Curated List of Supplemental Evidence-Based Resources for Couples

1. Gottman Resources, Tools, and Interventions

Books:

• "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

  • A comprehensive guide on the principles that make relationships successful, based on Gottman's extensive research.

• "The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire

  • Focuses on improving communication and emotional connection in various relationships.

Workbooks and Tools:

• Gottman Card Decks

  • A series of card decks designed to enhance communication and intimacy. Available as a mobile app.

• Gottman Relationship Coach

  • An online program that provides video lessons, exercises, and tools based on the Gottman Method.

Online Resources:

• The Gottman Institute Website (www.gottman.com)

  • Offers a wealth of articles, blogs, and research on relationship health.

• Gottman Blog

  • Regular updates on new research, practical tips, and insights into improving relationships.

2. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and Attachment Styles

Books:

• "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson

  • Explores the principles of EFT and offers practical exercises for couples to enhance their emotional bond.

• "Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families" by Dr. Sue Johnson

  • A deep dive into how attachment theory can be applied in therapy to improve relationships.

Workbooks and Tools:

• "Hold Me Tight Workbook: A Couple's Guide for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson

  • A companion to the book "Hold Me Tight," offering exercises and activities for couples.

• EFT Exercises and Worksheets

  • Available through EFT-trained therapists and various online resources.

Online Resources:

• ICEEFT (The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy) Website (www.iceeft.com)

  • Provides resources, articles, and a directory of EFT-trained therapists.

• Hold Me Tight Online

  • An online program based on the "Hold Me Tight" book, featuring videos and exercises for couples.

3. Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

Books:

• "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

  • The foundational text on NVC, offering insights and practical steps for compassionate communication.

• "The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

  • Explores how to use anger constructively in communication.

Workbooks and Tools:

• "Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group, or Classroom Study" by Lucy Leu

  • A workbook designed to complement the principles outlined in the NVC book.

• NVC Practice Groups

  • Local and online practice groups that provide support and a space to practice NVC skills.

Online Resources:

• The Center for Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org)

  • Offers resources, training, and information on NVC.

• NVC Academy (www.nvcacademy.com)

  • Provides online courses, webinars, and materials to learn and practice NVC.

4. Additional Resources for Couples

Books:

• "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman

  • Helps couples understand and speak each other’s primary love languages to enhance intimacy and connection.

• "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" by Esther Perel

  • Explores the dynamics of desire in long-term relationships and offers insights into maintaining passion.

Online Resources:

• The Gottman Referral Network

  • A directory of therapists trained in the Gottman Method.

• Therapist Directories (such as Psychology Today, TherapyDen)

  • Lists therapists specializing in EFT, NVC, and other evidence-based approaches.

Apps:

• Lasting: Marriage & Couples

  • An app offering daily tips and exercises based on research to strengthen relationships.

• Love Nudge for Couples

  • An app based on the Five Love Languages, helping couples improve their relationship through personalized suggestions.

These resources provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples seeking to improve their relationship through evidence-based methods, including Gottman interventions, EFT, and NVC. They can be used independently or in conjunction with therapy for optimal results.

By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D

SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY

Book Appointment

Call or Text (813)240-3237

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist

❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️‍🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼‍⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼‍♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩‍❤️‍👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑‍🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩‍🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA

www.SouthTampaCounselor.com

SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Men's Tears: From Gilgamesh to Modern Day~ How Men Can Navigate the Stormy Seas of Emotion

In the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the earliest known literary works, we encounter the powerful king Gilgamesh. Despite his immense strength and heroic deeds, Gilgamesh weeps for his lost friend Enkidu, revealing a deep vulnerability. This ancient story highlights that even the strongest men experience profound emotions and grief.

Fast forward to the 21st century, where despite increased awareness of mental health issues, there still exists considerable stigma. Mental health challenges are not a modern phenomenon, nor are they exclusive to any gender. Yet, men today continue to face unique obstacles when it comes to addressing their mental health.

Landscape of Men’s Mental Health

Recent statistics paint a sobering picture. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 6 million men in the United States experience depression each year. Even more alarmingly, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that men die by suicide at a rate 3.63 times higher than women. These numbers underscore a critical need for attention to men’s mental health.

But why do men seem to struggle more with seeking help? Cultural expectations and societal norms often play a significant role. Many men have been conditioned to believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to what psychologists call “emotional dismissiveness.” This mindset can create barriers to acknowledging mental health concerns and seeking support.

The good news is that change is possible, and it often begins with relationships. Strong connections – be they romantic partnerships, friendships, or professional networks – can provide men with the support and understanding they need to navigate their emotional landscapes.

