fears do I have about this opportunity? What evidence is there for these fears? Is there something I can do to address my fears, like getting more information or putting a safeguard in place?  What’s the worst that could happen, and would I be ok if it did? Often the fear of something is worse than the reality. And, if it really does present too great of a risk, then don’t hesitate to say no. 

• Recognize the needs this opportunity fills and any competing needs. As you identify your thoughts and feelings, you can start to recognize the needs the opportunity will fill, such as autonomy, exploration, or connection. Often, the human need for safety can be at odds with the need the new opportunity presents. The key is to give space to both competing needs and identify ways you can feel safe enough to move forward. 

• Physiologically calm your body. Grounding and mindfulness tools, like box breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, movement, and yoga postures can help you get out of your head and into the present moment. You can come back to these coping skills whenever you need them. 

• Reframe your anxiety as excitement. The body actually has difficulty differentiating between these two emotions, and it’s amazing what this shift in perspective can do.

• Imagine the best-case scenario. Actively direct your focus to the thoughts and feelings you’ll have if everything works out the way you hope. It’s easy to think, “What if it doesn’t work out,” but don’t forget to ask yourself, “What if it does?” Remind yourself of past times when you felt the fear and took the risk anyway, and cultivate that feeling of pride. 

Remember, growth doesn’t happen in comfortable spaces – and a certain level of stress when taking a risk can actually be useful in keeping you moving forward. Saying yes to new things can be hard – but we can do hard things. Even if it doesn’t work out, it’s not a failure. We learn from our experiences, and it’s really just information that we can use moving ahead in our journey. Having the courage to try is a form of success in itself. 

To Book with Kaitlin Lowey: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

How to cultivate a positive mindset for active aging

Last month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA TV’s Bloom. She dispelled stereotypes about aging and provided tips on how to foster a positive mindset and stay active as we age. You can view the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip. 

https://www.wfla.com/video/mindset-active-aging/8430170/

Exercising our minds and bodies, staying socially connected, and living with purpose are all connected to longer, more fulfilling lives as we age and reach retirement age. But given the stereotypes about aging that pervade Western cultures, it can be difficult to overcome doubts about staying active, healthy, and engaged as we get older. 

So, how do we cultivate a positive mindset for active aging? 

• Reject the stereotypes about aging

• There are a lot of misconceptions about aging in America – false ideas like as people age, they are doomed to poor health, cognitive decline, and general decline in life satisfaction. These are myths. (And as part of a generation with parents entering this phase of life, I’m passionate about dispelling these myths.) 

• The truth is that subjective well-being increases with age, and we see a jump in subjective well-being around age 50, and this persists until the very oldest stage of life. 

• Why? One explanation is that as we age we become more emotionally stable. We’re better able to handle stress and weather storms with hard-earned wisdom. 

• Another reason may be that, contrary to the myth that older adults become more set in their ways, older adults actually report more openness to the future. 

• In addition, older adults report more satisfaction in their social relationships. 

• And finally, as we age we care less and less about what people think! There is freedom in this. 

• All of this is important to remember because a 2022 study from Harvard revealed that people with more positive attitudes about getting older tend to live longer and healthier lives than those with negative perceptions. 

• Be intentional about connecting to purpose and people 

• Having a purpose gives our lives meaning. We spend so much time planning for retirement, that it’s easy to forget to plan the retirement itself! Consider the legacy you want to leave behind in this new chapter. Is the purpose of this chapter to teach others, spend more time connecting with loved ones, building a new skill you’ve always wanted to try? There are so many exciting possibilities for projects that align with your values. 

• Post-retirement years are also a great time to join a club and get involved in a community organization. 

• Make a plan for exercise 

• Research shows that exercising regularly has immense physical, emotional, and cognitive benefits – especially in our older years. But we’re not always motivated to do it. The key is to make a plan for when you’ll exercise and also make a plan for how you’ll respond if you don’t feel like it.

• For instance, you could tell yourself you’ll just try exercising for a few minutes and see how it goes. Chances are, you’ll find the motivation to do more. You can also take a moment to envision all the benefits you will get from exercising to create the kinds of positive feelings that then lead to motivation. 

• Another great way to stay motivated is by recruiting your friends and family members to exercise with you or help keep each other accountable.  

• Finally, fit activity into your lifestyle. Take the stairs. Park in the back of the parking lot. Take the dog for a long walk. These small moments of activity add up. 

• Cultivate gratitude, openness, and curiosity

• Research shows that the number one factor happy people have in common is gratitude. Actively noticing and being thankful for the small things in life can give you the boost you need to maintain a positive mindset.

• Make use of that openness you’re experiencing. Lean into it. Get curious about what’s out there waiting for you in your retirement years. Who knows if you’re the next budding photographer, master’s high jumper, or champion pickleball player.

To Book with Kaitlin Lowey: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

Recommended Resources (I will continually add more information as I discover amazing & insightful tools)

Marriage and Family Information

Member of International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors (IAMFC): https://www.iamfc.org/leadership.html

A Language of Life (BEST LIFE CHANGING BOOK!)