Research has consistently shown that men with robust social support systems are better equipped to handle stress, anxiety, and depression. A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health found that men who reported higher levels of social support were less likely to experience depressive symptoms. Moreover, those who felt comfortable discussing their emotions with friends or partners showed greater resilience in the face of mental health challenges.

Learning the Vocabulary

This is where the work of Dr. John Gottman comes into play. His relationship-focused approach helps men (and their partners) navigate the complexities of emotion and provides tools to develop a richer emotional vocabulary. By learning to identify and express a wider range of emotions, men can break free from the stigma of emotional expressiveness often associated with traditional masculinity. With a more nuanced emotional vocabulary, it turns out, it is easier to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.

Gottman’s research-based techniques and practical exercises include helping people:

• Recognize and name different emotional states

• Communicate feelings effectively without fear of judgment

• Listen actively and empathetically to others

• Develop strategies for managing difficult emotions

• Build a deeper connection with others

By mastering these skills, men can create a positive feedback loop: as they become more comfortable expressing their emotions, they’re likely to experience improved mental health, which in turn strengthens their relationships and support networks.

Expressing Emotion

It’s important to remember that seeking help and expressing emotions are not signs of weakness – they are indicators of strength and self-awareness.

As we observe Men’s Mental Health Month, let’s challenge the outdated notions that have kept men silent for too long. By fostering open dialogue, providing support, and equipping men with the tools they need to navigate their emotional lives, we can create a world where every man feels empowered to seek help, express himself fully, and ultimately thrive.

In the end, true strength lies not in stoic silence, but in the courage to reach out, connect, and embrace the full spectrum of human emotion. It’s time we redefine what it means to be a “strong man” – one who is not afraid to cry, to seek help, or to lean on others when needed. In doing so, we pave the way for healthier individuals, stronger relationships, and a more compassionate society for all.

By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D

SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY

Book Appointment

Call or Text (813)240-3237

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist

❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 🏫 Harvard Trained ❤️‍🩹 Emotion Focused Therapist 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor👩🏼‍⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver 🥰 Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼‍♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 👩‍❤️‍👨 Attachment Theorist 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑‍🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩‍🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA

www.SouthTampaCounselor.com

SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Advice on Saving a Relationship on the Brink

In the intricate dance of relationships, even the strongest partnerships can sometimes find themselves on shaky ground. Whether it’s due to ongoing disagreements, growing apart, or external stresses, reaching the brink of a breakup can feel like standing at a precipice. Yet, it’s often at these critical junctures that the potential for profound growth and renewal exists. In this guide, we’ll explore practical advice and strategies for saving a relationship that seems dangerously close to ending. From improving communication to rekindling romance, and addressing underlying issues, these insights aim to empower couples to navigate their challenges and rediscover their bond. Whether you’re looking to heal old wounds or set a new course together, the journey to mend a faltering relationship starts with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to work collaboratively towards common goals.

1. Open and Honest Communication

- Importance of Communication: Clear and honest communication is crucial in understanding each other's feelings and perspectives. Avoiding assumptions and expressing feelings directly can prevent misunderstandings.

- Active Listening: Practice active listening by paying full attention to your partner, reflecting back what you hear, and showing empathy. This helps in validating each other's feelings and builds trust.

- Nonviolent Communication (NVC): Use NVC principles to express needs and feelings without blame or criticism. This involves stating observations, expressing feelings, identifying needs, and making requests.

2. Rebuilding Trust

- Acknowledge and Apologize: If trust has been broken, acknowledge the hurt caused and offer a sincere apology. This step is vital in starting the healing process.

- Consistent Actions: Rebuilding trust requires consistent actions over time. Follow through on promises and be reliable to show that you are committed to change.

3. Emotional Connection

- Quality Time Together: Spend quality time together to reconnect emotionally. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and create positive experiences.

- Emotional Intimacy: Share your inner thoughts and feelings with each other. Emotional intimacy can be deepened through meaningful conversations and mutual support.

4. Conflict Resolution

- Fair Fighting: Resolve conflicts using fair fighting techniques. Avoid personal attacks, stay focused on the issue at hand, and seek to understand each other's perspectives.

- Gottman’s Principles: Use Gottman’s principles for managing conflict, such as soft start-ups (beginning conversations gently), repairing attempts (efforts to de-escalate tension), and compromise.

5. Seek Professional Help

- Couples Therapy: Consider seeking help from a professional therapist who specializes in couples therapy. A therapist can provide tools and techniques to navigate difficult conversations and rebuild your relationship.

- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): EFT can help couples understand and change negative patterns in their relationship by focusing on emotions and attachment needs.

6. Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

- Individual Work: Reflect on your own behavior and contribution to the relationship's issues. Personal growth can significantly impact the dynamics of the relationship.

- Healthy Boundaries: Establish healthy boundaries that respect both partners' needs and individuality. This helps in creating a balanced and respectful relationship.