Being Genuine Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real

Nonviolent Communication™ Skills in Intimate Relationships

Internal Family Systems Videos: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/videos

Internal Family Systems Podcasts: https://ifs-institute.com/resources/podcasts-and-teleconferences

Aging and Dignity

Age Wave (I loved reading Radical Curiosity!)

Dementia Together How to Communicate to Connect

Member of: Dementia Care International

Gentle Power

Anger Resources

What’s Making You Angry? 10 Steps to Transforming Anger So Everyone Wins.

The Surprising Purpose of Anger

Compassionate Communication for Kids & Teens

Non-Violent Communication for Kids

Compassionate Communication and Conflict Resolution Information

Member of : (NVC) The Center for Non-Violent Communication

Non-Violent Communication Instruction Guide

Free Resources to Learn the Powerful Skills of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Compassionate Education

Compassionate Educator

Co-Parenting

The Battle of Parenting Styles: How to Keep Your Compassion When You and Your Ex Have Very Different Parenting Styles

Co-Parenting: A Commitment of Love

Mental Health Information

Member of American Counselors Association (ACA): https://www.counseling.org/

National Alliance on Mental Illness

Parenting

Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids

Free Compassionate Parenting Weekly NVC Tips Series

Compassionate Connection: Nonviolent Communication with Children

Getting Past the Parenting "Shoulds” Compassionate Parenting Starts With Self-Acceptance

Giraffe Talk for Parents Simple Ideas to Transform Coercive Communication Into Compassionate Connection

The Heart of Parenting

Make Your Home a No-Fault Zone

Parenting without Obedience; A Preliminary Guide to Intergenerational Collaboration

Transforming Children’s Anger: How Empathic Connection Can Reduce Sibling Rivalry and Family Conflicts

What You Live is What They Learn

Who Are You and What Have You Done With My Child? 5 Steps to Reclaim Communication and Trust During the Pre-Teen and Teen Years

Bedtime Wars – Parenting Advice by Marshall Rosenberg

Workplace Communication Tips

Workplace NVC

Poly/Alternative Family Support

Loving More

More Than Two​

Polyamory Society

SEX AND SEXUALITY INFORMATION

Advocates for Youth

Member of: (ASHA) American Sexual Health Association

Social Change

Connecting Across Differences Finding Common Ground with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime

The Heart of Social Change How to Make a Difference in Your World.

Trauma

Adrenal Fatigue Solution
Several articles on healing from adrenal fatigue.

Addiction Unplugged: How to be Free
In his life work, and now in this succinct and elegant book, John Flaherty brings us home to who we really are, the pure self underneath our beliefs, emotions, behaviours and addictions. In that authentic and powerful place we find liberation.

Alberta Family Wellness
Comprehensive, science-based and humane resource on child development and the causes and treatment of human dysfunction; sponsored by the Norlien Foundation, a pioneering Calgary-based philanthropy that supports the research and practice of childhood and adult wellness. Watch this new video on How Brains are Built.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study
Dr. Maté cites this seminal study extensively in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. It demonstrates conclusively the link between acute stresses in childhood and later health problems, including addiction.

A.H. Almaas
A contemporary spiritual teacher whose “Diamond Approach” is a holistic method of realizing wholeness through direct encounter with one’s inner Essence, or true self. Almaas brilliantly combines Eastern spiritual wisdom and Western depth psychology. Dr. Maté considers him one of his most important mentors.

Attachment & Trauma Network
A network that provides advocacy, support and education and about the most important dynamic in child development: the attachment relationship with adults. An especially important resource for people working with kids who have experienced trauma.

The Canadian Institute of Stress
Founded in 1979 by the pioneering stress researcher Dr. Hans Selye, the CIS runs educational programs about stress for institutions and companies, and offers stress assessment and counseling for individuals.

The Continuum Concept
A powerful attachment-based parenting approach.

TJ Dawe — Writer/Performer/Director
TJ is a prolific and brilliant monologist, a true luminary of the Fringe Festival circuit who has won multiple awards for his virtuoso one-man shows. In 2010 he toured with his delightful show Lucky 9, about three disparate cultural works that altered his life: the Enneagram personality model, HBO’s The Wire, and… (wait for it) …the books of Gabor Maté, M.D. . I had the pleasure of appearing recently on his Totem Figures podcast, a conversation you can listen to here.

Democracy Now!
A progressive news and public affairs program broadcast Monday to Friday online and on the Pacifica Radio Network. Unlike so much of the corporate-owned mainstream media, Amy Goodman and her team examine the news from the perspective of those most adversely affected — and stressed — by global events and domestic policy, including the poor, disadvantaged and marginalized, and those living in war-torn areas.

eMentalHeath.ca
A Canada-wide compendium of helpful services listed by Ottawa-based child psychiatrist Dr. Michael Chang.

Enlightenment Intensives with Murray Kennedy
Dr. Maté highly recommends these guided contemplation retreats, offered at regular intervals near Vancouver, BC.

Essential Inquiry
Enlightenment Intensives offered on Vancouver Island and other locations.

Hand In Hand Parenting
Useful, practical, heart-based, attachment-friendly information on parenting.