7. Commitment and Patience

- Commitment to Change: Both partners must be committed to working on the relationship and making necessary changes. This involves patience and perseverance.

- Small Steps: Focus on making small, consistent improvements rather than expecting immediate, dramatic changes. Celebrate progress and stay hopeful.

Additional Resources

- "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver

- "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson

- "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

By applying these strategies and being committed to improving your relationship, you can navigate through difficult times and rebuild a stronger, more resilient partnership.

By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D

SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY

Book Appointment

Call or Text (813)240-3237

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist

❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼‍⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼‍♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑‍🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩‍🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA

www.SouthTampaCounselor.com

SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Gottman Approach and Emotionally Focused Therapy Model Perspective on Wedding Planning with Parents

As Featured in BRIDES Magazine:

Why do brides and grooms often enlist their parents’ help while planning their wedding?

Brides and grooms often seek their parents' help in wedding planning because weddings are significant life events that involve family traditions, values, and expectations. Parents have a wealth of experience and often play a crucial role in family dynamics, making their input valuable and sought after by the couple. Additionally, weddings often bring families together, creating opportunities for connection, collaboration, and shared joy.

What is their typical level of involvement in the planning process?

The level of involvement can vary widely among families and couples. Typically, parents may be involved in major decisions such as venue selection, budgeting, and guest list management. Some parents may take a more active role, while others prefer to be consulted for input when needed. This variability of wedding planning involvement may or may not be correlated with financial aspects of the wedding and who or the amount of money that the parents may be contributing. Their involvement often reflects their desire to contribute meaningfully to the celebration and support their children's choices.

What tasks do the parents typically help their kids with? How do they differ on the bride and groom's side?

Parents often assist with tasks like venue selection, financial planning, and coordinating with vendors. On the bride's side, tasks may include dress shopping, floral arrangements, and décor choices. On the groom's side, tasks might involve selecting attire, transportation, and music or entertainment. However, these roles are becoming more flexible and can vary based on the interests and preferences of the individuals involved.

How should the two sets of parents approach the conversation of helping their kids plan their wedding?

Open communication and collaboration can be the key. Using compassionate  communication principles, AKA Nonviolent Communication (NVC) they can focus on expressing feelings, needs, and requests respectfully.Both sets of parents should approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and respect for each other's perspectives. It's essential to listen actively, express opinions constructively, and be flexible in compromising to accommodate everyone's wishes.

Is it common for both sets of parents to clash during the wedding planning process? Why? What are some challenges that might arise?

Yes, it is common for both sets of parents to clash during wedding planning due to stress, differing opinions, expectations, and values. Some challenges that might arise include disagreements over finances or budgeting, guest list and who to invite, cultural/ religious or family traditions, and the overall vision for how the wedding “should” go.

How can parents deal when their child’s future in-laws are difficult to interact with during the wedding planning process?

The best way to deal with difficult people in general is to try to use empathy and understanding as much as possible. Most of the time all big reactions or “attacks” are unskilled ways of trying to get a need met. Reactions sabotage connection. Intentional calm responses can help repair the disconnect that may be occurring. Dealing with difficult future in-laws requires patience, understanding, and effective communication. Setting boundaries, maintaining open lines of communication, and focusing on common goals can help navigate challenging interactions. It's also essential to prioritize the couple's wishes and needs while respectfully considering the opinions of all parties involved. Boundary setting and compromise based on needs can be very useful tools to deal with these issues more amicably.

Three to Five Tips to Help Parents Navigate Wedding Planning Together:

1. Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication among all parties involved. Create a safe space where everyone feels heard, valued, and respected. Discuss expectations, preferences, and concerns openly to avoid misunderstandings. Listen to your parents' perspectives and concerns with an open mind, without interrupting or becoming defensive. Show empathy and understanding towards their feelings and needs.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to respect everyone's roles and responsibilities. Clearly define who is responsible for what tasks and decisions to avoid conflicts and overlapping efforts. Assign specific tasks or responsibilities to your parents that align with their interests and strengths. This can make them feel valued and involved in the planning process. Collaborate on planning aspects of the wedding that are important to your parents, while maintaining autonomy over decisions that are important to you.

3. Flexibility and Compromise: Be flexible and willing to compromise to accommodate everyone's wishes and preferences. Focus on finding common ground and solutions that satisfy everyone involved. Remember, it's a celebration of love and unity, so prioritize harmony and collaboration. Identify and focus on shared goals and values that are important to both you and your parents. This can help align your priorities and reduce conflicts.

4. Seek Professional Help if Needed: Consider seeking professional help from a wedding planner or counselor if tensions rise or conflicts become unmanageable. A neutral third party can offer valuable insights, mediate disputes, and help keep the planning process on track.

5. Celebrate Together: Remember to celebrate the joyous occasion and focus on the love and unity that the wedding represents. Keep a positive attitude, cherish the special moments, and appreciate the opportunity to come together as a family to celebrate this significant milestone.

By following these tips and approaches, parents can navigate the wedding planning process together more seamlessly, fostering understanding, harmony, and collaboration throughout. Prioritizing self-care and stress management to maintain your well-being during the wedding planning process can be super beneficial. Take breaks when needed, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek support from loved ones.

By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, DCC, Ph.D

SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY

Book Appointment

Call or Text (813)240-3237

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist

❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼‍⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼‍♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑‍🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩‍🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA

www.SouthTampaCounselor.com

SouthTampaTherapy@gmail.com

Navigating the "Roommate Phase" in Relationships: Tips from a Relationship Counselor

As a relationship counselor, I often find myself discussing the challenges couples face as they navigate the different phases of their relationship. One of the most common phases couples experience is what many refer to as the "roommate phase." This phase can feel distant, routine, and lacking in the emotional and physical connection that once felt effortless.

My partner and I have faced our fair share of roommate phases, and through personal experience and professional knowledge, we've developed strategies to reignite our connection. Drawing from the wisdom of renowned relationship experts like John Gottman and the Emotionally Focused Therapy approach, here are some tips that have worked wonders for us:

1. Intentional Quality Time Set aside a specific time each night to put away distractions, especially phones, and focus solely on each other. This intentional quality time fosters open communication and strengthens emotional connection.

2. Prioritize Date Nights Spending time away from the daily grind and kids is crucial. Date nights allow you to reconnect, have fun together, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

3. Reignite Physical Intimacy Don't underestimate the power of physical affection. Make an effort to kiss and make out like you used to when your relationship was new and exciting.

4. Sync Your Bedtime Going to bed at the same time can create a sense of closeness and intimacy. It's a simple yet effective way to maintain connection and ensure quality time together.

5. Share Household Chores Teamwork makes the dream work! Sharing household chores fosters collaboration and mutual appreciation, strengthening your bond as a couple.

6. Have Meaningful Conversations Sit down and ask the tough questions:

• "Why are we drifting into the roommate phase?"

• "How can we enhance our connection?"

• "What can we do differently to come back together?"

• "Here's what I need from you. What do you need from me?"

7. Embrace the Little Things Small gestures can make a big difference. Whether it's a good morning kiss or a surprise love note, these little acts of kindness and affection go a long way in maintaining connection.

8. Acknowledge the Phase Recognize that the roommate phase is just that – a phase. It's a natural part of many long-term relationships and an opportunity for growth and reconnection.

Gottman's Insights: John Gottman emphasizes the importance of friendship and fondness in relationships. Cultivate a culture of appreciation and admiration for each other. Remember the qualities that you love and appreciate in your partner and express them regularly.

Emotionally Focused Therapy Tips: Emotionally Focused Therapy focuses on creating a secure emotional bond between partners. Validate each other's feelings and emotions, and be open to vulnerability. Create a safe space where both partners feel heard, understood, and valued.

In conclusion, navigating the roommate phase requires effort, communication, and a commitment to your relationship. By incorporating these tips into your daily life and embracing the guidance of relationship experts like Gottman and Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your connection with your partner. Remember, every phase is an opportunity to grow and deepen your love for each other.

By Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, NCC, Ph.D

SOUTH TAMPA THERAPY, WELLNESS, MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY

Book Appointment

Call or Text (813)240-3237

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Marriage & Family Therapist

❤️ Marriage & Family Therapist 💍 Gottman Relationship Counselor 🧠 Licensed Mental Health Counselor 👂🏽 Non-Violent Communication Facilitator 🌎 National Certified Counselor 👩🏼‍⚕️ Private Practitioner 📈 Entrepreneur, Author & Mentor 🎓Qualified Supervisor for State Licensure ⚖️ FL Supreme Court Family Law Mediator 🥅 Solution Focused ✌🏻Conflict Resolver ❤️ Self Compassion & Self Care Advocate 🧘🏼‍♀️ Mindfulness Meditating Yogi 🤔 Daily Intentions & Reflections 🗣 Neuro Linguistic Programming ✏️ Agile Learning Center Founder 📚 Self Directed Education Alliance 🧑‍🌾 Grower: Fruit Trees & Herbs 🍽 Psychology of Eating & Nutrition 👩‍🏫 Life Long Learner... 📍 Tampa, FL & Jurisdiction to practice in FL, CT, NC, SC, MD, VA

Understanding Emotion Dismissing in Relationships: Effects on Partners & Strategies for Healing

If you've ever found yourself feeling shut off by your partner, it can be extremely hurtful. Sharing our innermost thoughts and emotions with our partner is a vulnerable yet meaningful act. However, when met with indifference, invalidation, or dismissal from our partner, this vulnerability can lead to deep wounds and a sense of emotional disconnection. In this blog post, we'll delve into the impact of emotion dismissing in relationships and explore strategies for nurturing a more empathetic and validating connection with our partners.