The Healing Journey Program
Based out of the Ontario Cancer Institute at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Ontario, a program developed by Dr. Alastair J. Cunningham, a world-renowned research in psycho-oncology and himself a cancer survivor. Dr. Cunningham’s holistic approach incorporates the psychological and spiritual dimensions of disease and healing, rooted in an understanding of mind-body unity such as I advocate in all my books, particularly When the Body Says No. The website includes links to audio, video, and workbook versions of The Healing Journey program.

The Haven
Located on beautiful Gabriola Island, BC, this centre offers a wide array of residential programs for personal and professional development.

Hollyhock
An idyllic retreat and seminar centre located on Cortes Island, BC, with a diverse and excellent offering of programs promoting healing, wellness, and self-discovery.

KidCare Canada Society

The Landmark Forum
A powerful and effective weekend course in personal growth and transformation, available internationally. Dr. Maté can attest to the program’s efficacy in empowering people to dissolve old patterns, hidden beliefs and ways of being, and in creating richer and more fulfilling lives and relationships, is unparalleled.

Dr. Bruce Lipton
Insightful and illuminating research on “The Biology of Belief”.

Daniel Maté
An award-winning composer and lyricist for musical theatre based in New York City, and Dr. Maté’s eldest son. Daniel helped edit In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts and lent his voice talents to the audiobook version.

Rae Maté — Artist
Rae’s artwork was featured on the covers of the Canadian versions of my first two books. Even if she weren’t Dr. Maté’s wife and life partner of 40+ years, he’d still be a huge fan of her wonderful, whimsical, soulful paintings and illustrations.

Online Colleges – Mental Health resources for students

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. / The Neufeld Institute
Dr. Maté’s co-author on Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. As a thinker, lecturer and clinician who has devoted his life to helping parents and professionals “make sense of kids”, Gordon is, quite simply, peerless. His work eschews trendy and simplistic parenting “techniques”, emphasizing instead the centrality of attachment relationships and awakening parents’ natural instincts.

Playful Parenting

Practical Recovery

Recovery Nation
A very helpful website promoting a health-based program for recovery from sexual and other behavioral addictions.

SMART Recovery: Self Help for Alcoholism and Addiction

Dr. Dan Siegel
A pioneering UCLA psychiatrist who emphasizes the importance of attachment relationships for brain development. Recently he has also explored the transformative and healing power of mindfulness. Dr. Maté highly recommend his books, which include The Developing Mind and The Mindful Brain, as well as his CD lectures, such as The Neurobiology of We, on interpersonal neurobiology.

Eckhart Tolle
A contemporary spiritual teacher whose work on presence and “the power of Now” Dr. Maté has come to value highly.

Touch the Future
An excellent parenting resource website which understands that “continuing child development depends on adult development.” In particular, Dr. Maté recommends the “Play” and “Bonding and the Brain” sections.

Tribal Theory
Tribal Theory helps professionals, working on an ongoing basis with victims of trauma, to understand the impact of emotional trauma in order to provide a foundation for post-traumatic growth of individuals and community.

What Disturbs Our Blood: A Son’s Quest to Redeem the Past
This memoir by Toronto writer James FitzGerald is a powerfully written, emotionally authentic and intellectually satisfying account of multi-generational mental illness in a prominent Canadian medical family. It is not an easy read, but a gripping one due to the writerly skill and unflinching honesty of the author, and his commitment to uncovering dark family secrets hidden behind blue blood respectability and high professional achievement.

More Resources

Books:

• The Person of the Therapist Training Model: Mastering the Use of Self, Edited by Harry J. Aponte and Karni Kissil (Routledge)

• No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz

• A Fierce Heart: Finding Strength, Courage, and Wisdom in Any Moment by Spring Washam

• Decolonizing Trauma Work: Indigenous Stories and Strategies by Renee Linklater

• Finding Latinx: In Search of Voices Redefining Latino Identity by Paola Ramos

• Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds by Adrienne Maree Brown

• Deep Denial: The Persistence of White Supremacy in United States History and Life by David Billings

• Promoting Cultural Sensitivity In Supervision: A Manual for Practitioners edited Kenneth V. Hardy and Toby Bobes

• Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems by Frank Anderson

• The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook: Skills for Navigating Sexual Orientation & Gender Expression by Anneliese Singh

• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk

• Inherited Silence: Listening to the Land, Healing the Colonizer Mind by Louise Dunlap

• We Will Not Cancel Us and Other Dreams of Transformative Justice by Adrienne Maree Brown

• Transforming Sexual Narratives: A Relational Approach to Sex Therapy by Suzanne Iasenza

• Sustaining Spirit: Self-Care for Social Justice by Naomi Ortiz

• Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern

• Finding Me by Viola Davis

• Gathering Blossoms Under Fire by Alice Walker

• Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

• Adoption Healing by Joe Soll

• Heavy by Kiese Laymon

• Conscious Business by Fred Kofman

• The Making of Asian America by Erika Lee

• Caste by Isabel Wilkerson

• Why Didn't You Tell Me by Carmen Rita Wong

• When The Body Says No by Gabor Maté

• If I Survive You by Jonathan Escoffery