What is Emotion Dismissing? 

Emotion dismissing refers to the act of downplaying or disregarding the feelings and emotions expressed by one's partner. It can manifest in various forms, including outright denial of the validity of the emotions, belittling the significance of the feelings, or ignoring them altogether. This behavior can occur consciously or unconsciously and often stems from a lack of emotional awareness, communication skills, or empathy.

Impact on Relationships

For the partner experiencing emotion dismissing, the effects can be deeply distressing and invalidating. They may feel unheard, misunderstood, and unimportant in the relationship. Each instance of dismissal can chip away at their sense of self-worth, leaving them questioning the validity of their emotions and their place within the partnership. Over time, these repeated dismissals can erode their self-esteem and confidence in expressing their feelings authentically. This erosion of trust and emotional safety can lead to a gradual withdrawal, as they begin to protect themselves from further hurt by withholding their emotions or withdrawing from emotional intimacy altogether. Additionally, unresolved emotions may accumulate, resulting in heightened conflict and distance in the relationship, as the unresolved tensions simmer beneath the surface, waiting to erupt.

Conversely, for the partner engaging in emotion dismissing, their behavior may stem from a sense of overwhelm and a need to protect themselves from the discomfort of the feelings being shared. However, in their attempt to shield themselves from discomfort, they inadvertently inflict harm on their partner. They also may struggle to find validity in their partner's perspective, perceiving it as utterly ridiculous. Their dismissive responses create a pattern of invalidation and conflict, further eroding the emotional connection and trust within the relationship. Over time, this cycle can lead to feelings of guilt, disconnection, and relational distress for both partners, as they find themselves caught in a downward spiral of misunderstanding and hurt.

Strategies for Healing and Navigating Emotion Dismissing

Emotion dismissing often stems from our own discomfort with emotions, feelings of overwhelm, or a lack of confidence in handling our partner's feelings. Learning to validate our partner is a crucial skill in nurturing connection and trust. By acknowledging and holding space for our partner's emotions, regardless of our agreement, we create a profound sense of understanding and support. Cultivating this emotional awareness enables us to deepen our understanding of our own and our partner's emotions. Building a culture of emotional safety in our relationship, where both partners feel safe expressing themselves, is essential for maintaining closeness and connection. This may involve preparing ourselves to respond to challenging feelings with empathy and understanding. Developing confidence in our ability to manage difficult emotions is key to navigating these challenges together. It is also important to note that emotion dismissing can result from misinterpretations of our partner's expressions, leading us to feel attacked. Ultimately, it is through building a foundation of mutual respect that a safe space for honest expression can be created. 

Seeking guidance from a therapist can help clarify these underlying reasons and provide support for making different choices in how we engage with our partner's emotions. If you're ready to explore these concepts further and embark on your journey towards healthier relational dynamics, you can reach out today and sign up for therapy using my link below.

Written by Chelsea Reeves, MFT-I 

Book a session with me using the link below:

https://southtampatherapybookappt.as.me/ChelseaR

Want to learn more about Emotionally Focused Therapy and Gottman Couples Therapy? … Here are some Great Resources:

• Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams

• This program of eight lively, conversation-based dates will result in a lifetime of understanding and commitment, whether you’re newly in love or have been together for decades.

• Eight Dates is like having two of the world’s leading relationship scientists at your table coaching you on how to address the topics—from trust to money to dreams—that make-or-break relationships. Welcome to date night.

• An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald

  • Intended for use with couples who want to enhance their emotional connection or overcome their relationship distress. It closely follows the course of EFT treatment to easily integrate guided reading, reflection, and discussion into the therapeutic process. Explore concepts such as attachment bonds, the three cycles of relationship distress, how to make sense of emotions, relationship hurts, and more.

  •  The authors weave fresh, illustrative examples throughout, with updated content considering the impact of gender, culture, and sexual orientation on relationship dynamics. An expanded section on sexuality dispels constraining popular myths and frees partners up to express themselves more openly.

• Gottman Card Deck App

  • Inspired by the popular card decks from The Art and Science of Love weekend workshops for couples (now available virtually), this fun app offers helpful questions, statements, and ideas for improving your relationship. Download to explore 14 card decks with more than 1,000 flashcards, tap the star to favorite a card, easily tab back and forth between All and Favorites, and access more free resources from The Gottman Institute.

• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

  • Strengthen and deepen your relationships with revelatory practical exercises, seven profound conversations, and sage advice from “the best couple’s therapist in the world” (John Gottman, PhD, bestselling author) In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson shares her groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships.

  • The message of Hold Me Tight is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyze your early childhood, make grand romantic gestures, or experiment with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.

  • Dr. Johnson teaches that to enhance or save a relationship is to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other and to reestablish an emotional connection. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations. These conversations give you insight into the defining moments in your relationship and guide you in reshaping these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Through stories from Dr. Johnson’s practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, you will learn how to nurture, protect, and grow your relationship, ensuring a lifetime of love.

• Love Map Questionnaire – Integral Psychology

  • Gottman defines a “love map” as “that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.” Having a detailed “love map” involves a genuine interest in your partner. It means making plenty of mental space to store information about their personal opinions, preferences, quirks, dreams, and fears.

  • You should be aware of major events in each other’s life history and attentively update your knowledge inventory as your spouse or lover grows and changes. Gottman says spouses who are in the habit of keeping up to date with each other’s lives (including intimate details about what the other feels and thinks), are better equipped to cope with major life changes, stressful events, and conflict.

• Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationship by Sue Johnson

  • The bestselling author of Hold Me Tight presents a revolutionary new understanding of why and how we love based on cutting-edge research. Every day, we hear of relationships failing and questions of whether humans are meant to be monogamous. Love Sense presents new scientific evidence that humans are meant to mate for life.

  • Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our “love sense” — our ability to create long-lasting relationships. Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually, an ordered and wise recipe for survival.

  • Love Sense covers the three stages of a relationship and how to best weather them; the intelligence of emotions and the logic of love, the physical and psychological benefits of secure love; and much more. Based on groundbreaking research, Love Sense will change how we think about love.

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver

  • An overview of the concepts, behaviors, and skills that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, Dr. John Gottman revolutionized the study of marriage. Straightforward in its approach yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work.

  • Dr. Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship.

  • Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman’s workshops, this is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

Tampa Couples Counseling and South Tampa Marriage Counseling

I specialize in Tampa Couples Counseling and South Tampa Marriage Counseling, offering Relationship Therapy that fosters intimacy and happiness.

As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Marriage and Family Therapist, Ph.D, and a National Certified Counselor (NCC), I prioritize couples' well-being. At my South Tampa Office, I focus on couples, drawing from my Graduate Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT). My approach centers on Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Structural Family Therapy addressing conflict, intimacy, and mutual understanding. I also utilize Compassionate Communication (NVC) to help couples and families use the same language to connect, even through the most difficult conversations.

In relationships, unmet needs often lead to misunderstood conflicts. Love transcends right or wrong; it seeks understanding, appreciation, and empathy. Effective communication holds the key to success.

Effective conflict management and communication are pivotal for a thriving relationship. Ignoring conflict breeds resentment, while poor communication is a precursor to separation or divorce.

Rest assured, your situation, though unique, can be unraveled. Couples often fall into predictable conflict patterns, but with guidance, these can be navigated.

In Couples Therapy, we tackle various issues:

• Communication breakdowns

• Recurring conflicts

• Emotional distance

• Relationship strains

• Commitment concerns

• Infidelity challenges

• Trust and boundaries

• Parenting dynamics

• Pre-marital concerns

• Intimacy and sexual difficulties

• Financial or health-related stress

All couples benefit from counseling, even those with normal conflict levels. Strengthening your relationship and coping mechanisms for future challenges are invaluable.

Let's embark on this journey together. Contact (813) 240-3237 to pave the way for happiness with your partner. I'm here to guide you towards a stronger, happier relationship.

Book with Dr. Liz here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Therapy for Anxiety & Depression in Tampa

Seeking therapy for Anxiety & Depression?

Consider Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) offered by Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, a South Tampa Counselor and Therapist specializing in these concerns. We use this in combination with several other evidence based approaches.

Depression and Anxiety often coexist, and they stem from different focuses. Depression dwells on the past, fostering thoughts of regret and helplessness. Anxiety, on the other hand, fixates on the future, causing worries and stress.

Both conditions share a commonality: they pull attention away from the present moment. Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present, can shift this focus.

By dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, you miss the beauty of the present. Mindfulness is about anchoring yourself in the here and now, appreciating life's moments.

I'm here to guide you away from fixating on past regrets or future worries and lead you toward embracing the present moment.

Contact/ Text me at (813) 240-3237, and together, let's alleviate Anxiety and Depression from your life.

Book a session here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney ~ South Tampa Therapy: Revolutionizing Relationships Through Expertise and Compassion

When it comes to the delicate art of marriage therapy, finding the right professional can make a world of difference. In the heart of Tampa, couples have found solace and transformation in the capable hands of Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, an exceptional therapist renowned for her unparalleled expertise and empathetic approach. 

As the owner of South Tampa Therapy- A Boutique Private Practice and Team of Specialized Counselors, Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney trains and supervises each and every therapist on her team to provide and uphold the utmost care for all clients, couples, and families. 

A Multifaceted Approach

Dr. Mahaney stands out due to her holistic and adaptive methodologies, which encompass a spectrum of evidence-based therapeutic modalities. Her toolkit includes the highly respected Gottman Approach, a method known for its insights into relationship dynamics and conflict resolution. With Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), she delves into the emotional core, fostering deeper connections and understanding between partners.

Moreover, her adept use of Internal Family Systems (IFS) allows for a nuanced exploration of individual complexities within the context of relationships. Structural Family Therapy serves as another pillar, addressing family dynamics to untangle complex relational webs. Adding to this arsenal is Non-Violent Communication (NVC), a pivotal tool for facilitating healthy communication patterns in couples.

Tailored Solutions for Unique Needs

What truly sets Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney apart is her ability to tailor these methodologies based on the specific needs of each couple. She understands that no two relationships are alike, and as such, employs a bespoke approach, curating sessions that resonate with the intricacies of each partnership.

Testimonials Speak Volumes

The impact of Dr. Mahaney's work reverberates through the testimonials of countless satisfied clients. One couple praised her ability to guide them through tumultuous times, fostering a safe space where they felt heard and understood. Another lauded her expertise in utilizing multiple therapeutic approaches, resulting in breakthroughs that transformed their relationship.

The Significance of Seeking Help

In a society where seeking help is sometimes stigmatized, Dr. Mahaney advocates for the importance of seeking therapy. She emphasizes that investing in one's relationship through therapy is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step towards growth and long-term happiness.

Conclusion

Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney's prowess as a marriage therapist in Tampa is not merely about the titles she holds or the methodologies she employs. It's about the lives she has transformed, the relationships she has mended, and the hope she has instilled in countless couples. Her comprehensive approach, coupled with unwavering compassion, continues to make a profound impact on the fabric of relationships in Tampa and beyond.

For those seeking to navigate the complexities of their relationships and embark on a journey towards understanding and harmony, Dr. Mahaney stands as a beacon of hope—a guiding light illuminating the path to healthier, more fulfilling connections.

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Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney's multifaceted expertise and her dedication to tailoring therapy for each couple and individual truly makes her an invaluable asset in the realm of counseling and marriage therapy in Tampa, Florida. She is also licensed in several states including Maryland, Virginia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Connecticut. 

Book an initial Intake to start making positive changes! 

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Text Dr. Liz on her cell phone 813-240-3237

Harvard Medical School Training: A Specialized Approach to Couples Counseling

Drawing from my specialized training at Harvard Medical School, I offer a unique approach to couples therapy that addresses the intricacies and challenges specific to intimate relationships. I understand that effective couples therapy requires a deep understanding of relational dynamics, which can sometimes involve defensiveness and the repetition of problematic patterns. Additionally, I recognize the impact of ongoing societal stressors on both couples and therapists.

My approach focuses on navigating complex relational challenges, such as trauma, maintaining stability in relationships, healing from infidelity, addressing consensual non-monogamy, and bridging cultural and attachment differences.

Utilizing concepts from Internal Family Systems Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Socioculturally Attuned Couple Therapy, and other integrative models, I enhance the therapeutic alliance of couples therapy.

Individuals seeking couples therapy will engage in the therapeutic process at South Tampa Therapy and will:

1. Gain insight into how the Internal Family Systems Model provides a primary pathway for healing trauma.

2. Understand the foundational principles of attachment science, providing a roadmap for core interventions and transformative events within Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This approach consistently leads to positive therapeutic outcomes and addresses issues such as depression and trauma echoes in distressed partners.

3. Apply sociocultural attunement as a framework to assess broader contextual influences on power dynamics in their relationship, while also learning strategies to reshape these dynamics.

4. Acquire effective coaching strategies for both betrayed and unfaithful partners, enabling the ability to navigate intense emotions and develop skills for the complex journey towards recovery.

5. Define and differentiate various forms of open couples relationships, including the ethical principles that distinguish these romantic and sexual practices from betrayal and disloyalty.

Book a session with Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D, Gottman & EFT Couples Counselor, NVC Compassionate Communication Specialist, and Trauma Informed Therapist!

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Navigating Relationship Struggles: How Individual Marriage Therapy Can Make a Difference

Introduction:

In the journey of marriage, challenges are inevitable. Sometimes, seeking professional guidance through marriage therapy can be a transformative step towards a healthier, happier relationship. However, what happens when your spouse is unwilling to participate? In this blog post, we'll explore the significant benefits of individual marriage therapy and how it can positively impact your relationship, even when your partner is hesitant.

Focus:

- Individual marriage therapy

- Relationship struggles

- Marriage counseling for one

- Coping skills

- Emotional well-being

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1. **Understanding the Power of Individual Marriage Therapy**

Individual marriage therapy, also known as individual relationship counseling, is a tailored approach designed to help one partner navigate the complexities of a relationship, even if the other partner is not involved. It provides a space for self-reflection, personal growth, and learning valuable relationship skills.

2. **Gaining Clarity and Perspective**

Marriage therapy for one offers a unique opportunity to gain clarity about your feelings, needs, and expectations in the relationship. A skilled therapist can help you see the situation from a different perspective, enabling you to make more informed decisions about your marriage.

3. **Developing Effective Communication Skills**

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. In individual marriage therapy, you'll learn valuable communication techniques that can be applied to interactions with your spouse. These skills can help create a more open, understanding, and respectful dialogue.

4. **Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Well-being**

Marriage challenges often bring about emotional distress. Individual therapy equips you with coping mechanisms to manage stress, anxiety, and other emotions. This not only benefits your relationship but also enhances your overall well-being.

5. **Fostering Personal Growth and Self-Improvement**

Through the process of therapy, you'll have the opportunity for personal growth and self-improvement. This can lead to increased self-awareness, confidence, and a stronger sense of self, which in turn positively impacts your relationship dynamics.

6. **Setting Healthy Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care**

Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Individual therapy empowers you to establish boundaries that promote mutual respect and understanding. Additionally, it encourages self-care practices that contribute to your overall happiness and fulfillment.

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Conclusion:

In conclusion, individual marriage therapy can be a powerful tool for personal and relational growth, even if your spouse is unwilling to participate. By gaining clarity, honing communication skills, and prioritizing your emotional well-being, you can positively influence the dynamics of your marriage. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and investing in your own growth can lead to positive changes in your relationship. If you're considering individual marriage therapy, take that first step towards a healthier, happier partnership.

Book a session with Elizabeth Mahaney, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D, Gottman & EFT Couples Counselor, NVC Compassionate Communication Specialist, and Trauma Informed Therapist!

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Nurturing Love: How Couples Counseling with the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy Can Transform Relationships

Introduction

Love is a beautiful journey, but it's not always smooth sailing. Every couple faces challenges and moments of discord. However, seeking help through couples counseling can be the beacon of hope that leads to a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. In this blog post, we'll explore how the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) can be transformative in nurturing love and healing relationships.

Understanding the Gottman Approach

1. Building Strong Foundations: The Gottman Approach emphasizes the importance of creating strong foundations in a relationship. This includes open communication, trust, and a deep understanding of each other's needs and desires.

2. The Art of Effective Communication: Through the Gottman Method, couples learn how to communicate effectively, ensuring that their voices are heard, and their concerns are addressed. This involves active listening, empathy, and expressing oneself in a constructive manner.

3. Navigating Conflict: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The Gottman Approach equips couples with tools to navigate disagreements in a healthy and productive way. By identifying harmful communication patterns and learning to replace them with positive interactions, couples can break free from negative cycles.

Emotion-Focused Therapy: Healing from the Inside Out

1. Exploring Emotions: Emotion-Focused Therapy delves deep into the emotional landscape of a relationship. It helps couples identify and express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

2. Strengthening Emotional Bonds: By understanding and validating each other's emotions, couples can create a stronger emotional bond. This enables them to support and uplift each other, even in times of difficulty.

3. Healing Past Wounds: EFT provides a platform for couples to address past hurts and wounds. Through guided conversations, couples can work towards forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and finding closure.

The Power of Integration

When the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy come together, their synergy is extraordinary.

1. A Holistic Approach: The Gottman Approach focuses on practical, evidence-backed strategies, while EFT addresses the emotional core of a relationship. Together, they provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples to navigate challenges.

2. Strengthening Communication and Emotional Connection: Through this integrated approach, couples not only learn how to communicate effectively but also deepen their emotional connection. This leads to a more profound understanding of each other's needs and a greater sense of intimacy.

3. Long-Lasting Transformation: The integration of these approaches isn't just about temporary fixes. It's about creating lasting, positive change that enriches the fabric of the relationship.

Conclusion

Couples counseling with the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful journey towards healing and growth. It offers couples the tools to communicate more effectively, understand each other on a deeper level, and ultimately, build a stronger and more resilient partnership. Through this transformative process, couples can nurture their love and create a foundation for a more fulfilling future together.

Top Rated Marriage Counselor In Tampa

I am honored to be among the top 3 rated marriage counselors in Tampa!

Thank you so very much for this recognition. I love what I do!

Feeling Honored and Passionate About Helping Couples & Families! ~Liz